seonghwa sighed as he skimmed through the reports and adjusted the thin glasses that sat on his nose. though yechan was making progress in socializing, he was worried about his separation anxiety. it seemed like it was getting worse from what hongjoong told him, and seonghwa struggled to figure out the exact reason why it was happening.

hongjoong sat on the desk opposite of him as he restlessly fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and glared at the floor, a pout on his lips.

"yechan is progressing well, i'm proud of him," seonghwa commented while nodding his head and the younger smiled at that.

"though, he does struggle with the separation anxiety, even though he's doing well in socialization and communication, the separation anxiety may be a barrier in social situations. he may feel like you're needed there to give him the boost of confidence," he completed before he took a sip of his freshly brewed coffee.

hongjoong nodded, taking mental notes of whatever the doctor was telling him. yechan was fast asleep on the bean bag that sat in the corner of the room, cozily hugging his plushie.

"we will work on that though, no worries. in the mean time, did you figure out anything about yechan's special needs schooling?" seonghwa asked

the younger frowned at the question. he was too ashamed to say that he still couldn't afford it for his son, and it made him sad. he wanted only the best for yechan yet he felt like he wasn't able to provide that for him. he wanted his son to feel like the most loved little boy ever, yet at the same time he felt like he couldn't do that. he felt like he wasn't trying enough.

he cleared his throat, seonghwa giving him an assuring smile as he gently tried to hold hongjoong's hand that now sat idle on the table. although, hongjoong flinched at the touch, not knowing how to react.

"uh sorry about that. i've not been able to put him in special needs schooling yet, i'm not able to afford it," the male mumbled as shame filled his body. he didn't like admitting such things, but he had to. he sold his body for money, and even that didn't seem to be enough to provide for him and his son. it frustrated him to say the least.

"that's okay, special needs schooling can be expensive. my friend yeosang runs a school for special needs children, would you like his contact? he would be able to guide you on about the fees and everything."

seonghwa was always sweet to the younger and it always left him astonished. not a hint of judgement lingered in his voice, he sounded genuine, like he always did.

hongjoong's eyes bore holes into the desk as he anxiously bounced his right leg up and down, his palms becoming sweaty for a reason he didn't know. he chewed on the insides of his cheeks as he tried to bring himself together and not feel guilty about the fact that he wasn't a good father. 

"though yechan's adhd testing sessions will be done within the next three weeks, we might have to test it a little more since the results that i have been getting were very ambiguous, to properly diagnose anything i need to have clear results," seonghwa explained softly as hongjoong nodded.

he was worried he needed to start picking up shifts at the club again to earn the money he needed since the it tended to be extremely expensive for each session; hongjoong always wondered how he managed to afford it. 

"i do suspect he has adhd, although i may be wrong because the symptoms for autism can mimic ones of adhd, and it may overlap." 

hongjoong tugged at his bottom lip with his sharp teeth, nervously looking at seonghwa. he knew he had to tell the older male about his financial situation, if not he wouldn't be able to continue this. 

"i actually don't know if i would be able to afford both the therapy sessions along with yechan's schooling due to my financial position, it's getting really expensive if i'm being honest," the red head mumbled before the older flashed him a small smile.

"that's okay, we can figure something out. we could look into home therapy too, which is methods you could try at home to coax him into feeling better. there's a lot more we could try and work around this," the male spoke, his eyes sparkling with comfort. his soft, deep voice echoed through hongjoong's ear, spreading a sense of warmth through his chest. his passion and love for his job was evident from the way he spoke. the cozy orange lights illuminated against his tender yet sharp facial features. hongjoong felt like he was lost. 

"you're doing well as a father, hongjoong. don't worry, yechan is progressing really well and that is because of your dedication and hard work to raise him. it's really difficult to raise a neurodivergent child all on your own, but you're doing it. it's a thankless job that many people overlook." 

hongjoong really wanted to believe what the doctor was telling him, yet there was this voice in his head, pining away chanting to him that he was a horrible father, that he had failed as a parent. he felt conflicted. 

"thanks, i try my best," he whispered before a tiny smile cracked against his lips. 

there was a silence between the pair, the only thing being heard was their slow breaths, the silence was loud. it wasn't much, but it was more than enough for hongjoong to feel like he had more support than he ever knew he did. 

seonghwa could tell that the younger male was holding things back-- and it was okay, he had the right to do so. he didn't have to tell him everything, though seonghwa was open to listening to everything he says. he wanted to lend an ear, he wanted to be hongjoong's comfort space. it was weird since seonghwa wasn't like this with other parents; there was something about him that captured his attention. something about the way he carried himself, something about the way he was so gentle towards his son-- there was just something about him that seonghwa couldn't exactly point upon. 

"if you ever need help about something, please feel free to contact me, i hope you know you can always talk to me," the older male said as he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. 

hongjoong's mouth flickered open and close, he struggled to decide if he wanted to open up or not. seonghwa's heart ached knowing that he struggled with a basic thing he deserved; he deserved to be heard.

there was a long silence.

"i dont know, sometimes i feel like im suffocating and i can't be a good parent to yechan, i'm supposed to be strong for him but i just can't get to keep my shit together. i struggle to ask people for help and it feels like i'm drowning and i--"

that was the first time hongjoong opened up to someone other than san about how he felt. not even san knew about some of the things he felt about being a parent since he didn't want to be a burden to an already stressed college student. he felt a lump in his throat, his voice getting stuck at where it was.

seonghwa reached his hand out once again to hold the other's hand in his, now careful of his advances since he was worried he would flinch again, even though he didn't; instead he looked at seonghwa with eyes full of gratitude and hope.

"you're not alone in this, you're doing really well," he said reassuringly as he gently caressed the younger's knuckles with his thumb.

"you have support, and it's okay to lean on people when you need to. i'm always here for you to lean on."

--|--

sorry for the late update, i was sick and demotivated the entire week :((