This story request came from 1DaughterOfGod, a long time ago. I'm terribly sorry for the wait! I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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26th of Second Seed, 4E 203

The sounds of my steel boots pacing around the stone floor echoed off the damp walls of Ysgramor's tomb, with only the statue of the First Companion to keep me company. Far into the tomb were my friends, fighting off ghosts and cleansing Kodlak of his beast blood. They were being true Companions, fighting for honor. I, the troubled and angry werewolf, was left behind.

No, I reminded myself, I stayed behind. No one left me.

The silence of the room was enough to drive a man mad. They had been gone so long, I had to do something, otherwise I would start going crazy. I entertained the idea of leaving the tomb and getting some fresh air, but the wind whistling just beyond the door reminded me how cold it was outside, and how much safer I would be in here. So I was left with nothing to do but pace and think.

I thought of many things. I thought of my unrighteous anger back in Jorrvaskr. I thought of my journal back home, and how I could have been writing things down instead of dwelling on the past. Mostly, I thought of our newest member of the Companions, and just how I felt about her.

How did I feel about her? Whenever I thought about her, about the way her scar quirked when she smiled, about the way her hair always fell in her face when she was not looking, about the way her eyes sparkled like sapphires, the beast within me growled with want. It longed for her wolf. When she was near, her scent alone—the smell of fir trees, juniper, and the hint of the mountain flower soap she used to wash her hair—was enough to drive my wolf mad. When she had unleashed her beast spirit in Driftshade, the wolf had roared with her, pulling at the short leash I kept it on. There was no denying my animal side desired hers, but how did I, the man, the Companion, feel about her, the Dragonborn maiden?

Sighing, I collapsed onto the stairs before Ysgramor's feet, head in my hands. Gods, what was wrong with me? Before Ylva had come to us, I was always able to separate man from beast. I was more than my wolf spirit. But since then, since she had become one with the wolf as well, my feelings towards her had changed. Was that my wolf pulling me towards her, or was it something more?

Was the warmth I felt in the pit of my stomach for her the wolf's desire or my own? Was the flutter of my heart caused by her presence or her beast's? Was the growing want, growing need, to be by her side mine or not? I wrestled with this daily, just as I wrestled to control my wolf. Since when had the lines become so blurred?

As I sat there, murmuring to myself about wolf spirits and my hatred for my own, I found my thoughts wandering to Ylva again, and of the way she smiled at me before becoming one with her wolf. That was not my beast pulling towards hers then. That was me, wanting to make her smile like that again and again. I remembered how she had looked when she was recovering from her injuries after fighting off the dragon at Pelagia Farm, how she had looked so peaceful. I had never seen her face so placid before. When she was awake, she always had a crease in her brow from worrying too much. When she was asleep, the crease disappeared. I found myself wanting to see her asleep more, so I could see her face without the crease. I wanted to wipe the crease away with my hand.

And then... there were our stolen kisses. That first kiss we had shared sparked something deep within my heart. By the Nine, I had never felt warmer in my entire life. It had been a welcome distraction from all the carnage I had just seen. I wanted nothing more than to keep kissing her, to hold contact with her until we needed to breathe. I wanted to hold her in my arms, keep her away from the world, and kiss her until she forgot about all her sorrows. That was not the action of a fearsome animal. That was the affection, the desire, of a human.

It was then that I picked my head up and snapped my spine straight. There was only one explanation to these thoughts. There could not be anything else.

I love her.

How had I not seen it before? What my beast felt for hers was lust, an animal drive to be with its own kind. What I felt was something entirely different. I loved Ylva, and I loved everything about her. More than just her physical beauty, I loved her will, her selflessness, her determination. I loved the fire she had burning in her dragon soul. I loved the tenderness she had towards others; without fail, she became a crutch for others to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, a friend always ready to help. I had seen it in the dining hall in Jorrvaskr, when she had been helping Tilma clean up after a rowdy night of drinking. Tilma told her again and again that she did not have to help, but Ylva would not listen to her. I watched it all, from my chair in the corner, silently impressed.

I had never met a woman like Ylva, and I doubted I would ever meet a women like her ever again. She was the most remarkable woman, the most caring woman, the most amazing woman in the entire province. And I loved her.

I got to my feet and started pacing again, trying to comprehend all that I had realized. I had to tell her, and I had to tell her soon. I could not let this hang over me for long, but I had to wait for the right time. I just had to hope that I would know exactly when that right time was.

Gods, let me know when that time is. And please let Ylva share these feelings. Don't let my love be in vain.

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I should be studying for finals, but....

Hope you all enjoyed! Until the next adventure!

Love and sweetrolls!
~WG 💙