when i was 13 two days before my 14th birthday i took far too many pills

it burnt my throat and stomach

i wanted to cry as my mom called 911

after that i don't remember much aside from crying and my body shaking violently

my brain blocked it out

it must have been too painful for me to remember

i do remember that people tried to comfort me but it still didn't heal the ache of the pills or the fact that i still wanted to die

the nurses would gasp every time they saw cuts on my arms even though i couldn't do in the hospital

when i finally came from a mental hospital i remember it still hurt

the first time i tried to die

there are days where i still want to

even after all my attempts

it's something i lay awake thinking about them and other bad things but i know i shouldn't

i fear it will happen again

every single day

im scared i will try to die yet again