Warning****This book is not fully edited so some grammar mistakes are to be expected****

I've been a zombie for three days thanks to midazolam or benzodiazepine.
I call it the 'Zombie Jab,' because you look, and act like one while you're on it.

Dr Dick has kept me on it for the last 72 hours.
I cannot wait for his shift to end.
My normally long golden hair is full of food, and I don't even want to know what else.

Donna, my nurse, has been staying with me.
She's small but still taller than me.
Her short blonde bob and great skin make her seem younger than she really is.
She's been my nurse for the last 6 years.

D's been talking to me a lot and trying to keep me busy.
She knows there's nothing wrong with me.
We both hate it when he does this.
However, there is nothing we can do but wait for Matthew.

He starts in an hour, I thank someone for small mercies.
I'm sure Dr Dick, will top me up, one more time before he leaves. Arsehole.

I'm trying to sit in the communal eating room where they feed us our three standard meals a day.
It's all-white walls, neutral shiny floors and grey round eating tables.
A typical hospital setting.
They set the tables up so multiple patients can sit at them. I have no idea why they bother, none of them ever socialize anyway.

Sandy the only other sane person in this place sits with me and Donna.
She looks like an older version of myself. Short, lean, Blonde and green eyes.
Minus the frown lines and we could be sisters.
She has minimal but still more curves than me too, especially now I haven't eaten for three days.

I look at my lunch disinterested. Pumpkin soup, well this is definitely going to be messy.
I attempt to hold my spoon which is a disaster. It's like I'm wearing mittens and this is the slipperiest spoon ever. I grunt frustrated.
Donna notices my struggles, sighing she helps me grasp the spoon and brings the soup to my mouth.
Some does go in, but a lot comes out. Ugh, its gross, I'm gross, and all I want is a nice hot shower. Alone!
Then a huge burger and fries. I mentally laugh, dreams are free.
I push the tantalizing thought of a fat-induced burger comma out of my mind and focus on how I ended up in this situation.

The man in question walks past my table, I see Donna's hands clench into fists, she's furious with him. I know she feels helpless, but I wish she wouldn't blame herself. She's doing everything she can for me.

He's a tall man with salt and pepper hair. His glasses make him seem less threatening.
However, I know how much menace he hides behind those brown eyes.

Dr Drake Cumberland, Ugh! Even his name sucks! Likes us to be Zombies, makes us more compliant, and easier for him to do his job.
He lost his passion for work many years ago. It Is sad, he built this hospital from the ground up, oh and with my parent's money of course.
Some of the patients genuinely do need to be sedated. There either aggressive or distraught, they seem to enjoy zombie land.

I, however, don't enjoy it and don't need the drug's, he just does it to shut her up.
I never do anything to deserve it. Which makes it harder to swallow.

My problem is his stupid wife. Well her phantom anyway...
Ever since I was 9 years old, I've been cursed with visits from the dead.
Something I never wanted, but can't get rid of it.
I made the huge mistake of telling my parents all about it. I was a silly little girl who trusted her Mummy and Daddy.
After months of trying to prove it to them, they brought me here to see Dr Drake.

Back then Drake was almost over passionate about his work. He desperately wanted to get this psychiatric department up and running fully.
He practically rubbed his hands together sizing up my parent's wallets.

It was perfect, my parents are extremely wealthy. They couldn't handle my gift, or me.
I no longer fit into there perfect, upper-class, little world.
In their eyes, I was broken, and an embarrassment.
I often wonder why they even decided to have a child.

Drake wanted the money and suggested I stay in the hospital for treatment and care.

They signed the paperwork almost relieved.
I was there only child, a mistake perhaps? I've often wondered why I was born.
It took me many years, to realise what they had done to me.
The first 11 years I truly believed there was something wrong with me, once I realised I was infact totally sane.
Naturally, I was devastated.

They used to visit all the time, bring me gifts and stay for a while.
Until I got angry, then they started coming less and less.
I had been signed up for hell, and by my most trusted people. I grew sour resenting them.

They still pay my extortionately high, weekly hospital expenses though, and Drake loves it.

