Byul-yi (Mamamoo)

Kim Ji-soo (Blackpink)

Oh Se-hun [ginger-haired thug with sunglasses] (EXO)

🍋

For the first time, I hadn't put a phone number in my contacts despite my biggest urge to do so. Sure, Jong-dae had warned me about not trusting him, so this shouldn't have bugged me as much as it did in the end. He and this weird group I knew nothing about, I shouldn't have cared so much but I still decided to keep them safe. Sure if I ever dialed him, that number would probably pop up in my phone history but it was more of a struggle to get to the information this way. Or I could go to a telephone booth. I wouldn't make anything easy for those thugs. Not again.

After sighing out loud, I took a seat in front of my desk and went through all the letters I had ignored since the evening before because I couldn't concentrate on anything else but that supermarket incident and that talk at the police station.

One of the letters was from an unknown address. It didn't even say my name on it nor the one of the sender. What was this about?

I tried to open the letter with my pure hand without ripping the paper itself since I had been too lazy to grab scissors though a small one was placed on one of the shelves nearby.

The paper in the envelope was written in familiar handwriting. Without thinking much longer about it I began reading, curiosity getting the best of me.

My dear Hero,

Forgive me for this new nickname I created. I guess it's a protecting mechanism though it doesn't help that I sent you this letter. It's probably wrong of me to contact you in any way or form since it will probably only bring you more trouble than keep you away from it but I'm selfish. I got some connections in Korea left that helped me deliver this letter as safely as possible to you.

I don't know where to begin...if I should even start apologizing. It won't make the situation undone, so a simple sorry won't solve anything. I'm sure of it.

You know, my Hero, I've always tended to play the brave girl who fought against everything wrong in this world, however, now I see that I was the biggest hypocrite in this world. I guess it's in my nature to only think about myself and believe that I can get away with everything. And when I have a chance to escape, I leave my best friend in the clutches of monsters. I know you'd say that it's fine and that you are here for me, even after I left you behind. I know you don't take me as a traitor, not even close, although I am.

You've never questioned my intentions, listened to my every request and wish, simply respected all my reckless decisions because you trusted me. And I've used this trust for my benefit. I've used you. And again, I know you don't feel like I have.

Maybe you can figure out where I'm writing to you. It was a spontaneous decision of mine to flee to this country for the time being. I guess in a way I wanted to repay your kindness, making me remind myself why I have the privilege to be here in the first place. You might think that just staying silent for me couldn't have been that much of a matter but it was more than enough and the only perfect way for me to run away.

I'm okay if you wanted to know. My friend's health will also get better, I believe he will get through it. If not for himself, if not for me, then for you he'll get better, he'll do better. You're my only true friend, always will be. I may even call you my Hero in person when we meet again—I hope we will meet again. And in the meantime I will pray for you, even if God won't be on my side since I've done many terrible things, I know for sure he's on yours. At least he'll be on yours.

Sincerely
your believer

Tears streamed down my face when I had finally managed to read the last handwritten line on the paper. Lisa was alive. The massive weight that had been crushing my soul until that moment vanished just as suddenly as it had appeared.

I sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't be fast enough to wipe the warm tears out of my face. There I sat in my chair, the letter from Lisa crumbling on the right corner below where I held it in my strong and trembling grip.

The image of the two gangsters who had broken into my home re-appeared in my mind. I still remember dread churning in my gut as I looked at the dark hole which could have been capitulating a bullet any time. I couldn't hold on to this letter too long although I dearly wanted to. I needed to protect my best friend further.

So I ran into the kitchen, the letter and its ripped paper vase in my hands, and searched for a match. After finding the small box half full with its content, I unlocked the front door, shut it quietly behind me, and dropped to the floor, setting down all the objects on the cement. It was dark outside, the sun had already set down and the moon took its place in the wide sky. I placed the letter smoothly on the floor. Finally, one match lit up after the fourth try and burned the thin paper. It immediately flamed up, blackening the edges in the process as it ate up the easily burnable material. Won't there were only ashes behind. Only then I did manage to breathe freely.

Lisa was alive and safe. Only the mere thought made me smile and my hurt thump happily in my chest. She was alive.

I picked up the small blackened pieces that had stayed behind on the concrete and walked down the stairs. I put the burned bits of the paper in the large bin that had been placed on the side of the building.

Lisa was safe now.

"Two," a deep voice called out and I immediately tensed up. I glanced to my side a little bit further next to the bin and noticed a fully back-dressed figure in the shadows.

"Two?" I repeated quietly. I tried to make something of his familiar tone and his hidden face. The male simply stepped out of the darkness, a lit cigarette between his middle and forefinger. He brought the fuming toxic bud to his full lips and inhaled the deadly poison.

"It's your choice, little girl." My heart stopped. Or maybe it hadn't but I still felt as if the time stopped ticking and our planet made a quick pause before it continued spinning again.

