Warning: nsfw (smut, oral)

-

NINE

You come to a horrible realization. You sail away to faraway lands.

A series of furious knocks rapped at the door.

"Hey," nine-year-old Eren whined from the other side. "Let me in!"

"'Ren, come on," you said. "This is for girls only. You're not a girl."

Eren grumbled on the other side and you could almost see his pout. You were in Mikasa's room, where she was hosting a sleepover that was strictly for girls only. That meant Eren was not allowed inside.

"But I'm family," he said. "Shouldn't that count for something?"

"You can't touch her hair, Eren," Mikasa said seriously, voice almost threatening for a nine-year-old child. "You'll pull and ruin it."

"No, I won't!"

"'Rennie-ren-ren," you said condescendingly, almost enjoying the blatant teasing-borderline-bullying. "Don't be such a baby."

"You're so mean, [Name]! How many times do I have to tell you, I'm just a year younger? And so is Mikasa!"

"Mikasa doesn't act like a baby," you replied loftily.

Eren stomped away. He made sure his bare feet were loud and obnoxious against the wooden floor outside, telling you how he felt. That was until his mother told him to go to bed, ruffled by the ruckus.

Mikasa brushed your baby hairs, which stuck out everywhere, slicking them back. When the lights went out, and you and Mikasa snuggled into her bed, you watched as she fell asleep. In the first loop, you still felt the same feelings: guilt for Eren's predicament, and wishing you could apologize for teasing him. But this was the ninth loop and you knew you'd see him.

The ticking bedside timepiece struck exactly 11 o'clock, which was a late night for a ten-year-old, so you crept out of bed and went downstairs. There you saw Eren, sleeping on the couch. He had refused to sleep in his room, perhaps as a protest.

You touched his shoulder. He woke up, groggy.

"Hey, 'Rennie," you said. "You sleepy?"

"No," he said, blinking back the sleepiness. His tiny brows knitted. "Thought you wanted to be with Mikasa."

"I want to say I'm sorry. I want to play with you too," you said. "Let's go to the ocean!"

"But it's late at night."

"So? Does the ocean disappear at night?"

Eren stared for a second, then brightened. Other than tag, this was his favorite game.

You let him take your hand and drag you around the dark house, riding imaginary horses and tying thin blankets around yourselves like they were Scout capes. He took paper and plotted imaginary expeditions with trails of red pushpins. You let him hoist you on his back, and the two of you took off through lush jungles and arenose deserts. You took brooms and pretended they were swords as you fought Titans.

"Look, Eren, do you see? That blue water glittering?" You tugged his shirt and pretended to look through a telescope, which was just a cardboard tube. "It's—"

"—the ocean!" Eren completed it for you.

Then you both fell back onto the couch, sweating but giggling. It was the ocean, where the gentle waves engulfed your bodies as you swam and played. You couldn't wait to dive back into the seaside in the future. Like Eren, you were sick of the walls.

"One day, I'll sail a ship into the ocean," you said. "I'll go to the lands far, far away."

"I'll go with you, [Name]!"

You brushed the matted strands from Eren's flushed face, wishing he could always keep his childhood innocence. There was no way he would remember this conversation, but it felt good to say it anyway. To get it off your chest and eradicate the guilt you'd feel someday. That ship, sailing away.

"Of course you will, 'Ren."

It was here that you found the art in your nickname for Eren.

Ren.

Wren.

A bird.

A small, brown, feathered creature. Flying away freely. It was a songbird, caroling messages for the future. To you, who-knew-how-many years from now.

Your heart steeled, then softened. After all, you were only a child.

You and Eren spent until midnight hanging up the blankets, connecting them with different furniture, and putting up pillows to make a tent. It was a fort, your camp. You comfortably laid down against each other on the fluffy mountain of blankets and pillows, the tired children you were.

He touched your hair, ignoring Mikasa's earlier warnings. "Pretty."

"Thanks," you said. For some reason, your face grew warm as his fingers touched your neck.

His eyes were fluttering. "Other than Armin, you're my best friend—I'll bring you to the ocean."

