"Ok, I can't believe that I have to even say that this is a rule, but NO TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF IN CLASS!"

"Yeah, I have PTSD from last years students."

"I mean there are a lot of UGLY kids in this school. Now, I'm not gonna say any of the girls are ugly, because y'all are all pretty! But Mathew, DAMN!!!" -teacher on day 1 speech to entire class
"WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!"- Mathew

"Yooooo what's up??"
"i'm going to go smoke 15 kilos of meth"

"WAIT FOR ME AND MY PINEAPPLE CAN!!!"-Me

"hey where's your Irish accent?!"
"UP YOURS!!"

"Write me a check from your exotic business!"

"Sometimes in life, you just gotta find a piece that looks like it fits and hammer it in."

"Life's a highway and I'm just waiting for the hitchhiker that turns out to be a serial killer."

"This puzzle makes me violently suicidal."

"Life's a highway and I'm in the ditch."

"Why you always gotta dress like a hoe?!"
"Well what am I supposed to wear, maternity clothes?!"

"Stop taking selfies of your dumb whore face!"

"Camo, are you ok?"
"NO! I'm getting molested!"

"How are my little squirrels on crack?"-teacher to class

*kid crying* "MOMMY!!! I HAD A NIGHTMARE! I SAW THE LITTLE WHITE BOY DANCE!!"
"Well it's because you didn't have the owl with you!"

"You know, my white boy dancing might be bad, but at least I don't walk around with a bag full of teenagers shoes!"

"NO! I don't want my pencil back!! You contaminated it with your dirty ass hands!!"
"Yo, you love these dirty ass hands!!"

"Show me your titties boy!"

"No I'm not checking this out! I don't want people to see my book history going from Clifford to Kiss Collector!"

"It's contagious clownery! It's clownery that's contagious!"

"I'm too depressed for this kind of commitment!"

"Listen Timmy, when you're homeless you sleep in whatever you can get, now get in the taco costume!"

"I was supposed to go to Italy for graduation, but then we had too many CPS cases and then we were broke!"

"Using children for your own entertainment?! FOR SHAME!!"-me
"That's all teaching is, Emily! I'm just owning up to it!"-science teacher

"My mom says we need to drug him, but I don't wanna drug the dog."

"Woohoo!!! 9 11 coming up!!" -teacher to class

"Yo, what's your gamer tag??"
"SWAGGYFAGGIE69!!!!"

"They said we couldn't bring plastic utensils to the pep rallies! They never said we couldn't bring guns!!"

"WHAT, you dirty COOCH?!"

"So I went to a party and got drunk... Yeah I woke up with someone else's shoes on and shorts instead of pants."

"She said she was gonna write me up for drawing Sid the Science Kid for FUCKS SAKE!!!"

"Y'all need Jesus you freaking habeebs!!!
You need forgiveness ya stupid cunt! I'll punch both yo tiddies!!"

"Maybe it's resentment. Maybe it's Maybelline."

"Yo, let's flex on the blind!!"

"If you wanna interact with nature, you gotta BE nature! And I am NATURE!!!!"

"Austin close your legs!! YoU'Re mAkiNG iT sMeLL liKe TuNa!!!!!"

"OH YEAH!!! HEMORRHOID PARTY!!!"

"I want you to choke me~♪ while I~♪ JERK OFF!!"

"Ah yes, I say words in my head except mine scream at me."

"You know, they say you are what you eat... but I don't remember eating a cripple!"

"I just wanted a regular Band-Aid, but instead I got this Satan spawn!"-Me

"Sometimes I just wander around until I get locked inside someone's garage for 24 hours."

*LOUD BANG*
"SHIT!! Guys we're in America! We need to duck!!"-Me

"You gotta eat some glitter just incase you puke, y'know, so it'll look pretty!"

"Hey! I'm a pretty tire! I mean just look at my gold
specs!!"-lisayang447

"YEAH?! WELL I LOVE YOU TOO FUCK NUTS!!"

"I SEXUALLY IDENTIFY AS A SNAKE!!"
"WELL I SEXUALLY IDENTIFY AS AN ATTACK HELICOPTER!!"

"Get OFF the computer! Get off the computer, before I SPANK YOU!!"
"Well joke's on you, I like being spanked!"

"It smells like genocide."

"This music makes me think of when life was good and the Nazis were here."

*Kid#1 enters the classroom*
"HEY! Did you poop??"-Kid#2
"Stop!"-Teacher
"Oh yeah! Just call me a lumberjack, 'cause I'm dropping LOGS!!"-Kid#1
"STOP!!"-Teacher
*Kid#1 writes "LOGS" on the whiteboard*
"NOOO!! GO BACK TO YOU OWN CLASS! GET OUTTA HERE!!"-Teacher *frantically erasing "LOGS" from the board*

"I was hypnotizing people the WHOLE CLASS PERIOD!"
"NO YOU WEREN'T!! YOU WE'RE JUST SHAKING!!"

"So I ordered something from China and it came in and now I probably have the corona virus so I'm probably gonna die!"-kid 1
"OH! If you do can you take me down with you?!"-me
"Yeah!" -kid 1
*high fives*
"Aw sweet! HEY GUYS I HAVE THE CORONA VIRUS!!"-me
"OHH SHARE!!"- kid 2

"Love you- from a prison in the heart of Guatemala"

"What did you learn in school today??"
"I learned that God is the Pringles man!!"

"The devil is holding a parabola.."

"Here's what we found... you're gay!"
"... thank you"

"Yeah so I'll just wake up at 4 in the morning and she'll be standing there with a pillow like 'here, your pillow was looking kinda flat there, so I got you a new one' as she fluffs it. Y'know, in a non 'I'm about to suffocate you' kinda way."
"That what I call a real homie man"
"A homie-invasion"

"Adrien, why are you wearing lipstick??"-teacher
"Listen, im transitioning and you can't Stop me!"-Adrien
"Adrien is my favourite transformer because he transforms from social to anti-social all the time!"

"Why was there a very cartoony and colourful "CORONA VIRUS" sign up in our band hall??"
"Oh! It used to say "congratulations Victoria" but she rearranged it and the band director thought it was a good way to spread awareness."

Not a quote, but story time! So kid#1 was messing with a stray string at the bottom of kid#2's pants. Kid #1 suddenly pulls really hard and the string didn't break, but instead ripped kid #2's pants all the way up to his thigh. Our teacher has absolutely no clue any of this is happening as he's helping another student. Kid #2 gets up, walks to the teacher's desk with his pant leg flapping open, pulls out a pair of scissors and starts cutting across the pants where the cut ended saying he was gonna make some jorts. At this point the teacher notices and is absolutely dumbfounded as he yanks the scissors away. He said he'd have to send kid#2 to the office for a dress code violation. Kid #1 gets up and says "No, no I got this don't worry!" And the whole class watches as he runs to the teachers desk, pulls out a roll of scotch tape and a stapler, then runs over and starts closing up the ENORMOUS tear on kid #2's pant leg with staples. Then he proceeds to wrap the tape around his leg for "extra support". The teacher goes "Well.. since there's no skin showing I guess you're TECHNICALLY not breaking dress code..." and kid #2 goes "you're damn right I'm not!"

"So how was work today?"
"I mean there was pirate music and we danced a bit.."