*above picture is of what I imagine Frank to look like when he isn't performing*

With Frank back in his life once more, Gerard felt renewed, invigorated, inspired even, like a machine that had been missing a small part, not enough to stop it from working completely, but it's absence was noticed, and more than that - it was missed, but now all the cogs were aligned, everything was running at optimal speed, and Gerard knew for a fact that he would break if Frank was ever taken from him again, so he was determined to do everything in his power to prevent that from happening.

After Frank showed up at Gerard's apartment, and Gerard had finally fucking apologized for being the world's biggest idiot, everything went back to the way it was before. Frank took him out the very next night to a pizza place that had Gerard salivating as soon as the large pie was placed at their table, forcing Gerard to admit that Frank definitely had an exquisite taste in cuisine, and even if Gerard hadn't been head over heels in love with Frank, he probably would have continued to hang around him for that reason alone.

Over the next few weeks, Gerard spent an absurd amount of time with Frank, so much so that he was worried that Frank would quickly tire of his presence, but as the days passed, and Frank seemed just as excited to see Gerard as the very first night, Gerard's fears began to fade, and he found himself seeking Frank out instead of waiting for the older man to call on him.

They branched out from simple dinner dates quickly, even though they weren't dates, because Frank and Gerard were just friends - nothing more, but although Gerard still ached for Frank to be his one day, Frank's companionship meant the world to him, and it was enough, more than Gerard could ever hope for actually, and the closer they got, the harder Gerard tried to convince himself that he could keep his feelings for Frank buried for the rest of his life.

That was a lie though, but if there was anything Gerard was good at, it was making himself believe in falsities, so he kept at it, even when Frank made it so fucking difficult to keep his mouth shut, and god - Gerard really thought he deserved a medal for lasting so long without throwing himself at Frank and begging him to fuck him.

Frank was just so physical, and Gerard wasn't certain if that was how he was with everyone, or if it was caused by a special bond that the two of them shared, but either way, Frank was constantly touching Gerard - nothing sexual of course, just tiny brushes of the hand here and there, hugs that lasted a little longer than friends would embrace, calling him 'honey' with increasing frequency; they had even cuddled on a few occasions, Frank seemed fond of leaning into Gerard's side when they were watching a movie at one or the other's apartment, and each time one of these things occurred, Gerard would blush crimson, his breath catching in his throat and his palms sweating nervously as he tried to pretend he wasn't on the verge of a heart attack whenever Frank initiated something.

Frank rarely noticed Gerard's reactions though, and if he did happen to spy Gerard's red cheeks, he would always laugh it off, remarking about how adorable Gerard was when he got flustered, which did absolutely nothing to help Gerard calm down at all, causing Frank to find even more humor in Gerard's discomfort.

It was all worth it though, and Gerard would gladly put up with the embarrassment if Frank's smile came with it, and eventually, Gerard got better at controlling his body's tendency to turn into a human volcano whenever Frank so much as winked at him, even though the small gestures never failed to awaken the family of butterflies Gerard was unwillingly renting his stomach out to.

Another Saturday had rolled around, and Gerard wasn't at all surprised when Frank showed up at his doorstep sometime around noon; Frank rarely called and asked if it was okay for him to come over anymore, because Gerard always said yes, and they usually discussed beforehand if Gerard had made plans with Lindsey. Gerard had noticed that Frank was hardly ever busy, except the nights of his show of course, and that led to Gerard to wonder if Frank didn't have many friends, or if he simply preferred his own company over others most of the time.

That theory didn't hold though, because if Frank was a solitary person, he wouldn't be seeking out Gerard as often as he did, and Frank didn't seem like the recluse type - unlike Gerard, but if Gerard was using that logic on Frank, he didn't mind coming out of his shell as long as Frank was involved, so maybe Frank and he shared more similarities than he had originally thought.

Or maybe it was something else, maybe Gerard was Frank's exception, maybe he was going out of his way to spend time with Gerard because Gerard was special, Gerard meant something to Frank, and maybe Frank was just as shy and nervous about admitting his feelings as Gerard was, but no - that was fucking ridiculous, and Gerard was just projecting his deepest fantasies onto this situation because that's what he wanted to happen, which didn't make it true at all.