"You're mine, too," you whispered. "In every lifetime."

That night, you dreamt of the ship, sailing far away.

-

A Titan rose from the murky depths. With long black hair sticking to its face, glowering green eyes, and a well-sculpted muscular body, it made easy work of lifting the Marleyan ship from the sea.

You pointed your telescope to the ship's name imprinted on the side as Eren set it down by the beach, ignoring the screams of the sailors within. It was another war vessel.

Down by the beach, Eren clambered out of his Titan. On the other side of the coast, Hange was greeting the Marleyan sailors that he had overturned. You glanced at those rustless liners, gleaming in the silver moonlight and saltwater, and pursed your lips.

Eren made his way toward you and the rest of the squad at the viewpoint, fastening his green cape around his neck. The sand was smooth and fine under his boots. The Titan marks running down his face were red and raw as though he had clawed them himself.

Out of everyone, you were the first to raise your head and beckon him over. "You've been working hard, Eren."

Eren sat beside you, your sides lightly pressing together, and shook the hair on his head, like a cat. The wind blew strong gusts, causing Armin's maps to fly around. Mikasa and Jean scrambled to collect them, handing them to Armin as he apologized profusely.

You watched your friends like you were only a spectator and not part of the group—the loops repeated so accurately that they merged into a single blur. You understood how Eren felt well—knowing the future but unable to speak.

Eren wasn't looking at you. He mumbled, almost embarrassed. "It was nothing, seriously."

"You had to go underwater, though," you said. "What's it like, going underwater as a Titan?"

"Well, it's wet."

You rolled your eyes. "So descriptive."

Morose. He was no longer as bright-eyed as he was when he was a child. You often tried to cheer him up and steer him away from such melancholy, but it was difficult to save a person on the path to self-destruction. It hurt to watch the light leave him every time. Still, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to give up. You yearned to see him happy.

Eren must have sensed your quiet dejection because suddenly two palms slid over your eyes, covering your vision in darkness, and the press of flesh. You'd gazed at and touched Eren's hands enough to know it was his against your skin. His palms smelled like salt, like the ocean. His hands were big enough to cup your burning cheeks.

"Eren, stop," you pleaded, but everyone knew you didn't mean it. He snickered, pleased by your reaction. You feigned annoyance, complaining, but Eren shook your head a little in his soft grip, and you laughed. It was a cute reminder that some things from childhood never changed. "Seriously, you're so annoying, Eren."

"You love me," he stated smugly, and that made you freeze, even if he was only trying to tease you.

"So gross," you heard Jean mutter.

"Almost painful to watch," Sasha agreed.

"This is what it's like, [Name]," said Eren, ignoring the others. He leaned in to whisper into your ear. "Dark. Cold. You can't see anything except the ship's hull against the unforgivable ocean and hope you're doing this right... that you won't drown."

A shiver passed through you. You hadn't forgotten that one loop where you drowned, one of your most awful deaths ever. You tried to shake him off, but Eren wouldn't budge.

"You scared?" he asked, putting his hands away and instead using them to turn your chin to look at him. He was wearing a small smirk—at least you had amused him and broken him out of whatever depressive thoughts he was having.

You scoffed. "You wish, 'Ren."

"And," Eren continued, poking your side abruptly, causing you to start. You arched your back, just a little, out of surprise. His eyes quickly flitted from the curve of your back, back to your face. "Yes, it's underwater, so it's wet. That good enough for you?"

"I can argue against that." You flicked his face and he yelped in surprise. He thought he was real funny, weaving a horror story just to entertain you.

In retaliation, he gave you a shove. You attempted to shove him back, but he grabbed your hands and prevented you from going further. You locked your fingers with him, pushing each other's palms, trying to force the other onto the sandy ground. He stuck his tongue out at you and you laughed, hitting his chest.

"Kiss me, 'Rennie," Jean mocked in a whiney, high-pitched tone, using the special nickname you originally reserved for Eren as a joke. "Put your hands on me, 'Rennie."

