October 22, 1999

Scarborough, Toronto, ON

Aside from the temperature drop, it felt good to be in Toronto with my girls. The four of us haven't been together since Morgan's wedding and a lot has changed in that small amount of time. We figured this would be the perfect time to have a girls weekend and celebrate because not only have I gotten engaged recently, but Naima's beau Michael popped the big question two weeks ago. An E.R. physician he is, nice guy, clean cut. When she sent pictures of the two on a cruise I wasn't surprised by his appearance. Baby girl's been down with the swirl since the sandbox days.

We all stood shoulder to shoulder at the mirror in Naima's bathroom getting ready for tonight. Securing the last bobby pin in my high bun, I almost stabbed my skull when Tori hip-checked me. "Long or short?" My confused stare met the similar ones plastered on Morgan and Naima's faces in the mirror.

Naima looked past me, cut her eyes at Tori and blurted out, "Did you really just ask her if his dick was big or small?"

Tori kissed her teeth as she double-dipped her nude lip gloss. "You didn't let me finish my thought dumb ass. I meant long or short engagement."

"Sure you did Victoria."

"Bite me Naima." Morgan and I simultaneously rolled our eyes at their bickering. One minute they're inseparable, the next they are going at each others throats.

Pointing her mascara wand in Tori's direction, Naima condescendingly stated, "See that's why you're still single, that nasty mouth of yours. Maybe if you spoke in a classy manner as much as you suck dick, you'd be dating a doctor rather than going to see one at the clinic every month."

Naima is still as petty as can be, but then again it runs in our bloodline. Tori pinched the bridge of her nose before looking up at the ceiling. "Lord, you know I'm trying to do right...but give me a pass so I can beat her ass." The instant Tori attempted to push past me, Morgan held her back.

As they spit words back and forth, I stood in between them and yelled. "Hey! No one wants to listen to y'all going at it! I thought we decided to have a good time this weekend. You know, no bullshit? God..." I thought we were all mature adults now. Sometimes their arguing is entertaining, but over time my tolerance has lowered when it comes to drama.

Slowly raking the mascara wand through my lengthy lashes, Naima almost made me stab myself in the eye when she nudged my shoulder. "Speaking of bullshit, how come I'm always the last to know things? And then out of all people, Prince?! Oh I'm sorry, The Artist."

Here she goes again. She's just upset because Morgan and Tori knew about P before her. I told her it wasn't on purpose because (A) if it wasn't for Morgan I would have never met him, and (B)technically Tori found out on accident. If she wasn't in the room when Morgan and I went at it, I wouldn't have told her until...probably right about now. I just felt that this was something I should inform her about in person.

Let's not even get started on her reaction when I told her the news. I'm glad Morgan told me to bring polaroids of us because the look on her face was sheer disbelief. Once that initial faze dispersed, that's when all the questioning began. 'He's a rockstar? What do you two have in common?'  Really? I feel like that's a loaded question. How would she feel if I asked her that? Michael is a doctor and she graduated with a bachelors in sociology after six years and works as a teacher, what do they have in common? Hell, what do Bobby and Whitney have in common? 

I was ready to diffuse the situation before she went on another tangent. "Don't take it personal Nai—"

"I can't help but take that shit personal, I thought we were closer than that."

Bending down, I zipped up my black suede thigh high boots. "My bad, I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I just wanted to keep the number of people that knew to a minimum for obvious reasons. And another thing, we just got back together the night of Morgan's wedding."

She slapped my arm again and shook her head. "So that's where you went?!"

Tori commented, "Yeah she ditched us for some dick, a'int that some shit?"

I could tell Naima was about to make another comment but she looked down at her watch and furrowed her eyebrows. "Shit, we have to go. Our reservation is for 8:30."

We went to this cute Italian spot on King St. called Carisma. Quaint and intimate, this place was perfect because I had been craving Italian food nonstop for the past two days.

Swirling my Sauvignon Blanc within the crystal clear wine glass, Morgan topped off her drink before raising her glass above the table. "I think we should make a toast. To..."

Looking at each one of the young women in front of me who I all considered sisters, I admired how much we've all grown throughout the years, well for the most part. Three of us are mothers and now Naima and I are about to embark on a new journey. I thought of the perfect thing to toast to. I smiled and announced, "To new beginnings."

We clanked our glasses and said in unison, "To new beginnings."

