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PRISON LIFE IS IRONICALLY—pretty nice. They got vehicles and food. A bed.

        "I think Maggie and Glenn snuck into the guard tower again," Koa whispers as she sits down next to Lori, "Like rabbits," She shakes her head disapprovingly. Lori laughs at her, shoving her shoulder, "Hey, now. Don't be gross. Besides, we're all finally safe. Let them have that." Koa scrunches her nose, waving her hand dismissively, "I refuse to discuss that—anymore. How's the baby?" Koa sets her hand on the woman's large bump.

        Lori smiles, holding the teen's hand on top of her bump, "She's a kicker." Koa's eyes light up at the use of she. Another girl? A little baby girl? "She?" Koa loudly questions, kicking her feet around in excitement, "Oh, finally! A little baby girl!"

       "Alright, alright. It's just a theory now. So, calm down. We gotta focus on Hershel and those damn crutches," Lori settles Koa down with a comforting smile. She stands up, throwing her hands up with a teasing smile, "Right, right. Okay, let's go show him the surprise, yeah?" Koa happily skips away, Lori right behind her.

          After showing Hershel the crutches, the man insisted he go for a stroll no matter how much they all insisted for him to just chill.

     Now, Hershel is navigating getting down the stairs, the air outside hitting them in the face. Lori, Beth and Carl guide him down while Koa stands behind Lori, ready for him to fall. There's a big smile across her face. Ever since Hershel woke up, Koa has had a bit more hope every time she's woken up on that mattress.

     He makes it down the stairs, "You cleared all those bodies out? It's starting to look like a place we could really live in."

   "Hey, you watch your step. Last thing we need is you falling," Lori gently says. Koa giggles excitedly the more steps Hershel takes. "He's doing better than me when I had that softball accident," Koa says, wincing at the remembrance of the pain that had rolled through her ankle that day. Crutches were her enemy rather than her friends for weeks after that.

      "Alright, Hershel!" Glenn happily shouts from the other side of the fence. Koa beams, jumping up and down, waving at the others excitedly.

   She runs to the fence, fingers slipping through the holes of the wired fence. Rick stands on the opposite side, hope written across his face just like on hers when she wakes up.

       "Walkers!" Carl shouts. Koa spins around. A bunch of walkers are making their way towards them. How the hell did they get in? Doesn't matter. They have a disabled old man and a pregnant lady in trouble. Koa runs forward, blade in hand, "Get Hershel and Lori to safety!" She shouts.

"Koa, wait!" Lori says and then shoots a few walkers down. Koa sighs, slicing the heads off of walkers, "Go!" Blood spatters on her face with each walker she kills, focusing on getting everyone to safety except herself.

      "Koa, come on!" Beth tries to pull her away as she and Hershel get to safety. "No, no!" Koa says, driving the blade into the head of a walker, "Go, I'm fine—"

        "No!"

   "Yes!" Koa yells in Beth's face, "Now. Go," She pushes her forward. Beth grimaces, listening to Koa and taking her father to safety. Shots are going off all around her. The one time she leaves her gun in her cell. She'll never make that mistake again.

       Unlike Beth, when Maggie grabs Koa by the forearm, she can't just tell her no because the grip the woman has around her is hard to shake. "Lori! Here!" Maggie yells. Koa doesn't try to fight the Greene woman as she, Lori and Carl enter another cell block. Maggie is leading the way but all Koa can think about is the others who didn't make it into a cell block.

       She really doesn't wanna lose anyone else. She can't lose anyone else.

     They try to round a corner but a herd of walkers come at them. "Shit!" Koa yelps, quickly running the other way and pushing Lori and Carl in front of her and Maggie. The snarls cause chills to form all over her body. She has no idea where the hell they're going but the growls of the dead aren't getting any quieter.

           Then, an alarm starts blaring. They all stop in their tracks, confused and scared. "What the fuck? What the fuck?" Koa repeats, not hiding her fear this time around. They're stuck in a maze of tunnels as the alarm gets louder and louder in Koa's head. It's driving her a bit mad. They turn a corner when Lori suddenly falls against the wall with a loud, pained grunt.

          "Lori?" Koa steps over to her, holding her up by linking their arms. "Somethings not right," The mother says. Koa can feel her face go white at the possibilities of what could be wrong with Lori right now. Miscarriage. Sickness. There's a long list and she only answers one of them—she isn't bit.

              "I think the baby is coming," Lori says between pants. Koa pales even more but she holds onto Lori even tighter now. "Mom?" Carl asks with a heartbreaking cry. The walkers have caught up to them now but from the other side. They're surrounded by the fuckers. Carl and Koa ready their weapons.

   "No, no. There's no time. We gotta go back," Maggie says. They turn the corner and the walkers seemed to have dispersed. Carl takes the lead, clearing the area with every step they take. Maggie is behind Koa and Lori. She still has the woman leaning on her. Koa is letting her put all her body weight on her.

             "In here!" Carl shouts and opens a door. They rush Lori inside and close the door. Her groans of pain are even louder now. Koa runs her hands through her hair. The alarm is still loud as hell in her ears, making her heartbeat even faster. Koa has no idea what room they're in and she doesn't care enough to figure it out, not with Lori in this much pain.

               "Someone needs to shut that fucking thing up!" Koa says through gritted teeth. "Koa, take a breath, okay? It'll be alright—" Lori's words of reassurance are cut off by a shooting pain and a gasp. Koa closes her mouth, whatever she has to complain about is nothing compared to Lori's suffering. Carl looks up at his mother, scared and confused.

            Koa crouches down in front of him, "It'll be okay, alright? Everyone is okay." Carl just blinks and she can tell he doesn't believe her. How could he? It seems like their week or so of peace is falling apart between her fingers.

