*above picture is of Frankie's dress*

Gerard found himself back at the club next Wednesday night, and this week he hadn't even struggled with the decision of going like he usually did, even though he always ended up here, so he really needed to cut the arguing with himself out of his routine since it was a pointless time waster.

Actually, Gerard could hardly wait until Frankie's next performance, and he was one of the first to arrive when the building opened its doors for the night, which was a bit odd from him; he typically held off until right before Frankie came on to make his way into the club.

It was all because of that wink, that stupid wink had been driving him insane all week, and he just had to see Frankie again, even if it was only her show, but maybe this time, he would make an effort to approach her afterward.

If she winked at him again, or even waved in his general direction, Gerard swore he would finally talk to her. This whole obsession was driving Gerard insane, so maybe if he managed to make it through a conversation with her, he would become a little less starstruck, and he would be able to move on with his life.

Or maybe he wouldn't, but Gerard was getting sick of himself and his inability to even approach Frankie; it wasn't like she was that terrifying, even though in Gerard's mind, she really was, but he was never going to be able to move on and actually start living his life until he got over this Frankie phase he had been stuck in for the past year.

So this was it, Gerard was determined to talk to Frankie tonight, and if he chickened out once again, then he was never coming back here. Lindsey was right, and this wasn't healthy for him, so this was his last chance to make an impression on Frankie before he walked away from her forever.

Gerard hoped that giving himself an ultimatum would help him grow some fucking balls, and he did feel slightly more confident when he entered the dimly lit club, dressed nicer than usual with his hair actually brushed for once; now he just had to wait and see if this burst of courage lasted throughout the evening.

It was a slow night at the club, not even half of the tables set in front of the stage were filled, even after Gerard milled around a bit with a drink in hand, and this gave Gerard the nerve to sit closer to the front, instead of hiding back at the bar like he usually did.

Gerard felt exposed as soon as he sat down, but he forced himself to retain his seat. He didn't want Frankie to look out over the crowd and get discouraged by the lack of onlookers, and even though Gerard was only one person, he felt like his contribution was important - not to mention that if he wanted to talk to Frankie later, he might as well sit somewhere that she could see him properly.

Because of his anxiety about maybe speaking to Frankie tonight, Gerard found himself ordering drink after drink, and he was already well on his way to being trashed by the time Frankie took the stage, which was obvious in the way he stumbled slightly when he threw himself to his feet to applaud wildly when Frankie came into view.

When Frankie had taken her usual spot in the middle of the stage, Gerard sat back down clumsily, trying to fight off the head rush that standing up so quickly had produced. He hadn't been this drunk in quite some time, and he was really enjoying the fuzzy feeling spreading throughout his body as he settled back into his seat with what was probably a stupid grin on his face as he stared at Frankie longingly.

Gerard had an excellent vantage point of the dais from this angle, and he regretted never choosing a table seat before - not that he couldn't see from the bar, but now he had an unobstructed view of Frankie, when usually he had to peer around numerous heads to get a good glimpse of her.

Frankie looked amazing, as always; her dress was red tonight, a brilliant shade that almost mirrored Gerard's hair exactly, and her wig was threaded through with matching red ribbons that shimmered every time she moved.

But despite how gorgeous her body looked; Frankie seemed slightly off tonight; her eyes were red underneath her dark makeup, and her steps lacked the usual energy that Gerard associated with her stride, but maybe he was just noticing it more now that he was closer to the stage.

"Hey honeys - I'm going to do something a bit different tonight and just lip sync for once. I'm feeling a bit under the weather, so hopefully you fellows don't mind," Frankie announced, and even though Gerard called out affirmations along with the rest of the crowd, he was disappointed that he wouldn't get to hear Frankie's beautiful voice.

At least that explained Gerard's earlier observations, and he wondered why Frankie had chosen to perform this evening if she was sick. She should be home resting, not out here singing, but then the music started playing, and Gerard shoved all of his motherly worries into the back of his mind for now.

Gerard didn't recognize the song Frankie was lip syncing to, but he was pretty sure he had heard it on the radio once or twice, and it did have a catchy beat. Frankie had never lip synced before, at least - not that Gerard had seen, and even though many of the other drag queens did, Gerard missed the sultry tones of Frankie's voice.

As the song continued, Gerard could definitely tell Frankie wasn't feeling well. Her performance seemed forced, her movements much less fluid than they usually were, and even though she was smiling, Gerard could tell that it was faked.

Frankie made it through the song though, voicing along to the words determinedly all the way until the end. Blowing the crowd a tired kiss, Frankie took a small bow before disappearing behind the curtains which covered the back of the stage.

