You're not worth it.

It stung, it really did. He had his revenge now, telling me off just like I had done to him in the café. I hoped he felt better now that he had tried to push me into a negative mindset. He probably didn't expect me to recover from that painful blow to my ego but I was much stronger than that.

I was worth it. I was fucking worth every help and love. And I was so grateful for Lalisa who deeply thought of me this way and was protecting me. Although I had no clue what he had talked about—Lisa's wishes and all—I felt very much appreciated at that moment.

There was someone out there who despite my unsocial being and bold personality accepted me and cared about me besides my family.

Feeling anger towards Jeong-guk motivated me to collect all the things that laid on the sofa and put them on the wooden ground next to it. After that, I lay my backpack, the paper bag and my jacket on the couch. Then I lay down on the cushioned furniture and made myself as comfortable as possible. I was about to call Lisa when the door opened again and Yuggy entered the bedroom. He had a big fluffy blanket and a pillow under his arm.

"As I've guessed it. Jeong-guk has brought you nothing to protect yourself from the cold. We don't really use the radiator because gas costs a lot of money and we're broke college students."

"Relatable," I agreed and thanked him as he set down the blanket and pillow on the sofa next to me. Yuggy actually had light brown hair but with a golden undertone. The male wore a black and grey striped blouse and additionally light blue colored jeans—he looked the opposite of Jeong-guk who had worn all black again.

"How do you know Jeong-guk by the way?" The young male asked me, his brown eyes glancing at me as he stood there, his hands on his hips.

"I go to the same college as him, taking English lectures together," I explained to him.

His eyes went wide at my answer.

"Really? I also attend JYP college! Weird that I've never seen you there before. I'd never forget a face like yours."

I took that as a compliment.

"My name's Yug-yeom by the way. You can call me Yuggy," he introduced himself and reached his hand out to me which I took with mine and shook.

"Odette. You can call me Odi or use any other creative nickname you can think of," I also introduced myself with a slight smile.

"I feel honored that you have such high beliefs in my creativity, but think I'm going to stick with Odi for a while."

Yug-yeom proceeded on looking around the messy room, realization again hitting him, as his gaze wandered from the sofa to the clothing pile and all the porn magazines that I had put on the wooden floor. He closed his eyes for a moment at and sighed.

"Please tell me Kookie didn't let you clean up after Bambam's shit." It almost sounded like an actual plead although it was a rhetorical question. "Aish, that guy can be so mannerless sometimes." He quickly collected all the stuff, so he could probably carry them out my sight later. Well, he didn't need to anymore. I had already seen everything.

"Good to know that I'm not the only one who noticed that," I commented on his statement about Jeong-guk and didn't say anything else about 'Bambam' and his racy habits.

He snorted.

"Yeah, well, it's hard not to."

I couldn't help but chuckle at his blunt remark.

'That's how people become friends', I thought, as I remembered the huge failure that had occurred between me and Jeong-guk. But now at least I knew that all his desperate trying in being friends with me hadn't been because of me. He hadn't actually wanted to get to know me. And I wasn't sure if I was relieved at that fact or rather felt a little bit hurt because of it. It didn't matter that I didn't like him either. Only trying to befriend someone out of second thoughts seemed cruel.

"You know you can still attend the party if you want to. In fact, it will go on for a couple of hours, so it will be hard to rest while the music's so loud," he told me.

"It's fine. I'm actually quite good at sleeping through loud noise. I'll manage," I friendly declined, my mind filled with Lisa yet again. I needed to call her.

The Korean man nodded understandingly. Well, after telling me his name, I guessed he was Korean. And if he actually was, he probably had Korean roots that went back a long time—longer than the ones of my family anyway. My siblings and I were the first generation of my family who grew up as Korean citizens in Korea. My grandparents originally moved from England to this country in the mid nineteen-hundreds, so my mother was born here but became a Korean citizen later on in her life. Pretty much before she married a French man, my father. At first, my Dad stayed in Korea as a transfer student, going to an international college and then later on decided not to leave the country. Of course, he had always told us that it was because of our pretty mother who he had fallen deeply in love with.

"All right. I'm downstairs if you need anything, the bathroom is at the end of the floor, and my bedroom is just next to this one in case of urgency. I'm pretty sure that I'll be staying in the living area until the morning but you never know."

"Thank you, Yuggy. Goodnight."

