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Finally uploading on a laptop!

Excuse the mistakes

Picture on the side is of Tony (hopefully. If it doesn't work, its supposed to be lucas till)

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You know that feeling you get when you're nervous? It’s the one that gets deep in your gut and feels like there's a mass of small woodland creatures burrowing recklessly inside you. It literally doesn't get better with anything; not even Advil, which is to pain what Batman is to the Joker.

Well, I had that feeling, and I was currently lying in by bed, curled up in the fetal position. I was supposed to be getting ready for my first hockey game, but I was just way too nervous and sick to my stomach to move. I don’t really know why, though, because Coach Hannover had made it pretty clear that I wasn’t playing much, if at all.

I rolled over onto my back and made a moaning sound, and then there was a knock at the door which made me jump. “Who is it?” I called, pushing myself up into a sitting position.

“The Boogeyman.”

Frowning at the unfamiliar, rough voice, I reluctantly climbed off of my bed and padded over to my bedroom door. I turned the knob and pulled it open to see Nick standing there, a smirk on his face.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” I asked, taking a step back, “Aren’t you supposed to be in Rochester for your game tonight?”

Nick shrugged and shook his head, “That game is tomorrow and how could I miss your first game on your new team?”

I should feel ecstatic that Nick had come to my game, but instead, I just felt the nerves in my stomach twist more violently. Nick knew that I’d made the Ice Devils after a grueling tryout, but he knew nothing about Coach Hannover being sexist and wanting me off the team. I knew that if Nick found out, it wouldn’t be good.

This just added pressure to me. I had to go to a game, where Nick and my dad might find out about the problems I’ve been having with my team. I might also not play, and if I do, I can’t mess up at all for fear of getting reamed out by Coach Hannover.

However, I couldn’t exactly tell all of that to Nick, so I just plastered on a smile and gave him a big hug. I mean, he was my brother, and I hadn’t seen him in a while. “Thanks,” I said, my word muffled by Nick’s shoulder.

Nick pulled out of our hug, and he looked me up and down. “Don’t you have to be at the rink in, like, fifteen minutes?” My eyes widened and I yanked Nick’s wrist up to see the time on his watch. Sure enough, if I didn’t get dressed now, I would be late for my first game.

“Shit!” I cried, and I shoved Nick out of my room and slammed the door shut. “Don’t take it personally!” I yelled as I stripped out of the pajamas I’d changed into after school, “I just don’t need you to see me in the nude!”

“And I wouldn’t want to,” Nick replied, and I could hear his receding footsteps as he walked back downstairs.

I changed into a pair of red sports shorts and a neon yellow sports bra. I yanked on a white Under Armor shirt, which was one of the ones that was tight to your body, and then I shrugged on a black zip-up sweatshirt.  I didn’t have one of the Ice Devils warm-up suits, so this was going to have to do until I got one, if I did even.

I grabbed my phone and Monster headphones, and then I shoved my feet into my sneakers without bothering to tie them. I practically sprinted out of my bedroom and hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“C’mon guys!” I called, my voice shriller than I’d expected, “We need to go pronto!”

“Coming, coming,” my dad replied, and he and Nick emerged from the kitchen. My dad grabbed his car keys and nodded towards the door. “Weren’t you in a hurry?”

“Yes!” I cried, and I grabbed my bag from where it had been resting in the doorway in the living room. I slung it over my shoulder and yanked open the front door, and then I hurried to my dad’s car in the driveway. After I heard the click that meant the car had been unlocked, I opened the trunk and threw my bag inside.

We all climbed into the car, and my dad wasted no time pulling out of the driveway and heading towards the Ice Berg. I tapped my fingers on my thigh nervously, and the car ride was silent. Both my dad and Nick knew not to talk to me before a game because I was trying to get in the zone.

As we drove, I pulled my hair down from its messy bun, and I combed my fingers through the tangled locks. Then, I absentmindedly wove my hair into two tight French braids so that they would fit comfortably underneath my helmet. I wasn’t going to have time to worry about my hair in the locker room, so it was better to get that done now.

After about eight minutes, my dad pulled into the Ice Berg, and before he had pulled to a complete stop at the curb, I was jumping out of the car. With my headphones around my neck, I retrieved my bad from the trunk.

