*above picture is of Gerard's dress*

"I can't - please Frank, I'm just...I need a drink, or a brain transplant, or something," Gerard babbled, his mouth spitting out words without any thought being put into what he was actually saying, he was too panicked to bother with that right now. "Did you see all of the people, there is so many of them, oh god - I'm going to fuck up."

Gerard knew he was overreacting, full on diving off the deep end actually, but he couldn't help it, not after he had gotten a good view of the large amount of people filling the small club, and the sheer numbers had astounded him, as well as driven him into the hysterical state he was currently in. Gerard came here every Wednesday night, so he had assumed he knew what to expect, but the fact that this was a special event had slipped his mind, apparently everyone else had remembered though if the dense swarm of bodies in the main room was anything to go by.

"Honey, come here," Frank ordered, one of his eyebrows rising up sternly when Gerard didn't move from his hunched over position in the corner, "please?" That got Gerard in action, because he could never ignore that pleading tone when it came from Frank, not even when he was on the verge of an anxiety attack.

"I'm sorry, I'm okay...I think." Gerard's legs trembled as he reached Frank's side, but as soon as Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard's dress covered frame, he felt himself relaxing, his lungs finally allowing some oxygen to enter them without any resistance in the way for the first time in far too long.

"I know you are scared Gerard, but it's going to be okay, I've got you," Frank murmured soothingly, one his hands pressing against the back of Gerard's head, encouraging him to bury his face in Frank's neck so he couldn't focus on anything besides the sweet smell of the perfume Frank had sprayed on the both of them earlier.

Gerard had been doing a pretty decent job of not freaking himself out until about thirty minutes ago, the preparation for the big night of their performance had kept his mind occupied from the fact that this was actually happening, that he was going to perform on stage dressed in drag, but now that there was nothing to do but wait for their turn, Gerard was quickly losing his slippery grip on his anxiety, and he honestly wasn't sure if he was going to be able to make it to their show time without having a breakdown.

But he couldn't do that, not after he had come so far, not after Frank had put so much work into this; Gerard refused to let his boyfriend down, but that was easier said than done, and Gerard wasn't sure how to calm his nerves besides drinking himself into a stupor, but he knew that was a bad idea, even without the disapproving looks he had received from Frank when he had been eyeing the bar longingly earlier.

"When do we go on again?" Gerard asked, his words muffled against the soft fabric of Frank's dress, but he was unwillingly to move just yet, because for the first time all night, Gerard felt safe, protected even, and maybe if he stayed in this position until their names were called, he could do this after all.

"Maybe half an hour, you are almost there honey," Frank responded in a soothing tone of voice, his body swaying back and forth minutely as he held Gerard as close to him as humanly possible.

"Okay, that's not too bad, I just...I think I need to sit down," Gerard gasped out when he made the mistake of lifting his head up, a glimpse of the crowd filling his vision for a split second before he hastily looked away again.

"Don't pay attention to them honey, just focus on me, listen to my voice," Frank whispered as he led Gerard to a nearby bench, tactfully situating their seating arrangements so Gerard's back was turned to the mass of people behind them, making sure he could only view Frank unless he craned his neck around, which he definitely wasn't going to do. "See, that's better right?" Frank asked warily, his eyes dancing over Gerard in a nervous manner as he spoke.

"Yeah...I really am sorry, I'm ruining everything aren't I?" Gerard chuckled weakly, because he could tell his mood was rubbing off on Frank, and as much as he hated dragging his boyfriend down with his own insecurities, he couldn't stop himself from reacting this way.

"No honey...not at all. I know I am asking a lot of you, but you are doing so well, and once the music starts playing, everything else will fade away, I promise."

"I know...I just want this to be over with," Gerard sighed, his hands intertwining with Frank's as he tried to think about something else besides how terrified he was - anything really, and the first thing that came to mind was how stunning Frank looked. "You're really hot," Gerard blurted out, his brain to mouth filter had completely disintegrated by this point, but Gerard was much less embarrassed of his random word vomit now, at least when it happened with Frank.

"Yeah? So are you, like really fucking hot - I might even make you wear this outfit home," Frank smirked wickedly, his eyes sparkling in that way that made Gerard's blood heat up as Frank's gaze roved over Gerard's body.

Gerard blushed heavily under Frank's praise, and for once, he didn't think it unfounded, because he felt pretty good in what he was wearing, which was a slinky black dress with interesting cutouts and a lace sleeve that Frank had picked for him last week, the added padding and excess makeup giving him the appearance of a biological female; Gerard had been speechless when he first caught sight of his appearance in the dressing room mirror, and Frank's approval only added to that fuzzy feeling that filled Gerard's chest whenever he glanced down at himself.

