I got high for the first time with you, and oh how I regret it now. You fucked up that euphoria for me when you left. Every fucking drag brings me back to you. Every fucking kiss, and the way that you would look at me, our conversations, your laughter and your smile; the memories come flooding in with the smoke, but do not leave with it. I used to laugh when I was high, this used to feel so fucking good. However, because of you my highs are just a silent hour of hopeless reminiscing and tears. You've made my highs feel so low that now happiness has no addictive substitution. The feeling that all those drug addicts write about just doesn't work for me. The out of body sensation never happens because I'm trapped inside of my head. Being high doesn't feel good at all, it fucking sucks.

     I don't know why I still smoke. I know it's not to recollect every overvalued memory of you. I do that sober too. This drug is no escape from you. Weed will never free me, and I've tried every anti-depressant that my therapist legally prescribed but they all had no effect. I've tried every opiate and over-the-counter narcotic I could find, and none could fuck me up enough to forget about you. In overdose, I'd probably waste my last living thought on you.

     They say love is a drug but that's bullshit, because I'm not addicted to loving you, I'm addicted to you. You gave my life substance but now you're gone and the withdrawal's been a bitch. Addiction isn't about abusing drugs, it's about how the drugs abuse you. I wish I could get high like I used to.

- You ruined my high when you left. -