"I don't know. I don't mind being seen in public with you; what if someone says something about you?"

"If I'm with you, then there is nothing wrong in the world, " Marco replies. Butterflies flutter in my stomach. I grab his warm, freckled hands in mine. I sway back-and-forth, gripping his hands and humming to myself.

"Jean," Marco giggles, a small smile on his face, "you like this?"

I nod eagerly, "yeah, no doubt. I like this, I like being your boyfriend."

Marco smiles that wide smile that I know so well. "I thought you were straight, but you can't be pretending; not after everything." Marco says. He leans in to hug me tightly.

"I don't really know what I am Marco, but I know what I feel is real. No doubt." I affirm.

Marco sniffs into my shoulder in the hug that we share. "I love you, Jean Kirstein."

I smile more than I've ever smiled before. My heart hurts more than ever at those words. My face reddens and my chest swells with joy and admiration.

"I love you too," I reply, squeezing him tight in my arms.

The light gets to bright, and I have to wake up.

* * *

I wish it wasn't a dream, honestly. I wish I could say those words to him, but It means too much. I want to be seen with him. I want everyone to know that Marco Bodt is mine, but I'm so fucking scared.

Yeah, I love him. I just wish I was able to say it. He deserves more, so much more. More than I would ever be able to provide. I decide to call him, and invite him over.

Marco arrives shortly, walking down our street to meet me at the front door. I smile warmly as he approaches. "Hey Jean, did you need anything?" He asks, a concerned look on his face.

"Yeah,"  I reply.

"What?"

"You." I jump into him with a strong hug. Warmth spreads through my body.

Marco giggles slightly. "Oh, I was worried. Just one question, why do you need me?" He asks with a small smile.

"I thought we could cuddle and chat for a while, maybe you can stay over," I suggest after pulling from the hug.

"I'd like that." He replies with a smile. Marco kisses my cheek gently before we both go inside.

"Wait, I havn't told my parents that we are together yet, should I?" I ask.

"I don't know, it's up to you." Marco responds. He kisses my neck encouragingly, causing goosebumps to pepper my skin.

"I don't know, maybe at dinner?" I suggest. "Do you think that's fine?" I ask, looking for a positive response.

"Sure, that sounds good. Lets up to your room." Marco says gently, hugging me from behind. I'm lucky my parents aren't home at the moment. Marco and I could just cuddle on the couch, but if he wants to go to my room, I'm fine with it.

We trot up the stairs and enter my bedroom. The bed looks so inviting, I want to just crawl on it and pass out. My bed is small, but it will be warm since there isn't much room; and Marco and I will need to snuggle closer.

I know that, since I've known Marco, I've become a love-sick fool; but I can't help it. I lounge on my bed and beckon Marco to join me. He scoots close to me and wraps his arms around my hip.

I smile at him. "How did we get here?"

Marco laughs slightly. "I don't know, but I can't say it's a bad thing," He murmurs, rubbing his thumb on my cheek.

I blush at his contact, and the warmth floods through my body. I lean in to kiss him. His hand crawls to the back of my head, gently pulling me closer. When we pull away, I gaze into his brown eyes.

"Marco?" I ask.

Marco looks at me for continuation.

"I want to tell them," I state, breathing heavily. "I want them to know you belong to me."

"If that's what you want, then I couldn't be happier."

I kiss him. I kiss him like I haven't before. Warm and gentle, and it feels so safe. When we pull away I rest my forehead against his and hum gently. I can't say it now. I'm just not ready yet. Yeah, I love him, but it's not the right moment.

* * *

I must have drifted off to sleep next to him, because the next thing I hear is the sound of my bedroom door opening. I spring up to see who it was.

"Jeanbo?"

"Hey mom, I was napping." I say smoothly. Yeah, napping with my bestfriend's arms around my waist.

She points at Marco and gives a questioning look, as if asking if I'm ready to explain it to her.

"Yeah, he's mine, " I say simply with a small smile.

She smiles brightly. "That's cute, now, come down for supper." She says.

