Once I was a little girl in kindergarden 

And I looked in the mirror 

And I was totally indifferent about how "different" I looked like 

In fact, I did not really care about my appearance 

Once I was in sixth grade, though

Everything changed

Demons in my head told me that I was not pretty enough 

That I would never look like the perfect models on TV 

Once I was in seventh grade, 

My back was extremely curved due to my scoliosis 

And that summer the doctors

Had to pry my "poor" curved back open and put rods in it 

Once I was in eighth grade, 

I felt extremely weak 

Both physically and mentally 

I couldn't get over the fact that I couldn't ski anymore 

I couldn't horseback ride anymore

I couldn't go jump on trampolines anymore

I couldn't do anything anymore

Once I was a freshman in high school....

It. Was. Difficult. 

Those three words sum up 

My freshman year of high school perfectly 

Now, I'm a sophomore 

And I think I've mentally grown stronger 

And physically, too 

I still struggle with my insecurities once in a while but we ALL deal with insecurities sometimes, right? 

This summer 

I'm planning on having another surgery 

It's a surgery that I actually want to do 

It's called Facial Reanimation Surgery 

My surgery will be on July fifth 

And I am extremely nervous 

But also incredibly excited 

This surgery will make my left jaw be able to move 

I remember the day I went to John Hopkins Hospital 

To see what this Facial Reanimation surgery 

Was all about 

And- I have to admit- at first I wanted nothing to do with it 

At first it seemed too much like plastic surgery

And that they wanted to "fix" my syndrome or something

It was like my face was a broken machine

And the doctors were wanting to make it a "perfect" machine

But then I started thinking about it 

Thinking and thinking

thinking and thinking

And I thought "Wow! It would be pretty cool to be able to move my jaw and be able to smile!" 

I recently started making faces in the mirror 

Moving the left corner of my lip

Up, down

And all around 

I have to say

That it WOULD be pretty cool 

To have this face surgery 

But I'm still not sure about it

The truth is....I keep asking myself this one question:

Is it really going to be worth it?