“See you guys in there,” I called breathlessly, and I ran up the steps and into the lobby. I took one glance at Rachel, who held up four fingers to tell me which locker room we were in. I mouthed a quick thank you before hurrying down the stairs.

I reached the locker room just as all of the boys were filing out for warm-ups, with all of them wearing the matching Ice Devils warm-up suits.

“Sorry I’m late,” I said quickly to Dane, and he shook his head.

“You’re not,” he stated, “We aren’t starting warm-ups for another five minutes, so you’re fine. Just go put your bag down and get out here.”

I nodded and hurried past the boys, many of whom were snickering and smirking at me. I pushed into the locker room and dropped my bag down in front of a section of bench slightly isolated from my teammates. I laid my headphones on my bag, as well as my phone, and then I went out to join Dane and the rest of the team.

“Alright, I’m here,” I said, and Dane nodded.

“Guys, come on over here,” Dane called, and it took only a few moments for the team to gather around him. “Are we missing anyone?” he asked, and after a quick scan around the group, there was a murmur of no’s.

“Alright then,” Dane said, and he pointed down the long hallway. “We’re going to start with a quick run.”

*

The buzzer sounded throughout the rink, and I swore quietly as I jumped over the boards to join the team huddle.

Out of the forty minutes, or two periods, of hockey that had just been played, I had been on the ice for a total of four minutes. For those four minutes, I’d skated my heart out, but every time I was supposed to go out for a shift, Hannover pulled me off.

It only took one look at my dad and Nick to tell that they were confused and unhappy with my amount of playing time. I was probably feeling the same emotions, only to an extreme. However, every time I tried to talk to Coach Hannover, he just dismissed me like I was nothing.

It was really pissing me off.

After a quick pep talk, which we didn’t really need since we were leading our opposing team four goals to one going into the third period, Coach Hannover rattled off the starting line. Of course, I wasn’t a part of it.

Enough, I thought, and as everyone skated off to their position at the center faceoff, I climbed over the boards and walked over to Coach Hannover. I spit out my mouthguard out, and with one hand holding my stick, I cleared my throat to get his attention.

Coach Hannover turned around and his eyes narrowed. “What do you want, Rogers?” he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. I heard the puck drop on the ice and the game resume, but I didn’t look away from Coach Hannover.

“How am I going to prove myself if you don’t let me on the ice?” I asked, being as direct as I could to Coach Hannover.

Coach Hannover opened his mouth to make a biting remark, but then he stopped himself. He glanced over at Coach Marshall, who’d been watching the whole exchange, and his mouth spread into a smirk.

“Fine,” he replied, “I’ll give you one shift, and if you aren’t awful, you can have another.”

“Thanks,” I said, being careful not to gush. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised, but I was going to let that show. Instead, I walked down to the defense end of the bench, and Coach Marshall paired me with Owen to go out for the next shift. He moved Owen’s previous partner to offense, since that’s what he’d played previously.

“Hey.” I glanced over at Owen, slightly surprised that he was talking to me. This was partly because he hung out with the likes of Alec and Greg, and partly because Owen just didn’t talk much.

“What?” I asked, my voice slightly muffled because of the mouthguard I shoved back in my mouth.

“I’m glad you’re my d-partner,” Owen stated, giving me a smile. I was at a loss for words, and before I could even stutter out half a reply, the whistle blew, and it was time for us to change lines.

As my skate touched the ice, I let out a deep breath. This was what I loved; the sound of my blade cutting into the ice, the sound of a puck hitting sticks, and really just any sound on the ice. It was what I lived for.

I took my place on the edge of the circle in our zone where the faceoff was taking place, and I glanced back at Tony, who winked at me. I grinned and looked back to where the ref was standing between Dane and the opposing team’s center. A second later, the puck was dropped and play began.

Dane had the puck off the drop, and he passed it back to Owen, who was waiting in the corner. Owen took it back around the corner of the net, all while I guarded the slot. Owen passed it up to Alec, but he lost the puck when the defenseman stripped him. He wound up for a slap shot, and he managed to get it off before Alec got to him.