He smiled at me.

"No problem. Goodnight."

After that, he exited the room and I was alone again. I sat back onto the couch and slid my phone out of my pocket. I opened KakaoTalk—a Korean messenger App—and wrote Lalisa that Jeong-guk had taken me in for the night and she didn't have to worry anymore. Putting my phone on the couch next to me, I let out a long sigh and went through my light brown locks. My eyes roamed around the room, inspecting it to every small detail. The walls had a warm, very mellow brown tone to it and were stripped off any kind of pictures. It especially looked bare to my eyes since I had put up so many family portraits and other small decorations in my own home. Compared to my bedroom, this one held no memories, no feelings. It was simply an area where someone slept, changed into clothing and looked at half-naked or fully naked pictures of women. Really, without all the mess it would have made the impression as if nobody used this room. The lack of furniture didn't help to change that fact either. A slightly wide bed stood on the left side of the room, a wooden nightstand was placed next to it and a rather small closet made out of the same material had its place in the corner next to the window.

My phone ringing had interrupted my train of thoughts and brought me back to reality. Not wasting any time, I grabbed after the small electrical device, pressed the green button on the display and held it up against my right ear.

"You don't have to protect the following I tell you like a secret. You are free to say it out loud to anyone who asks about it," Lisa immediately got to the point without even saying hello first.

"Okay," I agreed though I was scared of her monologue.

"I have a very important friend was totally tangled up in that shithead's gang's business and started abusing their drugs, riding himself in a shitload of depts. He doesn't have enough money, so paying them back has been out of the question," she reported to me, talking almost too fast for me to follow and understand her actual words.

At that moment, I figured that it wasn't a fashion choice of hers to dye her hair another color and change her brown eyes to blue. It was more of a disguise than a fashion statement.

"I needed to get him out of there and put him on the airplane to fly him to another country where he is in safe hands and can go to rehab. As you may have guessed it, I'm also kind of loose on money, so I had to borrow some from Jackson to finance everything and help my friend out of this mess."

Shit. Jackson wasn't just any thug then. He was a member of Bangtan.

"And by doing so, you've also become a part of this mess and have problems paying your own debt now," I finished the story for her, not realizing that it was in no way my place to scold her.

Silence filled my ear after that irresponsible behavior of mine. At first, I even thought she had hung up but the toot sound never came.

"That's why I didn't want to tell you," Lalisa whispered. "You're judging me," she added.

"I'm not judging you," I immediately disagreed but deep down I knew she wasn't so wrong. It had become my habit after all to have a harsh opinion on everything that involved the shady happenings in the country.

"Yes, you are. You always do."

At that moment I felt like a parent who always disapproved of their own child, no matter what they did. And I certainly didn't want to be that person.

"I'm sorry that I've made you feel as if you couldn't tell me what's wrong and as if I wouldn't understand." I stopped myself for a second to gather all my thoughts and feelings involving the situation. "I just don't understand why you didn't ask me for money. I could have helped too," I mentioned, truly feeling bad about never asking her about the problems she had dealt with before.

"And make you another target for Bangtan? It's not just about money here, Odi! I managed to save someone out of the drug line who has an enormous debt to pay. With him gone, the money is gone. They can't chase him down in a country which they don't have enough influence to take it over. So what will they do? Find all the people who co-operated with him and either torment them till they spill every piece of information they want to hear or force them to pay up the money the original person owes them. The last option still won't be less than bloody of course."

It was too much information at once. I needed some time to let my new knowledge sink in.

"Wait! What do I have to do with this then? I didn't cooperate with anything; I'm simply your roommate," I stated.

"Isn't it obvious?" Lisa asked. "They will try everything to get to me and since I don't have any family members I know of, you're the only one who's that close to me. We're living together after all."

I had already known that while I had the sheer luck with my three chaotic siblings and two loving parents surrounding me, Lalisa had grown up in an orphanage with the caretakers as her guardians and with other children who shared a similar fate as her.

I had heard my roommate sigh before she continued talking.

"I know I owe you an explanation about Jeong-guk, too," she mentioned. "That grumpy guy and I know each other from the orphanage. He—just like me—doesn't have a family, so it was no wonder that we quickly became friends, siblings even. We share the same background story which is probably the only reason why we still keep contact," she let me know, sharing another piece of her past with me.

"He mentioned you wasting all your wishes on me. What's that about?"

