Looking back on my past, I realize just how brainwashed into heteronormative culture I was. I would immediately put restrictions on myself based on my gender and what society told me. It wasn't until I was in middle school that I realized that the image of myself I wanted to present wasn't what society wanted. Ever since then, I've been slowly trying to figure out my identity, and it's been a long, rough time.
I didn't even get the idea that I might be gay until I was in seventh grade and had a crush on this girl named Kylie. Of course, I was stuck in the phase of 'uh maybe I like girls? But just a maybe??'
I officially started calling myself gay and came out around the March of last year if I'm remembering correctly. It was a pretty easy experience, mostly thanks to my awesomely accepting family. The only stress was my dad thinking I had a crush on Zane from Ninjago.
A couple months later, I started questioning my gender identity. I looked at myself and thought, 'huh. I like being masculine and wearing suits and feeling handsome. Must be genderfluid!'
That lasted about a full summer, and truthfully, I'm happy I got to experience being able to experiment with gender identity.
During that summer, I took up the identity of pan, mostly because I felt kind of uncomfortable around the idea of gender back then.
When school started again, I began to ease back into my old fashion style that consisted mostly of flannel, a well-known wlw fashion statement. My identity changed from genderfluid-Pan being to butch lesbian.
To tell the truth, I have no idea if my identity will change again, and I hope it doesn't (readjustment is hard) but who knows. My life changes a lot and I'm still trying to figure out myself.
I don't mean to be rude to trans and non-binary people, I really do love you guys a lot with all my heart. Y'all are amazing. I just currently am not part of your community. Still a friend tho!
To straight people- I'm aware that most of my follower count is probably straight, cause math and all. And that's totally fine with me, as long as we can respect each other. K? K.
I'm sorry to bug you guys about this, it was just on my chest and I wanted to get it off. As always, I am so, so grateful for each and every one of you. Without you guys I definitely wouldn't be here. Peace out, space.