Gratsu Bingo 2019
Prompt: Hate

Chapter 6

Stupid Zeref. Igneel is not dead, he's not dead, not dead, dead....

NO!

Natsu ran as fast as he could, not bothering to pay any attention to where he was going. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground with no clue how he'd gotten there. There was a pained moan underneath him, and he scrambled to get up, finding a young girl staring up at him, a toy stroller on its side next to them.

He was quick to apologize, wiping his tears away before offering to help her up, all while trying to ignore the disquieted looks he was getting from her father. Natsu helped the girl put her dolly back in the stroller.

He found himself staring at the father, the way he was scowling at Natsu, daring him to lay a hand on his daughter. Protecting. Just like Igneel used to do.

Igneel can't be dead, not dead, dead...

Igneel's not dead damn it! He and Zeref must have just missed him. All he had to do was return to Alvarez and find him.

He slowed down his pace, tears streaming down his face steadily. He made no attempt to wipe them away. Yeah! That's what he needed to do, he needed to go back to Alvarez.

Natsu tried to shove that thought away before it could gain any traction. He couldn't do that. He'd promised Gray he'd be there when he returned. Natsu had already left him once, he couldn't do it again. Besides what he'd said to Zeref, it was wrong. It had been unnecessarily cruel, and he already regretted it.

He refused to think of the despair in his brother's eyes when Natsu said he'd wished Zeref had died in Igneel's place.

Which was ridiculous, cause Igneel is most definitely not dead.

Zeref's words had filled him with anger, and a blazing hatred that, although quick to disperse, had left Natsu unsettled. He'd never felt an emotion that strong before. He loved his brother, had felt a connection to him from the moment they'd met.

But, what did he really know about Zeref? Other than he was four years older than him and he'd been some sort of political prisoner. How was that possible when he'd spent almost two years with the guy?

Natsu was six when they moved to Magnolia, and all memories before that were shaky at best. How does a ten-year-old boy become a political prisoner? Why had Igneel never told him about Zeref?

Nothing made any sense, and it hurt his head. He kept coming up with more and more questions, but he didn't have any damn answers. Not a single one.

He kept walking, not really paying attention to where he was going, just letting his feet guide him while he tried to take control of his frantic mind. Trying to ignore the voice that was yelling at him that there must be a reason why he hadn't asked any questions of Zeref. Had he known something after all?

After walking for what felt like hours, he came upon a familiar place. He decided to stop there and rest, just for a little while, if only to help quiet his mind. He sat down on a bench and promptly fell asleep.

O-o

Gray was exhausted, the wedding felt like it had gone on forever. The pictures alone had taken over an hour, and despite Ur's misgivings Gray had to imagine they'd come out fine. Lyon had a stupid smile on his face throughout the whole thing, somehow managing to get a second wind the moment he'd seen Juvia.

Ur and Gray had stayed until Lyon and Juvia had left for their honeymoon, and then they'd headed back home to meet up with Zeref and Natsu for an early dinner.

They'd been driving for a few minutes when Gray decided he'd withheld his news long enough. He'd offered to drive knowing she probably wouldn't react well to what he had to tell her.

"Mom, I have to tell you something," Gray said seriously.

"You're bisexual and in love with Natsu," Ur giggled, a little buzzed from all the toasts, "I've known forever."

"Uhm... no, that's not it, but I'm glad you're taking that so well," Gray replied, a little surprised by her reaction.

"Well then, what is it?"

"Igneel is dead," Gray's voice reflected the pain he was still feeling.

"Igneel?" Ur covered her mouth, but she resisted his words. It wasn't hard to, Natsu's optimism was very contagious. "How can you be so sure?"

"Zeref told us last night, he was executed in Alvarez about a year after he left."

"Alvarez? That country in Alakitasia? What would Igneel be doing all the way over there?"

"That's a much longer story that I'm not really at liberty to discuss right now."

"Igneel was my friend, I think I deserve to know," Ur snapped, and then with a small gasp, "Does Natsu know?"

Gray kept his eyes on the road, his stomach tying itself into knots as he wondered if Zeref had already told him.

"Zeref planned on telling him while we were gone."

"Oh, God, that poor boy! This will tear him apart, he'd held hope for so long."

Ur began to cry softly, and Gray grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently, "I'm sorry, Mom."

Ur sniffled for a while longer "What about you, how are you holding up?"

"I don't know, I'm sad, but I'm more worried about Natsu. We both know he's not going to take this well."

It was Ur's turn to squeeze his hand, and he smiled at the gesture.

"You really do love him, don't you?"

Yes, he really fucking did, but he wasn't about to tell her that.

"We'll all be there for him when he's ready. It's what Igneel would have wanted," Ur declared, her voice full of a certainty that Gray envied.

Gray rather thought Igneel would have wanted Natsu to find his way to Zeref. He was still having trouble accepting everything Zeref had told them the night before, but it had sounded like Igneel had cared a lot about Zeref as well. Had even gone so far as to go to Alvarez to try to get Zeref out.

He remembered Zeref's description of how he'd found Natsu with his mother. What must he have seen? Poor Natsu, he'd been dealt a crappy hand from the very beginning.