Mary Cumberland, Drakes late wife. Now a spirit that won't leave me alone.
Drowned in the pool after drinking too much alcohol.

Yeah right! More like Dr Dick drowned her and claimed a huge amount on her life insurance policy. Well, that's what Mary told me anyway.

Me and Mary have grown close over the last year, she's my constant, and hidden companion. She obviously knows I really have my wits about me too. People like that are far, and few to come by in here.

I believe her story, spirits don't stay unless they have a reason, something that needs to be finished. She has no reason to lie about what happened to her.
I've known Mary's spectre for over a year now.
She came in behind Drake one day. She was practically frothing with anger.
I couldn't help but laugh, the curses, and profanity she was screaming at him made me giggle.

Mary figured out I could hear her, and she has never left since.
To be honest, I'm thankful, its another person to talk to when no ones around.

All worked out great for Dr Dick though.
No more wife and heaps of money.
He'd gotten away with murder. Did I mention he's a dick!

Mary is what I like to call an "Invader Spirit" she can possess me, temporarily, and re-lay messages through my body.
It's really annoying. She got so mad the day the life insurance money came in and Drake brought a new car. She just ran into me and before I knew it I was shoved to the back of my own mind momentarily.
Drake went from elated and ignoring my existence, to drugging me into Zombie land to shut Mary up.

Not to mention the impossible to know information Mary would use me for, proved my sanity. Still, Dr Dick keeps me here and cashes my parent's money each week.

It's been a while since she used me to have a go at Drake.
However, he's recently got a new girlfriend and Mary is furious.
losing all sense to rage, she took control of me, telling Drake what a dick he actually is.
I can't really blame her it's a shitty situation.

One good thing about being "Zombie Jabbed" Is that I can't see or hear the dead any-more.

I'm pissed with Mary, we had an agreement, no more possessions!
She caused me all this drama.
Not seeing her for the last 72hours, has been a blessing.
It's given me the unwanted time to calm down.

I slide off my chair, unable to hold myself up on it any longer.
"Oh, Millie" Donna, does try to save me, but it's too late.
My cheek and body hit the cool, sterile, and hard hospital floor.
Pain slice's through my foggy consciousness and I groan.
That's defiantly going to bruise.

My pumpkin soup hits the floor with me. A spectacular spray of orange lumps spread themselves magnificently all over me and the surrounding floor space. If I wasn't so drugged up I'd probably laugh.

Sandy helps, D, scoop me, and my dinner up from the floor.
She sighs rubbing her temples.
"This is ridiculous, he's got you on way too high of a dosage" Donna continues worrying her head frustrated.
I groan my agreement at her.
Poor D, she's had to watch me like a hawk for the last three days. I can see the stress eating away at her.
"You're doing your best" Sandy tries to soothe her.

They manage to get me up into my wheelchair. Sandy tries to wipe some of the orange smush but it's a lost cause. I grunt at her to give up and she throws me a sympathetic smile.

It's a weird thing, being imprisoned inside your mind, with a purposeless body.
It takes some getting used to. At first, you have to get past the fear, next you have to get past the restlessness and finally, you have to learn to appreciate all the little things.

The drug does keep a sort of contented calm feeling over me, but it doesn't seem to put me into a state of bliss like the others. Shame I'd like being less aware.

Donna pulls me from my mental musings.
"Let's get you to bed, Matthews going to be furious when he sees you like this" she huffs.
She's right Mathews going to be mad with her, and I can't defend her in my current state.

I groan my agreement about the bed.
I'm not sure why she even attempted bringing me out of it.
I can't even talk let alone work my mouth to consume anything.

Later D informs me, Dr Dick does indeed order me to have another "Zombie Jab" no surprises there.
Donna's smart and manages to stall him long enough, that his shift has now ended.

Matthews here. That means I get to come back to the land of the living yay!
Relief washes into my limbs at the thought of gaining control over my bodily functions again.
Matthews back in the building, I can feel it. A warm tingle joins the relief at the thought of seeing his attractive features again.
Matthew is tall dark and handsome. His strong jawline and blue eyes are tattooed behind my eyelids. He stars in my dreams when he leaves the hospital.
Years of obsession will do that to you.

