1.) Family pizzeria looking for new security guard to work the night shift 12am - 6am. Check all cameras, ensure the safety of equipment and animitronic characters. Not responsible for any injuries/dismemberment.

    Why the hell did you circle this job ad?

    2.) 120$ a week? F*ck that I won't take any job for 4 dollars an hour!

    3.) woah Woah Woah..... "The Bite" of WHAT?! Why the hell would you say that?!!?!!! "It's amazing that the human body can live without-- *cough* so, anyways. What you wanna do is..." Excuse me sir, but you are SCARING me a little bit!

    4.) So if the killer animitronics just wanna stuff you into a suit because they think you didn't dress yet...then, why not just wear a freakin fur suit and be at guard. They surly can't tell if you're metal or not, right? They should just leave you alone! Can this place seriously not afford to get you a suit? This guy talking to you is so calm about everything like he's done this before - of course he doesn't give you power saving tips.

    5.) Your power would probably last longer if you turned off that fan and bring your own light.

    6.) "If you're listening to this, then you've made it to your second night, congrats!"

    *Sigh*

     7.) "Now, our cameras actually have some blind spots-" Oh? "-and those blind spots happen to be-" Hm? "-right outside your doors." DAMMIT. "So if you can't find something...or someone on your cameras, you wanna check your door lights. You'll have only a few seconds to react though...not that you're in any danger, no. I'm not implying that." You sir, are hardly calming me down, here!

    8.) So not only am I going to do spastic switches between each cameras and get a seizure from the graphics used, but now I have to keep checking Pirate Cove? F you!

    9.) Freddy actually doesn't leave the stage much? So you're telling me he's the most dangerous and I should cry when I see that he's gone.

    10.) I haven't checked Pirate Cove in 5 seconds oh what could go wrong it's not like he's incredibly fast-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH *psssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh....*

    Game Over.

    F^CK THAT FOX, CYOTE, WHAT EVER THE HELL IT IS.

    11.) Oh what the - why won't the light for my door turn on? What's that clanking sound? Hmm.... *checks other light* Something must be wrong... *checks camera* He's NOT there! But my light won't-- *lowers camera*

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH *psssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh*

    THAT GODDAMN BUNNY.

    12.) Let me check Pirate Cove one more time-- FLUCKING F+CKER F¥CK!!! DAMN THAT FOX!!

    Pardon my stupidly censored french.

    13.) "I'm just gonna hold out until someone gets here..." *music plays* Oh no! No no no! "I've always wanted to see what was inside those suits... Oh no. *sigh of defeat* Oh no...no.... -- AAAHHAHAAHHHHH *pssshhhhh*"

    SH!T THEY TOOK MY ADVICE GUY.

    Extra points for his line in Night 1 of 'This is actually my last week here"

    14.) Well now that that call is over- F₩CK YOU.

    I swear to God that freaking fox.

    15.) Okay so........Freddy is right out there... close the doors! Both are closed...lemme check cameras real quick WHY DID HE GET ME I CLOSED THE DAMN DOORS.

    16.) Oh you're just gonna play that song and have it stop just before it gets to 6am huh.

    17.) Screw you! I'm ready! Jumpscare time! *waits* *still waiting* *waiting intensifies* *gets bored* Okay... *reaches over desk to drink water* *drinks water* *sets it down* Did the game freeze or something? *goes to turn on light* What the heck happened? Hello? Freddy? *leans towards screen*

    "--AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

    FREDDY FAZBEAR CAN JUST

    GO

    TO

    HELL.