It was indeed easy for Hyunjin to call Christopher Chan. In fact, it was far too easy to in generell call him, talk to him and lay closer to him than he laid to anyone ever. They talk long into the deep night, until Hyunjin falls asleep on Chan's arm and the older one brings him back to his room.

The other boys of Hyunjin's team are long asleep and did not even realize Hyunjin missing.

Thursday. They boys woke up early for their morning training. Their coach whistled loudly and calls them all together. As if he had a big secret to share, he bends down and gives the boys a sign to follow.

"Today we will train with the Australian relay team. We will learn a lot frm each ither, but the competition hasn't started yet, so don't give everything and do not show them any tricks."

Then he stands straight again.

"The first exercise we do will be in pairs. Hyunjin, you will swim with their leader. Christopher Bahng. Mingi-"

Hyunjin's mind shutted down. He turned around slightly, catching Chan already looking at him. The other boy smiled naughty and winks at him. Hyunjin feels blush creeping up his cheeks and quickly turns back, just when the last pair was announced.

"Four teams, mixed through. You will swim a relay against each other. You guys swim 400 meters per team. 100 change. 100 change. 100 change. 100. Understood?"

The boys nodded in sync and their coach sends them off with these words.

"Hyunjin, you and Christopher have lane 4."

Hyunjin nods. He runs up to the lane, where Chan is already waiting.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"So... a team...", Chan grins.

"A team.", Hyunjin nonchalantly answers and tries to ignore the bubbles taking up his belly and abdomen.

He can still feel Chan grinning behind gis back and he tries to tell himself that he hates it rather than absolutely adoring it.

The relay was fun. It was an easy, lazy round and none of the swimmer wanted to show their strengths. Chan was continuously laughing and he even got Hyunjin to smile nearly most of the time. The training ended faster than any of the ones the South Korean relay team had since they landed in Australia. Chan can deel Hyunjin warming up to him and Hyunjin knows that he is more open that he would thought and allowed himself to be.

Lunch with his team was amazing. The reviewed mostly the other team and tried to pick out some strengths, but the material did not tell them a lot except for confirming the fact, that it was a really fun filled morning.

When they came back to the hall in the afternoon, Hyunjin was more relaxed than before. He did not jump into the water first thing and calmly warmed up, feeling a comforting kind of laziness surround him. The two teams would train seperate again. While Chan's team is in the Gym, the only other relay team except for the South Korean in the hall, was an Argentinian.

Even though Hyunjin felt good that way, it showed in a bad way, that he was relaxed. His movements were lazy, his lanes slow. His swimming just seemed sloppy and not competition-ready.

"I don't understand you Hyunjin.", the coach starts as he kept him back after the training. "First you wouldn't stop to train, pushing yourself far over the edge and now you show me nothing I can work with. That's nothing worth a competition what you did today! Would we be in the comps, I would send an extra for you out there, but we don't have one. We all depend on you just as much as we depend on the other three members. I need you to calm down enough to stay fit, but I need you fit and not as some walking pillar of sleeping pills. That's not what we need here, Hyunjin. I give you one last chance to concentrate. One last!"

It was awful. Getting scolded by his coach bcs if laziness. Hyunjin couldn't work with that. He was pissed. He was awfully, dangerously pissed and in his eyes, hidden through the red veil of fury even, there can only one person be at fault.

"CHAN!"

"Oh, hey, Hyunjin. Hard to believe I would see you here. In the swimming hall? At night? Wow.", Chan chuckles ironically.

"You are awful!"

"Not the first time being told that. I have a little sister... you need to try that a bit harder."

"Don't joke, you asshole!"

Chan's mimic changes at that. He now seemed to realize, that Hyunjin is actually mad.

"What happened?"

"That's your fault! No-wait- actually: everything's your fault! You destroy my fucking career!"

Chan doesn't seem to know if he should be confused or mad.

"How about you explain your point first?"

"It was awful. My coach was mad at me, because I wasn't giving enough! You talked that into my head! You manipulated me! You with your: stay calmer, have fun- NO! CHAN, NO! This is competition! THIS IS A FUCKING COMPETITION!"

Chan looks at him, hsi mouth wide agape, hurt flashes through his eyes. Then he gets mad. For the first time he gets actually mad at that boy.

"What even is my fault about that? I haven't done anything, I just suggested you to not overwork yourself and there is nothing wrong with that! YOU are awful, Hyunjin!"

Then the Australian relay leader jumps of the podium, shoulders his bag and stomps out of the hall without a single word more.

Hyunjin stands alone is the big, cold hall and regret washes over him heavier than anything he has ever felt. Regretting this, regrreting that. Just awful tightness and difficulty to breath. Regret.

A/N: I started to write this story as a help to cope with the stress swimming started in me, another way than in Hyunjin, but with the same feelings that I haven't even described yet. Maybe I'll come to that later. The story means a lot to me, so I'll continue it even without the reads. I am still coping, even tho I stopped athletic seimming over a year ago by now. I can't wait to get out of this slump and find a way to not let this unknown part of my past consume me.