I wake up with Niall's arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I smile widely as he lets out a tiny snore. I reach up slowly and run my fingers through his hair. I couldn't help myself, how could I such a tempted soul, touch such an angel in arms reach? 

I know I have to tell him about Emilia, but Niall has been nothing but sweet to me. I've never truely seen him hurt, and I plan to keep it that way for the most part. As I play with Niall's hair, I begin to notice the roots of his hair slowly reverting to his brown hair. I imagine what it would be like to see him with brown hair; he will probably look better than he does now, but I could careless as long as I can wake up next to him. 

I love how Niall has been tying to keep things slow for me. How he's been so gentle and honest, while I have been lying and stabbing him in the back. Not only did I lie about my purity, I also lied about my errands. I don't deserve him, not one bit. Should I just not let this carry on further? Maybe I should walk away before I break his heart, I should stop this before it becomes serious...I have too.

Before I think, I've already made my decision. I must stop seeing Niall, end of story. He doesn't deserve the pain that I may put him through, I am not worth it, I wish he'd see it. 

"Hey" he whispers snapping me out of my thoughts. He smiles noticing that my hands are tangled up into his hair. He kisses my nose as I let out an uncontrollable giggle. 

"You look so cute in the morning" he mutters, tugging a smile at his lips. "I can't stop wanting to kiss you" he says softly kissing my lips. "Here. Here. Here." He pauses each time kissing my jawline, neck, and collarbone. "And here" he says as his head dips under the blanket, finding my sensitive spot.

"Niall..." I moan pulling on my lip. "We can't...everyone's.." I trail off in pleasure as Niall's head pops from under the blanket. 

"That didn't stop us last night" he raises an eyebrow. "Plus no one is home" he says as my mouth gapes, and I sit up.

"Why?" I ask as he sits up and runs his fingers through his hair. 

"Um well Aedan is at work, and your Mum said something about seeing her sister today, so it's just you and me" he smiles, I'm glad my Mum hasn't said anything about Emilia to Niall, it would make things worse. I don't know what would be more worse, I telling Niall or my Mum. 

"Oh" I plainly respond. "Well I'm going to take a shower" 

"No. stay in bed with me" he whines as I roll my eyes reaching into my underwear drawer and pulling out a red pair of lingerie. To be honest, I've never worn them. I remember last year the girls at my school dared me to buy them, for Ronan. I never wore them because I didn't want to get to that level with him, and honestly Ronan never cared what I wore most of the time.

Niall stared at the cloth in my hand, gaping. I could tell his mouth began to run dry, so he closed it. "Just 5 minutes please" he says as I tug on the sides on his white shirt that I am wearing. 

"No" I chuckle, keeping my ground. 

"Well then I can I join you in the shower?" We both know how this will end, and I get this uneasy feeling in my gut. 

"Fine but keep your hands to yourself" I walk away towards the bathroom swaying my hips a little. Once I walk inside the bathroom, Niall treads behind me slamming the door shut. 

I turn on the water, checking the temp. As I wait, I slip Niall's white shirt off that he let me wear, letting it fall to the floor. I look back as Niall pulls down his boxers. I pull back the curtain and head inside the steamy water. As the water prickles my face, Niall wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my shoulder. 

"Is it okay if I do this?" He says as I nod. I grab the body wash next to him and pour a little in my hand. 

"I want to do that" he demands as I rub my arms. I give him the are you serious look as he huffs. "Look I promise I won't touch you in any other way okay?" He says as I take the soap in my hand and slap his face playfully. I laugh as the soap covers his face, he puts some in his hand and before I know it, it becomes an all-out soap war. 

"Niall!" I giggle as he picks me up and presses me up against the wall, wrapping my legs around his waist, underneath the shower head. 

"You drive me crazy" he smiles with soap all over his face. I bite my lip to hide my smile as he reaches behind him and grabs the shampoo. "Can you wash my hair?" He smiles as I pour some into my hand and rub his scalp with it. 

"I'm really sad right now" I pout as his eyes pop up.

"Why?" He asks as laugh.

"Because you wasted an entire bottle of my favorite lavender body wash" I chuckle as he grins. 

"I can always get you more. Hundreds, thousands even" he states as my heart shrinks. 

"I don't want you to use your money on me, you keep it" I say as he ducks his head under the water and rinses his hair. 

"I really have nothing else to spend it on" he shrugs.

"Well wouldn't you want to keep it if you had kids or something?" I ask curiously as he shakes his head. 

"I don't want kids" he states as I look down and pick at my fingernails. 

"I mean yeah that's fine" I huff. 

Maybe I really should've thought this whole Niall thing through. I mean I know I'm not perfect, I did make a mistake. I shouldn't put him through this. I quiet silence settles over the room, making me feel like I might throw up. To be honest, I was a little disappointed..if he found out about Emilia, Would he still like me?

"Niall?" I break the silence.

"Yeah" he looks up with bright eyes. Those eyes...holding me ransom.

"Um I know it's only been a week and a half, but do you think that this is the best thing?" I question as his face tenses. 

"What did I do?" He asks calmly, looking deeply into my eyes. 

"You didn't do anything, it's just...I don't know" I bite my lip, looking away from him. "You're my brother's best friend, you're 23 and at the moment I am 17..." I trail off. "Sorry I just have a lot on my mind" I shake my head as his fingers lift up my head. 

"Hey it's okay if you're not comfortable with this" he says. 

Oh I'm comfortable with it. I just have been wanting to tell you for a while that I slept with said band member and had said child. 

I want to say it, but my mind tells me otherwise. 

"I just don't think this will work" I don't want to turn him down, it's the last thing I want to do. I'm such a wuss, but I know if I tell him he'll leave me anyway. I guess I'm trying to save him from falling for me. 

Even though I know he already did, and I did too

"Oh" he lets me down and scratches the back of his neck. "I'm just gonna go" he squeaks as I feel my heart drop and shatter into a million pieces. He picks up his clothes from off the floor and slams the bathroom door. 

I don't bother to go after him because I know that I will end up trying to get back with him. I want him to hate me, so then it will make it easier to regret me. He deserves someone better, someone who is not me. Someone who doesn't lie to him, someone who didn't sleep with his ex-bandmate, and someone who can actually be able to experience things with him, without being tied down.

All of these things do not lead up to me.

//

Hope you liked it!

New update soon!

As always, 

-ily xx