2:48am

Au
—

"Are you still working?" His mom pouted, walking up behind her son and gently massaging his tense shoulders. Roman looked up and smiled at the sight of her, laying his script onto the desk littered with old to new stickers and random doodles. "I'm sorry, mama, auditions are tomorrow and I'm determined for the lead role!" He thrusted his arm in the air dramatically and she giggled behind him at his antics, winding her arms around his shoulders and hugging him tight.

"I know, but it's late...how about we watch that movie you promised instead? It's Disney~" she cooed and Roman was instantly bribed, already decked out in his favourite onesie the two left the room and hurried down the staircase, as she set up the movie he went into the kitchen to cook the popcorn.

"Come on, Ro!" She encouraged a few minutes later and Roman smiled fondly, pouring the popped corn into a bowl and hurrying into the room, setting the bowl on the coffee table, ready to snuggle up beside her under the blanket when-

"Mom!" He cried, sitting up in bed fast and breathing heavily, gazing around his dimly lit room with blurry eyes. He then sighed out and flopped back, pushing his bed hair from his forehead. Another dream...another dream with his mom who isn't his mom. Who never and never will be his mom.

It was early, six am to be exact, but Roman knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now. Sliding out from his covers he changed into his outfit for the day (not really putting much work into it) before grabbing his schoolbag and reaching for the books left scattered on his desk. Unfortunately, but unsurprisingly, his eyes scanned over a play script....he did get lead role, and aced every performance. She never came to one. He was allowed to keep the script as a momento, he usually does, but after awhile it turns into sour memories.

Ripping it harshly from the desk he stuffed it into the shoe box pushed aside in his closet (with all the other scripts) before slamming the doors shut and turning away, feeling his eyes sting with that all-familiar sensation. He knew today was going to be rough - if that dream wasn't warning enough.

Hurrying downstairs he prepared himself a short breakfast, all the while deafened by the utter silence. He wasn't the only one there - he lived with her too but she woke up later, an hour later after he leaves - it's become habit for Roman to leave early, after all seeing her when he's most vulnerable to emotions (after just waking up) he couldn't handle it. His food was eaten at the dining table - he couldn't remember the last time he ate with her here, they used to eat as a family with his dad too but every evening he ate as fast as he could to get away. The more he aged the more he felt...uncomfortable with her, unable to talk or express how he was feeling. She was sorta just...there as he grew up, being cared for by his dad and grandparents mostly.

Ever since dad left and his grandparents moved on into a home no one's cared for him. At least it was at a point where he could care for himself, right? Didn't mean it hurt any less.

Sniffling he placed his bowl in the sink and left his home, he still had an hour before school started but knew he could always count on his nerdy friend to be awake and ready. Crossing the street and heading up the hill, he was soon welcomed by the sight of his friend's home, the only pink home on the street...his friend's mom was incredibly arty but adored the colour pink and it was in all of her work - even still she was an incredible artist and Roman gushed over every single creation.

Walking in without knocking (a usual occurrence) he waltzed on into the kitchen with a grin, spotting Logan sitting at the table, eating his Crofters-covered toast beside his sleepy (non-binary) parent who ruffled their hair and mumbled something incoherently. Logan's mother simply giggled and kissed her lover's head, murmuring sweet nothings before noticing Roman out the corner of her eye.

"Oh! My Prince!" She skidded over to him and hugged him tight, Roman managed to hug her back but only for a brief few seconds. As she pulled away Roman felt another heartstring yank and snap...

"Sleep well?" She brought on conversation, ushering to sit him down at the table. "Wonderfully, as always" He responded jubilantly and she smiled happily, returning to breakfast so he could talk with Logan.

"Good morning, Roman. It wouldn't kill you to knock" he quipped but didn't mean word, Roman knew this and collected his crusts (Logan was a heathen and didn't eat them, but Roman didn't complain, he loved the way Logan's mom made his toast but didn't want to ask her for some as it felt...wrong, almost. He wasn't her son...why should he be treated the same?)

"How do you wake up early?" Logan's parent whined at Roman who grinned smugly, "magic" he whispered in hushed tones, while they grinned Logan rolled his eyes. "Or a healthy sleeping schedule" he eyed his parent who held their hands up in defense. "I can't help it! I'm a night owl"

"An adorable night owl" Logan's mother corrected, placing their bowl of favourite cereal before them. "Eat up, sweetheart" she whispered and Roman watched with lovey-dovey eyes, he adored PDA especially between Logan's parents - they were just so freaking cute!

"That is our que to leave" Logan sighed but leaned into his parent's affections as they hugged him and wished him a good day, while he watched Roman pressed his hand to his chest - a pang of pain hitting his heart hard.

