"Hey, are you reading The Fault in Our Stars?"

I jolted, tilting my head up to see who was speaking to me. It was two days before Christmas, and I was curled up alone in a back corner of the library. The common room and my dormitory were both getting boring, so I'd come here for a change.

The girl in front of me was average height, slim but not scrawny, with long, thick blonde hair that tumbled over her shoulders in waves. She wore wire-framed glasses, which you could tell just by looking at them were rather thick, and there was a Hufflepuff scarf dangling from her neck.

I knew of this girl; she was in my year and I'd had the occasional class with her, although I didn't this term. She was a loner, for the most part. I shut my book and smiled at her. "Absolutely! It's one of my favorites."

The blonde girl grinned. "Me, too. Hazel is such a great character, isn't she? I totally relate to her."

I nodded. "Yeah, I do really like Hazel... honestly, though, I relate more to Gus. He reminds me of myself in a lot of ways."

She laughed quietly. "Well, to each their own, I guess." After a moment, she added, "I'm Isabella, by the way. My friends call me Bella."

Ah, that was her name. I couldn't quite remember before. I smiled. "Good to meet you formally. I'm Lily, although I suppose you know that."

"Yeah... I mean, I guess everyone does."

"Unfortunately."

Bella pursed her lips. "Is it so bad? Having everyone know who you are?"

I shrugged. "Maybe not all the time. But it sure as hell can be a bloody nightmare every once in awhile."

"Well, I'm sure it has some perks too. It can't be all bad, right?"

"I suppose it does but all the same... I'd rather no one knew who I was," I replied, a wry smile on my face. In some ways, I thought, no one did know who I was. There were parts of myself I'd never really shared with anyone, and I preferred to keep it that way. It was... easier. Safer.

Bella smiled. "I should leave you to your reading, Lily... but we should hang out sometime! It can be a bit boring over Christmas when there aren't so many people around."

I wasn't much for making friends lately, but this girl didn't seem too bad. She wasn't desperate, like the ones who were clearly just trying to climb some social ladder by befriending the daughter of the Chosen One. I supposed I could give her a chance... she clearly had good taste, since she was a fan of John Green. "All right," I said. "Do you... have any plans for New Year's?"

"Not really," Bella said, shrugging.

"There's usually something going on up in the astronomy tower," I told her. "You know... the prefects like to throw the odd party. My brother's a prefect, so... he could probably get us invites. If you'd like to go."

The blonde girl smiled. "That sounds wonderful! Although... there won't be a lot of drinking or anything like that, will there?"

I laughed. "They might be drinking a little bit, but they won't force it on us. I wouldn't worry about it. Some of the seventh years will get tipsy, but not totally smashed. It's nothing crazy."

Bella cringed. "I dunno... I might have to pass. That's not really my scene. But we'll hang out some other time, 'kay? I'll see you around."

Well, that was rather a sudden goodbye, I thought as she walked away. It was probably a good thing she wasn't going to come, though. That meant I was free to get as drunk as I wanted. At this point, I wasn't even worried who saw me. If my parents found out, they found out. Maybe it would be better if they did, because I might be tempted to stop. Admittedly, the whole thing was beginning to weigh on me. A part of me wanted it to come out, but I'd never have the guts to reveal it myself. The best I could do was hope they found out through somebody else.

Sighing, I got up and tucked my book under my arm. I'd spent enough time here — I needed to go back to the dormitory before supper, anyways. Just as I was turning out of the library, I collided with something tall and solid — someone, I should say. My book went tumbling to the ground, and I swore under my breath, crouching to retrieve it. Only when I had done so did I look up to apologize to whomever I had run into... and found myself looking into Alec Scamander's bright blue eyes.

I swallowed hard, glanced at the floor, and muttered, "Sorry."

"It's no problem," he replied, his voice soft and hoarse. It startled me a bit. After all, I don't think he'd actually spoken to me in almost seven months. I hadn't given him the chance to.

I glanced back up at him, and saw that his mouth was half open, as if he was going to say more. But in the end, he just gave me a sad look and brushed past me, ducking into the library.

I shook off the momentary stun and continued in the direction I'd been going, rolling my eyes. Ugh. He had no right to act all wounded. Maybe he had before, when we were kids, but this was different. There was nobody to blame for the way things were between us except himself. And besides... wasn't it better for him now? Shouldn't he be enjoying the freedom of doing whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted? It just felt fake for him to pout, when we all knew he was making good of being unattached.

It was hard to figure out how I felt about Alec's dalliances, to be honest. Of course there was a part of me that wondered if everything might have turned out differently for us. But most of me was just... so over it. Over him; over how he'd acted. He could do what he pleased; I didn't care if he hooked up with every girl in the school. As long as he never presumed he had any right to hook up with me.

The night was chilly for May, and the trees that made up the little grove didn't protect me from the breeze. I wished I'd brought a jacket, but it was too late now. I knew we had to have this talk, and I was glad we weren't going to have it inside. Out here, it was just me and Alec, and I could say what I needed to say, and be done with it. Nobody watching; nobody listening. Just us, and the truth. No matter how much I hated it.