You shot Jean a deadly look. You hated it whenever one of your friends teased you about Eren, always have found it annoying since your first loop.

Usually, Eren would roll his eyes at how Jean always did his best to rile him up, like their brawl the night before the Battle of Shiganshina. That was because he was pessimistic at the time. That meant Jean noticed it this time, too. You decided not to take Jean's bait. He was, after all, trying to show that he did care for Eren in his own stupid way.

But Eren's hand snaked up to the end of your hair and began playing with the strands, messing them up. "Lay off my best friend, Jean."

"Right," you echoed. "His best friend."

You and Eren treated each other like best friends. Strictly. You pushed and shoved each other like you were siblings. The way it had always been. But you hadn't forgotten the way it felt to kiss him from previous loops. Couldn't forget. At night, when your biological instincts would act up, you fantasized his lips on yours. And you felt awful about it, like you were betraying everyone and yourself.

You glanced at the boy beside you. He was shrouded in the moon and yet he still reminded you of daylight.

But he was just your best friend. You were never meant to be anything more.

To love Eren was to be selfish; you loved Eren too much to be selfish.

A thought occurred to you then, as you gazed at that beautiful boy beside you for the millionth time. Your palms were red from pushing against his, electrified. There was a smile on his face as his eyes flitted to you almost shyly, and you hungered after his smiles, his happiness so often, it was practically nourishing to see any semblance of joy in him.

You'd do anything for him. You'd sacrifice your own life if it meant he'd be happy. You'd go to the ends of the earth, never caring if these loops drove you to the brink of madness, if it meant that Eren had any hope of being saved. So he could live without bearing the sins of a killer. He didn't deserve his original fate; he deserved to be growing old with you.

You just loved him that much.

What?

Abruptly, you let go of Eren's hands, staring at him, terrified. The chilly wind nipped at your warm face. He sent you a look of concern, laced with an affection that you now realized was something real.

You loved Eren.

You loved Eren.

You loved Eren.

You knew that. Of course you knew that. You loved him. But this was different. You loved him. So pure and benevolent. It was nothing new to you, yet somehow it felt new all the same. You didn't have to kill yourself to remind yourself of it. All you had to do was look at him doing nothing.

The thought crashed over you like a wave curling in, poetic and deadly. It wasn't the same as the third loop, where it was based on codependency, fear, and maybe even a smidge of lust. This was different. It was something you could choose, but couldn't help. It was obvious to you that you had feelings for Eren—that much was given back in Loop Four, picking him over Jean. But this was so different.

You realized that must be why you kept dying over and over again. It was because all this time, you had loved him. It was one of those things that just wouldn't change no matter what you did to turn the story differently, like Marco's death or Armin taking the serum. But you had always known that loving him was never a feasible option—it was why you frequently rejected any possible advance. Every time you loved him, it always ended in him never being saved.

It could kill you. Kill everyone. Again and again.

But you loved him every time.

"You there, [Name]?" Eren was waving in front of your face. "You're staring at me."

You snapped out of your stupor. It felt like cement was pouring over you, trapping you there, forever encased in unbreakable stone. You wondered just how many times you'd stared at Eren, hopelessly bewitched, without realizing it.

"I'm not feeling well," you mumbled.

"It's late at night, anyway," he said. He reached over to hoist you on your feet without giving you the chance to pull away. "You should go back to the tents. Get some sleep."

"Mikasa should take me," you blurted, alarmed. "We sleep in the same tent."

"I think Eren would be preferable," Mikasa said pointedly, throwing you a look as she adjusted her scarf. Armin smiled at you. They probably thought they were helping you, forcing you with the person who was so obviously dear to you. "Go on, Hange might need us."

Connie and Sasha snickered. Jean reminded them to shut up.

It made your spine crawl. Did everyone know you were in love with Eren except you and Eren? Before you realized it yourself? How many times had they watched you pine over him, hopelessly devoted? Was it every life? Surely it must have been. You were a walking love letter, written in the vibrant blood of everyone you'd killed with your wrong choices, addressed to your best friend.