Stuffed from our delicious cuisine, we laughed as we reminisced on our shared experiences growing up. Segwaying into the topic of children, Morgan ran her finger along the brim of her glass as she smirked. "So, whose going to be the next to pop out a baby? All these boys, can someone have a girl?" We all exchanged glances before all simultaneously pointing a finger in Naima's direction.

She gasped, "Uh uh, I told you all I'm not having a mini-me for a few more years. I want to see the world first."

Although I miss Noah being a baby, I'd like to be in my mid-twenties first before I think about having another one. And then that's another thing, I don't even know where P stands with that subject after the miscarriage. I haven't brought it up since May. I took another swig of my wine. "Ditto, my uterus is not accepting any new tenants until further notice. P and I already talked about traveling and taking Noah, so that's that."

"So y'all haven't saved a date?", Morgan asked.

"Down to the day? No. I told him I was fine with a long engagement that way he could tour to promote his album in the beginning of next year and we'd go with him, at least for the majority of it. Date-wise, we were shooting for late 2000-early 2001."

Tori scoffed, "Jeez, I'll probably be engaged by the time of your wedding."

"You'll have to find a man that'd want to marry your rude ass first", Naima muttered as she pressed the wine glass to her lips.

Before Tori could rebuttal, the waiter approached our table with a new bottle of champagne that we had not ordered. "Compliments of the gentlemen by the window." As he set the bottle in the ice bucket, we peered over towards the window and sure enough some of the most clean cut, professional white men were looking our way.

Morgan shook her head, "Laurent-Perrier Rose, this is a $200 bottle. We can't accept this."

Tori scoffed, "Why not? Has the married life made you forget the fine art of finesse?"

One in particular with gelled down brunette hair had been staring in Naima's direction ever since the waiter walked up to our table. She told the waiter, "Tell the gentleman in the navy suit to come here please."

I warned her, "What are you doing?"

"Relax, I got this." Tall and strapping, as he floated towards us it became apparent that his confidence was through the roof. Through the dimly lit room, every time he walked under a light fixture we caught a glimpse of his striking blue eyes. Mere feet away from the table, Naima curled her finger in a 'come hither' motion.

Even though he looked over the entire table, his eyes were fixated on her the entire time. He had an appealing deep voice, although it is nothing compared to my man's.

"Evening ladies, I hope you'll enjoy the champagne. We saw you all toasting so we assumed there was something to celebrate. But you," he placed his hand on the back of Naima's chair and inched closer to her. "Can I just say that your beauty is more breathtaking up close. As I walked up, I almost forgot what I was going to say."

Corny, but cute. She stifled a laugh, "Is that right?" Entertaining his advances, she purposely extended her left hand out for him to grab. "Naima."

"Jake...Jake Davidson." Inching his lips closer to her hand, he halted when the glint from her engagement ring caught his eye. Almost immediately his demeanor changed. "Oh I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to impose."

She waved her hand dismissively. "No it's fine, but thanks for the champagne anyways. See we are celebrating tonight, my engagement along with my cousin's as well. We just felt like you and your acquaintances should know there are three happily taken women at this table." Almost on cue, Morgan and I raised our left hands to show the icy symbolic jewelry. "And well, this one right here is the lone bitter bitch of the clan." She flashed a devilish smirk in Tori's direction.

In return, she gave her a gracious middle finger before turning her attention towards Jake. "Never mind her, the name is Tori. Jake, right? If you don't mind me asking, have you or your friends ever even tasted chocolate?" You can't take her anywhere.

The next morning...

Readjusting the floral comforter over my head, I tucked every corner of it under me so absolutely no sunlight could come through. It's freaking freezing outside and I don't feel good. Naima and the girls want to go do a million things but all I really want to do is lay in this uncomfortably firm bed and stay on the phone and listen to P.

A shiver raced down my core as his raspy morning voice lingered in my ear. "You sure it was just one mama?"

I groaned, "Yesss, I only had one glass of wine last night." Okay, maybe it was two full ones.

"So, if you only had one then why do feel like crap this morning?"

"I don't knowww."

"Your liver probably still hates you for abusing it back in May. See if you would've stayed here, none of th—"

I rolled my eyes."Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. Why must you try and keep me all to yourself?"

He chuckled, "Is that a crime?" He must've shift the phone around because the sound became muffled before he continued. "I had a dream about you last night."