I am unfortunately irrevocably in love with Dr Matthew, have been from the moment I laid eyes on him. I didn't believe in love, at first sight, being a bit disillusioned by the circumstances of my life.
Mr tall, dark and sexy started working here 4 years ago and has been finishing his residency under Dr Dick.
He's older than me by 8 years but I don't care.
My beliefs about love at first sight where forever altered when Matthew first walked in to examine me. Its a day I'll never forget.

Had we met under different circumstances, he would no doubt be mine, I'm sure of it.
However, fate has screwed me, and I've been put in inpatient land.
Even though there is nothing wrong with me.

Life's a bitch right, then you die.

Donna has done her best, she's changed my clothes, helped me pee and has now propped me up with pillows.
An attempt to brush all the dinner out of my hair fails. It's a lost cause but I love her for trying.
My normally wavy blonde hair is a matted mess. It is going to need a deep soak in conditioner before those clusters of locks will come apart.

Donna's fussing, nervous about Matthew seeing me in such a state.
I'm nervous too. It's far from ideal to look like this in front of the man you love.
He'll be reading over Dr Cumberland's, records right now, and seeing what he's done to me for the last three days.
I'm surprised he hasn't turned up yet, he always starts with my file.

As if summoned.

Matthew storms into my room while Donna is wiping the last of the food from my face.
My heart does the annoying pitta patter leap it always does when I see him again.
He's furious I can tell. Know-one else would be able to, but I know him too well.

"How long, has he, had her like this" he spits venomously.
I can see his jaw muscles tensing as he attempts to hide his anger.
I'm so happy to see him, not only does it mean, I can come off the drugs, I get to spend time with him for 72 hours.
Drake and Matthew live in the hospital during their shifts of 72hours.
It's part of the upper-class care this hospital provides its patients.

"Three days" Donna lowers her voice, bowing her head ashamed.
Matthew rakes his hand through his thick dark hair and clenches a large chunk of it tugging.
Ooh, he's really angry, he's sexy when he's angry.

"I've had enough of this, I'm going above him this time" He grinds his teeth.
He finally looks at me and blue eyes meet my green.
I see the wave of horror wash over him.
I must look awful.
He looks away, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
An attempt to calm himself down.

"I'll support you Matthew" Donna agrees.
"He can't get away with this it's too much" she's finished wiping my face and fluffs my hair around me.
I silently thank her with my eyes. Donna knows, how much I love this man, she's my version of an adopted mother. So It's pointless, trying to hide anything from her.

Wow, this is amazing finally someone's going to take on Dr Dick! Hallelujah

I groan my excitement.
Donna smiles, but Matthew frowns raking his hand through his hair again.
He's going to rip it out soon.

"Thanks, Donna" Matthew is both accepting her support and dismissing her from the room.

Donna looks at me and I grunt at her.
I'm telling her I'm OK. I think she understands.
"Millie, I'll go make you something special, for when you come back to us" She kisses my forehead.
I love this woman, she's more of a mother to me, than my real one ever was.

Donna makes her way around to the door. She pauses and sighs.
"Matthew, he's had her on too high of a dosage, its been suppressing her breathing" Donna explains. She has to tell him, it's her job, even though she knows he's upset.

I cringe internally for her this will surely send him over the edge, he's like a ticking time bomb ready to blow up.

"OK Donna, I'm going to reverse her now" His jaw is still clenched tight.
I can see him watching the slow infrequent rise and falls of my chest.
His eyes glint with unleashed fury.
"Great, I'm glad your back Matthew, it's been hell" she walks out, closing the door behind her.
Thumbs up to Donna, don't need the rest of the ward hearing Matthew lose his temper.

Matthew is normally very in control, and very professional.
It's only when it comes to me, that he seems to temporarily, unravel from time to time.

Matthew sits on my bed, the same torturous tingles, wash over me like every time he's close.
I've got it bad when it comes to this man.

"Millie, I'm so sorry, I'm going to give you a reversal agent now" Matthew looks me in the eye as he talks to me.
All his features soften, and I see the worry.