As soon as Eren helped you up, you angled away and shoved your hands deep into your pockets as the two of you walked back to the tents. The sand was coarse underneath your boots. You could feel his quizzical stare from the side, but you didn't say anything. That was what has always generated your strange behavior, you thought. You never said anything.

Realizing that you loved Eren was awful. It was wonderful. It was everything that had been wrong with you from the start.

"Don't you have ships to watch out for?" you asked.

"You said you wanted to check out the ships, right?" said Eren. His voice was low and calm. A boy turning into a man. "I've counted based on Yelena's estimation. They're all there."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Warships, fishing ships, sailboats, commercial boats... they went all out. That's how desperate the Marleyans were to survey Paradis. To make sure we're all still caged by those Walls and the Titans."

Eren spoke with bitterness and an honesty that he was comfortable enough with you to show. He never feared that anyone could hear or that you would rat him out to your superiors in the military because he trusted you that much.

Not wanting him to spiral into the dark thoughts in his head, you decided to distract him and said, "Ships! It's my dream to sail one."

"Yeah," he said. "I can remember you telling me that as a kid. You can achieve that dream now."

"I'd have to learn it, though," you said. "I've never done it before."

"Ask Yelena, maybe. That is if you can get over how standoffish you are to her for no good reason."

"You're awful, Eren."

"Aren't I so good for still loving you even though you hate most people?"

Your breath caught. For two reasons.

Eren was gazing at you with intense detail like he was trying to figure you out. "Sorry. Was that too offensive?"

"No," you said. You knew you told Eren you loved him as your best friend last loop. He had reacted oddly because he was an awkward adolescent back then. This was different—a conscious, older Eren. Eren with shoulder-length hair. Eren was a man and not a boy. "I mean, what do you mean, hate most people?"

Eren stopped in his tracks. "I know you're trying to make me feel better, and I'm sorry if I'm scaring you with my quiet behavior. But... you're different now, too, y'know. You're so loving, but beneath that, you seem to have a lot of pent-up rage. You weren't like that before."

You both went silent. Your heart beat erratically.

You loved him. You loved him. You decided to ignore how he had expressed love for you, afraid of what it might have meant. Did he mean it romantically or just in general? It did you no good to panic on the spot about it or ask him any questions, anyway.

But he was a brother to you, or at least that was what you told yourself. Loving him would ruin you both. Loving him meant he'd destroy the world. Weren't you supposed to prevent that?

Finally, you let out a well-meaning chuckle. "You know me so well, but aren't you a hypocrite for being concerned about me pretending not to be angry?"

"What're you angry for?"

You shrugged. "Life, I guess. The way it goes like a loop."

You examined his face, searching for a flicker of recognition upon the mention of past lives, but he remained unsurprised. His hand hung loosely at his side. It was almost like he was inviting you to hold it.

Soon enough, you'd reached the tent.

"Can I come in?"

You nearly fucking jumped.

"Whuh-why?" you asked, hating yourself immediately for stuttering. "Trying to be a creep?"

Eren shrugged. "Just nosy."

You rolled your eyes. "Be my guest."

He crawled into your tiny tent. After a moment of contemplation, you went in after him.

The coast's sandy ground under the tent caused you both to sink slightly in the middle, rolling you closer together among the pillows and blankets, almost comical. You fumbled in the darkness with the lamp, and Eren found a matchbox to light the candle inside the glass.

You both sat cross-legged in front of each other, warm in the dim light. You shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting everywhere except his face. You felt your face begin to flush with sweat and it didn't seem to be from the close proximity.

Eren chuckled. His exhale ghosted your skin, sending goosebumps all over. For a strange moment, you could almost hear the sound of his child self's giggles—heaven knows you'd memorized it by now.

"It's like being kids again," he said.

You laughed, too. You'd experienced it repeatedly and yet for some reason, your childhood memories were still as hazy as they used to be the first time.

"Oh, yeah," you said, almost with excitement. "I remember. Mikasa and I used to have sleepovers and you begged to be let into the room."

"Too bad it was girls only," he said.