It was D.O, the scary gangster. Now that his face wasn't hidden by the shadows anymore I could make out his round dark eyes and his soft cheeks. I immediately let go of the cover of the bin and shifted backward, tripping over my own feet in the process but I managed to steady my weak legs by grabbing onto the railings of the stairs. The metallic material vibrated under my sudden movement.

The criminal looked at me and then threw the cigarette bud before my sports shoes. It was still fuming, glowing slightly red at one end.

"If I were you I wouldn't want me to visit you a third time," he had briefly warned me before he put his hands in his pockets and left. I let out the breath I had held in and watched him with wide eyes as he directed himself towards a black vehicle that had been parked in front of the building. Just like last time. However, this time he hadn't forcefully taken me with him.

Why had he come here? My legs trembled uncontrollably, so I had no other choice but to crouch down and take a seat on the metallic surface of the second stair. I couldn't make a sound again, my throat tightening.

Two? My last chance? Had he seen me burning the letter Lisa had sent? Or had I been watched when I had entered the police station?

I suddenly managed to stand up and ran up the stairs. He waited there next to the black car until I would vanish into my apartment. After I had closed the front door behind me, my brave side crumbled again and I began crying helplessly.

One: He had almost dislocated my hand from my wrist when I had refused to give him my phone.

Two: He had shown up at my apartment complex to let me know about my choices. He must have known that I had visited the police station to speak about Bangtan.

Would he kill me at 'Three'? Why had he even turned up at the apartment complex? Had I been also followed when visiting my parents?

I wept as I thought about it and couldn't help but call all my family members later to make sure they were okay. I was okay as long as my family wasn't threatened by Bangtan because of me.

🍋

The next morning I was working at the bakery again. I had entered the familiar area with a tired expression and yawned while I opened the front door to the building.

"Good morning," I greeted no one in particular though I was sure that Joo-hyun was already in the bakery and made my way over to the back door.

"Good morning," a male greeted me back who had seated himself at the table near to the counter. He had already ordered himself a cup of coffee and drank from the velvet-colored mug. Droopy brown colored eyes ignited with mine for a moment. The man smiled at me, showing off his white teeth in the process. He looked familiar, however, I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I had seen him before. There was something about that color of his eyes that threw me off.

I bowed slightly to him and then continued walking towards the changing room. Joo-hyun lingered in front of her locker and glanced at me as I approached her. I was about to mutter another greeting when she grabbed me by my arm and pulled me into the restroom and closed the door behind her.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, a confused expression on my face.

"You're asking me what's wrong?" she repeated in an irritated tone and let out an unbelievable huff. She still held on to my left arm. "Your behavior is more than wrong!" She tried her best not to scream at me, but I was able to sense her rising water.

"What are you talking about?"

She went through her long and messy black hair—she hadn't even put up her hair in a ponytail yet—and let out a long sigh.

"You went to the police station yesterday, didn't you?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

My heart sank.

"How do you know about that?" I asked her in a hushed tone.

"Are you out of your mind? Do you realize how dangerous that could have ended on your side? Honestly, what exactly did you wish to achieve with that?" She hadn't answered my question yet again. She sounded exactly like Jeong-guk on top of that.

"I won't let Bangtan have it all," I simply answered.

She let go of my arm and gazed into my eyes, an unreadable expression on her face.

"What can you do that others haven't tried yet? Do you believe that you're the only one who's trying to stop the mafia?"

"I know I'm not the only one."

That statement made her take a step back and watch me cautiously. She had figured out my intentions long ago.

"They're going to take everything from you if you won't stop", she said.

"I know", I replied.

"No, you don't. You have no idea how much it hurts."

"I can endure it."

"Nobody can endure it, Odette," she disagreed. "Trust me when I say that there's nothing more terrible than constantly living in fear and suspense. Please don't do that to yourself."

Those dark eyes. They had seen more than I had ever in my life. She was scared just like everybody that was involved with Bangtan. It wasn't hard to figure out her connections with the Mafia by now. Joo-hyun had never said it out loud but all the hidden information she had shared with me until now made it quite obvious.

"Okay, I understand," I finally said. "I'm going to be more careful."

She didn't believe me and neither did I. However, my boss simply opened the door and walked out. And I stood there, my back against the faucet as I tried to organize the chaotic thoughts in my head.

'They're going to take everything if you won't stop.'

My family. They would hurt them as well, wouldn't they? Junior, the observing thug, knew about my deep connection to my parents and siblings. He would use my affection towards my loved ones against me if he cared about my rebellion. Who had been the one to send D.O to my apartment complex? Who cared enough to follow me around and tangle me up in that mess at the supermarket? That occurrence must have been on purpose. Joo-hyun wouldn't have acted the way she had yesterday if there wasn't more behind that criminal act than simply bad luck.

