9:41pm

Trigger warning: self hate, degrading, personal demons, mentions of past death, abusive parent, suicidal thoughts, depression

This one's gonna be differeeeeeennnntttttt

Au
—

Patton stirred from his sleep, blinking open his eyes and rolling onto his back. He was surrounded by darkness, and he couldn't hear a sound. He was confused for a moment, until he remembered what this meant. He smiled and sat up, tucking his legs under his body and waiting for that all familiar voice.

"...are you seriously smiling right now"

"Yep!" Patton giggled, his smile forming into a toothy grin. The voice sighed, it echoing around the darkness Patton was plunged into. "How? Why? You're worthless. How can you be happy?" Patton shrugged and began fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist. "Because I get to talk to you" he responded innocently, eyes trailing around the place he sat in, but he knew he would never be given light, he wasn't allowed to see when he was here.

The voice was silent for awhile. "You're pathetic. Everyone in school is right - you really are an idiot"

"Oh, Felix" Patton mused, "haven't you ever heard the saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all'?" He cocked his head as he spoke, staring down at his hands. That was the only thing he could see, himself - it was like he was floating in space, but sitting on a hard floor. "Haven't you ever heard the saying 'kill yourself'?"

Patton's smile never faltered, never drooped, only grew. "If I did, I wouldn't get to see you again"

"You've never seen me before, you—...idiot"

"But I've heard you!" Patton exclaimed with a giggle, "and I think that's enough. You'd miss me too, right?" The voice let out a bellow or a mocking laugh, but it didn't phase Patton, not even a slight. "Miss you!?" They said in disbelief, "I would throw a party in celebration" Patton shrugged and laid back down against the dark floor, curling up a bit as he closed his eyes.

"I would miss you, Felix"

"Stop calling me Felix"

Patton giggled, "goodnight, Fe"

The voice didn't respond. And that was how Patton's dreams went. It only happened once every two weeks, but every time it did, Patton was elated. For a few short minutes, he could talk to his friend. He knows how Felix treats him isn't exactly 'friend worthy' but it's all he has. In school people would rather ignore him and let him be bullied then allow him to join their friendship group. Besides, he's a new-ish student (three months) due to his father moving to a completely new state, desperately wanting to get away from his past. Their past.

The death of their wife and mother.

What Patton's father seems to forget, though, is Patton lost someone on that day, too, and usually wallows in self pity than being there for his child. Patton's old enough, he can do things for himself, but since the abuse started, it only became worse. It started physical, his dad would get drunk and shout names, words of abuse, Patton learned to ignore it - when he realised this, he moved onto physical abuse, but every time he would collapse to the ground in a heap and sob and sob and sob. Patton would clean himself up and drag his father to bed where he would mumble a few more words of insult before passing out.

He never apologised, just left Patton breakfast before leaving for work the next morning.

Patton felt alone; for so long, he was alone. Until Felix came. It happened on his fifteenth birthday, when they still lived in their old state. After a night of degrading, Patton rocked himself to sleep, bawling his eyes out. When he woke next, he wasn't in his bed, he was in a room shrouded with darkness. He was scared, terrified, curling up into a ball and wildly searching around the room until he heard a voice. A deep voice that seemed to come from all directions.

"Look at you; you're terrified. Pathetic, really" Felix would say, "I can't believe you're still alive. After everything you've gone through. Wouldn't it be better to end it all now? You only cause your father more grief; more pain. That's not what you want, is it?" It hurt. Of course it hurt. And the first few times Felix showed up Patton couldn't bare it. He would cry until he woke up in the real world, and cry even harder after. Sometimes he wondered how he hadn't died of dehydration. Then he wondered why he doesn't end it all himself.

Although, something happened - something changed. Patton stopped caring. About the words, anyway. They were so frequent, from Felix and his father, they stopped bothering him. Felix noticed - he tried harder, but Patton would start up conversation instead, finding it easier to tolerate Felix if he did it this way. When he and his father moved state, it's when the physical abuse began, and it was the first time he cried in front of Felix for awhile.

Patton expected insults; he half expected to be abused by Felix, too, but instead, the voice was silent, and allowed Patton to calm his sobs to sniffles and hiccups. "Idiot" Felix told him, "didn't anyone ever teach you how to block?" He would scoff, and teach him. Teach him how to deflect, apply the right amount of pressure back at punches so he could block his face when his fathers first came hurdling towards him - Felix would never go a sentence by without a word of abuse, but Patton didn't care, because what he heard was Felix helping him.

That was when he gave the voice a name.

"Thank you, Felix"

"Excuse me?"

Patton smiled. "Felix. That's your name. Felix"

"Don't you dare, you moronic, worthless pile of shit"

Patton flinched at that one, ducking his head down. He hated the phrase 'pile of shit' - it was the one his father called him the most. The only one that had some punch left in it. Felix noticed. Felix commented on it. Felix mocked him about it. Patton noticed Felix never said it again.