I grunt at him impatient.
Yay time to come back to the land of the living!
He pulls the bedsheets away revealing my thighs.

Donna, put me in an ugly hospital gown, as it was just easier. for her to manage, my hygiene while I'm in Zombie land.
I understand but detest them all the same.
She lets me keep my underwear on, and it's nice not having my butt hanging out for the ward to see.

"Bet you're thrilled about this" He grabs the hem of my gown, he knows I hate them.

I close my eyes, as Matthew preps my thigh for the injection.
Not because needles bother me, I just like to focus on the way it feels when he's touching my skin.

I'm pathetic I know.
The injection is over to soon, but I'm defiantly ready to leave Zombie land.

He sits with me for 10 minutes. Fluffing my pillows and watching my respiration rate.
Even with it low, my oxygen levels have been steady.
Donna takes good care of me.

He sighs, stressed, he doesn't like seeing me like this.
He denies himself, that he loves me too, but he does.
Even Donna sees it.

"I'll be back in 15minutes, your respiration rate has come back up now. His blue eyes search my green, checking I'm OK with him leaving.
"You should start to feel the effects of the reversal any minute. I just need to finish my rounds OK?" He doesn't want to leave me, but we both know he has to.

I groan my reply, it does sound slightly, like the 'go for it', I was going for.

Matthew leaves me, and I feel a pang of disappointment that he's gone.
Stupid emotions.

5 minutes pass, and I'm coming back to the land of the living.
I start, by wiggling my toes, and then my fingers, it's a glorious feeling.
I can't wait to have a shower, and eat something substantial. My stomach is just about eating itself.

I see an indistinct form, creep back into my vision, and I groan
Mary's back. Great! I roll my eyes.
"Millie, I'm so sorry sweetie. This was all my fault please forgive me, can you see me yet?"
I try to ignore her, but she can see my eyes focusing on her stupid hand movements.

"Yay you're back, thank goodness for that! I honestly, don't know how, I ever thought, I loved that pig of a man".
And away she goes.
She keeps ranting on about Drake, for the next 10minutes.

I decide to scan my room and try to zone out.
My parent's don't pay horrendous prices for no reason. St Margarets Hospital, Is a private establishment.
It's been designed for the wealthy.
It has to be easy to clean, hence the white walls, and standard floors, but everything that can be lavish is.
My large room has it's own equally sized bathroom. I have a queen-sized hospital bed and a comfortable couch.
A large window, sits at the end of my room. Unfortunately, it looks out to the back part of the hospital. I'm on the 6th floor. The entire floor is now Drakes Psychiatric department.
The rest of the hospital is for consultations or housing temporary patients.

Drake has hired a large team to run the rest of the hospital, while he and Matthew focus on this ward.

This ward contains the permanent, or locked down cases. Often, more complex ,and requiring ongoing care.
We're the more interesting ones..

Mary Is still jabbering on.
She's a gorgeous lady, even in death. Her brown hair, Is pinned up, and her make up is impeccable. Her hazy body, is littered with expensive clothes, and jewels. She definitely liked to spend Drakes money.
My theory is, that when we die, we become the best versions of ourselves in that time.
So, you don't suddenly become young again, but you don't look as you did when you died.
Thankfully, otherwise, I'd have to look at some pretty horrific sights.

Finally, I have control of my lips, and voice again.

"Mary shut up!" I interrupt her whining.
"Oh yay you can talk" relief washes over her incorporeal features.
"Mary, I'll forgive you, but please never do this to me again, or I will shut you out"
She hangs her head, ashamed, then huffs dramatically.

"I know, I know, I promise Millie" she pleads.
"Good " I spit back, still annoyed with her.

"I'll make this up to you Millie I swear" she claps her hands together, begging for forgiveness.
I roll my eyes.
"I forgive you, Mary, just please don't do this to me again. You've got to get better control of yourself OK"
She beams "Yes I know, I have been very good, well, until this recent episode" she screws her face up apologetically.
"I agree you've managed to hold it together for a while. However, It's me that suffers when you lose control".
"I know, It's been horrible seeing what he's done to you this time" She emphasises a venomous tone into the "he".
She must sense someone alive heading back, because she looks towards the door, then fades away.