Leaving the house Roman instantly burst into conversation and Logan joined right in, subconsciously taking themselves to Patton's house which was just a few doors down. His front garden was littered with all sorts of children's toys but he did have three younger (spoilt) siblings - even still they were angels and all adopted from less-then-satisfactory pasts, Patton's parents loved each of their children and found happiness each day in being able to bring them from rough lives and make them better.

Roman knocked then opened the front door, peering inside and smiling when he heard the screech of laughter coming from the kitchen. "Patton, Dear!" Roman called, the two boys walking through the hallway when Patton called a greeting in response.

In the kitchen was Patton's two dad's, one cooking while the other focused on the three young ones sitting at the table. Patton was at the counter cutting up fruits for his younger siblings, pausing that to rush over and hug his friend plus boyfriend.

"Aw! I've missed you guys" he gushed, cupping Logan's cheeks to give him a soft kiss. Logan blushed a little (they had only been together for two months so was still a blushy boy™️ when it came to physical affection ((although he adored it)).

"It's only been a night, dear padre! But I do admit I've missed you too" Patton giggled and smiled up at Roman warmly, "you doing okay?" He had to ask because yes Roman's friends did know of his hardships at home, but Patton was the one to be most frequent in asking if he was okay simply because that was his nature.

"I'm..." he drifted, Patton somehow always saw through his lies. "I need to speak to Virgil" he admitted and Patton nodded slowly, making a mental note to not take as long as he usually did in the mornings. Once Patton's parents noticed they all quickly jumped aboard to greet his son's friends, share their greetings and hugs - also the usual offer to food which both boys declined knowing they'd have to make more to accommodate them all and the boys would hate to do that.

In the end Roman sat down at the table to entertain the kids with fairy stories while Logan helped Patton with his packed lunch - the two dad's rushed off to get ready for work, trusting the boys to care for the kids as they ate, already ready to be sent off to kindergarten.

Roman didn't mind it as much here, seeing as Patton didn't have a mom it wasn't so hard to see him being all affectionate with them as they hugged him and wished him farewell before leaving with the kids happily strapped up in their car seats.

Then they set off to Virgil's house, he lived with his dad which was the easiest out of them all for Roman. His dad was chill and laidback - didn't really indulge in the physical affection like Logan or Patton's parents but Virgil much preferred it that way. Besides, the common 'love ya son' or the simple ruffle of the hair was enough to fill Virgil with enough warmth the sun would be jealous.

"Dearest!" Roman called through the house, Virgil peeked out through the living room with an unimpressed eyebrow quirk. "Still don't know the definition of knocking?" He teased, Roman simply laughed and rushed over, pulling his partner into a tight hug. Virgil instantly caught onto how it lasted those few seconds longer and he knew Roman was upset. His thoughts were confirmed by the worried glance Patton sent their way.

"Talk in school, yeah?" Virgil whispered in his ear and Roman was grateful he knew so much about him.

Virgil's dad had already left so they stuck around for a bit longer before setting off to school, the four splitting off with their respective partners but sometimes still talking as a group. As time went on Roman couldn't shake the looming dark cloud of emotions spreading further from the back of his mind and the way his eyes began to sting (quite frequently) he knew he'd have to open up the dam soon- bottling feelings was a terrible thing and after breaking down one day so suddenly in front of all his friends he promised to never hide them again even if that meant Virgil taking his hand and leading him too an empty classroom where he could express himself.

"What's up?" Virgil asked softly, the two sitting right at the back on the floor, hidden by the desks as to not be told off if a teacher were to glance through the small window on the door.

"Home life" Roman murmured in response, gently picking at his nails as a distraction.

"Your mom?" Virgil prompted and Roman bit his lip, eyes glossing over. "Yeah" he whispered and that simple admittance made the tears roll down his cheeks. He quickly formed into a sobbing mess and Virgil shuffled over, drawing him into a hug much appreciated by the distraught boy who hid his face against his neck.

Shuddering and shaking with each sob and heart-breaking cry Virgil closed his eyes, rested his face against his hair and hugged tight, so tight, a silent promise that he'd never let go- never leave him, that he'd always be there for the boy he loved with all his heart. He wished he could help Roman get what he wanted; a mother who cared without it feeling forced, a mother who wasn't selfish and didn't care mostly about herself - one that would give him a hug without hesitating or awkwardly rubbing his shoulder.

But he couldn't...and it felt terrible,

But not everyone could get what they want.

So, Roman would continue to cry his heart out; again and again, seemingly without being able to stop. Every time the same thoughts rushing through his mind; why wasn't he good enough? Why wasn't he good enough to have a loving mother? What did he do wrong?

Maybe he'd never have an answer, but he knew one thing for certain: he'd do anything to have a mom.

—
Hm...vent OneShot? Yea...
Sucks not having a real mom, y'know?
Also sorry this sucked, I feel god awful and felt the need to write this...so, sorry again

3:41am