*above picture is of Gerard's painting - actual painting titled Lilac Rain by Dan Campbell*

Gerard was an idiot - no - that word wasn't even good enough to describe him anymore; he was an imbecile, a moron, a halfwit, a dolt, an ignoramus, a foolish simpleton who had ruined the best thing in his life, all because he had gotten too drunk, made a stupid decision, and then run away like the coward he was.

Unfortunately, realizing this fact did nothing to help Gerard move on from the loss of Frank in his life, and even though it was all Gerard's fault, he still missed Frank like crazy, and he would do anything to get him back, except for man up and apologize like any sane person would do, because Gerard may have regretted his impromptu decision to flee from Frank's house, but he was much too terrified to face Frank again after everything that had happened.

The first day after the embarrassing incident that Gerard was doing his best to forget had ever happened, he stayed in bed all day, hiding under the covers after calling into work, because there was no way he could wade through the outside world after the debacle that had occurred. Gerard had made sure to shut off his cell phone as well, even though he doubted Frank would call him after what he had done, but still, he didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Lindsey.

Gerard wasted away the hours sniffling softly to himself, replaying the events that had ruined his friendship with Frank over and over in his mind, even though doing so hurt - it hurt so fucking much, and Gerard really didn't need the painful reminder right now, but he felt like he deserved it in a way, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything else at the moment.

God - Gerard would give anything to take his actions back, but he didn't possess a time machine, so there was really nothing he could do, bedsides for cry over it that is, and Gerard was definitely partaking in that particular activity right now; tears had been streaming down his face for the past few hours, and they showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.

And really - Gerard knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he was overreacting, and that he shouldn't be this torn up over someone he had only known for a week, even though he had known of Frank for a year, but Frank was just his friend, not even his boyfriend, so he shouldn't be so devastated over what had happened, but that didn't change the fact that he was.

Gerard always got attached too quickly though, and his crush on Frank had grown to a monumental size over the past few days, so his emotional distress did make sense in a way, but now it didn't matter, because Frank would never want him after last night, if he was ever even interested at all.

After a day filled with moping, Gerard forced himself to return to the office the next morning, playing off his foul mood by claiming to still feel sick, and everyone bought it, much to his relief, not that very many people talked to him anyway, which was really working in his favor right now, and Gerard managed to make it through his shift successfully, only retreating to the bathroom once to cry in silence for a few minutes.

When he returned home, Gerard finally switched his phone back on, and he was surprised to see numerous missed calls and texts from Frank, along with a few from Lindsey as well, but Gerard ignored his friend for the moment in favor of checking to see what Frank had to say to him.

Gerard braced himself for the worst, because Frank would be completely entitled to chew out Gerard for making a move on him, his drunken state was no excuse, but he hadn't. In typical Frank fashion, he had only inquired after Gerard's health, asking if he was feeling okay, and requesting that Gerard call him when he was able.

And fuck - Gerard wanted to talk to Frank, he really did, but he couldn't, not anymore; he didn't deserve to speak with Frank after he had acted so despicably, so he simply deleted the messages, trying to pretend that they had never happened, even though that was easier said than done. Gerard did return Lindsey's call though, managing to avoid the topic of Frank, which was a miracle in itself, but Lindsey was too distracted explaining her most recent date to Gerard to notice his morose mood, thank fuck for that.

Before Gerard knew it, a week had flown by, and another Wednesday had arrived with no change, minus a few more calls from Frank, which Gerard continued to ignore, but as time passed, Frank seemed to give up on Gerard, which was probably for the best, even though a small part of Gerard was secretly hoping that Frank would still want him in his life, although that was ridiculous, and Frank would be better off forgetting about Gerard entirely.

Gerard kept himself busy so he wouldn't have extra time to himself to mourn his broken friendship with Frank, picking up extra hours at work, as well as going out with Lindsey almost every night. Gerard had even hooked up with a guy on Saturday, which had been a horrible fucking idea; Gerard thought if he slept with someone, it would help erase his longing for Frank, but the complete opposite had happened, and as soon as the man had left, Gerard found himself sobbing bitterly into his pillow, wishing it had been Frank in his bed and not some random stranger.

Lindsey had been confused by Gerard's random desire to hook up again, which of course had forced him to explain what had happened with Frank, but even with Lindsey screaming at Gerard, telling him to fucking call Frank before he made assumptions that might not even be true, Gerard refused, because no one - not even Lindsey was going to convince Gerard that he hadn't fucked everything up beyond any hope of repair.

Gerard missed Frank more with every day that ended without seeing him though, and Gerard had been trying to work up the courage to go apologize to him - he really was, but all he had managed to accomplish was to drive by Frank's apartment an unhealthy amount of times, coming off like a complete stalker in the process, but no matter how hard he tried to force himself, Gerard never once managed to get out of the car, much less actually make it up to Frank's door.

