Christmas passed without event. I had my presents sent over to Gryffindor tower, so I could open them with Lysa and Rose. We hung around for a long time, chatting and laughing and wondering how the Weasley family events were going. After the feast, I went back to my dormitory and read a huge chunk of the new book Aunt Hermione had sent me, and ended up falling asleep and losing my place.

Like I said... rather uneventful.

I spent the next week sitting around doing a lot of nothing. The Ravenclaw quidditch team was going out early and coming in late almost every day, and both Rose and Albus were spending pretty much all of their free time revising for NEWTs, so there weren't many people to hang out with. The day after Boxing Day, I ran into Bella Gracechurch — that was her last name, according to Lysa — after lunch, and we ended up spending the afternoon walking around the grounds.

There were soft snowflakes drifting down from the sky, but it wasn't horridly cold out. We were strolling in the courtyard, talking about all sorts of random things. "Say... do you fancy anyone?" Bella asked suddenly, her tone curious but not pushy.

I pursed my lips. "I... yeah." A couple of months ago, I would have denied it fervently, but for some reason, I trusted this girl. I said, "Do you know Charlie Corner?"

Bella nodded, cracking a smile, and tugged on the snow-speckled french braid draped over her shoulder. "Sure I do. It would be hard not to, considering I've got a thing for his best friend."

I coughed, my eyes widening. "Mason?"

The blonde girl looked down, blushing. "Yeah. I... he helped me out when I was struggling in DADA at the beginning of the year... He's really smart, you know. Even though he's such a goofball."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I know." Then, biting my lip, I added, "So, do you think he... likes you back? Is there a potential relationship there?"

She scoffed. "I doubt it. I mean, we're friends, and he's always very nice... I know he flirts with me... but it's hard to take that seriously when he flirts with everyone else, too. Besides, he's actually... well, I can't tell you that. But he's definitely not looking for a girlfriend right now."

My eyebrows shot up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Bella shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, Lily, but I'm sworn to secrecy. It would be different if you two were friends, but... from what I've seen, you don't seem to like him very much."

"Yes," I agreed slowly, "we don't always see eye to eye. It's... a bit of a long story."

She nodded pensively. "There are certainly a lot of long stories in the world. The one I'd like to hear at the moment, though, is how you fell for Charlie Corner! Have you fancied him for long?"

I blushed. "Not a terribly long time; just since the end of last year. You've got to swear not to tell anyone, though... Scarlett Boot is always trying to find out who I've got my eye on, and I can't very well tell her it's her man, so I try to keep my feelings quiet."

"Ah, I see," Bella chuckled. "That's understandable. Would she really care, though? It's not like he's her boyfriend."

"He doesn't have to be," I said, somewhat dryly. "Scar likes to be in control and the center of attention, and she turns on anyone who threatens that. I don't particularly want her to turn on me, so..."

"You've certainly got a dim opinion of Scarlett."

I smiled in a sour sort of way. "I know, it's not very generous of me. She's really not that bad; I just have a tendency to exaggerate."

Trust me, she was that bad. Don't get me wrong, Scar was my friend... But she was the kind of friend who turned vicious at the blink of an eye, and although I'd never admit it, she'd said plenty of things to and about me that I resented deeply. She thought she was better than everyone in the whole wide world. It didn't help that she was one of the prettiest girls in school, and all the boys fawned over her. Honestly, she might have had a bigger ego than my brother, James.

"Hey," I added, as we were turning back towards the school, "are you sure you don't want to come to the party on New Year's Eve? I'm sure you'd have fun if you tried it out."

Bella shook her head, smiling softly. "I don't think I'm even going to stay up 'til midnight, honestly. It's not that important to me. But thanks anyway, and I hope you have a good time."

Oh, I was certainly planning on it.

---

31 December was a frigid, blustery day, and I spent most of it curled up in bed with a cup of tea and a book. After going down to dinner in the Great Hall, however, I set about getting ready for the party.

I rummaged through my trunk for something to wear, wondering what the temperature would be like. Considering the amount of people likely to be there, it would probably be crowded, and therefore warm. I hesitated between a few different options, eventually putting on a grey v-neck bodysuit and a pair of skinny blue jeans.

I put on a bit of mascara and lip gloss, but left my face otherwise natural. To tell you the truth, I was rubbish at makeup, so I preferred not to mess with it. Besides, I wasn't dressing up for anyone, so what was the point?

Livia and Maysie were both getting ready at the same time as me - I wasn't sure who was taking them, but based on the length of Livia's skirt, it was probably one of the older boys she liked to flirt with. Charis was nowhere to be seen, but I thought she might be with a couple of the Slytherin girls she usually hung around. They weren't like Jules; they were more funny, clever type. Jules hated them.

At nine o'clock, I draped a purse over my shoulder and walked out the door, telling Livia and Charis I'd see them later. Al was going to meet me outside the common room and take me up to the party, since he was my ticket in. Sure enough, he was waiting when I reached the hallway.