I finally found the courage in myself to ask.

"Did he really put it like that? Gosh, that guy can be so sensitive at times. Please don't take his choice of words seriously. He can be a real jerk sometimes. It's probably nothing new to you but he's involved with the mafia. No, not Bangtan if you're about to ask. Well, I'm not sure anymore, so who knows. However, that would not only bad for me but also bad for him since he's been helping me, a troublemaker. Bangtan draws a fine line between their people and the outsiders—peasants if you will," she explained. "Anyway, since I've known him, Jeong-guk has always gotten himself in trouble and has often injured himself during gang fights. I pretty much wrapped him up and treated his wounds. I also covered for him a lot of times or took the blame for him if it was necessary. And now he has finally repaid me for everything, granting my biggest wish which involved him constantly watching over you, protecting you if the situation calls for and now also take you under his wings, hiding you, just like he does right now."

So Jeong-guk wasn't all that bad. He seemed to be a man of his words though that bipolar personality of his wasn't very charming. Nobody was perfect.

"Gosh, it's really shitty of me, right?" Lisa suddenly asked, her voice had gotten quieter by each word. "Please, just don't think about this situation as if I didn't want you by my side anymore. It's the opposite: I really like you and I'm thankful for you being this patient with me. Believe me, even if it sounds so stupid and overused when I say that it's only for your own good. My decisions shouldn't have affected your life like this."

"It's okay. That's what friend are for, right? You don't need to fight everything alone."

There was nothing else to say, to ask even. Or there probably was, but I was just too perplexed about the whole situation to actually think about it.

At that point I realized that it didn't matter what path Lalisa would choose, she would still get hurt, she would still be punished for her sins. Sins that seemed more like selfless and loving gestures rather than a deadly dealbreaker that the wrong people probably thought of. It was a very difficult situation to deal with. And I couldn't help but ask myself what I would have done if I had happened to be in her shoes. She should have just run away with her friend, leaving the country and enjoy a peaceful life together with him.

"You forgive me too easily, Odi. You have no idea what the consequences will be for you. Neither do I."

"I'm more worried about your consequences," I told her.

"You don't have to be. I'm a tough girl, remember?" She said and chuckled softly. "I don't think Bangtan's going to kill me off this quickly."

Dread was rising in my stomach.

I finally realized why she was still here, why she had come back to our apartment. It was not to pay back the money she had lent nor the money her friend owed to the mafia. It was because of me because I was a friend of hers who was in danger. She wanted to save me just like she had saved him. She had sacrificed herself and was more than willing to take all the blame, so it wouldn't fall on me in the end. Because that's how Bangtan worked. That's how every single fucked up and stupid shit underground organization operated. They were vengeful and always ready to attack in the most malicious ways.

"Lisa, we should really notify the police about this situation," I suggested, ignoring her forced jokes and her fake laugh.

And I meant it. Although I knew that the police wasn't as trustable as they once were, I still wanted to believe that most of them stood for justice.

"Thank you, gurl," she said, dragging the 'gurl' a little bit. Just like in the past, only that it did sound fake at that moment. "Really, sometimes I do forget that there are people out there who actually care about my well-being. But there is nothing I nor you can do. The police have changed their site long ago, they won't help us anymore. Bangtan has its hands in the whole system, manipulating everything to their own selfish needs."

"Then leave!"

"What?"

"Go after your friend and leave the country!" I almost shouted. Thanks to the loud bass that vibrated through the whole house there was probably no one who was able to hear me talking in the bedroom.

"You know that it's not that easy."

"Yes, it is!" I disagreed. "I can lend you money. I've worked in several part-time jobs since I reached the age of 16."

My family was financially stable, so my parents could afford to pay for the rent of my apartment and on all the school stuff I needed. The rest was up to me, so I worked every Friday afternoon and Saturday morning at a little bakery nearby to save up money.

"It's not only about money here. I actually do have the amount that they want from me. My friend's debts are a different story. They are too high to pay back for now."

"That's why I said I can lend you some!"

"My friend's problem isn't your problem. It's more than enough that I volunteered to help him out."

I huffed, massaging my temple with my fingers. This was no good. I wanted to help desperately but Lisa wasn't having it at all.

"This motherfucker of a mob boss won't ever get his satisfaction out of me," she then announced again. This time I could feel her anger and helplessness over the phone. "We can't let him win, now can we, girl?"