This afternoon was the worst by far, because on a typical Wednesday, Gerard would be at the club right now, waiting to see Frankie sing, but he hadn't gone - he couldn't, no matter how much he wished he was there, because even though Gerard wanted to see Frank so badly that it physically ached, he couldn't just show up and pretend that everything was fine, and he didn't want to make a scene in public, especially not at Frank's workplace.

So Gerard had stayed home, even though it felt wrong, because for over a year, he had been attending Frankie's performance, never missing one, no matter what, but he had fucked that up for himself, so he might as well get used to spending his Wednesday night's in his apartment instead of at the club.

Gerard actually found himself painting to pass the time, which was an activity he had been neglecting lately, but he had to do something to keep his mind off Frank, and this worked, even though it did remind him of his promise to make Frank some artwork for his apartment, but that wasn't what Gerard was doing - not at all, even though the colors he was using would match the theme in Frank's living room perfectly.

As he continued to work on the painting that was most definitely not for Frank, Gerard checked his phone constantly, because despite everything, he was curious to see if Frank had noticed the fact that he wasn't there tonight, but when the clock hit eleven in the evening, Gerard realized that he wasn't missed, because even if Frank had been the last performance of the night, he would be done by now, and his phone had remained silent the entire time.

And even though Gerard didn't want to sleep, because he knew he would just lie there and think of Frank instead of actually getting any rest, the hour was late, and Gerard had work in the morning, so with a disgruntled sigh, Gerard began cleaning his paintbrushes, examining what he had produced so far on the mostly covered canvas.

It was an abstract piece, which is what Gerard usually painted, he saved his more realistic works for his drawings, and this particular one had not been planned at all, it had just happened, and Gerard was actually pretty proud of it. Blue was the predominate color, many different shades cascading across the white background in a style reminiscent of rain, offset by grey and purple that Gerard had added haphazardly, but the overall effect was generally pleasing, even though it made Gerard's chest ache slightly for some reason.

And really - Gerard knew the reason, he just didn't want to admit it to himself yet, but he had been thinking of Frank as he worked; the blue representing his sorrow at what had happened, the grey was the mood he had been in over the past week, and the purple was the hope that maybe - just maybe he and Frank could somehow work this out in the near future.

But no - Gerard was never going to get Frank back, because he didn't have the guts to go see him, or even fucking call him, and it was Gerard who had fucked up, not Frank, so it was up to Gerard to fix this, and he had made it abundantly clear that he wasn't going to, no matter how badly he wanted to.

Gerard had just finished putting all of his art supplies away, and he had been about to go wash his hands when a knock interrupted his process, causing Gerard to jump in an embarrassing manner that he was glad no one had witnessed, but seriously - who the fuck was at his door right now? Lindsey was off with her newest girl tonight - someone named Jamia that Gerard had met briefly on Saturday, and she was the only visitor he ever had.

And even though Gerard was slightly nervous as he approached the door, because it could be a murderer on the other side, but they didn't usually knock, at least, Gerard didn't think they did, his curiosity overcame his fear, and before he could second guess himself, Gerard twisted the handle open, completely oblivious to the purple handprint he left behind on the brass knob, but he had other things to worry about right now, because Frank fucking Iero was on his doorstep, and honestly - the apocalypse could be happening right now and Gerard wouldn't give a shit, so a little bit of paint meant less than nothing to him.

"Frank," Gerard gasped loudly, the words being chased out by all of the oxygen in his lungs, leaving Gerard feeling weak and on the verge of passing out.

"Hey," Frank smiled weakly, lifting a hand in some sort of gesture that Gerard assumed was supposed to be a greeting, but he dropped his arm before he could complete it.

Frank had obviously just come from the club, Gerard could tell, even though he was no longer in costume. It was apparent in the way his eyes were slightly darker, a hint of makeup still surrounding them even though it had been mostly wiped off, in the smell of smoke and beer that hung around Frank faintly, in the tired look in his eyes, but Gerard didn't even need those clues to tell, because he knew Frank's schedule far too well for some who claimed to be a simple friend - well ex-friend now.

"Frank," Gerard repeated numbly, his brain still trying to process the fact that Frank was here, and that he didn't seem angry, or upset, just nervous actually, and also cold. "Come in - if you want, I mean, you don't have to, but it's fucking freezing out, and -" Frank cut Gerard off by stepping inside, his tattooed hands deftly unzipping his oversized parka as he entered the heated room.

"You weren't at my show," Frank stated simply once he had removed his coat, during which time Gerard had stared at him shyly, trying to determine the cause of his visit without actually asking, because words seemed to be failing him at the moment.

"I - I know, I wanted to, but I didn't think you -"

"And you haven't been returning my calls, or my texts," Frank continued, ignoring Gerard's pathetic attempt at an explanation completely. "Why...did I do something wrong Gerard?"

