I told her I shouldn't take it.

She refused, and gave it to me anyways.

I didn't say no, because I didn't think it would be bad if I said yes.

So what happened next was hours of torment.

Waiting for something to happen, because I cannot make things happen.

My propensity for life has diminished significantly. I've come to this conclusion.

It's worth living, if only to pen down these unfortunate thoughts. They've consumed me. 

Swallowed me whole. I keep swimming in them when I shouldn't.

Others won't fill the void which seeps deep into my soul.

I will have to fish my own heart out of my chest first, and I'm not good at fishing.