But no matter how great Gerard thought he looked, Frank blew him out of the water, the green dress he had chosen made his eyes pop, not to mention his body looked fucking fantastic, and Gerard found his brain wandering down the same route that Frank's had, and if they hadn't been in public, Gerard would probably be on his knees right now, his hands clutching at Frank's fishnets, his mouth -

"Hey guys, you ready for your set?" a familiar voice snapped Gerard out of his not so PG thoughts, his face darkening an ugly shade of red as Rainne and Brendon approached them, causing Gerard to squirm uncomfortably as if they could somehow read his mind and see the vivid fantasy he had been envisioning.

"I think so," Frank answered, shooting Gerard a worried glanced after responding.

"I'm good...just nervous," Gerard smiled halfheartedly at his friends who had just finished their performance not too long ago. Gerard had unwisely decided to step out into the main room to watch them, but that had only increased his anxiety, and he hadn't even made it halfway through their song before scuttling backstage to hide away in the relative safety of Frank's dressing room until he had calmed down a bit.

"I know how you feel Gerard - seriously, you should have seen me the first time Brendon convinced me to perform with him, I was basically shitting my pants, but you will have Frank by your side the whole time, and it makes it so much easier having someone you love up there with you," Rainne beamed reassuringly.

"Frank keeps saying that, and I know you guys are right, it's just all this sitting around, it's driving me crazy," Gerard admitted.

"Well we can fix that," Rainne smirked playfully, and even though Gerard was slightly nervous for what she had in mind, he would go swimming in a pond full of alligators right now if it took his mind off of the panic attack looming directly in front of him. "Let's play 'never have I ever' until it's time for you to go on."

"What the hell is it with you and that game Rainne, it's for teenagers," Frank scoffed playfully, but he didn't protest when Rainne dragged Gerard to his feet, causing Frank to stand up as well because of their linked hands.

"It is not - it's fun, and it will keep Gerard occupied, plus I think a few shots might help him relax."

"No shots," Frank protested, and as much as Gerard wanted to argue with him, he knew his boyfriend was right, "but I suppose sipping on a beer wouldn't hurt anything," Frank relented, much to Rainne's delight.