After I exited the restroom, I took off my winter jacket and put it together with my small backpack in my locker. I changed into my uniform and then walked back into the actual area of the bakery. The one customer still sat there, drinking his coffee in a calming manner as his natural brown eyes caught my green ones. He smiled again.

And then suddenly I remembered. This was 'Chimchim' as the building's owner had called him. He had had blue eyes back then and had warned me about the streets at night.

🍋

It was exactly 8 p.m. when I had arrived at the Hangsang River. It was a cold winter evening. Thankfully it wasn't snowing but there was still a need for a warm bonnet and my wine red scarf. It was dark. Only the street lights beside the highway and the few cars helped me in orientation. I noticed a group of people—actually more like shadowy figures—at the riverbank. Not feeling as if I had any other choice, I approached the people and hoped to meet the policeman there.

"Who are you?" One female voice demanded to know as she had most likely taken notice of my presence. I was suddenly blinded by a flashlight. She had used one on her phone to take a better look at me.

"Relax, Byul-yi. I was the one who called her here," a familiar male voice answered for me. The flashlight was taken off me, however, I needed some more seconds for my sight to regenerate to the darkness again. It was hard to see when the street lights were a little bit further away on the small mound.

"I'm glad you decided to come," the police officer stated. He stood before me, probably smiling that kind smile of his or looking at me with approving eyes. I wasn't sure about his reactions, I had only met him once after all but I could sense his body language. "This is Odette and she's fed up with the whole world," he introduced me to the other woman who I still couldn't make out in the darkness. Did he make fun of me? Jong-dae's low chuckle made his funny intentions quite obvious. "Odette, this young woman's name is Byul-yi. She's a freedom fighter and often criticized Bangtan on social media, however, her direct and honest comments were blocked by the government."

"Hello, nice to meet you," I greeted her and bowed, but I wasn't sure if she did the same since she hadn't replied. I understood her suspicion of me. I wasn't sure about this rebellion group either.

"Ji-soo is another regular group member of ours. She's often late as you can probably tell by her absence. And then there's—" he began telling but got interrupted as another familiar voice notified us about his approach.

"What? You leave me out of the whole fun when it comes to introducing a new member?" Jeong-guk joked around with the policeman. No, that wasn't Jeong-guk. He couldn't be. That grumpy guy with sour facial expressions would never play around with others.

There was a lit cigarette between his fingers, and he inhaled the smoke, intoxicating his lungs. I wanted to leave in that instant.

"My name's Jeong-guk," he finally said. I felt the need to run away but I stayed.

"Odette," I replied. I felt the pace of my heart quicken and the sudden urge to punch him in the face. I wasn't aggressive, maybe just a little bit emotional. He had ignored me after that incident with Lisa and wouldn't tell me if my best friend was alive. But now I knew. I finally knew.

"Welcome to the group," he simply stated.

I wanted to scoff and flip him off but decided against that rude behavior last minute. I didn't care anymore. Jeong-guk wasn't my problem anymore though his presence had a very weird effect on me. What did he do in this group? What were his intentions?

"Thank you," I replied politely and faked a smile though the group of people couldn't make it out because of the darkness anyway. But maybe his gaze was so much more severe, already used to the complete mass of shadows that was his personality.

"Very well! Now that we introduced ourselves, I'd like to tell a little bit about the functioning of our group," Jong-dae started talking again but got interrupted pretty quickly again.

"That's going to take up too much of our time, so let me do it real quick," Byul-yi stated and cleared her throat to prepare for her brief speech. "We are a group that complains about Bangtan and politicians all the time and puts all that work into words. We do some underground shit, create posters, and write comments that we spread at random places. Our whole purpose is to warn the civilians living in Korea and we also plan a demonstration on the next election where we are going to call out the whole system and demand our human rights. That's about it."

I needed some time to let all those plans soak in.

"So are these meetings a source of information?" I asked the group.

"Yeah, pretty much. Jeong-guk and I do a lot of research on Bangtan. Since I'm working for the police I do see a lot of things that happen but we aren't allowed to talk about it. Jeong-guk has also some secret connections and he visits many places to gather them," Jong-dae replied. "Ji-soo has majored in art, so she's very good at creating eye-catching posters and Byul-yi—"

"I'm that one unlucky person that needs to listen to these two idiots' thoughts and observations and write them down in great detail," the young woman informed me herself, not letting Jong-dae finish his sentence yet again. However, the kind policeman just let it be and didn't complain. This probably happened regularly. "So what's the deal with you, Odette?"

"I'm fed up with the injustice in Korea", I answered bluntly.

Byul-yi hummed at my answer. "Well, either way. If Jong-dae thinks you're safe then I'm going to believe that as well. Are you good at writing?"

"I'm thinking about taking the path of a journalist, so I do the practice."

"That's great!" Jong-dae replied. "Byul-yi could need some help in her essays."

"Then start talking, boys. I need new information to work in my new commentary," the young woman said.