My brother smiled softly when he saw me. "Hey, Lil."

"Hi," I replied, shooting him a quick grin as I brushed past him. "Come on, let's not be late."

Al scoffed, falling into step beside me. "What are you in such a hurry for? Have you made arrangements with someone you're planning to kiss at midnight?"

"Ha ha, very funny," I said, sounding not in the least amused. "The only thing I'm planning to do at midnight is be too drunk to remember it."

Albums hummed. "I hope you're kidding."

I patted his arm reassuringly, a smirk playing on my lips. "Don't worry... I know you'll look out for me if I'm too intoxicated to look out for myself."

My brother caught me by the arm, forcing me to stop walking. "Lily, look at me."

I rolled my eyes. "What's your problem?"

"Please."

Turning, I stared defiantly into my brother's green eyes. His brow was creased as he stared back at me.

"Are you okay?" he said quietly. "Tell me the truth. Because you've been weird for awhile now, and I didn't want to say anything, but Rose said you've been hanging around with Julia Addams a lot, and I... I'm worried about you."

I scowled. "Are you seriously judging me right now for being friends with Jules? You? Have you seen your best friend?"

My brother stepped back, stricken. "You know very well that it's not the same."

"Oh, really? Because by most people's standards, I'm pretty sure your case is more concerning than mine."

"Scorp has been through a hell of a lot," Al snapped. "It's not his fault it screwed him up. Julia Addams is a child who's playing at being an adult, with no thought for the consequences-"

"Oh, will you just shove off? We both know you only hate her because she slept with Scorpius."

For a long, tense moment, nobody spoke. The anger melted off my brother's face, leaving only a dim remnant of pain as he turned away from me. "Let's just go to the stupid party, Lily. I don't want to fight with you."

---

The Astronomy tower was noisy, crowded with people, and already reeked of alcohol. It was past ten o'clock now, and I knew the room's disarray would only grow as the hours passed.

It about what you'd expect from a party thrown by a bunch of supposedly responsible teenagers. Almost everybody had a drink in their hand. Somebody was playing music, so there were kids dancing and singing and going crazy. There were also a number of people doing more than dancing, who the rest of us pretended not to notice.

I'd spent the last ten minutes trying my best not to think about the girl I'd seen leading Alec Scamander away from the crowd, but I couldn't say I was succeeding. I'd just decided it was time to refill the plastic cup in ny hand when Rose sidled up to me.

"Hey," she said, smiling as she draped her long, firey red hair over one shoulder. It was the same color as mine, but hers was a lot thicker. I suppose she got that from Aunt Hermione.

"Hallo," I greeted her, returning the grin. "You know, I didn't expect to see you here. Figured you'd be too busy revising."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop. I know you think I try too hard, but I'm fully capable of laying off my schoolwork long enough to have a little fun."

I shrugged good-naturedly. "If you say so." I tilted my head and nodded at her cup. "What are you drinking?"

My cousin laughed. "Water. I've had two firewhiskeys already... I'm done for the night." I must have made a face, because she raised an eyebrow. "What are you drinking?"

"Something less boring than water," I replied, smirking. "By the way, did I see you with Andy Macmillan a bit ago?"

Rose looked away. "You may have... but don't jump to conclusions! Nothing's going on there. We're just friends."

I scoffed. "Sure, and Mrs. Norris is just Filch's cat."

My cousin pursed her lips. "I'm serious, okay? Andy's a nice guy, but I'm not interested. And anyways... everyone knows him and Evelyn Sangster are meant to be."

Andy MacMillan was a Hufflepuff, and the head boy. Evelyn Sangster, a Slytherin, was head girl, so people liked to assume they would date at some point, but I shook my head, smiling. "Evie... isn't interested in guys, Rose. She's been seeing some girl in Lysa's year for awhile now."

The redhead choked on her water. "Seriously? I had no idea."

I nodded. "It's not totally public knowledge, but not really a secret either."

"Hm." Rose seemed to think about this for a minute. "So," she finally said, "I guess that means Andy's unattached."

"Hah!" I exclaimed. "You are interested."

My cousin flushed. "No, not really. I just... I need... I dunno. Something to keep Malfoy away for awhile. He's getting on my nerves."

"That's not all he wants to get on," I said, smirking.

Rose gaped at me silently for a moment, then shook her head. "I swear, Lil, your dirty mind never fails to impress me. I'm serious, though. If he asks me out one more time, I might be tempted to take my wand out and crucio the bastard."

"And what if he takes his wand out first?" I waggled my eyebrows suggestively at my cousin, and succeded in making her crack up.

When she'd recovered herself, she said, "Alright, that's it. If you don't have anything PG to say, don't say anything!"

I snorted. "How do you expect me to keep it PG when we're in this environment?" I waved my hand in the direction of the crowd. "Oh, speaking of Malfoy, who's that he's snogging over there?"

Rose peered over at the figure entangled with the blond boy, frowning. "I can't tell for sure... Looks like Ally Dixon, my dormmate."

