...

Huh..

Didn't expect me to do this one. Again.

Well.. guess I should introduce myself.

My name is-

HA! Ya thought imma going tell you my name that easily? Oh no, people, not this time.

...anyway, I am a 16 year old autistic black american minor, who ventured onto the endless world of Online, only to fallen into the lure of the.. ahem.. "lovely" community, which slowly and surely lead to my downfall into the hellhole I dug myself in. This hellhole, created by my terrible choices, memory of people who has harmed me in the past, and the times I have lost the people i look up to, has taken away my non-depressive innocence, the memories of the past (or in other words, my times with certain people before my depressive arc), and everything positive used to do in the past.

In real life, I have no friends, and I think, I was treated differently than the others. 
You may be wonder what I meant by that- so lemme add context, and allow you to put yourself in my shoes.

Imagine yourself as a student with a disability, who spent most of their life in Special Education Services- which, if you don't know, is basically a system where a student gets sent to a building filled with paras, teachers, and other students with disabilities; even those who are hostile are there. I would know, as I been through it, and I hated it...- instead of the non disabled lifestyle people have. When you are around 14 or so, you have graduated out of "middle school" (i put it in quotation marks, because you pretty much know that this "middle school" you graduated from is, unfortunately, a special education only building, not an actual fuckin school), and you are given a chance to go to High School without the Special Ed services. You are in joy, happy that you are free from the damned special ed services your parent/s made you be in, and when you enroll into a high school, you felt like it'll be a new start. A new beginning. A new path shining before you.

...only for it to be fake. You may not notice it at first, but as you make through your freshmen or sophomore year, you may notice the signs. The people you seen didn't think of coming towards you to talk to you, and when you do managed to be the one walking up to them to talk, they acted differently to you than to their friends. You feel like you have been isolated from teenage society. And as you continued through your life in high school, you slowly start to descend down to the path of loneliness, isolation, and, unfortunately, very.. dark.. thoughts. For example, you may think "no one would be friends with you", or "Who would wanna be friends with an autistic asshole like you?", and many more. What makes it worse, is that because ya can't get friends, ya couldn't get any dates (I would know from irl experience, as I known 2 people in my class who are dating, which not only gets me MORE lonely, but also gets me to wonder.. "Who would want to date ME?" [A/N: As of now, I was taken by a good boi bat. But to clarify what I wondered, I meant that in IRL terms. I know I am taken, but that is ONLINE, not IRL. Everything I wanted to do with my lover can, and will, NEVER happen, as I am pretty sure that we couldn't meet irl at our current age and situation. Maybe when we meet irl, we could do things together, but that ain't happening now unfortunately. So yeah- To add more details to the wonder, imma just say-"Who would want to date ME in Real Life?"] or something along those lines..)

Oh, and because you couldn't get any dates, you may live the rest of your life alone, isolated from society, and every passing day, you have no one who cares for you, no one who would be there to make you happy, and no one who would be there to pull you into their arms when you are really hurt.

The loneliness, isolation, and the lack of love and attention may stack up every day, each one hurting one's mentality. And the only way to end this, is two ways-
Option A, remain living and go to a therapy, who would help you and get you to make friends, hopefully you could get a little love along the way,
Or B.. putting yourself out of your autistic misery, knowing that if people would've interacted with you, treat you normally, and help you when you are clearly lonely and isolated, the attempt wouldn't have happened.

I know you guys may prefer the A option, because theres so much to life than friends and lovers. But to some who did pick the B option.. I feel you, but I also worry for you, so please, I hope you guys get help.

...anyway, other than that, yeah. In short, my life is mostly lonely because of my life being trapped in a fucking building with other dumb minded, some hostile, and some a bit TOO clingy, special ed people. And before you all go yell at me for being an ableist (like racist, but to people with disabilities), Imma would like to say that while I do hate that I have to deal with them most of my life, and because of that I won't be able to act like a "NORMAL" teen like some of you, but I can't hate them forever. Some of the people who are in special ed, may be like me, and is suffering. I can't hate someone whose suffering, no matter if they hated me or attack me. I, despite my hate and dislike towards them, feel a bit of empathy for them. From people who couldn't speak at all and make random noises, to people who, somehow, have ruined their limb in their birth. I couldn't help but feel bad for them, and I hope that they won't give everyone a hard time, or, in this case, end up broken, like me.

Woah. I have been texting too many letters, and words. Guess I should end things here..

This is AzureScales/TheZettaFlares signing off!