And really, Gerard was in no position to make any assumptions about Frank, because no matter how close they had grown over the past few weeks, Gerard didn't know very many personal things about him, they hadn't really spoken about themselves since their first dinner outing at the Chinese place, and just because Gerard was lonely as fuck and desperate for Frank didn't mean that Frank felt the same way.

Gerard shook his head groggily to rid himself of his troubling thoughts, because now wasn't the time or the place to be trying to unearth hidden meanings that didn't even exist in his and Frank's friendship, especially when Frank was sitting next to him, shooting Gerard a quizzical look that - of course, caused Gerard to blush like a teenager caught staring at his crush under the older man's scrutiny.

Frank had been over for hours now, and they hadn't done much of anything; Gerard had been painting before Frank's arrival, which was an activity Gerard had picked up again after finishing the piece for Frank which Gerard had been convinced that Frank would never see, and Frank had insisted that he continue, saying that he was more than content to watch Gerard splatter paint across the white canvas in a haphazard way with no real picture in mind.

Frank seemed in awe of Gerard's every move, even though Gerard would have assumed that watching someone else paint would become mundane very quickly, and he had been expecting Frank to nod off ages ago, but the opposite had happened, and Frank seemed more invested in the final product than Gerard was, constantly chiming in with what he thought Gerard was trying to create, making up a story to go along with the meaningless mess of colors.

Gerard was bored now though, and his previous inspiration was buried under a newfound curiosity, because his musings about Frank and his personal life had Gerard wanting to discover more things about Frank; he had thousands of questions all revolving around the older man constantly on the tip of his tongue at most hours of the day, and a nice conversation sounded much more pleasant than what he was currently doing.

"You okay there?" Frank asked after a minute had passed, during which Gerard had simply stared at a spot on the wall somewhere behind Frank's left ear as all of these thoughts passed through his brain.

"Yeah - uh, sorry, I sort of zoned out, my inspiration disappeared," Gerard shrugged, dunking his paint brushes in the murky water filling a small dixie cup that he had placed by his side earlier on.

"I thought I was your inspiration?" Frank teased, laughter dancing behind his hazel irises in a way that made them literally sparkle.

"I'm not painting you dork," Gerard shot back, a smile pulling at his lips as he stepped back to survey what he had created so far. Gerard was much more comfortable around Frank now, and he had gotten in the habit of retaliating to Frank's playful jibes with witty retorts of his own, and even though his painful awkwardness was nowhere near gone, he had reached the point in their friendship where he wasn't a complete train wreck when he tried to attempt conversation anymore.

"It doesn't have to be of me to be inspired by me, I mean - you could be painting my insides, maybe I have really colorful guts?"

"Somehow I doubt that," Gerard sighed, trying his best to fake irritation with the older man, but a giggle escaped past his closed lips without his consent, ruining his facade instantly.

"Well you will be eating those words once my autopsy report comes back, just you fucking wait," Frank teased, causing Gerard to roll his eyes obnoxiously at Frank's antics.

"Shut up, you aren't dying anytime soon, and we will both have forgotten about this conversation by then," Gerard shot back with a smirk on his face.

"Oh fuck no - I will never forget this, even if I'm dead, I will come back from beyond the grave and rub it in your face that I was right."

"Stop talking about you dying, it's making me sad," Gerard whined, his statement only really half joking, because a world without Frank in it wasn't one Gerard wanted to live in, and it wasn't his favorite topic of conversation, not by a long shot.

"I just told you I am going to haunt you, so it's not like I'll be gone, I'll just be a bad ass ghost instead of a person."

"I don't even know how to respond to that," Gerard sighed, letting Frank win their pointless argument as he headed into the kitchen to wash his hands, Frank following behind him as if a magnet was forcing Frank to maintain a relatively close distance to the younger man.