I turn to wake Marco from the sleep that still holds him. I kiss him on the nose and shake him lightly. He smiles, and his eyes blink open, drowsy from the extra sleep. "C'mon, dinner."

He crawls out of my bed and links his hand with mine. We walk down the stairs, but when we are almost to the last stair, he lets go. I reach my hand over, and grab his so tight that he can't let go. He looks at me. "Are you sure?" Marco asks.

"Yeah." I reply. I kiss his cheek, and we walk down the rest of the way. Hand in hand we sit at the dinner table. My dad looks at us both pretty strangely, but he doesn't say a thing. His gaze burns on us the entire time, and even Marco seems to feel it.

After we finish eating, dad stays at the table, and Marco and I sit across from him. The atmosphere is not as strangling or thick as I thought it would be. It almost seems relaxed. Too relaxed.

"So, dad, I want to tell you something."

"Okay." He says, putting down his newspaper to look up at us.

I grip Marco's hand so tightly that he seems to wince. Why do I care what dad will say? "Marco and I, we're not friends."

Dad squints at me and his eyes dart between us. "What does that mean?"

"Now, before I explain, I want you to know that I am, and always will be Jean." I say.

"I understand that Jean, but what do you mean?" Dad questions, looking at me sternly for an answer.

Mom leaves the room after scurrying around to grab our dishes to wash them.

"Dad, Marco is my boyfriend." I say finally, squeezing Marco's hand for comfort.

My dad takes a long breath in. He doesn't seem angry, but it always was hard to read him.

"Okay."

"What?" I ask in confusion, I expected more.

"You heard me, I said okay." He says, affirming what he said before.

"I thought you would be mad." I say, almost in relief.

He laughs at me. My dad laughs. Warmly so. I don't remember the last time I've heard that.

"My college dorm mate was gay. He was, and always has been, my very best friend." He seems wistful, and I see a look of remembrance in his gaze.

"You never told me." I say in shock.

"Yeah, well you've actually met him. When you were a kid." My dad responds.

My grip on Marco loosens, but remains.

"Really? I don't remember." I state.

"You remember Hitch, right?" He asks.

"Yeah," I reply, "red head, kind of annoying. Grade school."

"Yeah, well that's actually his daughter. Him and his husband adopted her as a baby. I got to meet her first." My dad explains.

My memories start to click and shift together like some sort of puzzle, and I laugh. "Wow, that's awesome!"

The conversation ends shortly after, and Marco and I decide to go to his house. There will be classes tomorrow, but it's fine, I'll have to get used to Marco's strange schedule.

Instead of walking, we take my car. It's a short ride, and before we know it, we're curled up in Marco's bed.

"Jean, I was wondering if you would like to attend a concert for the band. I know it's probably not your thing-but I'm playing in a quartet with some of my band friends." Marco suggests to me hopefully.

"It sounds cool, sure," I reply.

Marco smiles, so much so that it radiates off the walls and back to us. "Awesome, it costs six dollars to enter, but we can go get ice cream afterwards-on me, of course."

"Sounds nice, who will you be playing with?"

"Another clarinet player named Annie, a base clarinet named Bertholdt, and Sasha, another clarinet player." Marco replies with a smile.

"Hey, that's right. Sash is in band, but I didn't know Bert and Annie were." I explain with a surprised grin.

"Yeah, it's kind of shocking, but when you think about it, it really isn't for some wierd reason."

I laugh and kiss his nose. "I'm tired. Tell me the date and I'll be there. I wanna sleep." I groan tiredly.

"Okay, it's this Friday. Goodnight Jean." He says with a lazy smile. I kiss him again, this time on his lips. It's quick, but I still linger.

My eyes soon close, and I'm off to sleep.

* * *

It would be a lie If I said Marco wasn't hot. He's, by far, the hottest guy I've met. That being said, him in a suit, god. Maybe it's considered rude to drool on the person directly in front of you during a concert.

I hope Marco won't mind me tearing that off of him later.

I do want to clarify that I am paying attention to the music too, and it sounds amazing. They've obviously been working hard, and I'm sure they'll win the next competition.