A smile crept on my face as I rested the mobile phone in between my ear and pillow. "Interesting, I thought your dreams only consisted of music. Tell me about it." Listening intently, just as he began describing his dream, I felt pressure being applied to my lower legs and a soft object striking me against my head. "Ow! Leave me alone!"

"Hate to interrupt your phone sex but umm, Naima said it's time for you to get up. She wants to show us this neighborhood her and Michael were looking at before we head to the spa." I shot Tori an intense glare as she yanked the comforter from over my head.

Immediately aggravated by the invasion of privacy, I dropped the phone against the pillow as I sat up and pushed her off of my calves. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't sit your fat ass on me for one. And tell her to kiss my ass, I don't feel like going anywhere."

Pulling the covers back on me, the comfort didn't last long before she yanked them away again. "Hey, I'm not fat! What's with the attitude? All you had were those two weak glasses of wine, you can't be hungover. Get up, all you need is some food in you and you'll be fine."

Knowing this was a losing battle, I groaned. "Fine, I'll be up front in a minute."

She smirked and hopped off the bed. "Good, what do you want to eat?"

"Maybe some crushed ice."

"That's not food dumbass! Oh and tell my future cousin-in-law I said hi."

Leaving the guest bedroom door slightly ajar, once the sound of her light footsteps faded, I pressed the phone back to my ear. "Baby, I'm sorry about that. But Tori sa—"

He huffed into the receiver, "I heard her, both you and her owe $20 in the swear jar."

Kissing my teeth, I couldn't believe he was still on this kick. "Oh come on! I only cussed because her fat a—butt was sitting on me. How about $10 and I give you a massage?"

The line was briefly silent. "I'll think about it. But you know you're too beautiful to be cussing." Picking at a loose stitch on the bedspread, barely above a whisper I mocked what he said but clearly I wasn't quiet enough. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

I hesitated, "Umm, I said I keep sneezing this room needs a good dusting."

"That's what I thought. But I don't want to hold you up any longer, go eat and have fun with your girls."

I whined into the phone, "But I don't feel like eating anything P."

"Can you at least try for me Jazz?"

"I will, but if I blow chunks in the back of my cousins car that AND her bill to get her car cleaned and detailed is on you."

A deep chuckle escaped him. "At least try to keep some food down baby. Go have fun, I love you."

"I love you more."

Sitting on the edge of the high queen-size bed, once I regained my composure I dragged into the foggy bathroom. Seeing my reflection in the mirror only added to my irritation because I was so tired last night, I forgot to wrap my hair.

After taking a long, soothing hot shower and salvaging my two-day old wash n' go, I slipped into a navy blue velour tracksuit. Venturing down the narrow hallway leading to the front room of Naima's place, the foul smell of pork bacon hit me like a ton of bricks causing me to immediately lose my appetite. Jasmin, get yourself together.

"Oh stop it, it's not that serious." Naima uttered, turning her nose up at me.

"Yes it is, I don't understand how you acted as if it was normal." Hobbling to the nearest table in Promenade's food court, I was relieved to finally sit down.

Never will I ever again allow Naima to talk me into doing something again. She took us all to a spa, that's all fine and dandy. But somehow she had coerced us and we all ended up with our legs and cheeks spread wide open as we got Brazilian waxes. Beauty is pain my behind. When she ripped off that first strip of wax I was tempted to kick the esthetician in the head. I was almost certain should was going to rip my labia off. But to spread my buttcheeks open and get waxed, that was so unnatural.

I dove into my vegetarian chili cheese fries as she sipped on her Oreo milkshake. "It is, I've been getting brazilian's for about two years, I was sick of razor bumps. Trust me, you'll be getting another one. Once the redness goes down, you'll love it and I promise you your man will too." Oh P is definitely in for a treat, not only because of that but I also bought some intimate goodies from a nearby adult entertainment store.

I stifled a laugh. "I'm mad you know that I had redness down there. But what's the point of doing the butt? I mean I wasn't hairy back there." Ditching the fork I was given, the smell of the fried potatoes and three bean chili on my plate awakened my appetite. Picking up two fries at a time, I was so hungry I didn't care how unladylike I looked pigging out on my first meal of the day.

"Some people are. I don't know, it just makes everything look presentable I guess."

"So they say, all I know is is that I shed a tear when she ripped the strip off my anus."

"Like I said J, you're so dramatic. You've pushed a whole baby out of your coochie without an epidural."

I corrected her, putting the green pepper tabasco sauce back in the condiment caddy. "For your information, I labored at home a little too long so I missed the window to get the epidural." Just thinking back to the moment I had to push makes my pelvis hurt all over again.