"But I came to you, eventually," you said.

"Only when Mikasa was asleep."

"She already lived with you."

"But it was you," said Eren, smiling coyly, and it killed you. "You felt bad, didn't you? And that's why you stayed up with me, hanging those blankets and putting up pillows to make a little tent. Our fort."

"Yeah. Our secret place," you said, replaying the memory. You'd built that damn fort with Eren nine times, one for each life. "It wasn't just because you were an annoying, whiny little brat though."

His eyebrows quirked up. "Oh?"

"I guess that first time, it was because I felt bad," you said off-handedly. "But every time after that, it was because... well, I guess I was just really fond of you."

Your eyes met Eren's, and for a moment you could pretend you were still in that blanket fort again, giggling and sharing beds with Eren, feeling his hair as his head knocked against yours in sleep.

Back then, you would imagine that was your secret tent, the headquarters for the adventures you'd have once you set out to the outside world, to the ocean. It jolted you to realize that since Eren was in your tent now as a new experience, that fantastical story you both made up as children was happening—being in the outside world, by the ocean, where the tent was your shared sanctuary.

It hurt your heart with the simple pleasure of it.

"Your hair," Eren noticed. "It's windswept."

"I was a sitting potato on that beach for quite some time. You sure took your sweet hours waiting for those ships."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know it would take that long?" Eren reached out a hand, and your breath drew as he touched your hair. "Let me help."

You were quiet as Eren began to untangle your hair. You used to shoo Eren away as a child, back when you found him irritating. Now he was all you wanted. Maybe back then, this simplicity was all he wanted too. The sensation of his fingers moving your hair made you doze off.

"Tired?" Eren asked.

He helped you unclasp your cloak and let you lay down on the pillow. He threw the cloak over you like a blanket. You giggled, like a child again. Even though you roughed each other around most of the time, he was always so kind. It was special.

Eren laid down beside you, getting comfortable. Your eyes fluttered like the wings of a butterfly. The tent canvas over you made the world feel smaller than it really was. In here, with just the two of you, you felt safe.

The Titan marks were faint on his face now, slowly disappearing. It was a grim reminder of who you both were now—killers, monsters, soldiers. You had only been children when this life was thrust upon you.

Your hand felt around, and it found his. You didn't know why, neither were you in control of your own body, but it was like you knew you were meant to hold his hand in that moment. You bit your lip as your thumb drew circles on his.

His eyes bore into yours. It was dark and yet you knew him so well that you didn't even need to see his face to know that it was reddening.

"Have you ever kissed anyone, Eren?"

"H-huh? No... of course not. Why—why do you ask?"

You shuffled around, letting go of his hand. You thought back to all those times you had to chance to love him. You didn't want those memories to blur, like the others. You had to talk about them to remind yourself they were real.

You told him about the first time you were ever kissed. That it was in a game of truth or dare. Then that your first real kiss was in the snow, like a fairy tale. That you had loved the person you'd kissed so much, you would never break his heart again by loving him because you were too damaged to love anyone, and you could not bring yourself to hurt him in that way.

You weren't quite sure why you were telling Eren of all people about the previous loop, but it felt right. After all, you told each other everything. And you had to get this out, repeat your memory, so he wouldn't fade.

"Lucky guy." Eren was quiet for a moment. There was faint hurt and jealousy in his eyes, the slack of his jaw. He was clearly wondering why you never mentioned this to him until now. "Can I ask who?"

You decided to go with the truth. "If I say it was you, would you believe me?"

"If you had ever kissed me," he said. His gaze flitted to your lips, then to your eyes. "I don't think I would have forgotten it."

Your mouth trembled. Eren had died so many times. It hurt you to live repeatedly, meeting him all over again, sharing moments that were ingrained into you forever. It was a wonder that your friendship always came together all at once.

"It feels pretty nice to kiss," you said. "Your first kiss should be from someone who loves you."

The sentence hung in the air, tense.

Then Eren said: "Are you drunk?"

Drunk? Why was it that every time you tried to tell someone about a previous loop, they always thought you were high or drunk? Was it that hard to tell Eren he deserved to be loved?

