This is satire. It is meant for comedic purposes; I do not hate this anime nor am I bashing it. Okay? Okay.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

~ Okay so this Matsuoka kid starts like...almost 30 seconds after the first one and he catches up before the turn? What?

~ There is no way he can dive that far.

~ Wow. This kid really loves water. Is there a term for that?

~ Okay how can you keep your eyes open under water like that? And all relaxed too - I'm sure that they're burning will automatically resist.

~ Water should be going up your nose, how come there's no little air bubbles coming out of it?

~ How is your hair swaying under the water like that? It's a bathtub.

~ Wearng a swimsuit in the bath. Okay.

~ Did you guys seriously think there'd be water in an old pool of a building that's so worn down that they are tearing it down? You two were so ready to dive in and break your hands and skulls!

~ Weeee breaking in to a school and swimming in their pool! Fun!

~ So let's start a swim club so we can go back to that same pool.

~ Ryugazaki Rei: your first impressions are of a really smart dude obsessed with beauty. Did you just say that swimming is an un-beautiful sport?! Get out.

~ Time trials. This is a bit crucial. You might want to tuck in your hair under the cap! Or do you want those extra bits of a second?

~ Please. Tuck your hair in. It's getting annoying.

~ No? Okay.

~ So we gotta teach Rei how to swim. How is it that he's swimming breaststroke perfectly underwater but he's not going anywhere? And backstroke! You definitely move around under the water.

~ Okay so this guy has no idea how to swim at all and he suddenly learns butterfly?!

~ So you're telling me that Makoto is a hyrdophobic and he just gets right into the ocean with no problem and just says "Don't worry, I'll be fine."?

~ What happened to him being scared of all deep water in general? It kinda explains why he has such a rough stroke.

~ Rei. Rei please. We told you that you're doing great for a first timer! But I'll admit that it's sweet how he wanted to practice to catch up with everyone...but ocean and night...bad feeling...

~ Haruka, I'm pretty sure you gotta do chest compressions before mouth to mouth.

~ Never mind I just remembered that he checked for breathing.

~ HaruMako fangirls be at their limit.

~ So I get that they just escaped a dire situation and are settling in the rest house and stuff but...but...I can't get over the fact that their hair is perfect! Like, just fine. You guys just swam in raging ocean water and most of you guys have bangs and they just fall perfectly around your eyes, no tangles?

~ Did they even check how old the food they found in there was?

~ Am I the only one who thinks they chose aprons as the article of clothing to be found at the rest house so fangirls can see shirtless guys in aprons? Fanserviiiice.

~ (it's not like I was really bothered by that or anything.....)

~ Wait a minute let's go back: Did they say that they (Haruka, Makoto, Rin) stopped competitive swimming for how many years? How come they were shredded at the beginning? As if they became that built when they were younger...can someone explain this to me?

~ "You can tell by looking at their bodies. They haven't been working out." He says. Are you calling that not working out?, I say. "In the condition he's in right now, my win doesn't count." He says. You were kinda outta shape too, I say.

~ Just how fast was Rin in the top 8 that advanced to finals? Was he last? Because Haruka finished in nearly the same time: He would have had to be a substitute or something.

~ I'm about to effin lose it... Tuck. In. Your. Hair. PLEASE.

~ Makoto. Stretching. His. Arms. Hhnnnng fangirling!

~ Okay now I'm back.

~ Are you even allowed at your school pool so late at night?

~ Please tell me your secret on how you can keep your eyes open under water like that for so long. And how your hair is swaying around in water that is very still. It would make sense if it was the ocean but in a pool? You've been underwater for a while: Can I see your record of how long you can hold your breath?

~ Or rather...you just sank to the bottom. Did you let all of your air out? That's the only explication I got. I don't know about any super powers this guy has but your lungs should be begging for air buuuut nah let's close our eyes and take a nap while submerged.

~ Um...I'm running out of things to say.

Yeah. That's about it. I may or may not edit in some more stuff but yeaaaah. Bye :3

    ***Edit***

    ~ Can someone please tell me why they are doing regular dives instead of relay dives? I remember their coach stating: "You don't need a strong kick with a relay dive" but it looks like they're doing the same exact thing. No swinging your arms back? I mean look at Olympic relays -the dives are different than what they are doing here.

    ~ How did they manage to sneak Rin past everyone?

    ~ Did no one notice Rei sit back down next to them?

    ~ How could you calculate Rin's entry angle of his dive from all the way up there?!

    ~ Why do you breath like that?

    ~ I get that Rin has just seen the sight he's never seen before, and that he was just saved from quitting swimming which is his passion and he won't regret something like this for a long time, but..........why is his hair blowing in the wind like that? I thought you were indoors?  They seriously drew you to have extra hairs flying out from your cap just so they can have it flow in an unexisting wind for dramatic purposes? ...Why do I even bother?

    ~ Hahaha they were disqualified. 

    ~ "We may be on different teams..." "...but..." "...we're still..." "...teammates."

*sigh*

    ~  "Rin-senpai" is at least less annoying than "Matsuoka-senpai".

    ~ Call the kid you've been a douche to this whole season by his first name and everything is okay.

    ~ "Are you still following your dad's dream?"

    "No," Okay. "I'm not following my dad's dream." ARE YOU SERIOUS. WE DON'T NEED ANYMORE CLICHÉS. Especially in the last 30 seconds of the final episode. "I'm following my own dream!" Yeah. So the same exact thing. *applause*

    ~ "What about you, Haru?"

    "Me? I'm..." LOOK UP INTO THE SKY AND ROLL CREDITS.

    ~ Quick photo that is the same version of the one when they were kids-(*deeper sigh*) with Rei in it.