Adesso, per noi. Vivi.

I fluttered my eyes awake and sat up in my bed. The quote from yesterday was still fresh in my mind. It was all because of those three. 

Yesterday, I had been walking down my neighborhood like every morning; a cup of coffee in my hand and no plans as to where to go. It was my time to think, and with everything that had happened with Lucio, Amedeo, and Cosimo, I needed plenty of thinking time. 

Their true feelings for me were starting to become overwhelming. I couldn't quite understand what they saw in me. But there was one thing I understood - I cared for one of them differently than the other two. I just couldn't bring myself to admit it. I couldn't stand to hurt Amedeo and Cosimo like that. 

I continued walking, taking the occasional sip from my cup, when I looked up through the fog and saw a familiar silhouette walking towards me. I paused and squinted, trying to see who it was. My eyes widened. "Lucio?" I whispered. 

Lucio was walking towards me, dressed in his usual black trench coat. "Ciao." He smiled. "I missed you." He later said, still looking me in the eyes. I looked to the side, all the feelings I felt for him flooding back to me. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "I should go-"

Before I could take a step, Lucio gently grabbed hold of my hand. "Aspetti, please. I can't let you go without telling you how I truly feel." I looked at him, ignoring his touch. "Didn't you already do that at the theater with Amedeo and Cosimo?" He gritted his teeth and looked down at the ground. "I didn't know..." I sighed. "Me neither, Lucio." 

Lucio looked back at me, his eyes pensive and hopeful. "What I said was all true. Every word. I love you, I always have. From the day you stepped onto that stage and sang for us. I couldn't keep you out of my mind, and I didn't want to." He stepped closer to me. "I had to tell you how I felt." I couldn't hide the look of shock from my face. Even though he had already confessed, this felt different. It was more private and somehow meant more to me. It was solidifying my feelings for him that I didn't even know I had. 

He looked back up at me and squeezed my hand. "Please, say something. Anything." I thought for a moment, but I couldn't formulate any words. There was only one thing on my mind - he told me he loved me. "I-I just..." I stuttered, letting go of his hand and stepping back. "I don't know." I sighed. 

Lucio furrowed his brows. He stepped forward and took both of my hands in his. "Look at me." He was firm in his stance and words. I looked him in the eyes, only now noticing their beautiful golden brown color with fiery specks decorating them. "You don't have to say you love me back. You don't have to accept my feelings. Just please, think of what we shared. Our friendship our performances, our relationship." He blinked. "That night after the concert on the rooftop." I startled, remembering the conversation we had about our dreams as we looked out at Rome's skyline. 

His look softened and he looked at me lovingly, but urgingly. "Adesso, per noi. Vivi." Now, for us. Live. I raised an eyebrow. For us? Live? Was I truly not living to Lucio? 

We stayed posed like this, hand in hand, for a while. Neither one of us wanted to let go, but Lucio made the first move. He lowered our hands and let go of mine. "I hope to see you at the theatre soon. Arrivederci." He turned around and walked away without another word. I was still as I watched him disappear around the corner. 

Even after returning home and going to sleep, I woke up immediately thinking of his words. Adesso, per noi. Vivi. All my life, I had strived for perfection and didn't let anything or anyone get in the way of my ambitions, including love. I had feelings for Lucio, and he had feelings for me. But could I really let myself be happy in this way? Would it mess up everything I had been working for? 

I looked at the polaroid Lucio, Amedeo, Cosimo and I took that one time in the piazza. We looked so happy. I was truly happy. Even in this picture, Lucio and I were the closest, and only now I noticed he was looking at me. The smile on his face was the same one I had seen when he was watching me sing my first day at the theatre.  

In that moment, I realized what I had to do. I grinned like a fool and my heart thumped loudly just thinking about it, but I knew there was no more avoiding it. I had to tell Lucio how I felt. 

I rushed out the door of my apartment and ran down the street. No stopping for coffee this time, and no need to think. Only his words ran through my mind. Adesso, per noi. Vivi. Vivi. Vivi! 

I came to Lucio's house. His mother opened the door. "Oh! Cara, are you looking for Lucio? He just went out a few minutes ago, I bet you can still catch him." I thanked her and sped off in my search. 

I turned the corner and stopped in my tracks when I saw him standing on the sidewalk, stopped to look at the architecture of the house across the street. Despite the people walking around, I had to get his attention before he left my line of vision. "Lucio!" I yelled, rather loudly. Everyone around me turned to look at me, but I didn't mind - so did he. 

A look of surprise spread across his face. I ran up to him, a bit out of breath. I held up a finger, "Un momento," and bent over to catch my breath. He steadied me, putting a hand on my back. I caught my breath, despite my heart still pounding loudly and incessantly. "Lucio, I..." I have never been good with words, so I decided to keep it simple. 

I kissed him on the cheek and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a big hug. His eyes bugged out of his head and it took him a second before he hugged me back. "What?" He whispered, surprised. I broke out of the hug and held hands with him. 

"I've decided to truly live." 

Despite our silence, the smiles on both our faces said a thousand words.