*above picture is of Frank playing guitar for Gerard*

Almost a month had passed since Frank had asked Gerard to be his boyfriend, and fuck - they had been the best four weeks of Gerard's short life, and everything just kept getting better as time ticked onward, each day spent with Frank was erasing more of Gerard's fears about them not being compatible, or Gerard fucking something up, because in all honesty, everything has been borderline perfect so far, and Gerard saw no signs of things going downhill in the future.

Gerard had been intimidated at first, especially with everyone's reaction to the fact that he and Frank had finally gotten together; Lindsey had squealed so loud, Gerard swore one of his eardrums had busted, and Rainne had hugged him so hard, Gerard's ribs hurt for hours afterwards. All of the attention had made Gerard uncomfortable, exacerbating his fears with all the added pressure, because everyone was so excited for them, and Gerard didn't want to disappoint them by being a failure of a boyfriend, but over time, the scrutiny and demands for details trickled off, and Gerard was left alone to try and figure things out on his own.

Actually being with Frank was much easier than Gerard had expected, and in a lot of ways, it was almost as if they simply added a more physical aspect to their friendship, because Frank had always been touchy, he had always called Gerard's pet names, but now Gerard felt comfortable doing it back, now Gerard didn't have to shove away his hidden desire to hold Frank's hand whenever he wanted, or kiss him, and even though Gerard was nervous about when and where he could do such things at first, he slowly got over his lingering insecurities and began to be more carefree.

Another worry popped into Gerard's head about a week into their relationship, and that was how clingy he was; he spent almost every day with Frank, if Gerard wasn't at work, he was with Frank, either watching movies, or going out to dinner, or just napping together, and they both slept over at one of their apartments without fail every single evening.

Even though Gerard could never get enough of Frank, he was terrified that Frank would quickly get bored of him, and that nagging thought had Gerard edgy and uncomfortable every time he called Frank up asking him if it was okay to come over.

Frank had a way of drawing things out of Gerard though, of getting him to talk, even when he was mortified of what he had to say, so it wasn't long before Gerard admitted his fear aloud, only for Frank to laugh in surprise before admitting that he wanted to spend every hour of every day with Gerard, and if for some reason he ever needed his space, he would make sure to tell Gerard, even though he highly doubted that would happen.

After that talk, Gerard calmed down considerably; he forced himself to stop analyzing every little nuance in their relationship, and much to his relief, he found that everything just seemed to click into place. He and Frank were made for each other, at least, that was how Gerard saw it, and their lives melded seamlessly together to the point that Gerard couldn't imagine an existence without Frank in it.

In fact, Gerard only had one complaint about their current situation, and that was Frank's stubborn refusal to have sex with him, even though they had already done everything but, still - Frank truly seemed to believe that they had moved too fast, even though Gerard did not agree, but all of his short dalliances with men had been mainly focused around fucking, so maybe Frank was right, but that didn't mean Gerard was happy about it.

Frank's reasoning behind it was sweet though, he explained to Gerard that he wanted to be a proper boyfriend for him, and he truly wanted to wait a bit to make sure that Gerard was comfortable with everything before they jumped into sex, and as much as Gerard wanted to tell Frank that he was one hundred percent ready to be fucked right now, he respected Frank's wishes, and they did still fool around at times, so that was enough to keep Gerard satisfied for the moment.

Gerard blushed slightly when he realized that the route his thoughts had taken were making him a bit hot and bothered, hiding his red cheeks behind his hands and hoping that Frank didn't notice what he was doing, because Gerard really didn't want Frank to ask what was on his mind right now, but luckily for him, Frank wasn't looking his way currently, and Gerard managed to get his body under control before the older man turned his head back toward him.

Gerard was currently sprawled out on Frank's couch, choosing to spend his Saturday afternoon doing nothing besides lazing around, and Frank seemed to share his sentiment; neither of them had been up for leaving the house today, and Gerard was just fine with that. As much as he enjoyed going out with Rainne and Brendon, and sometimes Lindsey if she wasn't busy, Gerard's favorite moments were anything that involved just him and Frank.

Gerard's sock covered feet tapped in time to some tune Frank was playing on the guitar as he hummed softly to himself; Frank had been occupied with his music when Gerard had arrived, and even though he tried to put the instrument away once he spotted his boyfriend, Gerard had protested, wanting to hear Frank perform when he wasn't on stage for once, and after some halfhearted grumbling, Frank had agreed.