Jeong-guk inhaled the smoke for the last time and then let the glowing bud fall to the ground. He used his boots to extinguish it in the mud.

Polluter.

"The mafia has opened another underground business in Seoul. They wash fake money and cure cannabis in an abandoned building on the border of the city. It used to be the warehouse of the clothing line 'Trasher'," Jeong-guk reported.

Why did he speak up now? He had never told me anything divine when we were still talking with each other. All he did was create lame conspiracy theories and test my boldness.

"They killed a young woman near the supermarket Filter on Holjae-street. The woman had a shot wound on her neck and was guessed to have suffered an immediate death," the policeman told Byul-yi. So my boss had been right. I felt goosebumps on my skin as I remembered that woman with dark messy hair, purchasing at Filter.

Jong-dae walked on the thinnest ice among us. He worked for an organization that followed the government's instructions and wasn't allowed to talk if the upper hands didn't give a go sign.

"See? They give curt descriptions," Byul-yi pointed out and sighed. "Well, whatever. I need to go now. Tell Ji-soo to call me up, so we can discuss the main idea behind her next poster. And Odette, if you decide to stay, then let's sit down together and figure out how we want to split the writing job next week." With that the young woman walked in the other direction, her shoes almost making no sounds on the grass as she left. No hellos and no goodbyes were said.

"I don't think Ji-soo is going to attend the meeting today," Jeong-guk commented.

"Do you know anything?" Jong-dae asked the younger male. Although I still couldn't make out the college student in the darkness, I still glanced in his way.

"Her fiancé can be a bit...controlling," Jeong-guk answered.

Controlling fiancé? It sounded as if she needed to quit that toxic relationship as quickly as possible.

Jong-da didn't reply.

"What do you think, Odette? Can you trust us?" Jong-dae asked me out of the blue.

"Not at all", I replied truthfully.

"Great, then we'll await you next Friday at nine in the evening," he simply stated. "Take your time to think about my offer. This isn't as funny as it sounds—we only try the optimistic way to comprehend the situation we're all in."

I nodded understandingly at first but then needed to use my voice to give my actual understanding since they probably couldn't see me in the dark as well.

"Take care, Korean citizens. I hope we're going to meet again," the policeman bid us farewell and left shortly after.

There I stood with Jeong-guk alone in the full glory of the night. The moon couldn't be seen since the clouds hid the shining half circle on the sky.

"Goodbye," I finally said and walked in the direction I had come from, directing myself towards the next bus stop. He hadn't replied anything, staying silent as always. However, the male followed me to the dim-lit area. Only then I had looked back at him, noticing how his black hair had grown a little bit but his face had stayed the same.

"You shouldn't have come," he said.

"It's none of your business what I do," I retorted.

"It will become our business if you keep up this behavior. They know about you already after all." How did he know about that?

"I believe Jong-dae's situation is far more dangerous with that high-profile job of his."

"Yeah, with the exception that Jong-dae knows how to cover his footsteps and you simply don't."

"How do you even know about Bangtan interfering with me?" I questioned him without thinking first. This guy irritated me so much. Suddenly, Jeong-guk grabbed me by my arm and dragged me away from the bus station in a blind alley where he pushed me against the brick wall. I hissed as my back slammed against the hard surface.

"I'm not playing around, Odette. Stop it now."

"What? You don't like me saying Bangtan?" I asked him, a mischievous idea popping in my head. "Bangtan! Bangtan!" I shouted, challenging the man with my whole being. "Bangtan! Bangtan! Bangtan!" My voice echoed in the alley, probably reaching every possible person in the area who was afraid of ever breaking the unwritten rule.

Dark eyes ignited with mine, a hint of annoyance in both of them. His black hair reached under his ear and his soft facial features were illuminated by the yellow light of the streetlamp.

"There's no need to babysit me anymore. I'm grateful for your warnings and I'm going to be more careful from now on, but I won't stop attending the meetings. So, go on. Live your life and continue ignoring me."

I took his advice and wanted to respect his knowledge about gangs but that fact wouldn't prevent my rebellion.

"Fine. Go on and destroy Lisa's efforts in protecting you," Jeong-guk stated harshly and then left me in the alley, his boots almost making no sounds as he walked away.

"I'm that type of person who only learns from her own mistakes," I said out loud, my words reaching his ears. He halted for a moment and looked back at me for the last time.

"No," he disagreed. "You don't learn. There's nothing like a mistake in your mindset. You believe that everything you do is for a reason. There's no room for regret."

'An extremist,' I suddenly remembered the red-haired male's expression for his stubborn suspects.

"What is it that you want? Why are you in this group?"

"Who knows," Jeong-guk answered. "I guess I just wanted to get to know those hopeful people who believe they can fight against an unstoppable business and watch them go down with desperate screams."

I couldn't decide if he meant his words or if he was throwing his weird sadistic humor in this game.

"You're terrible," I whispered. I wasn't sure if he understood my words.

