It struck me as I was walking with my suitcase to a pick up stop so j could go to the airport that Thomas fades in my mind.

Like of course he fades.
Sometimes I can't remember his voice.
Sometimes I can't remember his laugh.
His fire red hair.
His wicked grin.
His hands.
And eyes.
Thomas.

And sometimes the only way to remember his voice is to listen to an old video. Or somethings the only way to see his face is to look at a photo. Or find a snippet of his hair (we have a snippet of his hair.)

Because in my head I see a picture of a boy and it's blurry. How red was his hair again?
How tall?
How wide was that grin.

But I think most painfully was, what does his voice sound like?
What was it again? How did it change when he laughed. How did is voice pitch when he was scared or break when he was crying?
I can't really remember. I try. I can watch videos of Thomas laughing, but I forget them soon after.

And as I walked with my suitcase it struck me.
Very painfully in fact. That boy has been gone for about 3 years now, and yet there are people in my life who I haven't seen for even longer times and longer years? How is that!
How come I can think of friends and see their face perfectly in my mind like a school day photo, and how come I can hear there voice, and recall their laugh. Sure it may not be easy, but I can do it. I can remember the snickers of people 5, 8 years ago.
Sure I don't think of them a lot.
But that doesn't make sense.

It's like the more I think of Thomas the more I scratch at his existence in my mind. Like the more I try to remember him, the more he starts to fade.
How come I can remember a joke and a long laugh I had with a girl when I was in grade 4, and not the exact breathtaking laugh Thomas had?

I don't understand, am I butchering your presence in my mind by thinking of you so often.

It's annoying, I can remember laughing with that girl and why all those years ago but I can't think of one of Thomas's jokes and his response.

Most importantly, I don't understand this whole factor. Is it because those people that I remember aren't dead? Can you remember people better if they are present on the mortal coil?
Like what if when someone died the reason you start to forget them is because they no longer hold physical or spiritual presence on earth and are somewhere else. So living people have to forget about the dead, and can only fully recall the living.
Quite far fetched, and not fully explained in detail to be easily understood. Just an idea floating around.