Laughter bubbled from your chest. "I'm going fucking crazy. You believe me?"

Eren shook his head. His hair was long enough to touch your cheek. "If you're crazy, then I'm crazy too."

Your face warmed. You wished he didn't speak so romantically to you. The melodies of his prose played in your head like a broken record, like the loops, constantly repeating until it drove you mad. You loved him. You loved Eren. All this time.

You blinked back tears. The time loop was so cruel. It made a mockery out of you—wholly offering him to you as well as every reason not to pursue him.

"I know you know I don't want you to think of me in a certain way," you began. "We can't be together like that. But I want to forget about all of that for a moment. Okay?"

"Okay," said Eren. "I'm not quite sure where you're coming from though."

He wiped the tears building in your eyes. He didn't need to ask why you were starting to cry. He was always in tune with your feelings. He knew you just as well as you did him, which meant he never had to ask about anything. To him, you were clearly overwhelmed with some kind of emotion. Something he had to fix.

You sat up. The blood rushed to your head, and Eren sat up too, grabbing your arm to steady you. Your vision clouded like a romantic haze.

The candlelight was dim. It was almost burnt up.

"Eren," you whispered. "I want to make sure that in this life, you get a kiss from someone who loves you. I want to be sure of that. Alright?"

You cupped his head. It reminded you of how you used to cup his head, all that was left of him when he died, before you buried him under the tree. You'd spent years at his grave back then. If you didn't do anything to change his fate, this face you were cupping would be six feet underground, dead and gone.

Now he was alive in your hands, staring at you with wide eyes and the look of adoration. It hurt.

You couldn't love this boy.

Your love for him has broken everything. Badly.

"You know you're my best friend," you whispered, and you knew Eren must have felt it too—that it was deeper than you intended.

Then you surged forward, gently capturing his lips in a kiss.

His lips were so smooth and soft. It crushed you, knowing how familiar it was. It crushed you, how this was Eren's first time kissing you back in this life, when you had spent entire lives memorizing every crevice of his mouth. You had loved him every time and he never knew.

His hands slid to your side, pulling you closer, and deepening the kiss. You were practically on his lap, straddling your legs around his middle.

You ran your fingers through his hair, feeling his scalp, admiring the ends with your touch. Eren let out a groan when you played with the back of his nape. It sent a shiver down your spine, excited and afraid by primal instinct.

When you pulled away, you felt the blotchiness of your eyes. You were sure they were red from the crying earlier. You wiped your face furiously and hugged Eren.

That kiss was just a brief moment of suspense. It didn't mean anything other than that you loved him.

"Are you..." Eren took note of the way you were on top of him, face flushed with sweat and lips glistening, and he swallowed. "Okay with this?"

Every possible wrong outcome ran through your mind, flattening you.  "We shouldn't," you said.

He frowned. "You were the one who crawled on top of me."

Your face grew hot with humiliation. "Listen, Eren, I just—"

"Come closer, I wanna hold you." His voice lowered, husky. "What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't help you out?"

It took a moment for Eren's sinful words to fully sink in. Upon realizing that you had heard him correctly, your head snapped up, your eyes widening with utter shock. He took the opportunity to trail a hand up your thigh.

"What?"

"You heard me," he said. "We're friends, aren't we? No need to make such a big deal out of it."

"Yes, but..." You glanced at the tent, wondering if anyone else had retreated to the camp early as well. "Here?"

"I'd have you anywhere," Eren said. "I mean, it's about time we fuck each other, don't you think?"

Suddenly, he gripped the back of your head and shoved his lips against yours. You moaned softly, passionately kissing him back with your feathery lips. His hands went further back, cupping your ass, and he squeezed.

Like a whore, you stuck out your tongue, and Eren wasted no time putting his own on top of it, licking into your mouth and sucking it in. You kissed again, teeth clicking messily like you were trying to devour each other. Eren enjoyed the sounds you were making, adorable little moans and whines that drove him insane.