"Perfect, Bren will you go get us some drinks?" Rainne smiled up at her boyfriend lovingly, and that was all it took for Brendon to scuttle over to the bar without a backward glance as the rest of them moved into a more secluded corner that was still close enough to the stage that they would hear when Frank's name was called.

~~~

Gerard wasn't sure how much time had passed before the manager approached them, letting Frank know that he and Gerard had two minutes before their set, but it had flown by; Rainne's distraction technique had worked wonders, leaving Gerard calm and mostly composed, his worries now pushed far enough away that they weren't threatening to swallow him whole at any moment, and the few beers he consumed had probably helped as well.

"Okay Gee," Frank grinned when he used Gerard's drag queen name, he had decided to keep it simple, just like Frank's, and Gerard really liked the way the abbreviation sounded rolling off of Frank's tongue, "this is it, I know you are going to kill it up there, but if you ever get lost, just let me lead, and I'll help you get back on track."

"Okay - I'm ready, and Frankie...I love you," Gerard murmured softly, his arms wrapping around Frank's neck as he pulled him in for a quick kiss, trying his best not to smudge either of their lipstick.

"I love you too honey," Frank smiled against Gerard's mouth.

And then there was no more time for words, because Gerard and Frank were being ushered on stage, the bright lights instantly blinding Gerard as soon as he stepped out onto the wooden platform, but he forced himself to keep moving, only stopping when Frank did in front of the microphone.

"Hey honeys, I want to introduce you to someone very special to me - this is Gee, and she is going to be singing a duet with me tonight. This is her first time doing anything like this, so let's show her lots of love okay?" Frank shot Gerard a reassuring smile as he waved weakly to the crowd, even though he couldn't really see them just like Frank had said, but he could hear them, and they were cheering for him, which was just the confidence boost Gerard needed right now.

Frank stepped back a bit, and Gerard followed her motions, getting into their predetermined positions as the speakers crackled into life, a few hoots and hollers ringing out from the crowd when they recognized the song as soon as Frank sang the opening line to 'Somebody to Love'. Frank nodded imperceptibly to Gerard in a way that he interpreted as a question asking if he was ready, and Gerard returned the gesture; Gerard meant it too, because he actually was feeling okay now - more than okay even, all of his earlier fears had been replaced by pure adrenaline, and Gerard couldn't remember the last time he had felt so empowered.

And when Frank began vocalizing with more fervor, Gerard knew for sure that he could do this, because this was just like their practices, and it was easy to pretend that it was just him and Frank up there, that they had dressed up only to please each other, and that they were singing simply because they enjoyed it.

Gerard's voice flowed seamlessly with Frank's at the appropriate time, and even though he had been terrified about opening his mouth in front of someone who wasn't Frank - hell, he hadn't even sang for Brendon and Rainne yet, he found himself projecting loudly, his high pitched tone ringing out proudly as Frank swayed by his side, his stiletto heels almost bringing him to Gerard's height.

The music flowed through Gerard's bloodstream like a drug, imbuing him with a sense of invincibility that only alcohol had ever given him before, and Gerard found himself breaking out of his shell, his hips swaying to the beat as he sashayed around on stage with more confidence than he had ever shown in their previous run-throughs, earning himself a startled smile from Frank in the process.

And as Gerard continued to sing his heart out, he felt tears filling his eyes, not ones caused by anxiety, but happiness instead, because fuck - Gerard had never imagined he would be doing this, that he would find the courage to dress up in drag and expose himself in such a personal way to so many people, but he had, and it was all because of Frank.

When they reached the end of the song, Gerard couldn't resist breaking their routine so he could pull Frank closer to him, whispering the final lines into his boyfriend's ear, because he really had found somebody to love, and he was the most perfect person on the face of the earth.

"Thank you all for coming, you were wonderful, as always," Frank beamed as the crowd erupted into a loud round of applause, "and a huge thank you to Gee for agreeing to do this with me." Frank gestured to Gerard, allowing him to take center stage as he grinned widely, his hand coming up to press against his painted lips as he blew the crowd a kiss, the sound in the room reaching a deafening volume, almost as if the entire world was cheering for Gerard in that moment.

Frank and Gerard preened under the attention for a few more moments before Frank tugged on Gerard's hand, sending the crowd one last wave before they disappeared behind the curtain, where they were greeted with another wave of congratulations, this time from the other performers.

Gerard was borderline hysterical with relief as he accepted a bodily hug from Rainne while someone that Gerard thought was Brendon patted him on the back; Frank had slipped off to the far corner, he was talking to someone that Gerard recognized as the club owner, but before Gerard could try and meet up with him, he was pulled in the other direction by the gaggle of people surrounding him.

In a way, Gerard couldn't believe that the song was over already, because it had been this huge, intimidating event in his mind, but once it had gotten started, everything had happened so fast, ignoring the dragging build up that is, but the actual performance had flown by in the blink of an eye, and Gerard was having trouble adjusting to the sudden changes in atmosphere.

"You two were amazing," Rainne squealed loudly, her words almost becoming lost among the other murmured compliments by everyone else backstage, some of who Gerard didn't even recognize, but there were a few faces that had become familiar to him over the past couple of weeks.

"Thank you so much," Gerard replied, his head spinning as he tried to disentangle himself from the press of bodies so he could make it over to Frank's side once more, he wasn't even sure how they had gotten separated, but luckily for him, Rainne and Brendon seemed to notice his distress, and they quickly helped him force a path over to where Frank was standing, his attention still being occupied by the same man.

Whatever Frank and the owner had been discussing came to a close before Gerard could reach him though; Frank was spinning around as soon as they shook hands, his eyes instantly lighting up when he caught sight of Gerard behind him, and much to Gerard surprise, Frank suddenly launched himself into Gerard's arms, his hands clinging around his neck as one of his high heels fell to the floor with a soft clatter.

"Hello to you too," Gerard chuckled fondly after he had regained his balance that had been teetering precariously from Frank's impromptu attack.