Even after months passed, and newer students arrived, Patton was still alone. He told teacher after teacher; yet he still received abuse. In the end, he gave up. Truly Felix was the only thing keeping him alive. He thought he could live through it, he thought he would leave high school with his head held high, starting anew in collage, but it was close to graduation, and Patton didn't know if he could last.

It never changed; it was the same damn routine. Every day. Breakfast made by his father, verbal abuse received at all ends from school, even more torture endured at home until he fell asleep, silently hoping to be plagued with Felix in his dreams.

Somehow, past the insults, Patton picked out the hidden meaning behind everything Felix said, and he smiled, a bright smile in such a dark room.

That was until Felix stopped appearing in his dreams. A week passed, nothing, two weeks passed, nothing again. Week after week after week, nothing. It turned into months. Patton was worried, but the more time passed, the more he felt alone. Without Felix, he had no one. No one that made him smile even for those brief few minutes, no one to help him forget about his life he could barely trudge through anymore. That was when he gave up; he couldn't do it anymore.

Life isn't worth living if this is all it would be. Abuse. Insults. Abuse. Insults. Abuse. Insults.

The night he told himself he'd do it was also the first night in months he cried himself to sleep.

Being surrounded by darkness when he awoke was the first time he didn't feel comforted by it. He sat up, drew his legs to his chest, and sighed out lowly. "I'm sorry, Felix" Patton murmured into the ringing silence. "I can't carry on. It's to much I-I-" his voice wavered and he buried his face into his knees. "You can be free" Patton managed, giggling slightly at the idea - "you can finally have that party in celebration. Please act responsibly, though. I wouldn't want you getting hurt"

A little silence drifted by. "How?" Felix murmured.

Patton looked up. "Huh?" He responded, clueless.

"How are you so nice to me?"

This caught Patton off guard. He shrugged his shoulders a little, smiling. "Everyone deserves kindness, Felix!"

"But not me! You really are an idiot, aren't you? If you act this way you'll be pushed aside your whole life! People will walk over you like you're nothing!" Felix angrily yelled out once he finished, and suddenly the darkness changed to light, and Patton was sitting in a blindingly white room. Covering his eyes, he rubbed and squinted, shuffling back when he noticed someone standing in front of him.

"F...Felix?" Patton whispered, gaping. The boy in front of him was nothing like Patton imagined. He - weirdly - wore an entire black suit, with short black hair at the sides, and long on top, skin a deathly pale, and eyes burning red. He yanked Patton up off the floor harshly, looking furious. Patton froze up in his grip, staring with eyes filled with fear. Had he pushed the line? Was Felix about to hurt him like his father?

"I would never hurt you, Patton" Felix murmured and let go. "Physically, anyway" he added under his breath. "You're not dying. Not under my watch. I'm about to show those bastards in school what happens when they bully what only I'm allowed to bully" he clicked his fingers and instantly they were in the real world again. Patton abruptly sat up in his bed, for a split second actually imagining Felix was real. He shook his head and sighed into his hands, flinching when his door burst open, and his dad stumbled inside. No. No. Not again. Please not aga-

"Lay another finger on Patton and I will cut each of them off individually, shoving half down your throat and the other up your ass until they meet" the low, demonic voice of Felix growled out into Patton'a father's ear. The man's breath hitched as he fell back into the wall, frightened eyes wildly searching from where the voice came from, but he couldn't see whoever it could be anywhere. Shaken up, he left, completely forgetting about Patton.

The door shut, and Patton gripped his blanket tightly. "F-Felix?" He whispered, whimpering when the bed dipped. "Hey, it's me, cry baby" Felix muttered and Patton instantly relaxed, blindly reaching for the boy who sighed and held his hand. "Thank you" Patton whispered, cuddling up into Felix's side, but the boy pushed him away, leaning against the headboard, Patton between him and the wall. "Don't touch me. Just go to sleep" Felix demanded, waving him off.

Patton nodded and obeyed, shuffling under the blankets, curled up against the pillow. But, he didn't oblige to Felix's rules. Slowly, minute after minute, he inched closer and closer until his head touched Felix's thigh. "Patton" he growled lowly. "Please.." Patton whispered, nudging closer into it. "You don't have to do anything..."

Felix sighed again, snarled something incoherent and grabbed Patton roughly, pulling him against his body and holding him there tightly. "There" Felix muttered, "sleep"

Patton smiled and chuckled lightly, snuggling into Felix's rather warm body. "Goodnight, Felix"

"Shut up"

The next day; the schedule changed. In the morning, he woke up alone, and suspected what happened was all a dream, but when he breathed the small of bacon, eggs and chips his mouth watered and instantaneously he knew Felix was cooking. Sitting up, he stretched, yawned and hobbled down the staircase, glancing at the driveway to see his father had left for work. Smiling, he entered the kitchen and noticed Felix sitting at the counter on one of the barstools, eating the breakfast he made with an extra plate beside him.

"Wanna drink?" Patton offered, noticing he didn't have one. Felix looked up from chewing his bacon, and in that moment, Patton thought he looked adorable attractive. "Orange juice" Felix muttered, ripping into his bacon once again. Patton hummed in amusement and poured two glasses, moving a barstool opposite and sitting down, eating his breakfast hurriedly, knowing he didn't have much time.

