1:23pm

Trigger warning: mentions of repression, insults, purposely self harming

This was much more dramatic than I originally intended

Yeah I like writing Remus' character, what of it
—

"Why are you here?" Deceit heard the angry growl coming from his once close friend now enemy, sitting at the table with the other 'three light' sides who all looked up in surprise to see him. Usually the 'dark sides' stayed in their section of the mind, same for the 'light sides', so it was very rare to see them unless they were up with Thomas.

Deceit merely hummed, drifting towards the fridge and opening it up. "Where do you think we get our food, Virgil?" He responded without looking over at them, instead reaching in and taking out a few snacks that appealed to him.

"Just ask Patton, he knows all about it" he added, sending the bubbly side a wink before parting from the room with the food in his arms. Usually the 'dark sides' got their food from this side of the mind due to the fact it was better, they couldn't argue against that but never came up during the day to avoid confrontation - it's amusing but when the insults start flying it becomes awkward very quickly. However they always get away with it if it's just Patton in the kitchen. 

They may be 'dark sides' but that doesn't make them any less sensitive to harsh words.

Sinking down into the ground he appeared in his room a second later, placing the food onto his desk, right beside a flower that definitely wasn't there before. With a confused frown he gently picked it up, holding the stem between his finger and thumb, twirling it around slowly to stare at the brown, decaying petals that he was sure was once a tulip.

His first thought went to Remus, he usually is the type to leave dead things lying around wherever he went but he's never left a plant before. With an eye roll he threw it over his shoulder and into the trash can beside his desk wishing he could do the same to that deodorant eating side.

The flower didn't enter Deceit's mind again after that, it wasn't something to be remembered that was for sure. A few days later Deceit found himself wandering to the 'light sides' section of the mind once again - his visits have become more frequent since he first appeared in one of Thomas' video. He would never admit to anyone why he came here, he knew they all assumed it was for his own entertainment to try and get a kick out of annoying someone, but that was far from the truth. While he did enjoy annoying them the soul reason why he came here was because it felt...better.

It was hard to explain but to him he felt more comfortable existing in the light side's section, like a comforting blanket sweeps around him whenever he crosses into it, he feels safe, protected. In Thomas' mind nothing could happen to them that could lead to death or excruciating pain, he knew that, he taught Remus that, but still the 'dark side's' section felt uncomfortable, uneasy and very eerie.

He had gotten used to it over the many years he had been alive but lucky for him he wasn't used to the comforting imaginary blanket that encased him when he was in the 'light sides' home so he'd come and go whenever he wished.

"And this is used to show you're bewitched by them! In a good way, of course" Deceit heard Roman's voice come from the other side of his door that was obviously covered with stickers related to musicals and Disney. Curiously he stepped closer to the door, listening in on his conversation.

"Oh brother, your knowledge of flowers is sooooo fascinating" and Deceit's eyebrows jumped up when he heard the sound of Remus' voice. His hand flew to the door handle, ready to push open the door and see why he was there but he didn't - he stopped himself and took a step back. Why should he care what Remus did? Besides he and Roman were brothers, it would be odd if they didn't spend at least some time together.

"I'm trying to help you, go pester anyone else if you don't appreciate it!" And Deceit couldn't stop hearing Roman's shrill voice if he tried, that side was just too loud sometimes. Shaking his head he continued down the hallway pushing away the idea of those two hanging out - he didn't care that Remus was cosying up to a 'light side', nope, it doesn't bother him one bit.

Reaching the end, he descended the staircase to see the living room currently homing Patton, Virgil and Logan. Patton looked over at him when he noticed movement and smiled timidly, lifting his hand in a short, shy wave. Virgil noticed Patton which made him notice Deceit, eyes narrowing on the side who leaned on the banister with a smirk, eyes racking over Logan until he eventually looked up from his book when he felt eyes on him.

"Hey, De" Patton greeted quietly, he had wanted to become friends with the 'dark sides' but he's still a little awkward about it, especially with Virgil here and his obvious distaste for them.

"Hello, Patton" he mused, eyes darting from him to Virgil, loving the way his eyeshadow darkened and eyes glowered with hatred.

"Nice to see you too, Virgil" he commented which only riled him up more. "Go get your food and leave" he demanded, his voice distorting just that slight bit. He was protective over the people he loved, especially Patton, and didn't want Deceit to do anything to them that might get them hurt or tricked.

"Unfortunately I'm not here to eat" Deceit casually crossed the room and took a seat on the couch, "can I not sit down here with you?" He cooed which further irked Virgil. Without giving Deceit the satisfaction of another glance in his direction, he turned to Patton who watched him with a frown.