"Though I'll be very disappointed if they manage to break you" he added, a strange smile ghosting over his lips.

Then finally he left.

I didn't understand this guy. What was he thinking? What were his actual intentions?

I sighed and leaned my head against the brick wall. After a while, I also made my way over to the bus station.

🍋

The next semester had started again, so I needed to follow my usual routine and continue learning. I could only switch to Journalism the next semester, so I stuck to Literature which wasn't a problem anyway. Walking through the floor, watching the other students laugh and talk made me feel like a misfit as I roamed the college, searching for the lecture rooms. The exam results relieved some people and others showed disappointed faces. Some cared and some didn't. I was in the top ten students though not so close to the first placements thankfully. I didn't need the attention that the three most diligent students needed to endure.

After sending my family a message about my exam results, they immediately congratulated me and were happy about my success which made me smile for a moment

Life could go on like this. As if there had never been Lisa and I had always lived alone, I could actually stay out of everything, continue my education and then leave the country in the end. I could ignore the rebelling group and forget about all those scary incidents involving the mafia. They would probably leave me alone as well if I stopped acting up for once.

As I sat in front of my desk, the one seat next to me still empty, I thought of leaving the past be. Lisa was safe and alive. My family was still happy and unbothered. It could just stay this way; I could just stay away from politics and let it all be.

"So we meet again." I looked up as the familiar voice resounded and noticed Yuggy walking up to my desk. This was the first time seeing him at college.

"Is that seat taken?" he asked me and glanced towards Lisa's place.

"No, it isn't," I replied and watched him take the seat. He still had those chocolate brown eyes and his golden-brown hair. That mole under his under-eye couldn't be more of a trademark.

"How come you chose this course?" I asked him, remembering that a Literature lecture would be following shortly.

"I was bored in my former major since nothing interesting happened there all semester. International Business didn't do it for me at all..."

"Well, that's an extreme switch from a Business Major to Literature", I commented and wondered how he had managed to turn up in the second semester. The professors probably gave him a chance to write the exams that must have been hard after not attending a single Literature course beforehand.

„It's okay. I barely made it through the exams. There are still some subject matters I need to catch up on."

„You decided to make it harder for yourself than it needs to be. Why?"

„Because I found out you were a first-year Literature student and I figured college is less boring when you're around."

I didn't expect that answer; it made my heart skip a beat. This kind of flirty demeanor was new to me, flattering but also scaring me in some way.

"You are in the top 10, on the seventh placement—Odette Abbe," he then continued. His smile widened slightly. "Won't you give me private lessons? I'm having some minor knowledge gaps in Literature."

"Ah...well," I began saying and looked at my notebook for a moment that I had placed upon the wooden desk. "I guess I can help you."

"Really? You're so nice. How about my place this afternoon?" he immediately asked me.

I looked at him for a moment and pondered about my options. His home was out of the question since Jeong-guk was his roommate and I didn't want to let him into my apartment. He was a nice guy but that didn't make him more trustable than any other stranger.

"I prefer the university's library for helping you out. It's open until late in the evening."

Yuggy nodded understandingly and then lifted his hand, so I could shake it and so I did.

"Deal," he said.

I smiled. "Deal."

🍋

Yug-yeom wasn't bad at analyzing texts; he just had some problems with poetic metaphors and older sayings. After working through two chapters of the first novel we had to work through the first semester, the student got a hang of finding the most important details and keywords in the book.

"You explain better than most lecturers," he said after we had already spent two hours in the library.

"Really? I'm sure I don't do it any differently though," I replied while I stretched my arms and leaned back in the chair.

"You're so modest," he stated, a grin decorating his face, making his cheeks rise and make his eyes smaller in the process.

"Or simply knowing the truth," I retorted and smiled back at him.

We sat in the library some more time, talked about college, and our simple interests. I didn't mention Bangtan and he didn't come up with politics. It was a superficial conversation—we said the truth and still lied in some way. I understood the way students spoke with each other by now. It was never too personal because of the fear that the person in front of them would use their secrets and emotions against them later.

"What is your relationship with Jeong-guk?" His curious question caught me off guard. Until that moment we had discussed cats and how cute their ear perked at sounds we might not even witness.

"Nothing," I answered honestly. "We attended the same English course but then he's never showed up again."

He hummed. "Then how come you slept over at our house that one evening if there's no relation between you two?"

"I had some personal issues and needed to figure them out," I answered hesitantly. "The best way to do so was to leave my home for a night."

"Did you do something shady?" Yug-yeom pushed the matter some more, waiting patiently for my next move.

"What do you think?" I directed his question right back at him. What did he predict of me?

"Will you still hang out with me after I give you my answer?"

"It depends on your answer," I replied.