Marco said he'd spent hours practicing this past month, and the effort shows. I see the determination burn in his gaze, and behind that there's happiness. I like that.

Beautiful music streams through my ears, and each note is like another step towards a cliff, but if I fall it will be the best fall. Maybe that's how I fell for Marco. He's as beautiful as the music.

God damn, I hate being this cheesy, it's weird.

Before I know it, the performance is over. I stand and clap for them, and I wait until the break. It feels like forever, but only takes five minutes until I'm the the lobby.

It's a nice lobby. Decorated with soft colors and dark-tiled floors. But I can hardly concentrate with the amount of people in here. Every single voice echoes, making it sound like a waterfall pounding on water.

I wait impatiently for Marco to appear. He is also followed by Sasha, Bert, and Annie. To my surprise, he seems perfectly content around all of them, despite each person having a different personality.

Marco seems more relaxed while talking to Bert, and he's lively while talking to Sash. Though, with Annie, I don't know how to explain it. She seems happy at some points, but mostly quiet, but Marco can accommodate for her stark personalities.

They approach and say some things, but in the midst of the croud I only pick up a few words.

"Why... we..... outside.." I puzzle together what Marco is trying to say, but I don't need to. Marco points to the exit, and I nod at him. We all walk to the outdoor area.

The smell of mowed grass is fresh in the air due to the dew that has accumulated in the early hours of dusk.

I decide to poke in, maybe start a conversation, "I liked your quartet, ya'll did great." I say, as enthusiastic as possible.

"Thanks!" Sasha says, running into me for a hug.

Annie nods, and Bert smiles. Marco isn't though, he's staring at the ground. I push Sash away, and mumble an apology before walking over to Marco.

I grab his chin and pull his face closer to mine so I can see his eyes better. Yeah, he's sad. I decide to hug Marco, the others don't even know we're together.

I squeeze him tightly, his hands fall to my lower back, and he hugs me back. "Marco, you okay?" I ask gently.

"God, I was gonna tell you later," Marco sniffs.

"Tell me what?"

"My parents started fighting again. It's super childish for me to be sad, but it's hard to see people you love so angry with each other." Marco sighs.

"I know, it's okay." I reply gently, rubbing his back. I look over his shoulder to see two confused people, and Annie. Instead of looking at them longer, I nuzzle into Marco's neck.

"They're getting a divorce. Mom's depressed, and dad's angry at everything. They're fighting about me. My mom wants me to stay; and my dad hates me for being a criminal and being gay."

"I'm sorry Marco, you don't deserve that." I pull away from Marco and look into his eyes. I can't stop myself from kissing his lips to make him feel better.

I hear gasps from behind Marco; Sash and Bert stand in view, eyes wide in shock at my public display of affection.

I look at them, suddenly aware that I haven't told them, and I didn't even talk to Marco about it.

I'm the shittiest person in the world, and I still have it so much better than Marco. If there is a God out there, then why won't they give Marco everything he deserves?

"Jean, did you just...?" Sasha trails off her sentence.

"Yeah. Marco and I, are, well, together," I state warily. Annie just shrugs, and the other two practically squeal.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take Marco to get some ice cream." I state quickly after that to avoid awkwardness.

"Connie will be so happy to hear it!" Sasha shouts excitedly.

I flinch, and yelp, "wait, not yet! Don't tell anyone yet, Marco and I need to talk first."

"Oh, alright," Sasha shrugs, "you got it dude!" She flashed me a thumbs up.

"We'll see you later." I say.

"Okay, have fun." Bert says with a soft smile.

I smile back, I'm already out of character, nothing's changed.

The trio of clarinets walks out of sight. I catch Marco's eye. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry, I didn't even know if you would be okay with it, I-" Marco grabs my hand in his.

A small sniff escapes his said face, but he still manages to smile at me. A buzz goes through me, and I feel high without drugs.

"Yeah, let's get ice cream." I say finally. I squeeze his hand, and we walk to my car. "I passed the ice cream place a while back, it's a regular Braums."

"Cool." Marco says, rubbing his thumb on my hand.