"Pat, wanna watch a movie?"

He sat up a little at that, happily taking Virgil's hand and sinking out of the room with him to watch the movie elsewhere. Deceit rolled his eyes and sat back further in his seat, gazing around the room blankly until he remembered Logan was here. Their eyes met for a few moments before Logan slowly closed his book and sat up.

"Why are you here, Deceit?" He asked and the side in question looked away. "Can I not just be here to be here?" He murmured quietly and Logan was surprised by the tone of his voice. Very quiet, low and...off. Nothing like his usual sly, coy one.

"I...suppose" Logan agreed, relaxing in his seat when he realised Deceit truly wasn't going to do anything. An awkward silence settled over them until Deceit sighed and stood up from where he sat. "Tell the others I'm gone" he murmured to Logan before sinking into the 'dark side' of the mind once again, shivering subconsciously when the sudden blanket was lost and he was unprotected once again.

Whatever, he didn't care, the 'light sides' didn't like him and he didn't like them.

Entering his room he walked over to his bed but his eye caught something in his peripheral vision. Coming to a stop and turning his head to the side, he couldn't believe his eyes landed on yet another dead flower. Taking a few steps over, he picked it up just as delicately as he did to the first, turning it over in his hands to make out what type of flower it was. Although it was mostly brown and shrivelled up, some of the original colour still persevered and from what Deceit could see it was a purple rose.

Lifting up his other hand, the tulip rose out from the bin and landed in it, from there he held the two close together, wondering why the Hell Remus would be leaving these in his room.

Still feeling...weird from moments prior he threw both of them into the trash without a second thought, quickly undressing to become comfortable for his nap. He never usually felt this way so he couldn't describe it other than an unsettling emptiness. He hated it, hated when emotions came over him, it was very rare for him but when it did happen he would sleep it off, shove them down further and further until he forgot they existed.

And it worked. Every time.

Repression was a tough cycle to escape from.

Now that was in the past and it was four days later Deceit wondered why this side of the mind seemed so...quiet. He wondered out of his room with his darling pet snake on his shoulders, slowly coiling around his arm, hissing every so often. Deceit merely stroked her skin a few times before letting her be. He usually didn't travel with her unless needed, but he knew Remus liked her. But that definitely wasn't the reason why he was bringing her, nope, certainly not.

Raising his hand to knock on Remus' door, he hesitated, never before had he knocked so why now was he giving Remus more respect? Rolling his eyes he walked straight in, surprised to see his extremely messy bedroom...empty. Where could that garbage man be.

Sinking out he popped up in the 'light sides' home, standing up straighter when he felt the warm blanket encase him. His snake seemed to like it too for she hissed and relaxed against him.

Walking down the hallway quick to avoid anyone he stopped outside of Roman's bedroom, staring at the door for a few seconds. It was early in the morning, too early for Roman to be awake - he could hear and smell Patton's breakfast from the kitchen so he assumed Logan was there or would be there very soon, and then Roman, and then Virgil. That emo liked to lie in especially because of his late nights.

Curiosity getting the better of him, he blinked and suddenly him and his snake were invisible. As quietly and softly as he could manage he pushed open Roman's bedroom door, stepping in and closing it behind him. At first he couldn't tell if anything was different, it was it's usual state, looking extremely royal and clean, but then his eyes landed on him, Remus, sleeping on another bed because he was sure Roman wouldn't allow him to share.

His eyes darkened at the sight, a 'dark side' sharing a room with a 'light side'? It hasn't happened since they were children, he thought they were hated by the three 'light sides' and the traitor.

His snake hissed irritably, seemingly angry at the sight too but that was merely Deceit's influence. Walking over to the bed, he reached down to rip Remus up and yell at him but he stopped, gazing at his relaxed expression longer than deemed necessary, bordering creepy, but Deceit didn't care. He never sees Remus sleep, he didn't realise he would look kinda...cute?

Growling he retracted his hand, throwing a glance over at Roman who was sprawled out across his bed, drool hanging from the corner of his mouth. With an eye roll he turned on his heel and headed towards the door, looking over at his computer screen for only a moment, not even fully taking in the fact it was open on a website about flowers. He was gone and back inside of his room, gently placing his snake back in her home before angrily clenching his fists.

