The train rumbled beneath you, rhythmic clatter filling the dimly lit carriage. Outside the window, the countryside rushed by in a blur of dark forests and moonlit fields. Inside, the air smells faintly of coal and dust, mixed with the lingering scent of your borrowed perfume.

You sat close to Eren, hand clasped tightly in his. His hand was callused from all the years of military but never scarred because he was a Titan. He could get scars now.

You had both been silent for a while, lost in your thoughts, the weight of your decision pressing down on you like the heavy wool coats you were wearing. You glanced at him, his profile illuminated by the flickering light of the passing station, and your heart swelled with a mixture of fear and hope.

"Do you think they know?" you asked quietly, voice almost drowned out by the train's hum. You leaned in closer, your breath warm against his neck. "What we've done?"

Eren's jaw tightened. His dark hair was tousled, and his eyes, normally so bright, were shadowed with worry.

"By now, they do," he said. "They'll forgive and forget—we'll be fine."

His voice was steady, though the slight tremor in his hand betrayed his nerves.

You squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him as much as yourself. "Do you think we'll make it?"

"We'll make it," he replied firmly, turning to meet your eyes. "I promised you, didn't I?"

His smile was small but warm, and for a moment, it felt like the rest of the world had faded away, leaving only the two of you.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, the tension in your body beginning to melt. Outside, the night stretched on, endless and uncertain, but inside the train with Eren beside you, possibly forever, there was a small flicker of safety.

"I don't care where we go," you whispered. "As long as we're together."

Eren wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. You had been impulsive, perhaps stupid and rash. But you listened to your heart instead of your head, and the heart wanted him. It wanted out of the hellhole you called war against Marley.

"We'll be together," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Always."

The world beyond the walls was cold and hostile, but in this moment, pressed against each other in the rattling carriage, you felt warmer than ever.

You were free.

-

Live.

Suffer.

Die.

Repeat.

A recurring nightmare.

You startled awake at an hour too late and dark to know what time it is, heart pounding against your ribcage.

Your perspiring hand came up to your shirt, feeling your heart thundering so loudly it felt as though your rib cage would explode.

The memory of the nightmare you woke up from clinged to your brain for a moment, slowly pulling away until you were left with flashes of Eren's face and a vague feeling of unease and fear.

Your hand came up to grasp at your shirt, heart thundering so loudly in your chest that you could feel it against your fist.

"[Name]," A soft, quiet voice speaks up, and you jerked your head up, still sweaty and nervous from the dredges of adrenaline the nightmare left you with. Eren was looking at you from beside you. The room was still rather bare. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," you started, blinking away sleep as you tried to collect your words. "Yeah. Just a nightmare."

"About what?"

"I don't know," you said. "I dreamt that the Rumbling actually happened. It was terrible, like I actually lived through it."

"Come here."

He stroked your cheek and found that you had been crying. Eren was immediately concerned.

"Are you okay?"

"It felt so real."

"Calm down." He pressed a kiss to your temple. "It's not."

"I know. But it did feel like it's happened before."

"I'm the same as you, I guess. Nightmares. Insomnia, mostly." Eren said, gently caressing your face. Vaguely, you wondered if that was a coincidence.

"Nightmares?" you asked, frowning worriedly. "About what?"

Eren looked at the ceiling and back at you, the darkness reflecting in his eyes as he looked back at you with strange calm. His face twisted into a familiarly angsty expression, and he stared down at your shoulder, blatantly avoiding eye contact.

"Um," he started, obviously hesitant. "That I started the Rumbling."

Now, you were curious. "Would you?"

Eren went silent before saying, "What would you do if I said I would?"

You pondered even though you knew the answer anyway.

"I would still love you."

"That's awful," he muttered. "You should hate me."

"I should," you agreed. "But I don't. You could do it again, break everyone's heart a thousand times over and I'd still love you."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"I do," you said, and you were certain.

You didn't realize how heavy your eyelids were until you were back under the blanket, wrapped up in warmth. You drifted off faster than expected, eyelids sinking shut, and before you fell asleep completely, you heard a quiet murmur of 'goodnight, [Name].'

You fell asleep wondering what the other life could have been like.

-

For the first time, Eren turned twenty years old.

He cut his hair. Said it was getting too long for him. He liked it when you ran a hand through his scalp, and often whispered to you that it helped him fall asleep when you laid in your shared bed. As such, he now fashioned an undercut. It was helpful whenever he did manual labor as well, like when he had to chop wood or fish for food.

The cottage was quiet and simple. It was not unlike Eren's old home in Shiganshina. When you both built it, you agreed that it would be more of like a small vacation than a permanent residence. Hangë and Levi contacted you not long after you left, saying that the uncertain times were not the best time to have left the Survey Corps.

You wrote back that you would both return if anything happened and then secretly prayed it would never happen.

Eventually, the urgent letters ceased. The world and Paradis quickly realized that the Titan powers were gone and there was no bringing them back.

Many theories popped up left and right. Some said it was divine intervention. The scholars insisted that it was evolution, survival of the fittest. You tried to ignore it all, you did. But deep down, you felt as though you had a part to play in it. Whatever it was, you had no idea.

You live a perfect, ideal life.

It feels odd to be with only Eren. You used to live in a noisy barrack, bedrooms separated by sweaty girls and boys; now, you were alone together in the tranquil of nature, far away from prying eyes.

There used to be nightmares of your dead comrades from when you were a teenager, but now, they were slowly fading away. You were forgetting them, just as you had forgotten everything else you had been through.

Sometimes you would remember. Sometimes you think about scenes that you have never lived through. It feels like you have. Scenes of battles renting the sky, of the walls falling and the Titans within marching, of a sword slicing through Eren's neck.

After all, that was the price to pay to be with Eren. There was no war, no battle, no Rumbling. As far as you were concerned, all those nightmares were just negative political theories from Paradis that never happened.

But it didn't stop you from feeling anxious. Something was not right. Still, there was nothing you could do. You had altered reality, forcefully took it apart and stitched it into the way you wanted it to go. You had sacrificed Thirteen times, for over a century, and now, you got to reap your reward. Not that you knew.

Marley and the rest of the world never attacked Paradis. There was no reason to since the Eldians couldn't transform into Titans anyway. And as Eren had mentioned, even if they did have agendas for resources like the Azumabito of Hizuru, Marley was at an indefinite standstill. Without the Titan powers, their military power had significantly weakened.

Eren's greatest enemy was now vulnerable. And the rest of the world seemed pretty alright with leaving you alone, for now, anyway. Perhaps someday they would come to Paradis and demand a share of its treasures. But that day was not today. And Eren loved that, because now, you could live.

You had both dug around yourselves for feelings of anger and revenge. Instead, you could only ever be relieved. No one wanted war, despite what Eren originally felt.

Ghosts haunted you, past lives that had evaporated into thin air. You forgot everything else to be at peace. Perhaps if you could remember that you had lived and sacrificed the existence of twelve other lives to be at peace, it would make more sense as to why things were so easy now. But you could not.

If anything, it was better that way.

"Dear Eren," you whispered as you place the chocolate cake on the table, the warm light burning brightly against his dazzling green eyes. You placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, felt the warmth of his skin against your mouth. You felt like you had celebrated his birthday many times before, but this was the first time you had seen him past nineteen. "I love you."