"W-What?" Gerard stuttered out, completely thrown off by Frank's question, because how in the hell could Frank possibly think he had done something wrong when it was obvious that Gerard was the problem, Gerard had been the one to fuck everything up.

"I just don't understand why you are ignoring me...and I hate it - okay? I miss you, and I just want to know what the hell I did to drive you away?" Frank sighed, his body visibly slumping as he peered up at Gerard warily.

"I - what...you..." Gerard paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before trying to speak a bit more coherently this time. "Frank...you didn't do anything wrong - I did, last week. I thought you hated me - fuck, I hate myself for ruining everything. I shouldn't have tried to kiss you, I shouldn't have gotten that drunk in the first place, and I'm so fucking sorry. I tried to come by you place to apologize, I must have driven over there at least forty times, but I'm a fucking coward, and I couldn't face you, and now I just sound creepy, but I swear, I wanted to see you tonight, I was just so scared..." Gerard trailed off, his bottom lip quivering slightly as he finally got everything he had been holding inside off his chest, but now fear of Frank's reaction rose up to take its place.

"I don't get it, why did you think I was angry with you?" Frank asked, one eyebrow rising up slightly as he fixed Gerard with a quizzical look.

"Because - I forced myself on you, I threw up on your shoes, you had to babysit my drunk ass...how could you not be mad at me?"

"Because I care about you, and you are my friend, that's how, and I'm not bothered about the kiss - not at all, and if you had only picked up your fucking phone, you would know that - fuck, I was worried sick about you," Frank exclaimed, his hands gesturing wildly as he spoke.

"You were worried about me?" Gerard asked tentatively, a small smile breaking out on his face as Frank's words began to sink in.

"Hell yes I was - I mean, how would you feel if you woke up and I was gone, with only a crappy note that didn't explain shit? I stopped calling after a bit because I was trying to give you some space, but it's been a week..." Frank ended on a sad exhale, and Gerard had to physically restrain himself from wrapping his arms around Frank to try and erase the morose expression from his face.

"I'm sorry, I really am...I'm just not good at this - at being friends, or explaining myself, and I was convinced that you hated me..."

"I could never hate you, and even if I was mad at you, I would have tried to talk it out, but you didn't do anything wrong okay, you just got a bit too drunk, but it happens - it was a mistake, and I liked looking after you, but I'm kinda pissed at you for taking off like that," Frank huffed, crossing his arms in what was supposed to be an intimidating gesture, but he only succeed in making himself look even more adorable than he already was.

"I'm sorry, again, and I'll keep saying it, because I really am, but I missed you, and I'm so fucking glad you came over tonight."

"It's okay - really, it is, but no more running away from me, okay, because I will chase you down every time," Frank smirked slightly, his teasing expression causing a bubble of warmth to form in Gerard's stomach.

"Okay - I won't do it again, I promise, so can we just pretend like last week never happened and go back to being friends?" Gerard questioned nervously, his hands twisting behind his back as he awaited Frank's answer.

"Of course, friends...yeah," Frank smiled, and Gerard completely missed the hint of wistfulness in his tone, because he was an oblivious little shit that was too overjoyed at the fact that he had Frank back in his life to pick up on anything else.

"So now that we are talking again, I started on that painting you asked for, it's in my studio if you want to check it out." Gerard gestured toward where the canvas was, because of course that painting was for Frank, no matter what Gerard had said earlier, he just hadn't expected Frank to show up on his doorstep tonight - or ever actually, so he didn't think he would have the opportunity to give him the painting.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Frank grinned, following Gerard into the back room eagerly, his mouth dropping open in awe as his eyes raked over the half-finished canvas. "Holy shit Gerard, this is fucking amazing," Frank exclaimed, throwing himself at Gerard happily, his arms wrapping around him in a friendly hug.

"Thank you, I thought the color scheme matched your living room," Gerard blushed heavily as Frank's small body pressed up against his, his heart beat speeding up as Frank held on for a little bit longer than was necessary, and fuck - Gerard had missed this, he had missed Frank in general, and he made a silent vow to never cut Frank out again, no matter what, it had been an idiotic thing to do in the first place. Gerard honestly didn't know how he had survived a week without Frank's presence in his daily routine, and he didn't want to have to go through that ever again.

I'm back, and I am so sorry for making you guys wait so long for an update. I have just been really off lately; Hunter's death fucked me up, and my health is going down the shitter, not to mention life in general, and I have really lost my desire to write, but I am trying to get back into it again.

I can't promise that updates won't be slow, but I am going to try and finish this story off sometime soon. I think I have like 5-7 chapters left if I don't decide to add anything else, so just bear with me for now.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this book, and an extra thank you for the 7k reads and 900 votes ^_^

((((loving vibes))))

<3 starr