When he became angry his other arms suddenly popped out to play, all of his hands clenched as his eyes darted around trying to find something to break but he couldn't. Turning he marched up to his wall, reeled back his lowest arm on his left sight and punched it hard, gasping out when pain erupted through his knuckles and shot up his arm. Suddenly his anger was gone, replaced with regret and pain.

Sitting down on his bed he cradled his hand to his chest, taking off his glove to see the damage, gently touching the broken skin and blood seeping out.

Tucking the glove back on he made his extra arms disappear, throwing off his hat and ripping off his cape. Sleep, he needed to sleep, push it all away to never bother him again. But as he laid down in bed and forced himself into slumber he didn't realise everything he shoved away was still there - it hasn't vanished and it was growing, becoming harder and harder to control.

Until one day soon he would snap.

Awaking much later on in the day Deceit felt groggy and somehow still tired. The comfort of his bed dragging him back down to curl under the blanket and stay there but then he saw something, a single flower on his desk. Instantly he was up and out of bed, stumbling over to it and picking it up. Like the other two it was dead but Deceit specifically knew what type of flower this was - it was actually one of his favourites but he knew no one knew that.

It was an alstroemeria.

Rubbing his eyes his tired state didn't give him the heart to throw it away so he made a small vase appear, plopping it in without bothering with adding water for it had already lost it's life.

Sitting down on his chair he felt withered, like all his energy was sucked out and all he could do was sleep but the back of his mind was urging him to find Remus, see what he was doing and possibly question why he was spending so much time with the 'light sides'.

Grabbing his hat and cape he haphazardly put them back on, his appearance the last thing on his mind as he sunk out and reappeared in the 'light side's' section, hurrying to Roman's room and pressing his ear against the wood.

"You could make a bouquet of them in the end?" Deceit heard Roman offer to who he was sure was Remus.

"What about a bouquet of severed body limbs?"

"...Remus-"

"De?" The side turned quick to see a confused Patton behind him, catching him in the act of eavesdropping. "Oh, Patton, what a wonderful surprise" he murmured sarcastically, pushing away from the door and quickly darting away down the hallway but Patton called for him to wait, quickly appearing in front of him and stopping his escape.

"What's..." he drifted, eyes moving up and down Deceit until meeting his gaze. "What's wrong?" Patton asked gently and Deceit recoiled.

"What's wrong? Hm, let me think" he tapped his chin exaggeratedly, "maybe you're still talking to me?" He scoffed, pushing past Patton and moving away once again. This time Patton didn't stop him, he wasn't hurt by his words either - being Thomas' core emotions he could see other's emotions if they were strong enough. It worked the same for the other side's, Virgil could tell if one was silently panicking, Deceit could tell if someone was lying, etc, he could feel someone's emotions if they were strong enough.

And Deceit's were very strong, it was hard to even be in his presence and it frightened Patton to the core. He had never felt such strong emotions from anyone and he was suddenly very worried for Deceit's well-being.

It took him a moment to sort the bundle of emotions out but one struck out the most, one that was blurry, hazy. If the strong-emotioned side didn't want anyone to know it could be hard for Patton to work out exactly what they were feeling, and it might take a bit for Patton to pin point the emotion that was the strongest yet most hidden.

Deceit quickly returned to the 'dark side' but didn't linger in his room, instead continued further until he was inside of Remus', he didn't know why but something told him he'd feel..better in here.

Laying down on his bed half his face pressed into the pillow and he breathed in through his nose, relaxing at the scent of Remus. He did it again and again, resorting to holding the pillow close to his body, face pushing down into the top of it, breathing in and out deeply, long and calmingly.

Quickly he was a tired mess, falling in and out of sleep in a room he knew he shouldn't be in. In his hazy state he clicked his fingers, a new pillow appearing to replace the one he stole and took with him back to his room. Under the covers he wouldn't let go of that pillow that never lost Remus' smell. Why it brought so much comfort Deceit didn't know nor did he want to find out but he knew one thing for certain.

It brought that same warm blanket the 'light side' of the mind did and he was addicted.

The next flower appeared a couple days later when Deceit had returned to his room from wandering the dark empty hallways of the mind. He had put down his snake which he brought along for companionship, picking up the flower that was left alone without anything else as usual.

It was dead but he knows this one too, a baby's breath. Putting it in the vase, he made it slightly bigger and did the same with the other flowers, finally starting to feel some sort of sentimental value within them. He didn't know what sort of trick or prank this was, but something within him was starting to tell him it wasn't anything of the sort and instead it was just...Remus' version of a gift? As absurd as that sounded.

He had finally had enough - he needed to know why Remus was giving him them.