"Thanks, Felix, this is amazing!" Patton gushed, finishing his food in no time. Felix shrugged, shoving his plate to the side and burping once he downed his orange juice in one gulp. "Beats cereal" he shrugged, then gestured vaguely to the staircase. "Get ready" Patton nodded and jumped down, running up the stairs and changing - today, unlike every other day, he was smiling.

Arriving at school was always a nerve-wracking task, but with Felix by his side, Patton felt confident. "Who's this? Your new butt-buddy?" One of Patton's 'main' bullies teased - aka, the boy who ripped him apart the most - his friends around him laughed, but Felix just stuffed his hands into his pockets nonchalantly and shrugged. "Sure, why not? He has a cute ass" Felix reached behind and slapped Patton's butt unexpectedly, making him yelp and blush deeply.

The group of friends looked disgusted. "Great, another fag" one sneered. Felix snorted. "Great, another fag" he mocked in a comically high-pitched voice. Patton held a hand over his mouth and giggled as the teen went red in the face. "Get over yourself, Brenda - I'm sure you're just jealous. Someone as attractive as me would rather bang this..." Felix gestured to Patton, "this mediocre, at best, boy, than you - someone with tits larger than their head" Felix smirked and Patton rolled his eyes fondly.

"Are you serious?" The girl remarked, cocking her eyebrow, "you're the last person I would have sex with" Felix shrugged and re-pocketed his hand. "You're loss, baby doll" he winked and went to saunter on by when he suddenly remembered why he was here. "Oh, and" he gestured to Patton again, "hurt him in any shape or form again it'll land you in hospital for at least two months"

This made them laugh, but Felix didn't take that too kindly. Grabbing the closest one to him, he reeled him forward while directing their first in his direction, slamming into his nose, the bone crunching under impact. The boy wailed out in pain, collapsing to the floor and cradling his broken nose. Patton - and everyone else - gasped, but Felix didn't give a single shit. He walked towards the school with Patton unable to do anything else but follow.

"Felix, what-I-"

"Warned them" Felix shrugged, cutting him off.

Patton stayed silent. Throughout the day, word spread quickly of Patton's new body guard, and stayed away from the boy after they heard what happened to Albert. The one with the broken nose. Patton didn't know what he preferred, being outwardly bullied, or hearing their almost silent whispers about him when he walked down the hallway or sat in class. Did Felix improve his life or make it worse?

When they weren't in school, Patton felt more at ease. No more piercing gazes. No more students in pain.

"Fe, can you help me with this?" Patton asked sweetly, referring to his homework. Felix grunted, screwing his face up in displeasure. "Fuck off, dumb bitch"

Patton exhaled sadly. "Why are you so mean?"

Felix rolled his eyes, shutting off his phone. "I'm your demon" Felix stated, standing up from Patton's bed and stalking to the boy who shakily stood up from his desk chair. "I'm your self-depreciation, self-hate, ruined self-worth manifested into this" he gestured to himself, backing Patton into a wall and harshly jabbing his chest. "I'm not supposed to be nice to you"

He flinched when Patton let out a quiet sob. "Then why won't you let me die?" Patton cried, tears pooling in his pain-filled eyes.

"Why won't you let me go? To make me suffer? To hurt me more? Please, Felix, just let me go.." Patton begged, gripping his shirt and gently resting his face into his chest, shaking with sobs that wracked his body. Felix stood rigid for awhile, not actually expecting this. Patton has never acted out like this in the past from his words; what was so different now? Because he was a real human? He supposed he was just like the rest of what Patton had to deal with. He liked him before because he was just a voice. Something Patton could deal with. He can't deal with humans. Felix realises now he just made it worse.

"You can die if you want" Felix shrugged, "I'm not holding you back anymore"

Patton sniffled and slowly lifted his head, staring at Felix with eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I'll miss you" Patton whispered, leaning up and pecking his cheek. Felix stared at him for the longest time. He wondered if he could've changed what he had done; maybe then he would've been able to save Patton...

...

What the fuck was he talking about!? He was thinking as if Patton was already dead! When the boy was here! Still gripping onto his shirt, eyes begging to be saved. "Nah, actually, fuck that" Felix shook his head and sat Patton down at his desk, swirling it around to face his homework. "I'm forcing you into college, dead or alive. We're moving you into student accommodation, and I will force your new roommates to drag you out of your depression, whether they like it or not"

"Felix-"

"Sht!" Felix hissed. "So many years you wanted help from me; don't complain when it comes"

It was hard. Excruciatingly painful sometimes. But Patton made it. Glued to Felix's side. The man who kept him alive, the man who saved him. The man he unknowingly said his goodbyes to when he met his roommates named Roman, Logan and Virgil.

Even as an adult, he sometimes misses Felix, and even cries a few times at night from the thought of him. But when that happens, every morning without fail, there's a note on his bedside table which always managed to make him smile and laugh;

"Stop crying, you pathetic baby"

—

11:48pm