"Speaking of Noah, how he is taking to him?" I feel like that's such a mundane question to be asked. Just like when my mom or Tori asked me that question, were they expecting me to say that Noah hates him?

"Noah loves him. I mean gosh, P first met him when he was 18 months so my baby is well adjusted to him. Having P in his life is normal to him, that's his partner in crime."

There was a slight hesitance in her voice when she asked, "Do you think it was hard at first for him to be around Noah after...you know..."

Staring down at my overly greasy plate of carbs, I thought back to early memories of when he first met my son. "You know, the first time he came over I did notice a tinge of sadness in his eyes but he dismissed it. I think he was thinking about Amiir. But now, his eyes are always lit up when Noah is around. I think Noah brought another level of happiness back to his life. He really loves him."

Naima leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "Sounds like he's a good man."

My cheeks grew warm as I thought about how much I missed him and my baby. "Yeah, he is. Listen, I know you have your reservations about hi—"

"Jasmin, I didn't mean to offend you. I understand that he's willing to commit to you but I just don't want you to lose sight of how you two came about. I don't want to see you get hurt."

I hate reliving the past. I know what we did was wrong, but we can't change history. I know what she's trying to say, but for me to sit around and worry that one day he's going to leave isn't healthy. I have faith in him and I trust him. "Naima I get it, I really do. I've had this conversation with him more than once and he reassured me that this is what he wants. We're in love with each other and he wants me, him and Noah to be a family."

She sighed, "Okay, I'll leave it alone. As long as you're happy, but let him know that if he as so much as causes one tear to fall down your face I'm flying to Minnesota and kicking his ass."

We both broke out into a fit of laughter. "Well get in line behind Morgan, Tori, and my brothers!"

"I think we should go find the 2 live crew before your sister maxes out her credit card."

En route to where they supposedly said they'd be, as we leisurely strolled towards GAP we did our best to avoid the hounding of kiosk venders. Luckily the moment a guy was giving us his pitch about a flat iron, we spotted Tori and Morgan exiting GAP and heading in our direction saving us.

Walking shoulder to shoulder, the longer we walked the more I was ready to go lay down somewhere. I only grew interested in the collective conversation when Morgan mentioned she bought matching outfits for Noah, Alonzo, and Aiden. Readjusting the strap of my taupe cross-body, I tugged at the sleeves of my sweatsuit, regretting wearing this thick material inside of this rather warm building.

Merely ten feet away from another kiosk, my brows furrowed as my face scrunched up in repulse. With hundreds of cheap perfumes on display, the pungent aroma of each perfumes various top notes radiating in our direction had my stomach doing flips.

Holding my breath to the best of my ability, the one time I prayed the saleswoman would ignore us she didn't. Singling our tight knit group out of the steady herd of patrons, as she approached us with a single bottle in her hand, she greeted us before insisting that we smell her chosen perfume. Once she pressed down on the nozzle, the citrusy yet heavy chemical smell unpleasantly laced my nostrils.

In an instant, my nauseated state turned into one of sheer panic as I franticly tried to locate the nearest trashcan. Minuscule sweat beads forming along my brows as my skin grew clammy, the moment I loudly belched into my hand Morgan turned to me concerned and confused about my current state. Before she could even ask what was wrong, I franticly pushed through the crowd of shoppers as the bile rose up my throat. Barely making it to the nearest trashcan, I held onto the top as I emptied the contents of my stomach. My throat burned as the non-stop regurgitation occurred.

Here I was bent over a trashcan in the middle of a mall, sweaty, runny nose, and on the verge of crying because I was so tired. I didn't care what on-lookers thought. The only thing I could contemplate on was what was wrong with me. Dear God, please let it not be what I think it is.

My grip on the trashcan tightened causing my knuckles to fade to a ghostly white hue. Feeling my hair tugged away from my face and another hand running along my back, my mind was in such a haze I couldn't really process the growing concern from Morgan, Tori, or Naima.

Wiping any remnants from the corner of my mouth with the sleeve of my hoodie, my eyes darted in various directions as I filtered through my mental medical encyclopedia in search of any possible gastrointestinal disorder that could be the underlying explanation rather than what I feared it was.

Morgan pulled away stray curls that were stuck to my sweaty forehead. As the ringing in my ears subsided, her words became clear. "...this one's ruined."

