I have been on autopilot for so long that trudging back to reality is no walk in the park.
Ever since my heart broke, my cup of desires was left unfilled, my soul had retreated into the dark, dark abyss of my mind.
I was no longer a conscious man.
I was a mere robot of flesh, following a set of instructions.
I never let myself out. I stayed inside and grew rusty along with the mold on the damp walls of the neverending abyss.
I somewhat loved the darkness. It was calm and quiet and shielded me from the harsh light which was reality.
And then, like every other man of heartbreak, I learned and formulated my own lessons and own set of rules.
They seemed twisted to others at first glance, but to me, they made a whole world of sense.
I set my mind upon never surrendering to love, to never let it seduce its way through my walls and casually pull the blind across my eyes, cutting me off from the flow of logic and rationality.
My soul simply made those rules and my robotic flesh just mindlessly followed them.
With the course of time, as a kingdom without a king to enforce its rules, my robotic flesh without a conscious soul went erratic.
The rules it was meant to follow twisted and turned and rolled and folded until they no longer aligned with the original ones.
I commited heinous crimes.
Crimes against the pillar that supported an entire human being.
Emotions.
I broke open the vaults and plundered the temples of an innocent soul, reaping what it had sowed for himself and repaired myself.
Maybe it was my survival instinct.
Maybe my body could no longer wait for its soul to reassemble itself and return.
Maybe it was that.
Maybe...it wasn't.
Who knows?
Now, today, my soul still lives with unhealed gashes ;it never got to heal them to the entirety.
The regret that blossomed post my crimes, called for the immediate return of my soul from the abyss
Now, the question is, will my soul wander scathed forever?
No, not really. It can heal, but through love.
Something that requires total surrender.
And also something I vowed never to tether myself to.