"Yeah, do you wanna come to my house after?"

"Of course," Marco replies.

* * *

I sit on my bed with Marco, tapping my fingers on his arm in some weird pattern. He's crying, I don't like that, I can't do anything.

What would I feel like if my dad hated me; I'd feel like crap. So, instead of ripping his suit off and fucking him ravenously, I'm here to comfort him.

Marco's tears stream dry, but he still cries.

"Marco, stop." I demand, rather loudly for someone who is talking to someone so sad.

"J-Jean I, " He sobbs into my shoulder, barely able to finish, "I'm sorry, I know you don't like to deal with emotions-"

"No, no, baby- I just don't wanna see you cry." So, so, so corny. I kiss his cheek in attempt to console. I finally get some reassurance to make sure I'm doing this right; he laughs.

It's a small laugh, much like a giggle, but it's there. "I like that more, y'know; seeing you laugh." I state.
Marco blushes noticeably, and it's pretty cute. "Promise me you won't cry, please, " I beg.

Marco leans into me to bury his face in the crook of my neck. "Okay."

We sit there for a while longer in silence. Together, yeah. It feels nice, I won't lie. After a moment, I grab Marco and pull him down to my bed, and we cuddle for a bit.

My heart thumps slowly and contentedly until I fall asleep with my arms locked tightly around him. Marco's scent of cherry blossoms and sugar lulls me deeper and deeper into my dreams; and for once, I feel like I'm actually making a difference in this world.

Maybe making a difference isn't about what you inspire others to do, maybe it's about what you inspire yourself to do. Without inspiration of your own, you can't inspire others. Maybe that's how it works.

I'm sure that Marco's sister would agree, I know he would.

* * *

Tick... Tick... Tick...

Sitting in a waiting room isn't that bad. Yeah, it's boring and dull, but you can look at other people.

I know that sounds bad, but I don't mean it like that. A lot of people dress based on their attitudes, and I can tell. A blonde woman sits across from me by the wall. She wears all black, and puts on shoes with bigger soles to seem taller. I know she's insecure.

That's the neat thing about people, their wardrobe tells their story most of the time.

That being said, I can get to the point. Waiting rooms aren't that bad, if they don't have a fucking clock that makes a tick sound! It makes my anxiety even worse, and I've been here for ten minutes!

You may be wondering why I'm at the doctor, and that's fine; I'm here because my urine test came back positive for drugs, only I don't do drugs.

Connie does. I was around Connie while he was smoking weed the other day, and I should have left his
high-in-the-sky ass. But I stayed.

They think it's a false positive, which happens a lot; so all I have to do is take another one. Simple.

This is a stupid requirement from our college; how Connie passed, I have no clue.

It doesn't take long before doctor says my name and calls me in for a nice chat. Honestly, no one ever believes me when I say that I'm drug free.

Shocker.

* * *

I walk to my car with the stupid piece of paper the doctor gave me. A prescription for depression. I'm not fucking depressed, they can suck it. I'm not buying the stupid pills.

I throw the paper to the ground and step on it as many times possible for me. It makes me feel better in its own, don't need medicine.

I enter my car and pull out my phone to look for texts.

Three new messages from Marco, one new message from Sasha. Great. I quickly shoot a reply to both of them about my situation. I also ask them both to meet me at my house with Connie. Marco's ready to tell him.

After putting my phone up, I turn my car off and drive home. It's been a few weeks since the hearing, and we've already finished our community service, so we have more time.

As I drive by the buildings in downtown Trost, I see the familiar paintings zoom by. My heart throbs at the stories that seem so familiar, yet I still can't remember. I can't remember anything.

"Marco is that you?"

"Marco Bodt of the 104th squad"

"I'm joining the Survey Corps!"

For him. Yeah, I remember. I don't want to, but it's there. I'll never forget.

So, I'll pretend not to remember, instead I'll live this life like my first.

I know nothing.

Zoning out while driving is the worst idea. The moment I realize what's going on, my car rams into the nearest building.

Shit.

* * *

"Jean!"