"To be honest..." He looked me deeply in the eyes and moved closer to me, putting my curly hair behind my right ear. His sudden closeness surprised me. I wasn't sure if I was okay with him touching me this way. "I thought you have a crush on Kookie," Yuggy finally said. I was more than perplexed after he had answered. Weird. I thought it was more than obvious that we couldn't stand each other. But then again, why had we hung out? It must have been confusing to see us bickering in one moment and then Jeong-guk helping me out on another occasion.

"How come?" I questioned him with raised eyebrows. I didn't expect this kind of answer.

Suddenly Yuggy began laughing as if I had told him the funniest joke of his life. I watched him having a blast while I was still quite confused and stared at him with a blank expression.

"Sorry," Yuggy managed to say between his loud laugh. I was sure the other students were annoyed by the noise. "It's just that your face says it all," Yuggy stated.

"What?"

I watched him calm down again. He took deep breaths and held up his hand as a sign that I shouldn't speak or he would giggle again.

"You couldn't even imagine that possibility of being with him, isn't that right?"

"Why is that so funny?" I asked him, very much perplexed so.

"It's just uncommon...that's all."

Now that confused me even more. "What do you mean?"

"The way you looked at me with that utterly confused expression, it just seemed as if you've questioned the very act of thinking about anything romantic."

That statement made me stare at him for a longer time. His chocolate brown eyes held my intense gaze.

"Are you a 'face-teller'?"

He giggled, his brown eyes sparkling at my reply.

"You could say that. I may be able to interpret something in someone's reaction but that depends on the person I'm looking at. You're honest and straightforward—that makes it easier than if you were to be an excellent liar or the secretive type."

"Then what do you see when you look at Jeong-guk?"

He smiled though his eyes held a different emotion in them. "I see a rebel who can't decide what's wrong and right."

We stayed a bit longer and only parted ways when the building was about to be closed. Yuggy wished me a good night and I hoped he would get home safely.

To be completely honest, romance wasn't a topic I had ever thought about. Naked bodies pressed against each other, lips touching and hands caressing; I had seen them all in the movies. The desire, that insatiable thirst to connect with somebody—I had watched movies, seen plenty of TV Shows, and still I didn't think about it. Love. Passion. Lust. It wasn't something I fantasized about in this scary world. On the other hand, freedom, justice, and empathy were a big dream of mine. The thought of continuing to involve me with the rebellious group crossed my mind again as my deep-rooted beliefs strengthened anew.

🍋

Standing in front of a phone booth, I had recited the policeman's number in my head before I transferred them on the electric device. The young man almost immediately answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Odette Abbe speaking."

"Odette! Good to hear from you. What's up?"

"I wondered when the next group meeting will be?"

"We decided to do it next week on Thursday at the same place. Ji-soo has some issues and we think it's best if we let her problem cool down first."

"All right, thank you for the information."

"You're welcome. This isn't your phone is it?"

"It isn't."

"I believe it would be better if you bought an older phone that you could use for these conversations. Nowadays, I don't trust phone booths that much and it's handier to carry around a phone anyway."

"Oh, sorry. I'm going to buy one then."

"It's fine. I like your thought process of keeping our identity safe. If you want, I can lend you a phone for the time being. Then you can use that freely until you buy one."

"Thank you for your offer but I'll look for a phone right away to have it at the next meeting," I kindly rejected him.

Jong-dae was honestly one of the nicest people around. It was hard not to trust him at this point.

"No problem. Thank you for your efforts. It's nice to see another person caring about our freedom."

With that, we said our goodbyes and ended the phone call. I sighed and leaned against the glass of the phone booth. How much was I okay to sacrifice? They could take my money, my apartment, and my soul if they wished to but I couldn't hand them over anything else that wasn't me. But that's exactly what they wouldn't want. They were all about taking away something important.

I adjusted my wine red colored scarf, so it covered the under half of my face. January was a colder month than December had been. I put my hands in the pockets of my blue winter jacket and pushed the phone booth open by leaning on the glass door with my back. Snow crunched under my boots as I walked the long way back home. I had come on the bus to the station nearby but now I wasn't in the mood for waiting twenty minutes for the next vehicle. I searched for the stars in the dark sky but the clouds had blanketed every shiny point, making the moon the only element of the galaxy that made an appearance sometimes.

It was a calm evening. There weren't a lot of people around this area, probably enjoying the warmth of a public building or their own homes. Thinking about my family again, I remembered that I needed to call them. It was Thursday after all.

Suddenly a screeching cry reached my ears and I stopped in my tracks. I looked to my right, a dark alleyway in my sight on the other side of the road.

"No! Please don't! I'm begging you!" The voice sounded distant but I understood just the same, my ears perking up at the sound. My heartbeat got faster and I held my breath. As if hypnotized, I stepped on the road and moved towards the direction where the helpless cry continued. I noticed the outline of two people in the dark alley, one a female's and a male's most likely. I couldn't make out much but the way the woman kneeled in front of the other stranger and whimpered out of fear. There was no way I wouldn't interfere. "Please, give me more time," she pleaded. The man giggled at her efforts of winning his sympathy— a cruel and sadistic laugh. His one hand reached towards her, but I grabbed his wrist before he could do any damage.