His hands began to trail to your pants, unzipping it so his palm could make its way to the front of your panties. As you kissed, you guided his hand right against your clothed clit. And when he pressed down, you let out a moan that Eren swallowed with a searing kiss.

"You gotta be quiet, pretty girl," he said. "Our friends might hear."

You knew you shouldn't give in to your desire, but you were only human. You were tempted by the fruit on the vine and it was the sweetest thing. You had been so miserable. Fucking Eren was anything but.

"I won't make a sound, 'Rennie," you drawled, biting down on his lower lip, causing him to groan. You both knew that was a lie. "Promise."

When he pulled away, you began to unbutton your blouse, and Eren guided you to grind your crotch against his, yearning to feel everything. Your eyes rolled as you pressed your clothed clit against his growing hard-on, gritting your teeth.

Eren's face was flushed red. He put his hands on your hips and lifted you off his lap so you were lying down. He gave you a quick kiss before tugging your pants off you, revealing your soaked panties.

"What kind of best friend would I be," he said almost condescendingly, "if I didn't make you cum?"

He shrugged your panties down your legs and tossed them aside before settling his head between your thighs, kissing it up before coming to face your slickened clit. He blew over your wetness, causing you to clench around nothing.

Eren watched closely as he inserted a finger into you, admiring the way your greedy cunt sucked him into its warm walls. He inserted another, curling them against the ridges of your wet insides. You let out a high-pitched whine, fucked-out already.

You hadn't bothered touching yourself so much in this loop given your constant misery, so you were more sensitive than you usually would have been. But all Eren saw was you desperately convulsing for his fingers, and it almost made him moan aloud.

"Wanna eat you out, pretty girl," he cooed, pressing kisses to the outside of your sex and causing you to moan his name. "I've gotta taste you, I'll die if I don't."

He gazed intently at your exposed cunt. You fought the embarrassment rushing up to your head because Eren wasn't just glancing at you—he was focused on it, completely locked in. Both your heart and your cunt pounded, and your hips thrust up when he dragged a long swipe of his tongue from your hole to the hood of your clit, tasting you.

A moan left you, and the sound was melodious to his ears. Eren was eager to hear more, so he leaned forward and dragged his tongue up your slit, finding your sensitive bud. His tongue lapped at your clit, occasionally wrapping his lips around it and sucking.

Your hands fisted your unbuttoned blouse as he elicited noises from you. He had never done this before, but it didn't matter—for some reason, he just knew the perfect way to pleasure you like he was built for it. He was insatiable and entirely engrossed.

In a swift movement, Eren ripped his fingers from you. The tip of his tongue ran down your folds, lapping up juice as he did. It made you convulse and shiver at the stimulation. Suddenly, he was laying himself down and hoisting you up so you were on your knees. Confused, you sent him a questioning look when he stuck his tongue out flat, inviting you to ride. His eyes bore into yours, waiting, wanting.

You mewled and pawed at the bulge in his pants as he helped you swing your hips over his head, spreading you open. All of your rational thought had evaporated; nothing but your natural body instincts had taken complete control of your mind. Eren's tongue swiped up against your puffy lips, causing you to whine.

You pulled his cock from the confines of his pants, licking your lips at what you saw. Eren's arms hooked underneath your legs, roughly pulling your cunt closer to his mouth.  His tongue lapped messily against your wet walls, flat against you as he moved his head from side to side.

"Oh my—hngh, Eren," you whined, unable to help yourself, grinding against him. "I love y—I love it so much."

"You love that?" he asked. You were momentarily relieved that he hadn't heard otherwise. "Didn't think my best friend was such a whore."

To Eren, you were always full of surprises. He'd spent a lifetime with you and he never felt like he truly knew you. He wanted you to be honest with him. He wanted you to come undone, like a tricky sailor's knot unraveling. You acted so innocent, but you weren't. He should have known. It was precious things like you who were the most depraved and hungry for a good fuck.

You bent down and took him in your mouth, lovingly trailing your tongue along the veiny underside of his hard dick, salty precum filling its taste in you. You moaned, the vibration going down on him, and he responded by taking your inflated clit in his mouth and sucking harshly, loving the little whines that left you as he did.