Frank would randomly halt his playing so he could run his fingers through Gerard's freshly dyed hair, apparently he loved how soft it felt when Gerard touched it up, and Gerard wasn't complaining; Frank's fingers brushing against his scalp was akin to being in heaven, and Gerard leaned into his touch every time, sighing softly to himself in contentment.

And in that moment, Gerard had to physically force his lips together so three little words wouldn't go tumbling past them without his consent, because fuck - Gerard loved Frank, he had for a while now, but he couldn't tell him yet, it wasn't the right moment, and Gerard might have turned into a much more open person lately, but he knew this was too much, it was too heavy, too soon, so he stayed silent, thinking the statement to himself instead of voicing it aloud.

Gerard had thought long and hard about this conclusion, because he wanted to make sure that what he felt for Frank was real, and not just him clinging on to the first person who wanted to date him, but Gerard knew he loved Frank, even though he had never been in love before, and he had nothing to compare it to, but still - there was no other explanation for the warm feeling in his chest that suddenly erupted out of nowhere every time he looked at Frank, or the way his simple presence could make Gerard smile, even on his worst days.

The opposite happened as well, if Frank was upset, Gerard was too, as if their emotions were linked, and Gerard had never experienced that with anyone before. Gerard knew what it was like to care for someone, he and Lindsey were exceptionally close, but this bond he had with Frank was unlike anything Gerard had ever known, and it was changing him for the better in so many ways.

Frank had kept to his earlier promise to help Gerard with his anxiety, and against all odds, it was working; Frank was like Gerard's own personal brand of Xanax, and even though he still struggled heavily with his irrational fears when Frank wasn't by his side, that was a rare occurrence, and Gerard found himself becoming more social, which in turn strengthened his relationship with the other drag queens at the club, especially Brendon and Rainne.

Frank had also inspired Gerard to dress however he wanted much more often, and Gerard found himself going out in public donning skirts at least twice a week. The initial terror and panic lasted for a much shorter period each time he did it, and as long as Gerard kept his eyes focused on Frank, he managed not to pay any attention to everyone else's reactions to his questionable attire.

Gerard still wasn't entirely sure why he liked woman's clothing so much, but after talking to Frank and Rainne more about his feelings, he was almost one hundred percent certain that he was gender fluid; some days he felt more like a boy, other days he felt more feminine, and occasionally he felt like neither, but Gerard didn't feel comfortable using they/them pronouns, and Rainne assured him that as long as he was happy, he could use whatever labels he wanted for himself.

Rainne's advice helped Gerard so much, because even though he felt like the term gender fluid fit him, there was so many others that seemed similar as well, like non-binary for instance, or demiflux, but for now, it was liberating enough to be able to say that he identified with both genders, and Gerard couldn't remember the last time he had felt this comfortable in his own skin.

Frank had been amazingly supportive the entire time, helping Gerard look up information on gender for hours some days, he even said that he learned a little bit about himself in the process. He never once pushed Gerard to pick something, or to just make up his mind already, and he would listen to Gerard ramble about his newfound discoveries without ever once appearing bored.

All of these little things just reinforced Gerard's belief that he was in love with Frank, and even though he wasn't sure if Frank felt the same way, it didn't matter to him right now, because Frank cared about him - he cared so fucking much, more than anyone ever had before, and that was enough for Gerard, more than enough, because maybe one day, Frank would love him too, and just the thought of that happening had Gerard's stomach tingling pleasantly and his heart expanding in his chest.

"Do you want to hear one of my original songs?" Frank spoke up suddenly, snapping Gerard out of his day dreams involving Frank professing his love for him, Frank's fingers never stopping their motion through Gerard's locks.

"Oh fuck yes," Gerard perked up instantly, the idea of hearing one of Frank's compositions bringing a large smile to his face.

"Don't get so excited," Frank chuckled nervously, "they really aren't that good, but I remember you saying you would cut off your arm to hear one?" Frank teased, a shit eating grin splitting his face as he spoke.

"Oh god...I did, didn't I? I have no idea how you put up with me back then, I was such a fanboy," Gerard groaned, his hands coming up to cover his eyes so he could avoid Frank's gaze.

"A fanboy?" Frank questioned, one of his eyebrows rising up slightly as Gerard peered at him through his fingers.

"Oh hell yes - you have no idea, I literally never missed one of your shows, it's been over a year since the first one, and I had a crush on you even back then...oh fuck - why am I telling you this?" Gerard blushed harder than he had in ages when Frank began chuckling under his breath, twisting his body into the couch so he could hide his shame within the plush cushions.

