I lied motionless on my bed depression settling itself in my chest and squeezed at my heart with each breath I took, my eyes were rid of tears I had used them all up yesterday when we took Makkachin to the animal hospital. He had gotten into the meat buns and ended up choking on one it got lodged in his throat, I had broken down midway in the hall of the hospital as they hurriedly took him away, my mother and sister followed after them letting me be.

They knew I needed to be alone, after being told to leave my sister told me that he might not make it, and after that, she called Victor for me and told him the news. I sobbed my eyes out that night blaming myself for forgetting about him and not feeding him I hated myself so much, I still do, I hate the way I am always making mistakes and being so useless. I took a shaky breath feeling a shudder run up my spine I curled up tighter into a ball hugging myself in an attempt to spare myself from the pain.

Mari, my mother, and father tried to get me out of my room with no success I refused to answer to them though I still reassured them that I was still alive, on the outside that is. I missed stroking Makkachin's fur, and how he would always hop onto my bed late at night and curl up beside me, and his slobbery kisses he would give me. Tears had once again filled my eyes I cursed at myself wondering why I still had so many tears to shed I wiped them away, wincing as I wiped my sore eyes, my cheeks were flushed pink and swollen and my lips were dry.

I swallowed thickly and pulled the blanket over my head my phone rested silently on my nightstand and I didn't bother to turn it on or even look at it. Each time I did I would always feel a tremendous amount of guilt wrack over my body crumpling me to the ground crushing my heart and squeeze my chest and lungs. Mari had called Victor the night of the accident and I wondered what he said, would he come back? Or would he go back to Russia and leave me here hating that I couldn't take care of the thing he loved most? I didn't even want to think about it, but so many thoughts ran through my mind and left me unable to sleep.

I swallowed again, the blanket was beginning to suffocate me and I needed to breathe. But my body stayed curled up in my tight ball, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes ignoring the lack of oxygen, I could still breathe though. I wasn't planning to kill myself either, I don't think I could finish myself off even if I wanted to. My mind controls what I do, and right now it was being a bit stubborn not allowing myself to move, but still allowed anxiety to take over me, I hated it so much. I felt my muscles relax though, and I gave into the rare comfort allowing my body to relax I sighed a breath of relief and surprisingly found drowsiness take over.

I gave into it as well and allowed sleep to swallow me whole numbing the pain in my chest and quieting the unwanted thoughts from my mind, my breathing slowed to a steady and calm pace along with my heartbeat. I felt the world slip from my hands, and the world of sleep and dreams took over, faces of people I knew appeared in my dreams. And mistakenly Victor had appeared with his wide loving smile and his dazzling blue eyes bringing me back to the world of reality and pain, I caught the breath that was knocked out of me and grasped onto my pillow digging my nails into the cushion as I readjusted to the pain.

I swallowed and licked my dry lips reaching over to the glass of water resting on my nightstand with a trembling hand I sat up hugging the pillow close to my chest and drank the water with forced ease, my lips and throat were immediately satisfied as the cool liquid went down and quenched my thirst. I set the glass back down and hugged my knees close to my chest burying my face in the pillow taking a couple of deep breaths to calm myself even if it were a tiny bit any relief would help numb the pain just a tiny bit to be deemed manageable.

I calmed my rapid heartbeat by taking slow deep breaths counting each tick of the clock that hung above my head, my father had placed it there a while ago saying that the digital clocks confused him and he wasn't able to set one up. I was grateful to him now since it calmed me down many times before. My mind suddenly yelled his name and searched through my memories pulling out his beautiful face and replaying his words in my mind, I knew what I wanted, what I needed.

I wanted and needed Victor, the only person who could fix me. But, would he be able to fix me after failing at taking care of Makkachin? Would he even want to see me?

Victor's Pov

I groaned as my head ached painfully with each beat of my heart I pulled the blanket over my body and curled around myself. I felt horrible, Mari had called me yesterday to say that Makkachin was rushed to the animal hospital I had instantly begun packing to go back, but I was stressing out so much I ended up passing out.

I woke up early in the morning with a furious Yurio his face was showing nothing but pure anger and he yelled at me telling me how stupid I was for passing out like that. And after yelling at me he went out stating that he was going to get something to eat though I could've sworn there was relief shining in his eyes before he left. Now here I lied with an utterly painful headache and a heavy heart I couldn't bring myself to cry, how could I? If I thought negatively then negative things are sure to happen, so the only thing I can do is pray and hope that Makkachin is okay.

But there's this feeling I can't shake off, this uneasiness that settles in my chest makes me anxious and terrified even though there is nothing around that could hurt me, physically that is. It makes me queasy and jumpy, but it also annoys me. I sit up and climb out of the empty cold bed yearning to hold Yuuri in my arms again...

My eyes widen and my blood runs cold, the uneasiness that I feel rises my anxiety to the max and I suddenly feel myself shaking with fear. I rush to the dresser where I last left my phone only to be interrupted by Yurio coming in with a bag of food. "Hey-" We both froze when we met each other's gazes. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked with a scowl. "Y-Yuri." I stammered out his actual name catching him by surprise.

"What is it?" He asked with the scowl on his face fading into a worried frown. "It's Yu-" My phone rang startling the both of us I grabbed it with a trembling hand and answered it taking a breath to calm my clamminess. "Hello?" I answered shakily, Yurio looked at me with deep concern in his eyes. "Victor?" I instantly identified the person as Yuuri's mother. "Mrs.Katsuki what is it?" I asked worriedly.