Without hesitation, my eyes narrowed, and I shifted on my skates to make my body more of a wall. The puck hit the inside of my thigh, where there was no padding, and I winced but didn’t stop. I stick-handled the puck for a moment where it had landed after hitting me, and then I sent a smooth pass up to Dane.

As the play moved up the ice towards the other team’s zone, I took a moment to shake off the pain of the currently bruising area. Then, I skated down to the far blue line where Owen and I kept the puck in. Alec managed to get a shot on net, but the goalie caught it in his glove, and the referee blew his whistle.

Owen and I were called back to the bench, and I noticed that Coach Hannover didn’t pull me out of the line like he usually had. I grinned to myself, and then I watched the game as it stayed in the opponent’s zone.

Suddenly, Ian and Brian, the two defensemen who were on, were skating as fast as they could to change. Normally, that would be fine, but they had their backs to the play, and one of the other team’s forwards had gotten through their zone.

As Ian reached the bench, I didn’t wait for the door to be open. Instead, I jumped the boards and skated full force towards the kid who was currently on a breakaway. I managed to catch up to him as he hit the top of the circle in our zone, and matched his stride.

I shoved him with my shoulder, and I pushed him to the outside so that he didn’t have an angle for a shot. I’ll admit, the guy was pretty solid on his skates, but so was I, and I wasn’t letting him get a shot off on Tony.

“Get the fuck off me, bitch,” he said angrily.

“Not a chance, jackass,” I replied, and I checked him into the boards, which caused him to lose the puck. Owen was there, thankfully, and he grabbed the puck and started to skate it around the net and away from me and the other guy. As I started to skate away towards the play, I was slammed into the boards from behind.

Now, I know a clean check from a dirty one, despite checking being illegal in girls’ hockey.. I grew up with an older brother, and after skating with his team many times, I’d learned a thing or two. This check, this was dirty and illegal.

“What the hell?” I spat, since the guy had stayed around to gloat.

“Oh, there’s more where that came from, bitch,” he replied, “This is a men’s sport; get back in the kitchen.”

My nostrils flared, and I saw only red as my common sense disappeared. I shoved the guy, who immediately shoved me back. That’s how the fight started. I wasn’t about to back down from a jackass, and as he managed to push me back against the boards, I punched him full on the side of the helmet. He went sprawling on his ass on the ice, but I didn’t have time to celebrate.

“Four, white! Sixteen, red! Two minutes for roughing!”

The ref skated over and grabbed the collar of my jersey and he waited for the guy to get up before he grabbed his as well. Then, he practically dragged us over to the penalty boxes, which were across from our respective benches and on either side of the timekeeper’s box.

As I sat down on the bench, I felt the weight of what I’d just done crash onto me. I’d given Coach Hannover a reason to never play me again, as well as punish me for the foreseeable future. Sure, it was a minor and we’d both gotten a penalty, but still, I was not happy with myself. However, I could deny the slight satisfaction that my punch had given me in the moment.

I glanced over my shoulder, since the penalty box was in front of the bleachers, and I caught sight of my dad and brother. Nick looked proud, which was his usual reaction to my penalties, and my dad looked annoyed. When I glanced over at Coach Hannover, he was looking to the penalty box.

I tried to decode his expression, but it was completely flat and impassive. I had no idea what he was thinking, and that was actually really freaking me out. He could be just about ready to flip on me, but I wouldn’t know for sure.

“Shit,” I muttered, and I turned to face the clock and countdown the seconds of my penalty. 

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Yay, an update! I told you I would update today, and I did. It might be ten minutes to midnight, but I did it damn it! ... I'm really proud of myself...

So what do you guys think? How will Hannover react?

Yesterday, I babysat for nine hours, and I was so excited because that meant I could go to my local record store today and get music. I got some Janis Joplin, Muse, and Pearl Jam. I am real effing excited, and I'm going to be spending the next few days sitting in my room having various eargasms.

Also, I have a surprise for all of you. If we can get Against the Wall to 90,000 reads, I'll announce the surprise, and when it gets to 100,000 reads, I'll actually do the surprise for y'all!

Song on the side is Killing in the Name by Rage Against the Machine. This is one of Kelsey's pump-up songs.

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