Chapter - 9, Things not to say while dumping

1. You look too much like my sister/brother, I can't see you anymore.

-Keggers-

2. I'm considering suicide because after being with you, hell should be a breeze.

-Jason -

3. You looked better when I was drinking.

-anonymous -

4. Your mom told me you were gay.

-Freddy-

5. I can't figure out what sex you are, even after having sex with you.

-Jimmy Rae -

6. Here's the phone number of my doctor, I think you and he should talk....

-<<Ogre>>-

7. You smell funny and no, I don't like the way you kiss, I do think it's weird that you like to sing showtunes while having... oh wait, that was Mark, wasn't it?

-anonymous -

8. Send a dozen dead roses with a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!"

-Beelzabub -

9. F*uck off, asshole (assholette?) I find direct honesty is always the best policy.

-Like I'd say! -

10. GADZOOKS! You're just not as NEARLY as attractive as you are after 10 beers, two shots of vodka, half a bottle of wine, and a Captain Morgan and Coke with a twist of lime!

-Alkyholic -

11. "Well, um..."(utilizing big googly eyes of course)" ...my individual mind patterns are breaking down from the appearance of you ... meep..." at this critical point, scream, "Your fault, your fault" until you finally drive them away at a sprint.

-tripped over my tongue LMac -

12. Now that I'm sober...I remembered...I'm married and have a kid and live in Nebraska. I don't know why I am in St.Louis, and can I have the key to these handcuffs? Please, I need to go home.

-Jason"The answer guy" H-

13. Hey, did you know that you could leave any time now?? Yeah, I think I made it clear when I started making out with someone else over there!

-I.M. Retard -

14. Thank you for taking the time to participate in this survey.

-Riffraff -

15. Roses are red, Violets are blue. Garbage is dumped, now so are you.

-Malissa -

16. I used to think size didn't matter, but in your case I have made an exception... so I'm leaving you for bigger and better things. My ex-boyfriend Bruno just came back into town. He finished serving his sentence and is dying to meet you.

-URHistory -