hongjoong held yechan's tiny hand as he pushed the large oak door in front of him and walked into the room. it was lit up with warm lights and the scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air. the familiar room gave hongjoong a sense of comfort; it was designed with gentle colours, a cozy bean bag sitting in the corner of the room along with a few toys next to it. seonghwa sat on the spinning chair, his presence creating a sense of warmth in hongjoong's heart for a reason he didn't know. 

"hey chanie, how are you feelin' today, love?" seonghwa softly asked, his voice was as soothing as a comforting hug on a cold night. he smiled at the little one and yechan simply clung on to his father. it was obvious to seonghwa that yechan didn't want to leave his father's side and he respected that.  even though he was usually energetic and excited, he figured maybe he was feeling low. 

hongjoong gently squeezed his son's tiny hand in reassurance and his heart was beating at the speed of light, to which yet again he didn't know the reason of. when seonghwa flashed him a gentle smile, he swore his heart flipped a million times and his eyes didn't know where to look because he couldn't make eye contact to save his life, instead he intensely stared at the desk. 

he walked over to the desk and took a seat on one of the chairs as seonghwa pushed a cup of coffee towards him. for some reason, hongjoong didn't know how to behave when he was with seonghwa, it felt like he was nineteen again, being young and dumb with his girlfriend-- except this time everything was actually being reciprocated. 

"shall we sit down and have a little chat before we start?" he softly suggested with a smile tugged across his lips and his hand gesturing towards the sofa.

hongjoong nodded as be slowly walked over to the sofa, placing yechan on his lap after he took a seat on it. the little one cuddled his father close along with his plushie that he fidgeted with. hongjoong gently caressed yechan's tummy as he tried to get as close as he could with his father.

the doctor handed him the freshly brewed cup of coffee, their hands grazing while seonghwa passed the cup. hongjoong felt his cheeks heat up at the touch of seonghwa's soft skin.

"thank you," he muttered, trying to hide the fact that he was probably blushing.

seonghwa settled down next to hongjoong and the male couldn't help but notice that he looked slightly different this day. instead of a bun-- his slightly long hair was slicked back as usual, except today he wore a tiny ponytail that reminded hongjoong of a warrior from the ancient times. his sun kissed skin had an ethereal glow to it, a shade of pink tinted his lips and his cheeks along with eyeliner that made his eyes pop. the warm light of the room shone against him, highlighting his sharp jawline and tender brown eyes that sparkled.

hongjoong wasn't just mesmerized by seonghwa's physical beauty-- he was mesmerized by how he carried himself too. he did everything with such grace and gentleness, not even hongjoong could imagine himself doing things that way. there was a comforting aura that surrounded him at all times, an aura that somehow made hongjoong feel safe in his presence.

"like i said, we could work on his separation anxiety this way," seonghwa finished and suddenly hongjoong snapped out of his thoughts. he didn't realize he was lost in thought while staring at seonghwa.

"huh?"

well to his defense, he really did try to focus as much as he could to what the doctor was saying but got totally distracted at how his voice remained soft throughout, how his boba-like eyes were filled with affection, understanding and compassion for his son. he was different and hongjoong could sense that-- he somehow managed to unintentionally lure the younger in a way nobody else could. when he was with him, he made hongjoong feel like he could forget all the pains he had, all the hardships of life vanished into thin air.

he watched the doctor speak as his plump lips moved with earnestness while he eyes constantly stayed on either hongjoong or yechan; hongjoong feeling extremely nervous and tingly when the doctor's eyes were on him. he knew the male wouldn't do anything to him with bad intentions. being with seonghwa felt like getting a big, warm hug on a cold winter day.

hongjoong's heart fluttered and his stomach did flips whenever he was with seonghwa-- a feeling he only felt when he was with his girlfriend. he had never felt this way around anyone else. it was confusing to say the least.

"hongjoong, are you okay?" seonghwa tenderly asked, his voice laced with concern as he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, making the male flinch suddenly.

"sorry, yea im okay," he whispered

"are you sure?" he asked again.

he had retracted his hand immediately when he realized that hongjoong was uncomfortable with being touched, it was obvious from the way he flinched. though he couldn't help but worry a bit because the parents he had met with had never reacted that way with the comforting hands he offered them, it worried seonghwa if hongjoong was being physically abused in any way. he decided not to talk about it though since it could be a personal issue too.

well-- hongjoong was mainly the only parent he offered a comforting hand to because his previously small crush had now increased. seonghwa liked a man he didn't even know much and it scared him a bit. he could start talking about the younger and never finish, he just had that much to appreciate about him. he hoped hongjoong knew how much seonghwa actually appreciated and liked him.

"okay, i trust you," the doctor said before he chuckled. the sound was like music to hongjoong's ears.

"i was talking about the separation anxiety yechan has. we could totally work on that and it is common for young children with autism to have this. don't worry, we could help him get better."

hongjoong nodded, not knowing what else to do. his heart pounded so loudly in a way he hadn't felt before, and it made him want to stay. he didn't want to leave even though he wasn't going to leave anytime soon, there was still an hour left of the session. there was something about him that hongjoong just wanted to sit and listen to his soothing voice, getting lost in his beautiful eyes.

no, hongjoong couldn't feel like this. he cannot like men, that is wrong. like his mom told him when he was younger-- girls like boys, and boys like girls. boys cannot like boys. girls cannot like girls. so of course, hongjoong as a man, can't like another man, that too someone much much older than him and someone he doesn't even know.

--|--

school murdering me so bad imma just throw myself away