hongjoong rubbed his tired eyes as he switched on the light in his room. the orange light dimly lit the dark room, the male squinting his eyes at the sudden light. the cool air from the ac brushed against his bare torso, wincing at the slight burn on his upper arms.

he walked into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, staring blankly at his reflection. he lifted his hand to gently trace his fingers around the scars on his neck, smiling at how far he's come.

hongjoong couldn't believe that he was actually alive.

just three years ago, he tried to take his own life after feeling suicidal. he felt like he wasn't a good enough father, he felt like he was a burden to all his friends. work always felt like a burden, he couldn't keep up.

though if it wasn't for yechan, he wouldn't be here, touching his scars. and even though he was thinking about it again, thinking about it hard; he decided not to. he had to live for his son, what would little yechan do without hongjoong?

he shook his thoughts away and washed his face, then stripped off the rest of his clothes so that he could shower. the feeling of relaxation that washed over him after the warm water hit his body.

he was preparing to go for a late night shift at the strip club. although his body was hurting, he had to do it. he wanted to do this for yechan. hongjoong had promised his son that he would take him to a painting workshop, and he didn't have enough funds for it hence he picked up a night shift.

once he was done, he changed into the sluttiest outfit he owned; a crop top, a short skirt  along with lace thigh highs and garters at the top that hugged his thighs. it was uncomfortable for him and he hated wearing them, but he did it for his job. over the crop top and skirt he slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt so that san wouldn't have to curse his eyes when seeing him. 

hongjoong then gently walked up to his bed where yechan was sleeping, a small pout across his tiny lips. he was a spitting image of hongjoong, just a little bit smaller in size and age. chubby cheeks and boba-like eyes against sun kissed skin. hongjoong thought his son was beautiful. he gently brushed the hair out of his baby's face and placed a tender kiss on his forehead, and damn did he want to cry. he was growing up so fast, time was flying yet he didn't have much to spend with him because of work. he missed the times when yechan was the size of his forearm, three in the morning and very sleep deprived, rocking his baby to sleep while hongjoong's girlfriend was out somewhere drunk with her friends. it was tough then-- maybe it's even tougher now, but he missed it. 

he admired his baby for a minute, thinking deeply. yes, that's his baby, the baby he made with someone who he thought he loved. accident or not, yechan is his baby. he was young and dumb, and he might have been too immature to have a child, but he never regretted it. he loved yechan more than anything in this world, in ways he can't ever express in words. he never understood the love a parent had for a child until he had one. his heart always bloomed with joy whenever he saw his little one giggle with happiness, his heart filled with love whenever his little one would do something silly and then act like nothing happened, his heart filled with love whenever yechan was proud of an art work he did and smiled like the rays of sun. hongjoong believed that his son was the reincarnation of the sun himself. 

since he had to leave soon, the male gently picked up his son in his arms, making sure to not wake him up. he picked up everything needed from the home and locked his the house, keeping the key safely in his hand bag. he knocked on san's door as he caressed yechan's hair, soon to which a shirtless san opened it. 

"whoa, don't flash me there young man," hongjoong commented with a chuckle and san shot him a glare. 

he tip toed down the stairs, taking his best friend's bike to reach his destination. the night sky was dark and stars twinkled among the moon that shone brightly. he decided to stop in front of a convenience store to grab a drink so that he could mentally prepare himself for what he was about to go through with.

the bell of the store clinked when he opened the door, the cashier lady wishing him a good evening. he speed walked to the drink section with his head down, picking out a drink for him to put inside the ice cup he loved.

the shop was quiet, only a few people going in and out. he finished making his drink on top of the ice cream freezer after paying, taking a sip and nodding to himself at the satisfying taste of the sweet coffee.

hongjoong stirred the coffee a bit with the straw and then turned around, suddenly colliding with a figure that appeared in front of him, spilling all his coffee on the white shirt the man was wearing.

"fuck," the man cursed loudly

hongjoong knew he had heard that voice somewhere, it was familiar and he looked up to find his son's psychiatrist. standing there with coffee all over his white coat and shirt, brown stains covering it all.

seonghwa looked back up at hongjoong and the pair made a sudden eye contact, the younger male turning red from the embarrassment.

"seong-- doctor im so sorry," hongjoong quickly apologized and picked out some tissue papers from the side to wipe off the coffee stains, which he kind of failed to do so.

"oh, mr kim! what are you doing here so late?" seonghwa said in surprise

shit, he couldn't tell the doctor about his job as a prostitute, that would be even more embarrassing.

"ah, i was just um passing by and decided to buy a drink," he replied awkwardly while rubbing his neck.

"i see."

"what about the shirt? i'll buy you another one, i ruined this one!" the male said with all his classic hand gestures, making seonghwa smile at him.

seonghwa was mesmerized by his eyes, the way he behaved and by the way he did everything. it was adorable.

"no, you don't need to buy me anything. i have plenty of these at home. it was my fault for standing behind you like that anyways," the doctor replied with assurance

hongjoong still felt guilty about ruining an expensive shirt and coat but he decided to believe the older male for once. and now, he wanted to run away. fuck that drink of his, he could get it later. he didn't want to face seonghwa right now-- especially while wearing a slutty outfit under his normal clothes. it felt weird.

"um, alright, see you at the next appointment, doctor. bye!" he screamed as he ran out the shop, straight into the club next door where he worked.

seonghwa on the other hand, stood where he was in the shop, blushing for no reason. why was he blushing anyways? because he spoke to his little crush? or the fact that he actually bumped into him on a random night in a random convenience store; it was pure coincidence, he thought.

little did he know, what was awaiting him in the future.

--|--

your thoughts on this book please (so so so so so sorry for the late updates 😭)