"Stop it," I simply instructed and stepped in front of the small frame of the young woman, protecting her from any bad intention of the stranger. The unknown man hadn't seen me coming.

"Oh?" The aggressor took a step back and watched me through darkened sunglasses. I wasn't able to make out any more important details of his face than that one item sitting on his nose in the darkness. "What if I don't?" the man taunted me as he pulled his hand away.

"It wasn't a threat but a plead of a Korean citizen," I answered. "Let this woman be."

The stranger laughed at my statement.

"What's that?" The man put his hands next to his ear, listening for something. "Oh right! It sounds like 'it's none of your business'," he mocked me, giggling for a moment but then suddenly his amusement faltered. I didn't think he was humorous at all. "Move it, child, before I get angry."

I felt the woman's trembling hand gripping the material of my jacket.

"I won't go. You have no right to raise your hands on this woman."

"No right?" The male laughed out loud, finding genuine enjoyment in this situation again. "This bitch owes me 700 dollars and refuses to pay up. Now, who's in the wrong here?"

So he was a shark.

The person behind me began sobbing, pleading for me to help her.

"I'll pay for her," I immediately stated without batting an eye.

"Oh? Do you happen to run around with 700 dollars in your pockets?" he ridiculed me.

"There's a cash point machine nearby. I'm going to pay you the money," I said and crouched down to the woman. Her cheeks shone with all the tears she had shed already. "Please stand up. Let's go together," I said softly.

"She'll stay here while you go grab the cash," the shark instructed.

I shook my head softly. There was no way I would leave them here and witness a murder.

"Let's go all together," I argued as I helped the woman stand up. Her whole body trembled under the thin winter coat she wore. It had holes and seemed very old. She didn't seem to have money to even buy herself warmer clothes.

"Then make it 800," the male retorted.

Asshole!

"Deal," I immediately agreed. I didn't need him to go higher with the price. There was no room for arguing either.

The man hummed, leaning his head on the other side, probably watching me intensely behind those sunglasses that hid his eyes. It was in the evening and he still wore those. Probably to hide his identity.

"You must be rich," he said and then moved his head towards the pavement, a sign that he would let me go first with the woman and so I did. He followed close behind, his steps loud and claiming my attention the whole time. My heart still raced in my ribcage, my hands also trembled slightly. The woman took deep breaths, glancing at me as if she wanted to make sure that I was real.

Halting in front of a cash point at a wall, I grabbed my purse and took out my credit card.

What was I doing?

I pushed the card into the slit and then took off the exact price the shark demanded. I handed the 800 dollars to the man who had leaned against the wall, glaring at the woman who had stood right beside me, using me as a shield against the thug.

The male snatched the money out of my hands, counted it, and then looked at me, now suddenly appearing so much taller than he had been in the alley. The street lights enabled me to the sight of ginger hair. It wasn't his real color, the dark roots giving it away immediately.

"Now, do you believe that helping a scum is going to make you a saint?" He asked me as he put the money inside the pocket of his leather jacket.

'The only scum here is you', I wanted to reply but didn't want to make any more problems for me or this woman.

"It does feel nice to help others," I answered simply.

He chuckled at my reply.

"This bitch won't stop taking drugs just because you paid her debt. In fact, no matter how many times you try to save her, she won't keep her hands away from cocaine."

"Then so be it," I retorted.

The shark shook his head, a smirk decorating his face. He had a more defined face with sharper lines but somehow a soft nose and lips at the same time. I thanked him internally for wearing sunglasses. It was so much easier fighting him when I wasn't able to see his eyes. I imagined them with a sharp amused gaze.

"You should give up," he said. "Your kindness won't change shit about me and those who owe me money. Or do you mind paying me every single cent to save those lowlives?"

"If I had the money I would," I stated confidently. "Then I would save every single person and stop you guys from harassing anyone again."

"Speak a little bit more bluntly and I might just find a reason to have you in my sight."

"No thank you. I'm fine with never meeting you again," I answered, grabbed the hand of the poor woman, and left the shark behind. I felt his intense gaze on my back as we walked, almost fearing that he would follow us and beat us up.

But he hadn't and the woman beside me cried out of relief this time, thanking me dearly and promising me to all the Gods above that she wouldn't take drugs anymore. I smiled at her, put a hand on her shoulder as we parted ways, and gave her the 50 dollars I had on me to buy herself a warm addition to her thin jacket. Sadly, I couldn't do more for her at that moment since going back to the cashpoint would only bring me misfortune.

🍋

Thursday came sooner than expected. I had gone to the meeting after a powerful study session and felt like floating pretty much since my brain had been overworked. Sleep would help me generate again but first I needed to fulfill my duty to the rebellious group and to people like the woman I had saved last week.