"Victor...it's Yuuri." I felt like throwing up. "Please I'm so worried, he doesn't leave his room, I'm afraid he's terribly ill and he's not eating. He won't even answer when we knock at his door. Please, Victor, as his mother I want him to be healthy and happy, but you are the only person who can bring that to him." I was shaking again tremors racking through my body. "I'll be there as soon as I can," I answered with a forced firm voice. "Thank you so much..." She replied with a heavy sigh of relief before ending the call.

I swallowed thickly holding down what was left in my stomach and turned my attention to Yurio who now looked anxiously at me. "What is it? Tell me please." He pleaded. "It's Yuuri. He's not well, and this time it's critical. We need to go back Yuri we need to protect him the way he protected us." I returned to the closet where I had began packing up yesterday and grabbed the rest of my clothes and stuffed them into the suitcase. Yurio followed after me following my actions grabbing his own suitcase and grabbed all of his belongings packing them in.

I had made sure to order the other set of tickets to return to Hasetsu before we left. "Victor..." Yurio caught my attention I turned to face him. "I'm sorry for causing all this trouble. If it weren't for me we wouldn't have been in this mess." His eyes were glassy. "Yuri." I grasped onto his shoulder. "This is not your fault, don't ever blame yourself for things you never did." He opened his mouth to say something but sighed and nodded. "Alright." He mumbled.

After packing up everything we were both on our way. I was sure that Yuuri needed me, and to be honest during these two days I needed him too I missed him so much and I missed sharing his warmth and exchanging sweet words and kisses. My heart swelled in my chest as realization set in, I had left Makkachin with Yuuri because I knew he would keep Yuuri company and sleep by his side, and I knew he would also protect him from harm. From Angela who actually had the nerve to hit my delicate Yuuri.

I gritted my teeth and silently prayed for Yuuri's well being, I did not want to return to nothing. What feared me most was losing him...

Yuuri's Pov

I trudged toward the bathroom my bare feet coming in contact with the cold tiled ground, I stumbled slightly and searched through the cabinets for my bottle of pills. I yawned and grabbed a bottle with trembling hands. But I was shaking too much I just gave up remembering how I nearly killed myself last time I was shaking this bad. I instead looked at myself from the mirror grimacing at the horrible thing staring back at me, dark bags rested under my eyes and my hair was messy sticking out in every direction. My skin got paler than usual and my shirt nearly slipped off my shoulders.

I sighed and looked away deciding to take a shower, I stripped myself of my clothes that easily slipped off my body I barely needed any effort and climbed in the shower turning on the hot water. I usually think when I'm in the shower, today my mind was filled with Victor. How was I supposed to face him now? I did not want to face his pain or hate-filled face knowing well enough that I was the one that caused it all. It took me a while to wash my hair since I enjoyed the shower so much I really did not want to get out because I did not want to face my horrible reality.

With a groan, I knew I had to get out since my fingers were now getting prunny due to how long I was in the water I turned off the water and carefully climbed out catching a glimpse at my body from the mirror. I was horribly thin I could easily count my ribs and almost see my hip bones thank goodness I still had a bit of meat on my bones otherwise I would really be in trouble, though I grew more tired than usual which worried me. I frowned and grabbed a towel wrapping it around myself and trudged to my room in search for clothes, as I opened my drawer and reached for a change of clothes something wet dripped from my chin.

I checked my hair it was still wet but not as much, my eyes stung and I blinked only to realize that tears filled them. I touched my cheek feeling the stream of tears, I was crying...again.

---------------------------

I blankly stared at the bare wall stripped from my posters that used to hang proudly on it, today marked the third day meaning Victor would return tomorrow and hopefully Angela has moved on. Honestly, I really wanted to get revenge on her for hurting Yurio and threatening Victor, but I knew I was too weak to face her.

I groaned, a horrible sharp pain in my stomach made me jolt and curl around myself I hugged myself waiting for the pain to go away and took a breath. "One more day.." I mumbled and shuddered at the thought of meeting Victor again. There was a knock at my door I turned to check the digital clock on my nightstand which saved me from having to completely sit up to look at the clock above my head. It was six in the morning my parents would've usually slept in since it's Sunday meaning no work.

I didn't answer. "Yuuri? Sweetie, there's someone here to see you." I easily recognized my mother's voice my interest peaked a bit but I still didn't make a move, what if it were a trick to bring me out of my room? Last time I was tricked out of my room I was taken to a hospital, I was ten at that time and my depression was worse. Horrible. She sighed and then there was a low murmur followed by the sound of fiddling from my door. My heart dropped when I realized that they were going to force open the door I scrambled off my bed and rushed to the bathroom nearly slipping in the process.

I didn't bother to close the door behind me I knew there was no other escape. The door was thrown open I jumped back as footsteps headed toward me, I yelped and held my arms up in a protective way covering my face waiting for something horrible. Huge arms engulfed me and I was pressed against a warm firm chest, I quickly looked up and was met with beautiful turquoise eyes.

Tears filled my eyes making my vision blurry I couldn't hold in the pain in my chest anymore I looked down and wrapped my arms around him burying my face in the crook of his neck. "V-Victor.." I hiccuped. "I'm sorry." I sobbed.

"I'm so sorry."