"What?", I asked as I cleared my scratchy throat.

"I said take off your jacket and put it in this empty bag. You got throw up on it, Naima says she has an extra hoodie in her trunk." Thankfully I was wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath so I wouldn't completely freeze for the time being.

Resting my head against the headrest of the backseat, the light sound of the engine running soothed me. Fluttering my eyes closed, I hoped if I faked like I was asleep Morgan would leave me alone but I had no such luck. "You never answered my question."

Folding my arms against my chest, my eyes remained shut. "What?"

"When was your last period?"

I flatly said, "Don't start with me."

Her voice went up an octave. "Don't start?! There's a high possibility you're pregnant and you're sitting here like you don't care." It's not that I don't care, it's just that I feel like she was exaggerating by saying it was a "high possibility".

"You seem so sure, but watch me actually not be pregnant."

I could hear the growing aggravation in your tone. "Stoney you sound so fucking in denial sis. Why? Bump that, the why isn't important. As soon as Naima and Tori come out of this pharmacy with the pregnancy tests we'll see. I know you are, I ca—"

Opening my eyes, I snapped at her. "Morgan you don't know anything, hop off my uterus."

The car shook as Tori yanked open the front passenger door and plopped down inside. Clutching a half drunken Sprite and a box of Cosmic Brownies in her right hand, she threw a white plastic bag into Morgan's lap. "Oooo someone's testy, who pissed in your cheerios Jazzy J?"

"No one, can you please tell your cousin here that I'm not pregnant?"

Morgan snapped her head in my direction. "Yes you are Ja—"

"NO I'M NOT!"

Tori snapped her fingers. "Ms. Drama Queen, are you done? Okay, so you might not be pregnant. But let's be real, you know you've let Prince nut inside of you. With unprotected sex there is always a chance. And just because you keep saying you're not pregnant doesn't mean you can speak it into existence."

Sitting up in my seat, I directed my annoyance towards her. "Tori shut up, did I ask for your opinion? The only person who might be pregnant is you. All the junk food you eat, you're clearly eating for two."

She cut her eyes at me before turning around to face the front. "You're lucky I started going back to church and I'm in the process of getting saved. Otherwise I would've laid hands on you."

Replacing the cap on the white plastic stick, I set it on the bathroom counter and cued up the kitchen timer for ten minutes. As I washed and dried hands, my solemn reflection caught my eye. Quickly turning to the side, my flat stomach gave no inclination of a possible pregnancy. Even with the odds stacked against me, I still held firm to the possibility that I wasn't pregnant.

It's not the right time, we're not ready. I'm not pregnant.

Relaxed on the far end of the couch as I focused my gaze on Waiting To Exhale, Naima fished through the popcorn as she peered over at me. "How long?"

"Eight minutes." As the minutes ticked on and the scenes rolled by, the more anxious I grew. For what? I was certain that test would read 'negative'.

Analyzing a movie I've seen at least ten times, I looked at certain aspects of it differently than I did back in 1995. At one point I could relate to Savannah. For the longest time I felt stupid, sitting up hoping this man I loved would leave his wife. So wrong, yet that magnetic force kept me. Unlike Savannah's lover, P really did leave. I guess patience really is key. I don't know, now that I think about it, that sounds so fucked up in this situation.

A wave of vibration coursed through my foot, the source being my mobile phone. Seeing  P's number on the screen, I ran my hand along the back of the device before handing it to my sister. "Tell him I'm already asleep or something." I couldn't talk to him right now, I'm too nervous.

Literally a few seconds after Morgan ended the call, the timer dinged. My heart skipped a beat as we all snapped our heads in the direction of the hallway bathroom.

With every little step I took towards the open door, my heart rate increased dramatically. I was so nervous I could've thrown up. Regardless of what the test said, an impact would've been made on my life. But what if there are two dark pink lines on that stick? That's a change I'm not emotionally ready for and I don't think he is either. But that's a 'WHAT IF'.

As I approached the bathroom counter, I placed my thumb over the little screen so I couldn't peek at the results. Taking two deep breaths, I stared at my reflection in the mirror and mouthed to myself, 'Whatever it says, you're ok. It's going to be fine.'

The rising anxiety in the tiny bathroom was building as I stood with the life-changing results in my hands. Eager to know if it was negative or positive, the silence began to agitate the girls as they stood in the doorway.

They all shouted in unison, "Well what does it say?!"

A/N: To be continued...😂😈