"Oh my god - you were perfect," Frank exclaimed, his grip on Gerard tightening when he began to slip, the soft fabric of their dresses making their position difficult to maintain. "That was even better than I hoped it would be, and I wasn't the only one who thought so."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhmm - that was my boss, Mr. Hoppus, you remember him right?" Frank waited for Gerard's nod of affirmation before continuing. "Well he loved our act, and he said he would pay us double my normal salary anytime you perform with me - not that you have to do this again of course, but I just wanted you to know, because that's a huge compliment. He's pretty picky about who he lets perform here full-time, and the fact that he likes you is -"

Gerard cut Frank off with a messy kiss, he just couldn't help it, Frank's excitement and energy was contagious, and Gerard had to expel some of his own before he burst. Frank seemed to have the same idea if the way he kissed back instantly was any indication, his eyes fluttering shut as Gerard backed them up against the closest wall carefully.

And even though Gerard knew he had been a bit rude shutting Frank up like that, and he probably wanted an answer from Gerard, or at least an 'I'll think about it', but right now, Gerard could only focus on Frank, and how hot he looked in green, and how much he loved him.

"Please keep your clothes on," Brendon remarked just when Frank's hands had been edging dangerously close to the hem of Gerard's dress, the sudden reminder that they were indeed in public shocking Gerard back into the present as he pulled away from Frank quickly, setting him back on his feet gently before covering his blazing cheeks with his hands.

"You are one to talk Bren," Frank retorted playfully as he hopped over to retrieve his lost shoe, his eyebrows waggling as his gaze danced in-between Brendon and Rainne.

"True," Brendon shrugged unapologetically before pressing a sloppy kiss to Rainne's cheek.

"Seriously though, do you want to get out of here?" Frank turned back to Gerard, his blown out pupils dancing with anticipation as he waited for Gerard's response.

"You don't want to watch the rest of the acts?" Gerard asked, mostly out of courtesy, because all Gerard wanted was to go home and drag Frank into bed, but he didn't want to pull Frank away from his friends prematurely.

"Usually I would, but it is going to be hard to concentrate with this," Frank gestured downward, Gerard's eyes widening in shock when he caught sight of Frank's erection pushing up against the fabric of his dress.

"Oh - yeah, okay, let's go," Gerard stammered out, his own body beginning to respond to seeing Frank in such a state, his boyfriend's arousal somehow made so much hotter by the fact that he was in a dress.

After exchanging a quick goodbye with Brendon and Rainne, Gerard blushing even harder when Brendon began making suggestive hand gestures behind Rainne's back, they navigated their way down the crowded hallway as quickly as possible, apologizing profusely to the few people they accidentally bumped into in their hurry to vacate the premises.

"Don't change," Frank ordered when Gerard began ducking into the dressing room.

"Fucking hell," Gerard groaned out, accepting his coat from Frank when he thrust it in his direction, not even bothering to pick up his street clothes on the way out, they could come back for those tomorrow, or the next day.

"You look so fucking hot Gee...can't wait to fuck you," Frank basically growled as he tugged on his own jacket, throwing his scarf around his neck haphazardly before practically ripping Gerard's arm off as he hurried out the back door into the chilly air.

"Seriously Frank - shut up, I don't want to walk home with a boner," Gerard whined, but it was already too late for that, his cock had instantly sprang to attention once Frank's dirty promise had reached his ears.

"Well I am, so you will have to deal with it too." Frank paused suddenly, reeling Gerard in for an unexpected kiss filled with teeth, and tongue, and so much need. "But seriously Gerard, thank you for tonight, it really meant the world to me, and I would like to do it again sometime if you are ever up for it."

"I'm really glad I did it, it was..." Gerard paused, trying to come up with the right word for the feelings he had experienced on stage, "it was fucking incredible, and I would love to do that again with you," Gerard admitted softly, because now that he was over the initial hurdle, Gerard really could see himself up on stage once more, it had felt natural, like he was meant to perform, and even though Gerard doubted he could do it every week like Frank did, he definitely wanted to try his hand at it again.

"I love you so fucking much," Frank sighed happily, their lips connecting a second time before they started walking in the direction of Frank's apartment quickly.

"I love you too," Gerard giggled quietly, his heart threatening to beat its way out of his chest as Frank squeezed Gerard's hand that was clasped in his own gently.

"Hey freaks - get off the street," a voice called out, pulling Gerard from his Frank centered world for one moment when he realized that the man was talking to them, and it was only then that Gerard remembered that he and Frank were walking down the streets of New York in drag.

"Oh fuck off," Gerard yelled back before he could second-guess himself, because for once, he wasn't embarrassed about who he was, or what he was wearing, and the rude comment hadn't affected him in any way, because it didn't matter what other people thought of him, not as long as Gerard was happy, Frank had helped Gerard see that, and it was finally starting to sink in.

"Wow honey," Frank turned to Gerard once he had finished flipping the guy off, "I'm really proud of you."

"So am I..." Gerard mused thoughtfully, his feeling of satisfaction growing when the man simply walked off in the other direction, leaving the two of them in peace once more.

"You know you look beautiful right?" Frank spoke up after a few seconds of silence, and even though Gerard typically ached to hear compliments from his boyfriend after incidents like this one, he didn't need Frank's words this time, even though they were always welcome.

"Yeah I do actually - I feel amazing, and that idiot is just jealous because he will never get a girl who is anywhere near as hot as the two of us."

"That's right honey," Frank grinned, that full toothed smile that Gerard would never get tired of seeing, especially when he was the cause of it.

Feeling bold, Gerard laced his arm around Frank's waist, leaving his coat unbuttoned so everyone could see his feminine apparel, and for once, Gerard wasn't afraid to meet the eyes of passerby's, he wasn't constantly on edge, his body wasn't tensing up every time someone opened their mouth, because they could say whatever they wanted to him, but it wouldn't change who Gerard was inside, which was an awkward fuck who loved woman's clothing, but not as much as he loved Frank Iero, and after years of searching, Gerard had finally found what made him truly happy.

AH THIS IS THE END (besides for the epilogue which I will be putting up pretty soon here).

I am going to miss this story, it was so much fun to write, but I will leave the sappy author's note for the end of the epilogue.

Vote and comment friends xoxo

((((bittersweet vibes))))

<3 starr