I was there a good quarter of an hour early, which turned out to be just fine, because Alec couldn't have showed up more than four minutes after I did. I was sitting on the ground, my back against the stump of one of the bigger trees, my knees pulled up to my chest. This was our spot, and had been ever since second year, when he first discovered it and brought me out to see it. Now, more than three years later, here we were... hardly changed, and yet, impossibly different.

When Alec arrived, he walked halfway to me, and then paused, biting his lip. We'd spent plenty of evenings down here, hands entangled. Heads leaning on each other. Together. But I knew he could see the change in me, and therefore hesitated. He wasn't sure how close I wanted him to get. Truthfully, I wasn't either, but I held his eyes for a moment before patting the ground next to me. He nodded and came to sit down.

Our shoulders were barely touching, but I could feel the nervous energy radiating from him. He didn't say anything, just sat there, stiff with tension. For a long, long moment there was silence. Then, taking a deep breath, I spoke.

"Dom heard you talking to some of the guys. About us."

Alec frowned at me. "Do you expect me to not talk to the guys about us? You certainly tell Lysa and Rose everything."

I swallowed, hard. "You can talk to them as much as you like, Alec. But I'd rather you didn't talk to them about fucking me."

The blond boy's eyes widened. He gaped at me for a moment, seemingly in shock, then managed to stammer, "Merlin, I... I haven't said anything that... that direct, Lily. I swear."

I pressed my lips into a thin line. "You've said enough."

His brow was furrowed as he looked at me. "I'm not sure what you're trying to accuse me of. Whatever Dominique overheard was... it was just guy talk, alright? It didn't mean anything."

I scoffed. "It doesn't mean anything that you're talking to your friends about having sex when you haven't even kissed me? Sorry, but I think it does. Apparently you have some expectations for this relationship that I'm entirely unaware of, and—"

"Oh, bloody hell, don't make this such a big deal," Alec groaned, running a hand through his hair. "This has nothing to do with expectations, alright? I was just joking around!"

"Maybe that's the problem, then," I said tersely, crossing my arms. "Is our relationship something to be joked about? Is sex something to be joked about? Because personally, I don't think either of them are, and if you do..."

"Will you calm the fuck down?" he snapped, merging from annoyed into straight up angry. "You really expect me to take you seriously when you sit there and act like you're some innocent? We both know you're not. Even if you've never done anything, your mind is just as dirty as mine or anyone else's. You laugh at my dirty jokes, don't you?"

"A dirty joke and a conversation about our lives are two very different things," I told him, feeling anger starting to boil up within me. "We have never even talked about the possibility of taking that step. For you to go speak about it to your friends like it's a given—"

"Shouldn't it be?"

I stared at him for a moment, dead silent, then said, "Excuse you?"

Alec sighed angrily. "Isn't it a fair thing to expect, at some point? I've put a lot into this relationship, and as far as I know, you're just as committed as I am. Is it so far fetched to think that we could go there?"

I scowled in frustration. "Maybe not in the long run, no! But I'm only fifteen years old, Alec, and we're not even officially together. For you to act like you think you're entitled to that is—"

"For fuck's sake, it's not... it's not like that, okay?" The blond boy lowered his voice, apparently calming down, and hung his head. "I'm sorry if it rubbed you the wrong way to hear whatever shit I said, Lily. But if I am thinking about you in that way, it's not... it's not out of any false sense of entitlement, okay? It's just because I've been thinking about the future, and... how much I want this to last. I've never been anywhere close to as happy as I am when we're together, and I... I love you."

For the first few seconds after this declaration, I was frozen. Then, I couldn't react fast enough. I pushed myself up from the ground, taking two steps away from him. "How dare you?" I hissed.

Alec followed me up, a confused look on his face as he reached for me and I took another step back. "What's the matter?"

"You know, I spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like to hear those words come out of your mouth, but I never thought I'd be revolted by them. Of all things, Alec... Why on earth would you say that in the middle of this conversation?"

He looked stricken as he stared at me, his blue eyes shining. "Because I mean it, Lily. I don't know why you're being so... "

I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes. "You don't. I know you don't. You only said it because you thought it would make me less angry. But, honestly? I cannot even fucking believe you right now. I cannot believe you would use the L-word as some kind of sick emotional manipulation. And I really can't believe I ever thought I could be in love with you."

I pushed away the memory with a scowl as I neared the entrance to Ravenclaw tower. Dominique was in the hall outside, somewhat entangled with Aiden Howell, her Gryffindor boyfriend. He was in Lysa's year, but mature for his age, and breathtakingly handsome. To tell you the truth, almost everybody fancied him. His curly brown hair and charming smile were the stuff of dreams.

I guess I fancied him a little myself, if I'm being honest. Just in a casual sort of way. It wasn't like what I felt for Charlie — that ran deeper, and was based on a lot more than looks — but it was something. It was a foolish torch to carry, but... there were worse boys to like. I knew that all too well.