And even though Gerard knew Frankie wasn't feeling well, he couldn't fight off the crushing sensation that was enveloping his heart. Frankie hadn't winked at him...hadn't even looked in his direction, and he had been sitting so close to the front, there was no way she could have missed his presence.

Gerard had been so certain she would notice him tonight, he had been counting on it actually, and now his entire fantasy involving Frankie was crumbling down around him.

Gerard sort of wanted to cry, and if he hadn't been in a public place surrounded by strangers, he might have done just that. Gerard knew he was being overdramatic, and it was stupid of him to put so much emphasis on this night, but he had allowed himself to get his hopes up, which was never a good thing where Gerard was concerned.

Gerard should be used to this, disappointment and him were no strangers to each other's company, so this wasn't a big deal -right? Still...this hurt, no matter how ridiculous it seemed, and Gerard was silently cursing himself for ever coming out tonight in the first place.

This evening was supposed to be perfect; Frankie was supposed to see him, supposed to give him some sort of sign that she wanted to talk to him, but that hadn't happened, and Gerard had lost all of the courage he had spent the entire week gathering up.

This was pointless anyway; even if he had somehow convinced himself to go backstage and see Frankie, that didn't mean anything. She would probably share a few words with him, thank him for attending her shows, and that would be it.

Because this was real life, not a fairy tale, and even if it was, Gerard had never heard of one starring a drag queen and an awkward loser. There were no happy endings here, just a pathetic weirdo who had wasted a year of his life pining over someone who didn't know he existed.

All of Gerard's musings about Frankie being as attracted to him as he was to her were utter bullshit, and he was an idiot to ever entertain the idea that this could somehow work out between them, because they didn't even know each other.

There was nothing there, no matter how much Gerard wanted to believe there was; there were no spark, no magic - literally nothing. That was all there was too this, and that was all this would ever be, and Gerard needed to get that through his fucked up head and move on.

Gerard didn't immediately leave though, he was worried that if he moved, he would lose the tenuous grip he had over his unruly emotions. So Gerard stayed at his table, stewing in his sorrows for just a little bit longer, and consuming a few more drinks as he continued to sit there in silent contemplation.

Even though Frankie hadn't given him the sign he had been waiting for, Gerard wasn't ready to walk out of here just yet, because maybe if he stayed for just one more minute, something would change inside of him, and he would find the guts to say something to Frankie after all - wink or no wink.

Because if Gerard left now, that was the last time he would ever see Frankie, if he held to his promise that is, and Gerard didn't want his last memory of her to be this crushing sensation in his chest - he didn't even get to hear her sing one last time.

And for some reason, Gerard had this nagging desire to make sure that Frankie was okay, even though that was ridiculous; she probably just had a cold or something, but Gerard couldn't stop worrying about her.

She had just seemed so off, and even though she probably had a boyfriend - or a girlfriend - waiting to take her home and make sure she was cared for, Gerard couldn't get her tired eyes out of his head.

Gerard had wasted almost an hour brooding though, and Frankie was probably already halfway home by now, which is exactly where Gerard should be, he did have work in the morning after all.

Gerard had missed his chance, and he knew it. Frankie was gone, and Gerard needed to go home before he got even more drunk and ended up embarrassing himself, no matter how much he didn't want to leave.

So with a reluctant sight and a heavy heart, Gerard finished his last drink, paying the waitress who had been serving him all night before tugging on his coat and braving the chilly air that assaulted him the second he stepped outside of the club, bidding Frankie a silent goodbye in his mind.

It was December in New York, which meant it was fucking cold, and even though Gerard didn't live that far, he was already freezing, and he hadn't even taken three steps yet.

Gerard was still decently drunk, but his disappointment over not being able to convince himself to speak with Frankie had sobered him up a bit, and the freezing temperature was helping as well, so Gerard wasn't worried about making it home in one piece.

Deciding to cut through the back alleys so he could get home that much quicker, Gerard hurried down the darkened side streets, trying to ignore the burly guys that were hanging around the back door of the club. They were probably only bouncers after all, and not the muggers Gerard's mind had transformed them into.

And just when Gerard was almost past the two men who were giving Gerard cold glares out of the corner of their eyes, the door they were guarding creaked open, and a small figure emerged, bundled up head to toe in a wide scarf and heavy jacket, but they were still shivering violently as if they were naked in the cold.

And Gerard almost died on the spot, because he would recognize those gorgeous hazel eyes and sharp cheekbones anywhere, and he knew without a doubt, that this was Frankie...

Fml I tried so hard to update something else tonight but this fucking story is taking over my brain - I blame you Kristine.

Nah, I am actually having a lot of fun writing this, and I am sorry for ignoring my other stories atm. I will try to work on them soon - promise.

((((loving vibes))))

<3 starr