Pearl couldn't cry when her grandmother's casket was lowered into the ground, she wanted to, but instead she let her throat burn with the effort of holding it all in. The shroud of grief and loneliness clung to her, an invisible weight pressing against her chest as she stood frozen in the graveyard, hands folded tightly over herself.

What stung more than the emptiness besides her, was her knowing that she'd expected it to be filled. Even if he'd given her heads-up, she still would've  begged him to come. Naturally she was the clingy type, which bothered her husband only when it was convenient for him. But now being in her shoes, she was laying to rest the woman who had been more than a mother to her than her own, and that was still not enough to justify her need for him? And again, the sight of her mother and Adu, her step father, his name rolled off her tongue with so much ease than having to call him dad. They sat laughing, clinging to each other like the funeral was just another social event, acting like teenagers in need of a room. And that for her has been a hard pill to swallow.

The continued rain drum on the car roof and chaotic  rivulets sliding down her windscreen snapped her from her thoughts, blurring out the shapes of her front garden. She sat motionless behind the wheel, seven toughest days of her life and reality hadn't sunken in. But what were the odds of it sinking in?  "They say it gets better with time." She whispered, hoping for the day the words might become her truth. She killed the engine. 

The downpour cascaded down the edges of her umbrella in shimmering streams, she pulled her coat tighter around her before getting her luggage from the boot. Looking at the towering mansion before her, its lights flickering faintly in the down pour, she wondered to herself what might have changed in her absence. Did it feel emptier without her or it simply carried on? Cold and indifferent? It wasn't everyday that she left Lawrence to the mansion, let alone spending a night out.   

The puddles splashed softly beneath her feet as she approached the grand double door. Inside the air was warm, scented faintly with rich aroma of burning wood. There wasn't much she missed about the mansion, but stepping into its warmth, spotless floors and everything orderly... it felt rewarded after such an excruciating week.

she barely had a moment to exhale when her eyes landed on him. Not overly tall but he exuded and undeniable presence, casually leaning against the fireplace, one hand resting on the mantle the other holding a glass of whiskey that caught the flickering light of the flames. Like clockwork, draped in a perfectly tailored suit that fit like a second skin, looking as though he'd just stepped out of one of his endless business meetings.   

"Lawrence," her voice thin as a whispered secret. "You are home." 

His lips curved into a faint smirk, "You look more shocked than pleased?"

Shock didn't begin to cover it. What was happening was an eclipse.  " Do you blame me? you're hardly ever here."  She pulled off her coat, draping it over the rack.  

"Maybe I'm just too embarrassed to face the world."

Pearl chose to ignore his dry sarcasm, she kicked off her boots, reminding herself that this world had no room for her dearly beloved to indulge in embarrassment. And again she was refusing to let his deflection derail her , she felt entitled to her own feelings and there was no time to skirt around the truth. " It would have been very comforting to see you at the funeral," she shot, her voice quivering. " Not a call, not even a text. How could you do that to me?"

Lawrence's jaws tightened with frustration, her words brushing against his ego like a nettle, pricking and prodding in ways he refused to tolerate. He didn't appreciate being casted as the villain, especially when, in his mind, she bore just as much blame for the mess between them. In two measured strides, he crossed the room " Well forgive me if I didn't realize that burying your grandmother required my presence." 

Suddenly the fire crackles sounded louder than they should. Pearl froze, momentarily speechless as shock and hurt projected on her face. 

"Well forgive me if I didn't realize that expecting my husband to support me in my hardest moment was such an inconvenience." She eventually shot back, making Lawrence chuckle darkly, shaking his head.

"Look at you speak." he said with mock admiration, "very rich coming from you.

His words sliced through the air, sharp and deliberate. This had a potential of turning into a fight Pearl wasn't going to win, but her curiosity, dangerous and persistent  had already latched onto his words. Air quoting him with exaggerated precision "Rich coming from me? what does that supposed to mean?" 

Lawrence exhaled a slow deliberate sound, reaching for the crystal decanter. "You always see things your way don't you?" he said, pouring himself a generous amount of whiskey. "Did it ever occur to you how your actions affected me? You left me dry at a couples event. No partner, just me sitting alone looking like an idiot." The amber liquid sloshed against the glass as she brought it to his lips, taking a long gulp. "Trust me, it was embarrassing."

Blinking several times, Pearl was taken aback "ohh!" she said, her voice edged with disbelief. "So this is about your friends dinner party isn't it?" She scoffed. " Lawrence I couldn't sit there and pretend everything was fine. I was in shock...Hurt and broken"

Lawrence's lips twitched, not quite forming a smile but enough to feel dismissive. "You could have waited until after the party." 

Ghosted smacked, Pearl stared at him, her breath catching in her chest. How could he even suggest that without stammering? That she push  aside the death of her grandmother and carry on like a huge part of her hadn't just died. 

"Life shouldn't fall apart every time one thing goes wrong for you." He continued, each word piercing her soul. "The entire night I was left smoothing things over because of how you made us look. "

His words stung. Hearing him reduce her grief to just as another thing going wrong  was excruciating. Stammering her response, her throat burned as she fought to keep her tears at bay. "That's all you care about? Appearance? I couldn't care less about that, I had just lost someone I love."

The idea that her love wasn't solely reserved for him made him dizzy, stroking fears he would never admit.  "And what about me? the courtesy of allowing your man to honor an invite?"

Words formed on her tongue sharp enough to cut but she swallowed them back. What was the point? Lawrence's way or the highway. Instead she turned against the staircase, her footsteps gentle on the wooden floor. "I'm too tired to be doing this with you."

"No, don't run away!" Lawrence called after her, his voice rising. He followed her to the base of the staircase his tone now cutting through the air. " It's hard isn't it? swallowing the bitterness of your own actions?"

Pearl continued ascending the stairs, determined to tune Lawrence's voice out. 

"That's the thing about you, Pearl." he called out, "Go ahead, run. Every time when life forces you to face the music, you'd rather break the record than dance to it. A few seconds ago you were so ready to get to the bottom of this, but the moment your shortcomings come into focus , you turn away, letting your ego lead the way even when tearing us apart."  

The same old dance. The gaslighting, the manipulation, its a dish he served effortlessly well. 3 years into marriage and Pearl didn't only spent that time second guessing herself but desperately fighting to avoid becoming another statistic in the newlywed divorce chronicles. The thought of a failed marriage gnawed at her constantly, a fear that went beyond just disappointing herself. It was the judgement that would follow that terrified her, society's whispered labels and pitying stares. 

She  halted mid- step, slowly turning to meet her husband's gaze, hating how easily she let the doubts and thoughts creep in. Insidious and familiar. "I'm not running away. I just..." She hesitated, swallowing the lump forming in her throat.  "I didn't think about it like that." 

Lawrence brows arched, his smirk deeper than the edge of a blade. "Exactly. You didn't think. you acted impulsively." 

Closing the distance between them was a pleasure, he wrapped his arms around her, his presence suffocating yet deceptively warm. He tilted his head down, his voice softening. " That's all I wanted to hear from you." he murmured. Her soft admission to her overlooking how he felt stroked his ego in a way he craved, peeling back the layers of his cutting persona to reveal the lover boy she adored. This was the side of Lawrence that had won her over 8 years ago. smooth and disarming.