"We have a lot to talk about.", you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

Out of the corner of his eye, Thor gave you a look of approval. He nodded.

It amazed you how much someone could change.

Back then, he had been full of life and energy. Whenever you had been around him, you had felt his pride.

Now he was tired, almost old. A strange thought, considering that gods never grew old. They were immortal and would have for all eternity the very body they themselves had created.

Thor was the equivalent of a human man who could be just forty. He was not old at all.

And yet he was so exhausted. He was no longer the man you were once supposed to marry.

Somehow you felt pity for him. Probably no one had cared for him for a long time. They all thought only of themselves.

"I'm not here for Allfather.", he assured you once more, looking up at the stars again.

It seemed to you that he was trying to avoid your face. As if he couldn't bear to look at you.

Why did this thought hurt you so much?

A deep breath escaped your lips.

"Words. So many words.", you had to huff. "Your words always had been soft, charming, soothing. But in the end they were worth nothing."

You glanced at him.

He didn't move. His eyes were glued to the silver of the night. They seemed to almost tremble.

"Apologies won't make my mistakes undone.", he said. "But I regret that I hurt you. Truly."

It sounded like he was willing to finally take the blame. He wanted to be accountable.

But it was too late.

Far too late.

Taking a deep breath, you turned to the moon.

"I won't accept those words.", you smiled bitterly. "But I'll take them as a token of your good will. Now, tell me, why did you seek me in my chambers?"

For a long, uncomfortably long moment he said nothing more.

All you could hear from him was his strained breathing and the howling of the wind.

It smelled like a thunderstorm in the night.

Rain. Lightning. Electricity.

Memories of nights came back to you when Thor had lit up the night with Mjölnir. Just for you he had painted the clouds with magic.

Thunder had created songs of the unknown. Everything had been blue. As if the sea had merged with the sky.

He had even formed animals from his lightning.

You knew that for a time he had conjured his form of art for his sons too. It was only when Thrud, his youngest daughter, was born that Sif had forbidden him to call upon his lightning near the children.

She had been afraid he would hurt the children.

This alone was proof that she could not love him as she had led others to believe.

If the god of thunder was forbidden lightning, what was left of him?

A broken man, at least that was exactly what you could see in him.

Maybe it was just the vanity in you but you believed that if he had not left your side then he would not be such a shadow of himself now.

Slowly Thor managed to take his eyes off the sky.

His gaze wandered over your face instead.

Then he looked at the ground. He really could not look at you.

What a bitter realisation when you remembered that he had once begged to look into your sleeping face every morning.

"You know the answer.", he said, and let out a deep breath.

"I want to hear it out of your mouth.", you replied.

"You are so much smarter than me. What could I tell you that would convince you?"

You swallowed hard.

All he said were not his words. They were the insults of the All-Father that he had to listen to since the beginning of his existence.

Sometimes you thought he had only been born so that his father would have someone to take out all his cruelties on.

To the outside world, his perfect façade was not allowed to crumble. Everything depended on his image. The loyalty of his followers, the trust of his sons.

Simply everything had to seem reasonable.

But once one looked behind the façade one knew what a curse it was to be of Odin's blood.

You had escaped that torment. But you had payed a high price for it.

All at once something cramped in the pit of your stomach. A sharp pain dug into your flesh and travelled down your abdomen to your legs.

For a moment it felt as if you could no longer stand upright.

Cold sweat ran down your back.

You remembered this pain.

Why did you remember this feeling right now that you had never wanted to feel again?

The last time you felt it, Odin had stolen something from you that had made Thor leave you for Sif.

"Odin...", you growled through clenched teeth, one hand pressed to your chest to escape the oppressive feeling. "No. No, this is not enough. Don't try to talk your way out of this. I need a reason, Thor. And I need it now!"

"I want to kill Allfather.", he said out of the blue.

All at once you froze.

Your eyes widened in surprise as you stared up at the starry sky, your lips slightly parted to release a long but trembling breath.

After all these decades.

After all your suffering, he finally spoke the words you had wanted to hear from him for so long.

And for that very reason you doubted.

He had had decades, dozens of chances. Once Odin had been sick, weak, and Thor had not taken the chance.

So why now?

What had changed?

It couldn't have been his feelings for you, or he would have done it much sooner.

"Why?", it suddenly escaped you in a whisper.

His gaze wandered to you for a moment.

You could feel him watching you out of the corner of his eye.

The expression on his tired face was a mixture between disgust and regret.

"No reason I could give would be enough for you.", he finally said.

You frowned.

"Try."

A sigh made his mighty chest shiver.

"I want to make up for my mistakes. And I know that you will only give me your forgiveness if I kill Allfather."

Your eyes began to burn.

"You two have ruined everything..."