That first kiss between me and Jimmy felt like the start of something new and different. I went home late that night with a huge smile on my face! My heart was beating a million miles a minute and my thoughts of seeing him again were endless. It was like waiting for the sun to come up just so I can see him again. Talk to him before I started my day. It was like a whole new kind of emotion that I never felt before. It was only a few weeks before we were talking to each other almost every day either first thing in the morning or later on in the day. He would message me leaving me little I miss yous and stickers of different characters expressing happiness on Facebook messenger for me to see and put a smile on my face. With him I was like an open book. For the first time I was never afraid to talk to him about how I felt. F I was having a good day I'd tell him about it. Same thing with a good day. He was the first to know. Jim was like the perfect guy that you wouldn't expect to find in your life by chance. Deep down I felt as if it was too perfect and that something bad was going to rear its head eventually but I wanted to just stick with the positive side of things. Jim was here now and things between us were great. We were getting to know each other mentally as well as sexually and not to say that sleeping with a guy I just met is something that I do all the time because I'm very sketchy when it comes to that sort of thing. I have never been "that girl" because in my opinion nothing good comes from it and I feel like I have more respect for not only myself but for the other person involved. With this situation though things just felt right and I couldn't understand why. What's even stranger is.....I can't say that I regret what happened. Jim noticed me for who I was and it gave me a new level of confidence that I didn't even know that I could reach. When we saw each other again it was another Friday night and I couldn't hold in my excitement. I flew down the road to his job with a pounding heart and a nervous smile anxious to see his face. He liked seeing me so excited. We went out again that night and had a good time and after it was all over I went home with a smile only to have my smile turn into frustration because me and Dave would have yet another falling out about why I suddenly wanted to go out so much. I simply told him I never go out and I want to live for once and have a good time. Not spend my life sheltered from the outside because I have to be mom first 24/7. Lets me honest. MOMS NEED A LIFE TOO! We do so much for the ones we love that we put ourselves on hold. I didn't want to keep living that way anymore. Jim was my real reason but I couldn't tell Dave that. The next time I saw Jim again would be the last time sadly. It was another Friday night when I picked him up from work and we just went straight back to his place and stayed. It was at that moment where I just wanted to enjoy him. Which I did! We talked and laid next to each other holding hands and just being with one another. I left his house pretty early to get home by 10. What happened after that was something I wasn't expecting. Dave was constantly questioning me about where I've been and who I was with and I couldn't keep hiding the truth from him. I was afraid of him getting upset and I never wanted to hurt his feelings but I knew that not telling him would only make him question later. So I told him.

  "I was with a guy." I said to him.

His face was never so angry and it looked as if he was a completely different person. He took my phone and called Jim through Facebook messenger and lost it. When he was done he hurled my phone at the bedroom door hard enough to put a hole in it. Then he picked my phone up from the floor and snapped it in half. When I say my heart stopped I literally almost died. My phone is my lifeline. Like seriously. MY EVERYDAY LIVING IS ON MY PHONE! And replacing an iPhone is already expensive enough! Thank god for insurance. Dave stormed out of the room and called his sister and his brother and his friends to tell them all that I cheated on him. Never once did he say that I told him I needed my space. So everyone told him that he should calm down and sleep it off but there was just one person who told him that he shouldn't even be mad because

  "You did your dirt too."

Hmmmm! Now why would he say something like that? What is this "dirt" that we speak of here? Could  be the six year lie that he's been holding onto about what he really was doing when he took his "break" from me before he went to Hawaii while I was carrying his child?

Well ladies and gentlemen......indeed it was.

See back in 2011 me and Dave had a fallout that was very similar to what had happened. He told me that he needed time and that he wasn't happy. Why would someone who expecting their first child be unhappy? If I asked you what's the matter and you tell me nothing but you still felt like I did something wrong you would thing he would tell be right? Wrong. So of course he accused me of cheating and doing who knows what with god only knows who and he told me that he wanted space. Cool! I didn't know that while he had his space that he was already sleeping with this Facebook random and then when I find out about it you look me in my face and tell me that it's not my business. Oh! Ok! Now I'm not one to let things just "go". Oh I asked him about him and the old broad on the regular and he would still give me the same answer after a while.

  "She's just a friend. I didn't sleep with her. Why would I do that???"

Now ladies! If you feel that little tug at your gut and that voice in the back of your head that screams out

  "BITCH! He's lying!"

That's called woman's intuition. Trust and believe me that it will not lie to you! Fast forward six years later that I took my time to enjoy the things I couldn't in my twenties because I was with the same guy for almost 11 years NOW I find out about his little "scandal". Wanna know why he never told me?

  "I didn't want you to leave me."

Well as I clutch my imaginary pearls and sip on this good metaphorical tea is probably what just came out of your mouth right? Yeah. I said the same thing too. Did I feel bad for hurting his feelings? Of course I did. Now was it cheating? In my eyes no! I gave you the warning that I was unhappy and I told you that I wanted my space. He took it as

  "Ok you get an hour of space and we'll be all good!"

Sir! No! That's again not how it works! However most men think the same way in most cases. We went to sleep that night and I took him to work the next morning only to get on Facebook and apologizing to Jim about what had happened and of course Dave wouldn't just let it rest. While he was at work he called the house constantly FaceTime was used every 30 minutes and of course he wanted to know that I was still talking to him. On top of that he kept harassing Jim on Facebook. After a while I couldn't take it anymore I called a friend for advice and she told me to go file a complaint with the police because he could come home and possibly snap if he's that pissed at work and making demands for me to pick him up or else. So I did. I filed the complaint went to go replace my phone. What I didn't know that when he got off of work his sister had a key to the house and let him in. While I was gone he trashed the place out of anger. What's worse he smashed my computer and left out. I came back to a mess and wondered how he got in. I called my friend back who said she had been calling me trying to find me because Dave had called and harassed her too. Before I knew it Dave had come in and was almost running at me down the hall. My friend could hear him yelling at me in the background and she took it upon herself to send help to the house because she was fearing the worst. The cops were there in 5 minutes and they took him out in cuffs. They took him to the station and when he was being driven away it was like watching a scene from a movie. After going to fill out the statement they told me that they were holding him until he was calm enough but they wanted me to get a restraining order. I did but just temporarily until I felt comfortable enough to be around him. A few days later I talked to Jim and told him what happened. Things with that felt very awkward. Almost like he was no longer interested in seeing me or talking to me. My heart sank lower than I could have ever thought. When we got off the phone I knew that things were going to feel.....off. I tried to contact him numerous times but he would never respond to any of my messages. After trying late one night and still getting rejected. I made the decision to just give up. The worst pain is when you find someone who you think fits you but they realize you don't fit them. To this day we never saw each other since. He hasn't called and I gave up calling him. Dave is staying with family but he's trying to fix things and get back on track. Although that makes me happy to hear there are those days where I wonder if Jim ever thinks about me. If he misses me. It would be crazy for me to ask that out loud so.....I try to silence those thoughts of him and the time we shared and just work things out with Dave. Sometimes though I find myself asking

  "Am I really doing the right thing? Is this really want I want?"

At this point only time will tell. All I can do is take things a day at a time and hope that I'll remove the feeling that I was developing for Jim in the past. All we can do now is go up.