I blink once, opening my eyes into thw bright light above me.

"Jean, oh god, are you okay?"

I look towards the person who is currently screaming at me.

"What, Marco, I'm fine." I groan.

"Get out of the car then," He demands.

"How'd I get here? I was in Trost."

"You are in Trost," Marco states.

"But... right." I reply. I begin to feel pain on my head, but fine for just being in an accident.

"Jean, I was driving through here, and I saw your car. Are you okay?" He sounds worried sick, and it makes me upset. I pull him into a hug.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got knocked out. I'll be fine."

He runs his thumb on my cheek and gives me a sweet kiss, which I gladly return.

"Oh, we gotta go to my house! Sash and Connie are there!" I yelp. My car matters less at the moment, I don't think anyone would ever come to investigate in this part of Trost. I'll just come back after we tell Connie. That matters more.

* * *

Not long after my crazy accident, we met the others at my door. They waited for us, and I'm glad they did. "Hey guys, let's go to my room." I suggest in my normal attitude.

" 'kay dude, lemme just grab a beer." Connie says. Just by the sound of his voice, I can tell he's sober. Good.

"Nah, you need to be sober, no drugs, no alcohol." I state. He shrugs at me, and we head up to my room. It's quiet, but excitement radiates from Sasha.

Marco and I sit on my bed casually, while Connie and Sasha just take the floor.

"So, why am I here? You haven't gotten anyone pregnant, have you?" He questions. Everyone but Connie bursts into laughter.

"Seriously, how would that be possible? No man, I wanted to tell you that this freckled thing on my bed is my boyfriend." I say gesturing to Marco in an overly exaggerated manner.

"Oh, what the hell? Wait, how long?" He asks, scratching his almost-bald head.

"Since, like, three weeks ago," I reply with a shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, and I can actually see disappointment in his gaze.

"We weren't ready yet, but we decided to tell you now, since we're ready." Marco explains with a small smile. I nod in agreement.

"Oh, so you guys are together. That's cool. So, this happened after you guys broke the law together... You literally fucked the moment you escaped the law. That's pretty cool." Connie laughs.

"Shut the hell up dude, fuck you!" I say, kicking him in the gut with my right foot.

"Okay, okay, but-" Connie begins, but he's cut short by his impatient girlfriend.

"We should go on double dates, that will be so fun!" Sasha suggests excitedly.

"Yeah, that does sound nice," Marco agrees. He waits a moment before gripping my hand.

"You guys we'll have to go now, but I like the idea of double dates. At the moment, I have to go get my car from the bad part of Trost. See ya later." I say.

We all walk out of my room together, more together than ever before. Marco waves at them before we get in his car to go find mine.

It doesn't take long. My car is surprisingly in the same place it was before. We go look at it.

Everything is where it was before, and that might not be a good thing. "So, how do we move it?" Marco asks, scratching his head in confusion. I shrug and walk over to it.

The doors are fine, but the front is destroyed. I can't believe I lived. The more that I think about how lucky I am, the more that I cry. Marco walks over to me and hugs me tightly.

"Be more careful Jean," he says, arms wrapped snugly around me.

I nod and squeeze him back desperately. I don't want to remember. Don't let me remember, Marco.

"I'm fine." I mumble, pulling away from Marco to gaze into his beautiful eyes. I kiss him, and kiss him again, I kiss him until I can't breathe. Large amounts of butterflies swirl in my lungs and stomach. We share this moment.

Some time passes before we call a tow truck to come get my car. Thw building isn't as damaged as my car, but I know I'll have to pay for that too.

* * *

Hours go by as I sit in my bedroom. The loneliness begins to sink in, and without a car to drive me places, I need to walk.

Maybe I should go see Armin. I havn't told him about Marco and I, maybe I should invite Marco too?

Thoughts swirl in my head as I think of my options. No. I need to tell Armin.

I love Marco more than anyone or anything, Armin should know that Marco and I are together.

With little hesitation, I walk to Armin's home after meeting up with Marco down the all-familiar street. I stop dead in my tracks. What am I doing? Eren lives with Armin, this is a terrible idea.