They remained silent the rest of the ride, both caught up in their own thoughts. It was only when Gray got out of the car that he noticed the lone figure sitting on the steps of his building. He hurried over, hearing the car door slam behind him as Ur followed.

"Zeref?"

Zeref raised his head upon hearing his name, and Gray winced. He looked terrible. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, but once he recognized Gray, he got up quickly and grabbed him by the shoulders, his voice oozing with desperation.

"We have to find him!"

"What happened?" Gray asked, his concern mounting as he saw the expression on Zeref's face. His eyes seemed dull as if he had endured more pain than any one person should, and he was fully expecting to be blasted with more soon.

"I told him about Igneel," he answered simply.

"What did he say?" Ur asked, trying to get Zeref to sit back down.

"It doesn't matter, what's important is he ran off, and I have no idea where. I was hoping you might."

Gray thought long and hard about where Natsu would run off to when he was upset about Igneel. He was reasonably sure he'd narrowed it down to one of two places, and he would make sure to go to the most likely one, in case Natsu wasn't ready to see Zeref yet.

"I'll go to the playground, why don't you guys go to the old house?" Gray suggested.

He tossed the car keys to his mother and ran inside to quickly change out of his tux and into some more comfortable clothes. His heart was pounding, he didn't think Natsu would try to hurt himself but Igneel dying was something he'd always refused to even consider. Anytime anyone would mention the possibility he'd always shut down and so they'd learned to leave it alone.

Zeref had followed him up, and after he'd used the bathroom, Gray finally realized neither of them had brought anything with them the night before. He grabbed some of his clean clothes and tossed them over to the older man.

"Didn't you guys bring anything with you?"

"We left our bags at Sting's apartment, he was the one who gave us your address." Zeref replied, turning away from Gray as he hastily changed his clothes. Gray hadn't meant to look, but he couldn't help but notice how the man's back was literally covered in all manner of scars. It shocked him.

"Did you get a chance to tell him anything else? I kind of wanna know what I'm walking into."

Zeref shook his head, "No, and he hates me now, so maybe it's best if I take off after we find him. I just want to make sure he's alright."

"He doesn't hate you."

"You didn't see his face," Zeref insisted.

"Dude, Natsu is incapable of hating anyone, that's just who he is. He's just hurt and angry, and I mean, can you blame him?"

"No, I know I should have told him. I just — I wanted us to get to know each other without having Igneel between us. By the time I realized how unfair that was, it was too late to tell him. It was stupid."

"Yeah it was, but love makes us do all sorts of stupid shit," Gray pointed out with a smile, "We'll find him, and we'll help him get through it. It's what family does, and you," Gray made a point of looking into Zeref's eyes, "are a part of his family."

Once Zeref had nodded in grudging agreement, Gray grabbed his car keys, "Now, let's go find him."

They hurried down the stairs, Zeref going with Ur to the house Natsu had lived in with Igneel as a child and Gray running to his car to head over to the playground where he and Lyon had first met Natsu.

o-o

Gray parked his car in the first available spot and immediately set to looking around for Natsu. He checked all the places where they used to play and panicked when there was no sign of him, not sure where else he might have gone to in his state.

He began asking people if they'd seen a young man with pink hair who might have been acting upset, but no one had. Gray made his way deeper into the park, past the playground and onto the small hiking trails that were just right for families with small children.

Gray was convinced Natsu was in here somewhere, so he kept walking until he caught sight of something he hadn't thought about in a long time.

The duck pond Igneel had loved. Gray remembered how he'd always bring them here when he wanted to speak with them, letting them feed the birds as he talked.

Gray could almost hear his voice, quietly scolding him about a rougher than usual fight with Lyon, or urging him to do better in school. They had so many talks over the five years he'd been a part of his life. Gray couldn't hold back any longer.

At that moment, everything became much too real. Igneel was gone, and he was never coming back. He had died alone in his homeland, trying his hardest to reunite a father with his son.

Gray found himself crying, his chest heaving as tears that were too warm and salty trailed down his cheeks. He couldn't even say who he was crying for — himself, Igneel, Natsu or Zeref, but a small part of him felt like his own father had died all over again.

When Gray managed to bring his tears down to mere sniffles, he made his way over to the small pond and found Natsu asleep on a bench. He was muttering in his sleep, his body twitching so restlessly Gray was surprised he hadn't fallen off.

"Natsu?" Gray called out softly, not wanting to startle him awake. He'd only made that mistake once, and he did not care to repeat it. He tried to make himself comfortable in the small space next to Natsu's head.

"Hey Natsu," Gray ran his fingers through Natsu's hair once, noting with sorrow the dried tear tracks on his cheeks before shaking a shoulder gently. "Wake up, sleepyhead. Everyone's worried about you."

While Natsu slowly woke up, Gray texted his mother, letting her know he'd found him and mentioning their location. She replied, promising to bring Zeref with her.

He sort of felt sorry for having made Zeref go with Ur, knowing she'd probably pelted him with questions. And he couldn't help but wonder how much Zeref might have told her.

