i have these days where i shutter at being touched even by my own mother

it makes me feel incredibly guilty

however it's not my fault

it's their fault

the people who touched me when i didn't want them to

my skin crawls most days because i feel their hands not my loving mother's or best friend's

i know they're nowhere near me but i can feel them still

they haunt my dreams and my day to day to life

like tonight

im lying awake feeling the hands that touched me when i didn't want them to

touch is something that is no longer gentle and loving but something i shiver and want to pull away from