"Aw honey, don't do that," Frank giggled, forcibly pushing Gerard onto his back again so his face was revealed once more. "I think it's cute, and if you hadn't been my fanboy, I never would have ended up with such a perfect boyfriend." Frank punctuated his statement by leaning down and kissing the tip of Gerard's nose, causing Gerard to snicker softly at the affectionate action.

"Shut up - it's so embarrassing, just forget I ever said anything, but if it got you to notice me, than it was worth it," Gerard agreed, sitting up slightly so he could press his spine against Frank's side.

"Oh no - I am so holding this against you forever," Frank smirked, setting his guitar down so he could wrap his arms loosely around Gerard's waist.

"Hey - stop trying to change the subject. You honestly don't think you are getting out of singing for me that easily, do you?" Gerard huffed, playfully pushing Frank away so his hands were free to pick up his instrument once again.

"Well it's your fault for distracting me, but okay." Frank inhaled deeply, his eyes fluttering closed as he began to strum the opening chords of the song.

If I face my fears
Would my skies be all but clear?

Probably not, then again
I've always held my doubts so close to my heart
That these frames have trapped all my better days
There they stay

Frozen and unscathed
Though I've traveled far
I've been back to the start
And I found some scars in places I have never shown to anyone
I don't know why it took so long to get back home

"If you could hear the dreams I've had, my dear..."
Yeah I know

You've heard that line before
But if I had the chance to scream all the things I've underlined
Yeah you'd find I'm a thief
But my taste is so refined
And I traveled far, I reached for the stars
But those stars don't reach back
They're better left alone
Everyone will tell you
I never felt more alone than when I fell
I don't know why it took so long to get back home

All these miles just to get back home
Travelled all these miles just to get back home

When Frank finished, the final note resounding in the otherwise silent room, Gerard had to physically close his gaping jaw, his mouth dry and cracked because of how long it had been hanging open.

"Frank - I...wow, holy shit, you are fucking incredible," Gerard stuttered out, his mind unable to form a full sentence, Frank's words still ringing in his brain as he tried to grasp onto the fleeting sound.

"Really - you aren't just saying that?" Frank asked, his cheeks tinting a slight shade of red as he waited for Gerard's answer.

"That was the best thing I have ever heard in my life, cross my heart and hope to die," Gerard exclaimed loudly, his expression oozing honesty as Frank grinned broadly in response. "Can you play it again - please?"

"Yeah, of course," Frank nodded eagerly, his fingers instantly beginning to form the notes once more as Gerard gazed at Frank with a rapt expression on his face.

Gerard closed his eyes as Frank continued to sing, the notes and lyrics filling him with an indescribable array of emotions as Frank poured his heart out through his music. Frank sounded so sad, so alone, but not quite broken, his spirit hadn't been defeated, and Gerard could only guess at what Frank had been going through when he wrote this, but whatever had caused this outpouring of artistic sorrow, Gerard hoped it was in the past now, and that Frank wasn't suffering any longer.

When Frank came upon the repeating lines again, Gerard began to sing along without thinking about what he was doing, the words already engraved into his memory from his first time listening to the piece. His and Frank's voices melded seamlessly, and Gerard felt as if he was a part of Frank's world for a few short moments, as if he was experiencing whatever tragedy had inspired Frank to compose this song, he was sharing his pain, and hopefully also slowly erasing it.

"Holy fuck Gerard," Frank sputtered out as soon as the song had ended, his eyes going wide as he stared at Gerard in shock. "I didn't know you could sing?"

"Oh - uh, well yeah...I guess," Gerard stuttered out. "I'm not very good, but I like doing it, I used to be in a lot of plays - musicals actually, but my parents forced me to stop because they thought it was distracting me from my studies, so I mostly just sing in the shower now -"

Gerard was suddenly cut off by a warm pair of lips melding against his own, whatever he had been saying instantly flying out of his head as Frank kissed him fiercely, his guitar pressing into Gerard's side painfully, but Gerard didn't really give a fuck about that right now, because this kiss was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, and yes - he had kissed Frank a hell of a lot by this point, but this was different, this kiss contained an element of something special, something intense, something beautiful, something that Gerard couldn't quite name, but if he had to put a word to it, he would have said that Frank was kissing him with love behind his actions.

Look at me updating in a timely fashion. I suddenly got a fuck ton of motivation to work on this story, so hopefully this comes as a nice surprise.

This chapter made me super happy to write, so hopefully it does the same to you guys who are reading it.

I don't really have anything else to say, and Criminal Minds is calling my name, so yeah - maybe leave a vote or a comment if you liked this update?

((((good vibes))))

<3 starr