Natsu sat up, surprised by Gray's presence but still too tired to form complete sentences. "Gray? How?"

"How did I find you?" When Natsu nodded, he explained, "This is where we met the two of you, all those years ago. I figured you'd come here, although I expected you to be by the playground. I hadn't thought about the pond in years."

"Man, I got scolded so many times here, but Igneel never yelled, you know?" Gray found himself dangerously close to sniffling again.

"Not you too! Stop talking like Igneel's gone. He's not gone, he's...,"

"Natsu, he's gone," Gray said firmly, capturing Natsu's gaze and holding it.

"NO! He's not dead, he's not, I'm going to find him," Natsu's cries were desperate, and it was breaking Gray's heart to have to correct him.

"He is gone, Zeref saw it happen," Gray insisted, feeling crueler by the second.

"Zeref doesn't know what he's talking about," Natsu yelled, covering his ears with his hands, "Igneel's not dead, not dead, not dead, not dead..."

Gray was unnerved by the way Natsu kept repeating the words over and over, a mantra to keep his hope alive.

"Stop it!" Gray tried to pull Natsu's hands away from his ears, he needed Natsu to listen to him, but he was holding on too tight leaving Gray no choice but to yell.

"Why would Zeref lie to you about this?"

"Because he's not who he says he is!" Natsu screamed, surprising both of them.

What the hell did I just say?

Gray knew Natsu was right, but he couldn't admit that. Only Zeref could.

"What do you mean?"

"I... I don't know," Natsu whispered, but in his heart, he knew that wasn't true. He'd known something was off for a long time, he just hadn't wanted to admit it because he liked the idea of having a brother. Even if it made no sense at all.

"There's something, something that's been bugging me since he mentioned Igneel for the first time, but it can't be. I — I think I'm going crazy."

"Natsu —, I'm sorry," Gray had no clue what else to say so he put his arm around him instead and let him cry into his shoulder, holding him as close as possible.

"He can't be dead, Gray "Natsu sobbed piteously, "I never got to say goodbye."

"I know. It's not fair, but Igneel wouldn't want to see you like this," Gray murmured soothingly, "He loved you. The last thing he would have ever wanted was to cause you pain."

Natsu only cried harder.

"I always thought the only reason he would have left was to protect you from something," Gray moved his arm from Natsu's shoulder, running his fingers through the pink locks that had always fascinated him.

It broke him to see Natsu like this, he'd always been the sunshine Gray had depended on to keep going, which is why he'd fallen to such depths when it was gone.

"If that was true, I'm sure he kept you with him until the very end," Gray's tears fell on Natsu like droplets of rain, and for the moment he was content to cry together with him, knowing Igneel had meant a lot to him too.

"He did," Zeref's voice surprised both of them out of the little bubble they had created for themselves.

Zeref stood in front of their bench, peering down at them through his own tears. "I know you might not want to listen to anything I have to say right now, but you deserve to know a few things. After I'm done, you can tell me what you want me to do, and I will honor it."

Natsu clasped Gray's hand instinctively. Zeref noticed the gesture and smiled reassuringly, "He doesn't have to go anywhere, he already knows part of it. Ur can stay as well. They are your family."

Natsu nodded his agreement, and Zeref walked towards the grassy area across from the benches and sat down, his back leaning against a tree. Natsu, Gray, and Ur followed, sitting around him and waiting for him to speak.

Zeref remained quiet for a time, gazing at Natsu intently before putting his hands behind his neck and unlocking the clasp of his locket for the first time since placing it there so many years ago. He removed it and handed it over to Natsu quickly before he could change his mind.

"This belongs to you now, your mother would have wanted you to have it," Zeref felt like he was ready to cry again. That locket had been the only thing to give him comfort for years and without its comforting weight against his heart, he felt a wave of despair rise within him.

Natsu held it in his hand, not quite daring to open it.

"Go ahead, open it," Zeref urged, curious to see how Natsu would respond to the picture.

Gray kept his hand on Natsu at all times, using touch to ground him. He knew some of what was coming, and he couldn't predict how Natsu was going to react.

Natsu fiddled with the locket, not quite sure how to open it but determined not to break it. It unfolded smoothly, and he gawked at the picture inside. Zeref, looking much like he did now, a woman that his heart instantly recognized and a chid that looked like him. Was that him?

He didn't have many memories of his early childhood, but he knew he'd seen that woman in his dreams, and sometimes in his nightmares. Brief glimpses that disappeared when he woke up, leaving only enough for him to acknowledge that she had been real to him once. And he understood that whatever Zeref was about to tell him was the truth.

It took every ounce of courage he possessed not to run away. Natsu gripped Gray's hand too tightly, but he never complained. He then looked over at Ur, wondering what she must think of all this, but she only watched Zeref with a guarded expression.

"I met Igneel thirty two years ago, when I was twelve years old," Zeref let the words hang in the air as Natsu gaped at him in disbelief.

A/N: I don't even know what to say anymore. This has got to be my poorest planned fic, but I've been trying to keep the chapter size similar and so it keeps growing. My best guess is it should be one more. On the other hand, I haven't had a fic that updated this frequently in quite a while.