my homework mixed with hers
snow          blowing atop         snow
           we were alone in the corner
       of the library
she was suspiciously silent
                "what did you do?" (did i even want to know?)
her features twisted
her lips pursed and the whisper
                     "i broke up with him"
delivered my thoughts in two separate ways
dread mostly, they thought i was weird,
                          and intermingled with hope (maybe, maybe...)
but hope was
                  instantly crushed, demolished  in
                                                 the next second

it didn't take long before the words
                       "and i told him it was your fault"
had me exasperated
                 this had apparently been a regular thing
where she would claim         (wasn't true)     that i was the one
                 who kept deciding that she couldn't date
           (i never said that               ever,
               she's acts different with them)
and now there was the resonant slam of metal doors
here he was, he was there with them now, and he had a
big jacket, it was cold out, that was natural, that
wasn't weird at all, and he was reaching in his jacket

"i know why know,
darling" (it sounded disgusting,
                   rancid, distraught) he said to her
"i know why you can't ever be happy"
she had no idea 
what he was talking about (he was hysteric)
and neither did i
and then he reached in his
                                           big           black       jacket
and maybe he wanted to give her a wedding band
or something that
might have         redeemed           him
but i saw the grip, and i hugged her, i protected her
i didn't want her to die, and he said
"this is the only way" and she was confused
she struggled in my arms

a whisper that it would be okay left my lips
my body turned around
             bravery surged my veins
drove          my brain to heroics
then bang             once to the chest
      and bang (two          shots, 

bang bang, baby i got shot down)
couldn't find the other
  stomach     hot, burning, pure hell
she screamed, and he didn't
       shoot      her, that wasn't the plan
he put the gun up to        my head
temple    meet        muzzle
life            meet       an end
us             meets          you

but she was smart, so smart
a-plus student (smarter than me,
 i should            have            known)
         she fended him off,
                    he               listened      to her
words shifted a monster away from its victim
the library was empty by then
it was just me and her, me and her, us
and she held me close,
                         she was fine
she didn't get hit (how?how?hewantedme,nother)
there was no "me blood" on her
there wasn't a trace of me except on me
and        i wanted to           
                           apologize, say sorry,
she had to know i was sorry, she needed
and i was going, me blood ran out of me
too fast, way
                too quick, the need for speed took over
i guess, i think, it's a possibility
 that           she held me close, said it's okay

she smelled like peaches, i want to lick her,
that's not weird,
                  no it's not, not when i'm dying
you know               you know                  you know
 i -- let
           me say i'm                        sorry,
           the stain --