"So," Frank spoke up, handing Gerard a towel once he had shut the water off, "Brendon and Rainne wanted to know if you would be up for hanging out tomorrow night," Frank asked casually, but Gerard didn't miss the way his voice shook slightly, or the hopeful look he was shooting in his direction.

"I - uh..." Gerard stammered, trying to buy himself more time so he could decide if he actually wanted to go or not, because as much as he felt that he should say yes to please Frank, he was always uncomfortable around new people, and he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Frank's friends.

Over the past few weeks, Gerard had spent quite a bit of time around the other drag queens, and they had all been very kind to him, especially Brendon, who Gerard had referred to as big forehead guy until he associated the name with a face. Brendon was interesting, to say the least; he always seemed boisterous and jovial, no matter the occasion, and he had the habit of turning everything into a sexual innuendo, which had Gerard's blush count rising to extreme numbers by the end of the night, but he was a genuinely nice person, not to mention an amazing singer.

But Gerard hardly knew Rainne at all; he was a drag queen as well, he always performed with Brendon in a series of duets, but he never involved himself in any of the conversations that happened in the dressing room Frank shared with them, choosing to hang in the background or hide behind Brendon's words, their hands discreetly linked at almost all times, and Gerard wasn't sure if Rainne cared for Gerard's presence in his personal space, making Gerard feel like even more of an awkward fuck than he already was when Rainne was around.

"I don't know Frank, are you sure they want me to come, I mean - I'm totally okay with staying home, they don't have to invite me just to be nice," Gerard finally answered, wringing the towel in his hands even though his palms were dry long ago.

"They want you to come Gerard, really - they do, but if you don't want to, you can say no," Frank exhaled heavily, his expression dropping as he pushed himself off the counter he had been leaning against slowly.

Gerard could physically see how badly Frank wanted him to spend time with them, and it made Gerard reconsider his previous reluctance, because no matter how nervous he was about going out with relative strangers, Frank was extending a hand to him, inviting him into his world, giving him an opportunity to learn more about him, and that was what Gerard wanted, so saying no would be pointless, but he still couldn't seem to get the words past the obstruction in his throat that had suddenly sprung into existence without Gerard's consent.

"It's not going to be anything extravagant, we were just going to hang out at my place, maybe dress up a bit and hit a bar or two," Frank shrugged, trying to play it off like this was no big deal, but for some reason, Gerard knew it was, at least to Frank.

Gerard opened his mouth, intending to say yes to Frank's obscure plea, but what came out instead was "I don't think Rainne likes me."

"What - no honey, Rainne is just shy, she takes a while to warm up to new people, but she really does want to get to know you better, she mentioned it to me the other night," Frank protested vehemently, and even though Gerard should have been concentrating on Frank's words, he was focused on the pronouns he was using instead.

"She?" Gerard had meant to say more, but that one word was all that escaped his mouth. Gerard understood that people didn't have to go by the pronouns they were born with, he just hadn't been expecting for Frank to refer to Rainne in that way.

"Yeah, I probably should have mentioned this to you before, but Rainne is transgender; she was born as a male, and her name used to be Ryan - well, actually it was George Ryan Ross, or something like that, but she changed it when she discovered her gender, and she is saving up all of her money she makes performing to have reassignment surgery," Frank explained, his eyes dancing over Gerard's face skittishly as he waited to see his reaction.

Gerard nodded along as Frank spoke, remembering how he had questioned Frank's gender before he had known him, pondering if Frank had truly wanted to be a female, and if that was why he dressed up the way he did, but that notion had quickly been dispelled once Gerard had begun to spend time with Frank, because even though Frank made a gorgeous woman, he was most definitely male.

"Oh god -" Gerard's hands flew up to cover his mouth as he realized that he had been hanging out with Rainne for weeks without knowing this, "have I ever misgendered her, I feel so bad, I had no idea, but I can't remember if I did or not, is that why she hates me?" Gerard babbled, his lips pulling down into a scowl when Frank broke out into a peal of laughter.