Although I had always thought the same, hearing it from someone else, it did sound crazy. Insane even.

"Of course not!" I agreed and rose from the sofa, clinging to each of her words, believing in everything she had said out loud.

"Then don't let him get to you, ever. Don't forget that he's also a human with weaknesses just like anybody else. I'll bring him down to his knees even if that's the last thing I'm going to do."

"You can't be serious," I whispered.

It was weird. Normally, I shouldn't have been surprised, shocked even. And still, hearing these exact words from someone who had an actual connection to Bangtan, I couldn't help but want to make her rethink her decision. Really, I wasn't better than those who decided to choose silence over their freedom.

"Someone has to do it, Odi!" she defended herself, making me feel as if I was the crazy one trying to stop her.

"But you can't do it alone, Lisa! They are a massive organization! Do you even know who the leader is?" I questioned her. My heart raced in my rib cage and my stomach cramped from the stress and fear I felt for my friend.

There was a sudden silence filling up the seconds, making me almost cry out her name out of despair.

"I've got to go now. I'm going to call you tomorrow."

And with that, the call ended and I was greeted by the familiar, short hang-up sound which almost resembled a scary soundtrack out of a Horror Movie at that moment.

I shut my eyes and tightened my grip on the phone after I let both my hands fall to my side. There was a fear in me that tomorrow there would be no more call from her. In fact, I was afraid I would never hear from her again.

I had an awful feeling. My stomach turned at the possible thought of Lisa alone in our apartment, sitting at the small table for two while the mafia tried to break in the door. And there was no one to help her. She was on her own and easily overpowered. I wanted to call the police, call anyone in that matter—mostly my family—to come and save my only good friend. I dreaded that there was no protection in this country anymore and I hated the fact that I was just another weakling who had no chance against these bad people. Moreover, I couldn't believe that I wasn't able to help someone who was so dear to me. And I wanted to cry, scream out of the window, curse at the clear unfairness that had occurred to Lisa and just for a moment truly let all my feelings out. Even if the fear that tugged at my nerves would never be erased.

A sudden wave of anger took over me. I wanted to grab Jeong-guk and push him to save Lisa, my only good friend, and his sibling by heart, but I knew he would do nothing. He had no reason to help me and I couldn't understand his logic and his feelings. Most certainly, I couldn't understand myself for only standing around in a stranger's bedroom while the madness in Korea increased from day to day, strengthening Bangtan and weakening the human rights of the citizens.

Why did it ever come so far?

I knew I had to try to calm down, but how the fuck could I do that and lay myself to sleep while Lisa was facing a dangerous situation which could lead to something worse happening to her? Today she was alive but what about tomorrow? What about the future? Did she even have a chance to survive when it was Bangtan that waited for the perfect moment to attack her?

I couldn't take it.

I grabbed my backpack and ran out of the room. Of course, I had turned off the lights first, so it wouldn't waste power and then jogged down the stairs. People were still dancing and having the best time of their lives while I tried to move between them to the exit, so I could get the fuck away and play the brave savior for once. I couldn't let my dearest friend go under just like this without anyone accompanying her.

I hastily opened the door and almost set a foot out of the actual doorway into the dark night when a hand grabbed my arm forcefully and pulled me back into the house.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Even without looking I knew that it was Jeong-guk. His voice sounded too familiar. I could never actually overhear him.

"Let me go!" I growled and tried to get out of his strong grip, but he wasn't having it. He dragged me back in the house to the staircase and pulled me after him up the stairs. I was trying to fight him but the way his dark eyes had glanced back at me made me rethink my actions for a moment. In the end, he had pushed me in the room I had originally come from. He shut the wooden door to protect our privacy. Seeing his angry facial expression I expected him to scream at me though he had no right to.

"What were you thinking of doing?" he demanded, his tone harsh and unforgiving. He turned on the lights again, blinding me for a second. His violent behavior was really unneeded. With the force he had grabbed my wrist, it turned red and felt slightly sore from his grip.

"You have nothing to do with it! Stay out of my goddamn business!" I answered, my anger slowly blinding me and creating an irrational reaction on his one, as my eyes got slowly used to the light.

"Oh yeah? You're also about to interfere in someone else's business! You are going to make everything ten times worse! And not just for you, you fucking idiot, but even more for your oh so fucking precious friend!"