I cringed and laughed at the same time. "Well, that's awkward. You'll have to tell me if she comes back to the dorm before morning."

My cousin made a gagging noise. "I cannot believe that boy was asking me out two days ago."

"I can," I said dryly. "He's been doing it for three years."

"Doing what?"

"Asking you out," I said, and then smiled impishly. "Oh, and the other thing too, of course."

Rose smacked me on the arm. "I am done with you, Lily Potter."

---

The clock was creeping towards midnight, and I was creeping towards exhaustion. I wasn't nearly as intoxicated as I had been the night I ran into Mason, but I had a buzz that was making me a bit drowsy. The party had only gotten louder and more rowdy, and all I could think was thank Merlin for soundproofing charms. If a professor had walked in on this... Well, it wouldn't have been pretty.

Across the room, Andy MacMillan had his arm around Rose's shoulder, and was talking in her ear. He looked rather drunk, but I don't think she minded. Rose didn't worry as long as she was in control. I wondered if anything would come of their flirtation, if it could be called that. I hoped something would. My cousin wasn't great at holding onto boyfriends; she'd had three or four in the past year. She tended to get fed up with them when they wouldn't respect her wishes. But Andy was a nice guy, and smart, and I thought he would be a good match for her. I hoped she would give him a proper chance.

"Lily, can I talk to you?"

I whirled around, startled by the voice, and found myself looking into my brother's green eyes for the second time this evening. His expression was wary. We hadn't interacted since coming in, although I'd seen him here and there, chatting with people or standing off to the side, observing. The memory of the harsh words that had passed between us was still fresh in my mind, but I'd begun to think I was in the wrong. It wasn't his fault he'd pushed a button and I'd overreacted. So I nodded, and waved him over to the edge of the tower.

I put my elbows on the wall that prevented us all from falling to our deaths, and leaned slightly forward. I sensed, rather than saw, Albus' presence at my side. Before he had time to say a thing, I said, "I'm sorry about earlier. You were just checking in on me, and I had no right to react that way, or to say those things about Scorpius. It wasn't fair to you."

Al sighed. "It's alright, Lily. You're forgiven. And... I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to freak out the way I did. I know you're smart, and I should trust you. I just..." He hesitated, then said, "I have this irrational fear for you. Ever since things blew up with James... I've felt like you're all I have left. And then I started hearing things, and seeing things, it felt like deja vu. And it scared me. Because... I was there, you know? For every step of his decline. I know you were there, too, but I saw a lot more of it than you ever did, and I... I can't do that again. So please forgive me if it seems like I don't trust you. It's just that, well... you're my baby sister, and I'm terrified of losing you."

I turned my head to look at him, and found tears swimming in his eyes. Mutely, I nodded at his words. It took me a second to find what I wanted to say, because I was overwhelmed in that moment by the realization of how much my brother was carrying on his shoulders. Our parents' hopes; James' abandonment; Scorpius' dalliances. My own misbehaviour.

"You don't need to apologize," I finally said, my voice soft as I stared out into the night. "You have every right to question me, and honestly, I could use the accountability. I..." I bit my lip, then continued, "I have been doing things I shouldn't be. I don't even know why; I guess I just... I stopped caring, at some point this past year."

"Because of Alec?"

My head jerked back to him. "You... know about that?"

Albus nodded. "Not the specifics... but for the longest time, you were happy and never left his side. Then suddenly you were miserable and couldn't even look at him. I didn't need to be a Ravenclaw to figure that one out."

I swallowed hard, then opened my mouth to reply, but couldn't find words. Once again, my mind was straying to think about the girl who had led Alec away earlier. I didn't even know her name... somehow I hated her. But not him. Never him.

My brother was watching me, a hint of curiosity in his green eyes. Then, realization. "You still have feelings for him."

"No," I said, almost too forcefully. Albus raised an eyebrow, apparently waiting for me to elaborate. I gnawed on my lip for a long, silent moment, then said, "The romantic feelings are long gone, but I... I guess a part of me still cares, to some extent. I dunno why... Maybe I feel like it's my fault, what he's turned into."

"Don't blame yourself, Lily," he said, his voice gentle. "Trust me... I've done enough of it to know it doesn't help."

"I'm not sure what else to do," I admitted. It was the sort of thing I never would have said if I didn't have a pint or two of alcohol in me, but it was true. I'd spent so many weeks reviling him, while simultaneously wondering if I was responsible for what he'd become, that I hardly knew how to stop.

My brother sighed, and then surprised me by draping his arm over my shoulders and pulling me close. "I know it's not easy. Hell, I can't get past it myself, some days. But you just have to remember... at the end of the day, everyone makes their own choices, and if they make the wrong ones, that's their problem. You don't have to worry about anyone's except yours."

I tilted my head to meet his green eyes. "And what if I'm the one making the wrong choices?"

Al smiled ruefully. "In that case... maybe you ought to start putting more of an effort into making the right ones."