"No honey, I don't think you have, and even if you did, it's my fault for not telling you sooner, I just sort of forget to mention it since everyone in the club already knows - and she doesn't hate you, I have no idea how you got that notion in your head." Frank took Gerard's hand in what Gerard assumed was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it only made Gerard more flustered than he already was.

"She - she just never talks to me, and sometimes, I see her glaring at me when I'm not looking, I feel like I'm intruding on your friendship with her and Brendon I guess," Gerard spit out, his eyes staying glued to the floor so he wouldn't be tempted to stare at Frank's hand intertwined with his.

"Gerard - hey, look at me," Frank demanded in a soft tone of voice, his words dragging Gerard's chin up until he was eye to eye with Frank. "Rainne does not hate you, she - she has just lived a hard life, and she doesn't trust very many people. Her parents threw her out when she was eighteen and she discovered her gender, she was literally living on the streets until Brendon and I found her begging outside the club one night, so she is generally wary of everyone, but she has told me herself that she thinks you are nice, and she wants to try to get to know you."

"Oh..." Gerard gasped, his heart twisting as he imagined a younger version of Rainne out in the dark alleys of New York, starving and alone with no one to turn to. "That's so horrible..."

"It is, but she's doing a lot better now, Brendon fell head over heels for her - obviously, and he would never let anything like that happen to her again," Frank smiled fondly when he spoke of his friends, and Gerard had to agree with his statement. He may not know either of them very well, but he hadn't missed the protective gleam in Brendon's eyes whenever he looked at Rainne, or the love the two shared, it was so apparent that even an outsider like Gerard could pick up on it instantly.

"Wait...but isn't Brendon gay?" Gerard asked shyly, because Brendon just seemed so...flamboyant, and discovering that Rainne was a girl had thrown Gerard off, even though she still had a dick, but eventually she wouldn't, and Gerard was confusing himself trying to wrap his brain around something he had no experience with besides what he had read on tumblr.

"No," Frank laughed again, a deep happy sound that had Gerard grinning just for the sake of it, "Brendon does seem very gay, but he is pansexual actually, and even if he was gay, I think he would still love Rainne, they just have this connection - you know?" Gerard nodded his head in agreement, because he did know, and fuck - he wished Frank felt that same connection with him, because Gerard sure as hell sensed it pulsating in-between them constantly.

"How did Rainne find out she was transgender?" was Gerard's next question, because this topic of conversation brought up the flurry of doubt Gerard had about himself, and even though he didn't think he was a girl, Gerard really didn't know, and maybe if he found out how Rainne had come to that conclusion, he would gain some much needed insight on himself.

"I think she just knew, like - she doesn't feel comfortable in her body, and she has always identified as a girl, even when she didn't understand exactly what she was experiencing, but that's something you should ask her about, she can explain it much better than I can," Frank paused for a moment, and Gerard could tell he wanted to ask Gerard something else, but he apparently decided to change his mind at the last second. "So...will you come hang out with us, you honestly don't have to, but it would mean a lot to me if you did."

"Yeah - okay, I'll go," Gerard agreed, his earlier nervous energy dissipating entirely as Frank engulfed him in an unexpected hug, his cheek pressing against Gerard's t-shirt as he clutched Gerard tightly.

And really, Gerard did want to go now, especially since he was assured that Rainne didn't hate him. He truly was looking forward to getting to know Frank's friends outside of the club, and he now had a slew of questions to ask Rainne, if he worked up the courage to speak to her about the mess in his head that is, but Gerard could worry about that tomorrow, because right now, Frank's warm body was distracting him from everything else, and that was perfectly fine with Gerard.

This chapter made me really happy to write, I just love transgender Ryan so much, and I hope you guys do to.

And I'm on vacation now, so I am going to try and knock out a few chapters of this story during the week. It's getting close to being done (I think), and I want to make a dent in it while I have the time.

Also, I'm sure you guys are getting tired of me posting this in all of my author notes, but if you haven't noticed the new version of So Little Time, maybe go give it a read? I just finished it not too long ago, and Kristine made a super amazing playlist for it, so it would mean a lot to me if you guys could check it out.

((((vacation vibes))))

<3 starr