"Hey, Marco... let's wait, I don't want them to know yet. Let's to get dinner." I suggest.

Marco hums to himself before answering, "yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

So, instead we decide to go grab some food at this random coffee place down the street. Marco really liked the doughnuts, but I liked the cookies more. I really like macadamia nut cookies.

Marco sits across from me with a smile so bright it burns my eyes. I hold his hand from across the
small-window table. "How are things?" I ask, almost timidly.

"Oh, they're kinda sucky, but mom'll keep me," Marco says with a smile. He squeezes my hand tighter, and I look down at his trembling fingers.

My eyes flash up to his face. His beautiful, warm, freckled, crying face.

It hurts like hell when I see him lift a hand up to put over his face; and the gaze that seemed so strong a moment ago has fallen into a sad frown.

"Marco, Marco... you don't need him to love you," I say, loudly in the coffee shop. "You are loved by so many people, that no matter what he thinks, you'll always be amazing to us. We care about you, more than he ever will."

Marco looks up at me with
deep-round eyes. I can't help but flinch under his watch; my breath catches in my lungs. "J-Jean... I can't, It hurts," he cries sadly. "He used to love me, but when...when... whe-"

I silence him with a deep kiss. Though his sadness won't go, I can try to make it better. His hands close around mine.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, you don't need to be reminded." I say quietly.

"Let's go to my house. We can sleep, and stuff." I say, grabbing both his hands to help him up.

I wish I didn't always fuck things up like this.

* * *

"I'm sorry Marco," I mumble as I join him on my bed to cuddle.

"For what?" He asks.

"I ruined our date."

"Jean, you didn't," Marco states, "I actually feel a lot better now."

"Really?" I question.

"Of course, now let's get some rest. School was agony, and so was everything else. I just want to get away from that." Marco laughed a moment after he said this.

"What?" I ask with a small grin.

"It reminds me of something. My counselor said. She told me to find my happy place." Marco says with a small smile.

"Where is your happy place?" I ask in confusion.

Marco laughs again, and I feel my face burn. "Right here. Right here; with you."

My heart beats loudly in my chest. I hear it in my head, and it seems to wake me up.

"What?" I ask? My face burns with a mix of embarrassment and the mind of a teenage girl.

"I said, you are my happy place, Jean." He says slowly with an unsure smile.

I grab Marco and pull him close. Closer than ever. I can feel his heart beating in tune with mine, and the warmth radiating around us could keep me warm forever.

"M-Marco," I stutter with a blush. I try to make sure this is all real.

I grab his shoulders and push him just in front of me. His eyes are locked with mine, and I can see him visibly relax.

I hold him there, and look into his eyes a moment longer before I say it. Before I change everything. But, I should. He's worth it, all of this
dumb-ass internal struggling. I'd only do it for him. I guess that's why I love him. Yeah, I'll say it now...

"I love you."

I look at him, and he looks at me; we look at eachother for almost an eternity. Not that it's a bad thing.

His eyes dilate again, and I can see so much warmth speed through his face and body. He freezes.

"Marco, are you okay?" I ask hopefully.

"Did you just-" He tries to ask, still shaken.

"Yes. I fucking did, you dork. Why wouldn't I? I love you, see I said it again." I say with an uncharacteristic blush.

Marco begins to laugh wholeheartedly, and I can't help but smile at that.

"God Jean, I love you too. I love you so much." He finally says, pulling me into him for a hug.

For a while, he just hugs me, whispering, "I love him," or, "he loves me," or "I love you," over and over.

He's so damn cute. He rocks me like a baby, and he kisses my head every now and then. I feel so warm in his embrace. So much warmer than ever. I finally told him.

I told Marco Bodt that I love him.

* * *

Jesus! Freckled Jesus! This took way too long to finish. I am sooo sorry! I had bad blocks, and this one probably sucked. Hopefully the next one will be out sooner. I am so sorry for giving Marco and Jean accents on accident. They sound like people where I'm from. Can you guess where?

Word Count: 5,083