You may have asked your self...Am i ever going to be happy? or When will the hurt stop...can't it just go away?!?! Well you may not know this but... Depression is not a thing to be laughing at... I've know some close family friends who have never felt good enough to be themselves and tried to end their lives... But the real question is...Why do you choose to hurt or be hurt? Why do you keep going back to the things or thing that hurts you so? The answer is i dont realy know, maybe it's because it's familiar to me and im used to it? If that's the reason then you need to let that old habbit go. You will never feel better if you hold onto hurt. You choose what you do, how you do it, and when it stops...  Im tired of people thinking, Im depressed because he broke up with me, or Why do i hate myself?!? or other things i cant go into becasue i am one of those people and i have tried all the things i can to get away from it. The hurt does follow, and it breaks you down but no matter how many times you have to. Go back and pick yourself up, brush yourself off and trudge ahead. My life hasn't been sugary sweets but i have been there. Even when i lost someone very important to me, i died when i lost them, but i pushed through it because i know they wouldn't want me to stick to what that random girl said or wether someone called me a bitch or not because i have fallen many times... i've fallen enough to surprise people im not that broken down yet. The tears i cry tatse like salt but they prove i learned and that i can still feel... They prove that im human. Which is more than i can say about some people... I remember this one girl in my sixth grade band class... she always wore this button that said, i lost my emotions years ago...but go ahead and think if i care! and i always wanted to go up to her and asked her if she truly wanted them removed, eventually after TCAP i got the courage and i did. She said this to me exactly, ' I don't think anyones asked me this question yet...but if i had to choose i would say yes.' i then hugged her and said straight to her face, ' So you'd rather not feel how much i love you as a person? or how much your friends like me care about you? but since she was aller she stooped lower so she could look me into the eye's and said, 'You were always the one person i had always needed to meet, i think i'd rather keep my emotions becasue you've opened them back up and i've never felt happier in my life. You are the one person to make me feel like i have ever belonged any where.' The reason she said that was becasue one week we had a dance coming up and i asked her if she wnted to try and go and get a dress with me. She looked at me like i'd shot her in the stomach. She turned and spoke quietly to me, she said she couldn't go becasue she would never look good. I told her to come over to my house two ours before the dance and i had already baught her a ticket. She showed up and i let her borrow my favorite dress. Then my cousin said she'd come over and do my makeup. I know what you're thinking, makeup? for a 12 year old? but by then i was realy big on self image and only wore it when my cousin did it at her house or when i was going to a big occasion. So she got there and did my makeup. When she was done i told her to do her best job to make my friend feel special. Tha was one moment i wished i could've savored, but by the time i'd finished my scentence she was already making my friend happy and comfortable. I know it's a long story but you'll get why i told it to you. When my cousin was done, i heard my friend thanking my cousin. She came out of my room, and looked amazing. So we went but as soon as we were back at my place she broke down crying. I asked her why, and she siad becasue the makeup easnt going to last and she'd look ugly again. I picked up her hand and held it for a second. I looked her in the eyes and said, You will never need makeup again until your either older or you need to look good for a special occasion. She stopped crying and asked me what i meant. I told her that i thoguht makeup was a mask and the only reason why so many girls are wearing are either to make themselves feel better about the way they look or to hide their blotchy faces from people seeing they have been crying. Then she relized she never realy needed makeup. SHe eventually was happy and content with being around people, but when ever we walked past a group of girls in school she would make me stop and we would watch how the girl looked and how she walked. We eventually found out the]at sad people walk slower then most, and their shoulders hang in defeat, and they always try and make every one else happy. I have lived 15 years and i can tell you they aren't easy but if you meet someone who seems sad, mad, or like they are lonely. Just talk to them you just might make their days a little brighter, their nights longer with sleep, and their pillows dry before falling asleep...Just becasue you hide behind a mask doesn't mean you have to try and be different or try and act different. We are the ones without a voice, We know eachothers hearts... Why try and bring eveyrone down? and not build them up! If i have done it so can you...who knows you just might find that special guy or girl or the perfect friend.