Rising from his chair he sunk down and headed down the hallway that wasn't as dark as the hallways in his section of the mind which made his hands clench in jealousy. It didn't take him long to appear outside of Roman's room but when he looked inside and found it empty he was surprised but also know even more determined to find him.

And he did in the last place he would suspect.

He originally went into the living room to see if he could find Roman to ask of his whereabouts, but when he saw all the light sides including Remus sitting on the couch he froze up on the spot, unable to move as he watched and listened to their mindless chatter and laughs. Remus sat on the end next to Roman, the two conversing away while Logan, Patton and Virgil talked right beside them.

As if they were all a normal group of friends.

Deceit took a step back and bumped into the wall, swallowing thickly as he tried to take it all in but he couldn't. For so many years he, Remus and Virgil were the 'dark sides' - when Virgil left to the 'light sides' of course he was mad but he still had Remus and the two were fine together, pestering the 'light sides' whenever they felt like it but most of the time hanging out with each other, forgetting about Virgil, the one who left them, abandoned them.

But now Remus had done the same and sudden anger surged through Deceit, it was so powerful even Patton felt it, jumping where he sat and snapping his eyes over to Deceit who finally moved off the staircase and into the ground floor.

Remus noticed and looked over, smiling when he saw him but it dropped when he noticed the fury in his multicoloured eyes. He didn't have time to say anything before Deceit grabbed his arm and ripped him up from the couch in a sudden swift movement.

"What the-!?"

"Shut up" he hissed, eyes narrowed. "We're going. Now" he emphasised in a tone of voice he used to mean he brook no argument.

The other 'lights sides' were now sitting up in alarm, wondering why Deceit was so mad.

"What?" Remus couldn't really think of anything else to say, he was purely confused to why Deceit seemed so upset. Had something happened? He didn't know if it.

"Go, Remus" Deceit ordered but Remus never followed orders and certainly not from someone who was so pissed off. "No" he shook his head and took a step back. "What died in your butt-?"

"I mean it Remus" Deceit snarled, but when Remus shook his head stubbornly he yelped in pain when one of Deceit's many arms shot out, grabbing his arm in a tight, painful grip.

"Hey-!"

"Do I have to drag you away?" Deceit growled, moving his face close to Remus who stared at Deceit in...fear? The deceitful side hated that, he couldn't bare to look at it anymore but he would talk to Remus when he followed his demands!

"You're hurting me" Remus tried, trying to push him away but Roman had enough. He stopped up, ripped away Deceit's arm and shoved him hard, holding Remus behind him and watching Deceit crash into the wall, barely managing to keep himself upright.

Patton gasped and covered his mouth, instinctively grabbing Logan's hand when fear shot through him too, the three of them a mixture of panic and anxiety as they watched the three other sides, Roman and Deceit glaring at each other with passionate hatred, something they had never seen before.

"Stop trying to be the hero, Roman" Deceit spat, "you'll never be one so why try? Why lie to yourself? Why try and tell yourself you're a good person when everyone tells you you're not?" He didn't exactly mean to insult Roman but the words weren't really insulting towards him at all.

"Remus, we're leaving"

"Make me" Remus responded harshly, still halfway hiding behind Roman who he knew would protect him if Deceit were to lunge at him again.

Deceit huffed out in annoyance, he knew Roman wouldn't relent, "fine" he seethed, "but don't ever come back to my part of the mind again" and Deceit was gone, leaving the five sides to stare at where he stood for a few moments longer in pure confusion mixed with relief.

And Patton gasped out, gripping Logan's hand tighter.

"Sadness" he spoke up suddenly, "the emotion...it was sadness"

Deceit appeared in his room quickly, grabbing onto his desk before he would fall over. His arms were still out and he could feel the radiating pain coming from the hand that punched the wall - he had been meaning to heal it but he guess he forgot.

Then he remembered how, even if it hurt, his anger disappeared immediately when he did it so without second thought he rushed to the wall and using the same fist punched the solid wall hard. A scream ripped out of his throat, filled with pain, physical and more so. Collapsing to the ground his body began to shake, his hand limp with pain that wouldn't cease but it was helping.

When he felt all anger vanish he forced his extra arms to disappear, the pain evaporating along with them.

But his emotions didn't stop there. With his anger gone it left room for all the others and he began to shake more, eyes stinging but he clenched them shut tightly, hunched over himself to the point where his forehead rested against the ground, hands quivering violently, grasping the floor as best as they could.