I was taken aback by his sudden cussing and his loud voice. He had never shown me such an aggressive side of his before. Well, there hadn't been a reason to do so until that day.

"And now calm the fuck down and go to sleep," he ordered.

"You have no right to tell me what to do! You're a two-faced, rude and heartless bastard!" I spat.

"Oh yeah? And you're a selfish, dumb bitch who thinks the whole world revolves around her. Wake the fuck up, princess, and look around you! You have nothing to prove! In fact, you interfering will only get you killed."

Him fighting me like this actually hurt because I knew he was right.

"I know, okay? I know!" I stated, almost tearing up at my own helpless state. "I just hate it so much! I wish she would have made all her wishes on herself!" I had taken a deep breath before I continued talking. "And I can't believe that you know about everything and still act as if it's nothing! Lisa needs someone, anyone, to help her and you're staying to party instead of doing something!"

Jeong-guk ruffled his black hair, closed his dark eyes shut and made an "Aish" sound.

"You're seriously such a pain in the ass. I should never have accepted the task of being the babysitter of someone as annoying as you," he said, his fingers still tangled up in his own black hair.

"Can't you call your thug friends together and protect Lisa from Bangtan? Gang fights shouldn't be such a problem for you guys."

He suddenly looked at me again, his dark eyes roaming my face. An unbelieving half-smile crossed over his smooth features while he slowly shook his head.

"Could you actually think rationally for a second? Who in their right mind would fight the most powerful mafia in the country only to save someone who rode herself in her own misery by doing stupid things? Try to get your head out of the clouds for some time. This is the reality and not one of your daydreams."

I huffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest and averted my eyes from him, suddenly finding interest in all the dirty clothing piles and empty junk food packages on the bed.

"Why do you care anyway?" I asked him, still not looking at him.

I heard Jeong-guk sigh.

"You know what? I don't. It's your freedom to do anything you want to, right?" he mocked me. "You're the type of person who only learns from her own mistakes. Go on, bring the one who caused all of this mess down and put him behind bars. It's easy, right?"

I glared at him.

Why did he feel the need to bring up the conversation we had had at the café?

"You're a fucking idiot if you think that your belief is enough to do so," he stated, his eyes burning holes in my face.

"I didn't say that my belief was enough to do anything," I objected. "Did it not let you rest? Maybe that's a sign for you to stop going on the wrong path and start changing for the better."

He let out a humorless giggle, an unbelieving facial expression taking over his face.

"You should start with yourself before giving advice to others," he criticized me.

"Oh yeah? Why not help me out? Where exactly should I work on myself?" It was rhetorical a highly sarcastic question.

"Your brain would be a great start," he stated, his dark eyes stone-cold and irritating mine to the fullest.

"And you should probably start searching for a heart because nobody likes insensible assholes like you," I retorted.

"Oh, because you, of course, have all the knowledge about me," he replied sarcastically.

"Why? Do you feel like there's one actual human on this planet who loves you unconditionally and truly accepts you with all your flaws?" I questioned him, already guessing the answer.

The light in his dark eyes vanished and all his emotions were totally wiped out from his face. It was like for a moment nothing lived in him as if he was an empty vase without any actual content.

I closed my eyes shut.

I had gone too far. Playing with the weak points of others was a very cunning move and very disappointing of me. Yes, he had criticized my intelligence and my sanity but it was far not as terrible as me attacking him on such a sensitive topic. Especially because I had known about his tragic family background and I had taken full advantage of it. Though I would have said that to anyone who acted like him, it was still a jerk move.

"I'm sorry," I apologized after a while of silence, my eyes set deeply on his emotionless ones.

"Why are you apologizing? It doesn't really matter, does it? I'm just a thug after all."

"It does matter," I immediately disagreed. "I shouldn't have said things like this so carelessly. It was very wrong of me to accuse you of things you didn't have control over."

"You did it anyway," he had replied before exiting the room and shutting the door with a loud bang behind him which made me flinch.

After cursing, I let myself fall on the couch, sighing and massaging my face with my hands. I felt my sudden anger from before vanishing and getting replaced by a rather foul feeling: regret. Jeong-guk might have been a two-faced and rude bastard but he still owned a heart. And I had been an even bigger bitch for playing with it so carelessly, using the knowledge about his dead parents against him.

I had definitely hurt him.