"You're so fucking wet," Eren moaned into your cunt, sighing as he poked his tongue into you and he was rewarded with the constriction of your pussy around the muscle. When he came up for air, a string of fluids connected you to his mouth.

You were panting like a labored animal above him as you took him deep into your mouth, licking against the slit. The lewd wet sounds filled your tent; you were lucky no one was around to hear. The pleasure built up, and for once, you sighed in euphoria. This, you thought, should have been something that was meant to be from the start.

"I want you to cum with me, on my tongue," Eren mumbled against your cunt, his tongue never leaving you. "Can you do that?"

You were breathless as you nodded, brows furrowed and lips parted at the feeling of his words vibrating against you. He can hear you whispering his name over and over, like a breathless chant. A bitch rutting in heat—you had always been attracted to Eren since the first loop, in more ways than one, and to have him like this now was just too much for you to take. Your cunt had practically been begging for this, for nine lives.

"Are you going to—?"

"Yes, 'Ren, yes," you chanted breathily, "I'm gonna cum for you."

He hissed in pleasure. "That's my good girl."

Your eyes widened. You became even wetter, which should have made you feel ashamed, but you weren't. Despite the focus, you knew Eren was smug, sucking your clit harshly after having dealt that devastating praise card. He knew you so well, you didn't even have to tell him what made you feral to say the right words that would cause you to snap.

All it took to have you coming undone was a large swipe of his tongue, and suddenly you froze against him. You pulsated rapidly, feeling the evidence of your worldly pleasure pour from your hole like a honeyed glaze. You released him from your mouth with a cute little pop, so you could release a low, guttural moan. Your eyes rolled, euphoric.

Eren messily slurped you up, taking in the gush. He knew you were desperate to ride it out, and he let you smear it all over his mouth.

You began to jerk him off, mindlessly pressing kisses to his dick, the only thoughts running through your mind being: I love you, I love you, I love you.

"God, just like that, I—" Eren threw his head back, closing his eyes, mouth open in a silent scream. "I—I love—ah."

When Eren came, it spurted. It went all over his stomach, on your hands, landing on your unbuttoned blouse and parts of the thin mattress you were on. Out of curiosity, you brought it up to your mouth and tasted him. He saw what you were doing and released a throaty moan.

Eren's arms remained wrapped around you as he gently turned you over on your back and pulled you to him. You were utterly sweating beneath him, looking up at him with blown-out eyes and a rising and falling chest. His cheeks were pink from his release. Even though he was so sexy, he was so cute—your Eren.

Immediately, you kissed. Tasting each other. You wrapped arms around each other, admiring the afterglow, desperate to make sure your lips were on each other, fisting each other's hair and groaning when it was yanked. When you pulled away, you stared into his beautiful eyes. He was so handsome, everything you wanted in a man and more. You were pretty sure that at this point, you were irrevocably obsessed with Eren.

You were afraid. There was no way you could turn back from this. Perhaps you really had gone crazy. It was a miracle Eren still had the patience for your odd behavior.

But Eren wrapped his arms around you, understanding. If anything, he seemed to be the one afraid, like you'd been confused and now you'd withdraw like you hated being around him. He had been through the worst, soul-sucking experiences and you'd always been there for him, it was only right that he did the same.

For some reason, it didn't feel wrong to be lying with him like this.

"Please don't push me away," Eren quietly spoke into your ear. "I'm still your best friend, right [Name]?"

He sounded hopeful and even a little scared that this expenditure had changed everything. It didn't. You should have felt embarrassed and awkward by your activities, but for some reason, you were not. Everything in your relationship felt the same as it was in the previous loops. Everything felt like it made more sense. Like it was meant to be.

"Yeah, 'Ren." You gave him a lop-sided smile. "You're my best boy. Forever."

And here was what crushed you the most: no matter how much you tried not to, Eren seemed to love you back every time too.

-

Pauses, then says
"You're my best friend"
And you knew what it was
He is in love