I met Ji-soo this time, a young woman with a calm voice and soft hands. Since we had stood at the bank again where there weren't any lights, I couldn't make out much in the dark. She was very friendly though, laughing and joking lightly with the group members.

"Why are you in this group?" she had asked me at one point at the meeting.

"I despise violence," I had answered this evening.

She had taken my hands into her soft ones and squeezed them slightly.

"I do too," she had replied, somehow sounding dreary as she had spoken those words. "I wish people would just live in peace and treat others respectfully and equally, and never take advantage of them. There's no point in fighting either. War has no end, only deepens hatred and desperation and makes us misunderstand the basic need of humankind: Love."

If Jeong-guk had made an appearance on that day I was pretty sure he wouldn't have dared to speak up. For the first time, he would have stayed silent just like everybody else in the group had. It was an innocent wish, one of a child's. It made me tear up when I had got back home and let the idea sink into my brain.

We only needed love in this world, so why did we treat people poorly? More than love, why didn't we respect each other? Why didn't the king of this chaos find any remorse in his heart? Why did he feel the need to crush everything below him and make himself superior to everyone else? It didn't make any sense. I couldn't understand anyone who thought of themselves so much of a more important species when they were also just humans.

Love. Equality. Respect.

Why couldn't we all live up to such easy principles? It shouldn't be hard.

Maybe it was too much to ask for. After all, I had never had any real hardships, never faced cruelty that could have changed my mindset of kindness and love.

Cruelty: Getting kidnapped, being threatened, feeling overprotectiveness for a friend...I had no idea what the real fucked up world looked like. I had never really feared for my own life, never felt like giving up because of pain and despair. I had no right to judge people who had gone through hell and wanted to play in heaven now. I didn't even want to judge them, only ask them to stop taking revenge on people who did nothing wrong.

They could have money, smoke their lives away, live in a fancy home...just not through destroying other people's lives. Not while the marble floor was built on the bones of dead bodies and the wine they drank was blood.

As I sat at my wooden desk, I began writing. I used Jong-dae's statements and Ji-soo's helpless dreams. I wrote down Byul-yi's angry arguments and my fears.

Korea needed to wake up. Our problem wasn't only based on politics and Bangtan anymore. It was more complicated than that. It went so much deeper, hurt my pride even harder. We needed to stop pointing out scapegoats and start looking into our souls and the ones of the people standing next to us. If we wanted to save our country we needed to heal ourselves first. We needed to fight together to defeat the enemy, the possible doom of our political and humane system.

The next day I met up with Jong-dae at the police station and gave him my fully written essay in the afternoon. He read it while drinking his mug of coffee and nodded his head as his eyes scanned the paper.

"That's great!" he said and smiled at me. "Have you ever thought about being an author?"

"A journalist maybe," I answered truthfully and smiled back at him.

"Oh! I remember! You've said it at the first meeting. I like the way you're putting things in your commentary. You have a very strong opinion and feeling of righteousness and you are very direct about your feelings and morals. It's very...personal." I nodded understandingly and felt flattered by his compliments. "It's perfect actually. Maybe it does help people realize the issues when someone is honest with them and throws their anger and fear right at their faces."

"It's not Byul-yi's writing style, is it?"

"Byul-yi writes pretty much objectively, always using more facts than feelings. She's very straight up in that way...a realist if you will. I believe she will view your work critically because of that nature of hers but she's going to love your work just the same. I'm pretty sure about that one," he reassured me and took another sip of his warm drink.

"Thank you, Jong-dae. You're very kind."

"You shouldn't say that," he replied and glanced at me, his brown orbs staring into my green ones.

"I know but I have already," I stated.

"Which means that you believe it."

"No matter if it's fake or not, the Jong-dae you're showing makes me dream of a better world. Now I'm starting to believe in a world where there's no mafia ruling over the country."

"It's going to be so much harder to survive the possible disappointment that way."

"There are worse things people need to handle."

"You know, Odette, if our group fails at making a big demonstration and fighting the mafia, then the consequences won't be pretty. Have you got a family?"

"Yes."

"Do they live nearby?"

"No, they live in a smaller town two hours away from here by bus."

"Listen, I hope to God that it won't get so far but if by chance we do lose you need to make sure that you remove every single information that leads to your family from all of your electric devices and house. No pictures, no phone numbers, no addresses—leave no easy traces behind, okay?"

"I understand."

"The election is three months away. You need to do it until then."

Three months and our world would be changing for the worse if we lost.

"Thank you for the warning, Jong-dae. I'm going to be careful."

He nodded again, the coffee probably no longer warm in his red hands. He was sensitive to cold and tried to warm his body by pulling on his jacket and breathing in.

"I'm kind of jealous that you've got a normal family. I wasn't as lucky."

I didn't dare ask what had happened that made him think that way and he pretty much said goodbye soon after that.

Really, I had no idea how it was to grow up in a world without love.