I'm attempting to get out of bed, when Matthew practically runs back into my room.
"Did you miss me that much" I joke at him, then focus back on trying to test my legs out?
"Millie, stop your not ready for that, I knew you'd try to push yourself"
I try to force weight through my still useless legs, but Matthews right.

He catches me before I hit the ground.
I love being in his arms anyway, so it was kind of a win-win.
He hisses.
"You've lost more weight Millie". He hates it when I lose weight.

I'm already a petite frame, and even I'll admit, I have not eaten enough in the last 72hours.
I must look like a walking skeleton.

"Zombie land is an effective diet, you could make millions Matthew", I'm trying to cheer him up. He just scowls at me.

I pout up at him, as he lays me back in the bed, with too much ease.
"Don't pull that face at me", he rakes his hand through his hair again.
I'm surprised he's still so upset by Drakes treatment, it's not like he hasn't done this before.

"He had you on too high of a dosage Millie, he could have killed you" He raises his voice slightly.
Matthew rarely loses control of himself, he's trained to deal with psychiatric patients.
This is further proof that I am not like his other patients, why can't he see it!

"Well I really pissed Dr Dick off, sorry, but it wasn't my fault" I look away from him annoyed, it's not like I had a choice in the matter.

He rolls his eyes, he doesn't like it when I talk about the spirits I see, and what they do.

It reminds him I'm his patient, he doesn't believe I'm sane. I've tried to explain what I see to him, many times, to no avail.
It hurts, that he thinks there's actually something wrong with me.
He sits on the end of my bed again looking out the window.

I sigh "Well what's a girl got to do to get a burger, or something around here, I'm starving"
"Hmm, I doubt you'll get a burger in this place Mills" He turns back facing me.
I love it when he calls me Mill's, butterflies flutter in my stomach.

We both turn as my door opens, and my wish is granted.
Donna walks back in.
It's no burger, but a grilled cheese sandwich, is still a pretty good option in this place.
Donna hands me the grilled cheese and I dig in.

"She must have lost several kilos", Matthew grinds his teeth, but watching me eat is making him relax, a bit.

"I tried Matthew, but you saw her, I could barely get her out of bed, let alone get any meals in her", Donna pleads.
Uh oh, here comes the blame.
"You should have called me" he yells.

I knew he'd be angry at Donna. It's not her fault she has to do what Drake tells her.
"Hay! This isn't her fault" I manage to get the words out in between bites.
I won't let him upset, or blame her.

He storms over to the wall and slams his hand on it, startling me and D.
I don't know if I've ever seen him so upset before.
Me and Donna exchange a look behind his back.

I need to get him to calm down.
"Thanks for the grilled cheese D", I've managed to annihilate it completely in less than a minute.

"Can you please make her another one", Matthew pipes up, still brooding in the corner of the room.

"Of course", Donna walks out rolling her eyes behind Matthew's back. I giggle.

"I'm OK Matthew, stop blaming yourself, and Donna, you weren't here", I say, trying to sound soothing, he needs to chill.
He slams his fist against the wall again, making me jump.

"You weren't OK! Don't give me that crap Millie!"
Right well, that was a fail, who am I kidding? The last 3 days have been horrific.

"You're right, I wasn't OK. But another grilled cheese, and I will be much better"
I'll just have to keep trying to calm him down.

"He put you in zombie land for 3 days," he rubs his temples, huffing.

I can not help the huge grin that spreads across my face! He said Zombie land!
He turns, and smiles noticing my face.
"What's got into you," he tries to frown but fails.
"You just said Zombie land," I'm practically beaming, that he used my pet name.

He laughs, "Shut up no I didn't"
"Yes you did, I only wish Donna was here to have witnessed the moment" I giggle.
He sighs "Good to see you still have your humour," he sits back on the end of my bed.

"Always," I smile up at him, I'm glad to see he's calmed down finally.
I don't want our last day together to be bad.

I'm breaking out of this hell hole tomorrow.