His thoughts began to go wild, filling his mind with lies that sounded so truthful not even he could tell them apart. Remus was gone, Remus hated him, they all hated him, he lost his chance at becoming friends with them...

He'd be alone forever

And that one struck harder than the rest, so much so he let out a small cry, an incoherent plea, face twisted with agony of his emotions and thoughts - the overwhelming guilt he felt for hurting Remus, the unshakeable fear that coursed through him at the idea of being alone, and the sadness, the sadness he had buried and buried, the burning sadness he had felt ever since he was pushed aside as nothing more than a dark side. A bad guy. Someone to be hated, avoided, and forgotten.

His arms came out again and he clenched only one fist, that fist, and suddenly he was crying for a new reason - he had the power to make the pain stop but instead he purposely made it worse, made it felt like his hand was burning, being ripped apart, stabbed, stretched, anything, anything to block out the pain from inside. Physical pain was so much easier to control - he couldn't deal with emotions.

He couldn't hear anything other than his screams...

Meanwhile, the other sides were talking to each other quietly, wondering what just happened and what they would do when Patton went silent, slowly he clasped a hand over his mouth, letting out a cry. Deceit's emotional pain was so strong it affected him and tears began streaming down his cheeks, now his eyes were open to his Deceit truly felt because now? Now he didn't have the strength to hide it and that made Patton sob, eyes blurred with tears that cascaded down his face - he had never cried this hard before.

The sides couldn't even console him before he was crying out Deceit's name, sinking out and appearing in his room, crashing into him and pulling him close to his chest, sobbing into his shoulder loud and harrowingly, Deceit was so out of it, focused on the pain he didn't realise he was crying too, screams mixed with his sobs creating such a heart shattering noise enough to make anyone cry by just listening.

The four remaining sides appeared as fast as they could, all of them gasping at the sight and sounds. Roman and Virgil instantly teared up, Virgil taking a few steps back and covering his ears, he couldn't stand it - it was too much. Their cries were so broken, especially for Deceit who was collapsed in Patton's lap, blood soaked through one of his hand's gloves which Logan noticed immediately. He also noticed that was the only hand that was clenched.

Kneeling down he grasped at his wrist, tugging off the glove to the best of his abilities but Deceit wouldn't let up. "Deceit, stop, relax your hand" Logan ordered but his command was overpowered by their cries.

Remus fell to his knees and cupped Deceit's face, catching onto what Logan needed. "Deceit! Stop it! You're hurting yourself! Don't make me rip your hand off!" He yelled but Deceit couldn't hear anything.

Remus knew what he had to do, he hated the idea, despised it even but it needed to be done. Grabbing his injured hand, he wrapped his hands around it and squeezed hard, the pain becoming too much, Deceit's screams suddenly became unbearably loud but Remus pushed on, waiting until Deceit's hand didn't feel so tense before suddenly letting go and ripping off his glove, intertwining their fingers so he couldn't clench it into a fist again.

Logan looked down at his knuckles, the skin split and blood pouring out at an alarming fast rate.

"Why won't he heal himself?!" Logan asked no one in particular but looked to Remus to see if he would know.

"He-he feels like he deserves it" Patton managed to get out through sobs, his eyes still closed, arms wrapped around the distraught side tightly.

The side's hearts shattered at the revelation, Logan encased Deceit's hand in his own, closing his eyes and focusing his energy to heal the wound. It only took half a minute until it was fixed but now Deceit didn't have any physical pain - all that was left was an empty space where his heart once was and emotions too strong, much to strong, his screams silenced when he passed out in Patton's arms.

The room suddenly became very quiet, Patton still crying but very softly, most his face pressed into Deceit.

Roman was first to move, bending down and picking Deceit up from Patton's arms, the only side strong enough to lift him over to his bed, laying him down comfortably with the blanket encasing his body that was still shivering.

Logan quickly moved to comfort Patton, Virgil joining in once he composed himself. The three left the room to help Patton, leaving behind Roman and Remus, watching a sleeping, shaking Deceit.

"You said he didn't keep them" Roman murmured out of the blue a few minutes later. Remus looked up at him curiously, following his gaze to see a vase of flowers on his desk.

"I..." Remus drifted, then shrugged. "I didn't think it mattered" he admitted, "he doesn't like me anyway" he added as a whisper.

The two slowly left the room after that but before Remus left, he placed one last flower in the vase. A red rose only this time it was alive.

A bouquet of flowers all holding the same meaning.

I love you

—
This was not meant to turn into Deceit angst I originally wanted a cute romance between him and Remus what have I done-

4:28pm