            Lori's face is paler as she walks to the other side of the room. "What if the alarm attracts them?" Carl panics. "It'll be alright," Koa says but her pulling at the skin on her lip says otherwise. "Lori, let's lay you down," Maggie tells her.

            "No—the baby's coming now," Lori says between pants. Beads of sweat form on Koa's head. She's gonna have to deliver this baby. They have no time to get back to Hershel or Carol. Those walkers will eat them alive. "You're gonna need to give birth to this baby here," Maggie says with shaky breaths.

              "Great," Lori sarcastically whispers. Her panting then increases. Koa paces the small area, hand flying to her heart as if that could calm her down. "What is she doing? Can't she breathe?" Carl asks and his voice sounds so little, so fucking scared and it reminds Koa of that night in the field, how little and scared she herself felt.

               "Carl, it's okay," Koa hides her cries, grabbing Carl's small hand. "Come here—let's get your pants off," Maggie is trying her best to stay composed. She guides Lori to the cement floor, taking off the woman's pants. She looks up at the kids, specifically Carl, "You're gonna need to help deliver your brother or sister. You up for it?"

             Carl glances at his mom and then at Koa. They both have tears brimming their eyes. "I'll be right beside you," Koa whispers. Carl sniffles, nodding his head and they both kneel next to Lori. "I'll do an exam. Let me see if you're dilated," Maggie says, using what information she's retained from her father. Koa wipes her eyes with one hand and the other grabs Lori's, rubbing circles on the back of her hand with her thumb.

                  "You know how, right. Maggie?" Koa asks. It comes out meaner than she intended, the stress getting to her. "Dad taught me, but trust me, it's my first time," Maggie replies and checks the woman, "I can't tell."

                 Koa lets out a choke of a sob slide fall through her lips. "I gotta push," Lori groans, "I gotta push." She sits up, letting go of Koa. She grips onto the handles on the wall and pushes. "Somebody," Lori begs. Koa runs to her side, hand resting on her back. She pushes again. "Your body knows what to do. Let it all do the work," Maggie coos.

                   Then, Lori yelps and Koa's already shaking body shakes even more, gripping onto the woman's flannel. "Okay, alright. You're doing amazing," Koa tells her. Lori grunts, straining herself even more.

                  "Lori, don't push. Something is wrong—"

                  Maggie is cut off by a bone chilling scream of pain falling from Lori's mouth. It mixes with a cry from the woman. Koa backs up, taking deep breaths. She glances down at Maggie only to see her hand absolutely soaked in blood. Lori's blood.  

                 "Mag—Maggie. She's not supposed to bleed that much," Koa cries, holding her heavy breaths. "Something is wrong," Maggie repeats. "I can see that!" Koa shouts out of pure fear.

                   Suddenly, the alarms stop but Lori is paler than ever. "Mom?" Carl cries out, "Mom, look at me. Keep your eyes open." Koa sits by her head, stroking her sweaty hair. Lori's eyes are closed, skin sweaty and pale. She looks dead already and it's making Koa sick. "We have to get you back to dad," Maggie refers to Hershel. Lori opens her eyes, completely dazed, "I'm not gonna make it."

               "Don't say that, Lori," Koa scolds, "Please," She begs. Lori is the closest thing to a good mother Koa has ever had. She is the one that talked to Sadie and Koa about periods and boys and bought her dolls when her mom was off in jail or a drug binge after she abandoned her daughters.

                  She let them sleep over for days in a row, swim in the Grimes' pool and run through their sprinkler. Lori Grimes is a kind woman, a good mother and she deserves to see this child.

                     "Lori, with all this blood, I don't even think you're fully dilated yet. No amount of pushing is gonna help," Maggie frantically explains. "I know what it means, and I'm not losing my baby," Lori almost slurs her tired words. Koa sobs again, quickly recovering though, "Lori, it's you or the baby—"

                 "And I want you to save the baby. You've gotta cut me open," Lori says.

                  Maggie shakes her head, "No. I can't—"

               "You don't have a choice," Lori sternly says. "I'll go for help," Carl gets to his feet. "No!" Lori shouts as loud as she can at her child. Carl halts. "We need Carol at least," Koa practically begs of Lori to just listen but if Carl goes out there, he dies, "I'll get her—"

                 "Koa, no!" Lori yells again, holding Koa's hand with her clammy one, "It's too late."

                 "Carol is the one that practiced that. Dad only taught me the steps, Lori. If I—"

              "Please."

               "I have no anesthetic, no equipment—"

                "Carl and Koa both have knives," Lori says all too softly at the prospect of one of her kids having the weapon that'll cut her up, that'll kill her. Koa winces. Her blade almost killed Hershel, she won't let it kill Lori but she doesn't want that weight to forever rest on Carl's chest. Koa falls to the ground, Lori's hand still in her own. "You won't survive," Maggie cries.

                    "My baby has to survive," Lori pants, "Please," She begs, "My baby....for all of us. Please! Maggie!" Koa gives up. The dam breaks and her cries bounce off the small four walls. The way Lori is gasping, she won't live. Even if the baby dies, they'll be losing both of them. It's no longer one of the other. It's this baby, or no baby.

                    Koa rests her hands on either side of Lori's face, looking up at the ceiling as if someone could stop this. "You see my old C-section scar?" Lori asks. "I can't," Maggie sobs. "You can," Lori assures her, "You have to."

                 Anger starts to settle in Koa's stomach. This is her uncle's fault. She knows this child isn't Rick's, at least not by blood. The timeline doesn't match up. Her uncle has killed Lori. A woman that does not deserve this brutal death, it's a selfless one but brutal nonetheless.

                  "Carl?" Lori softly calls out, "Baby, I don't want you to be scared, okay? This is what I want. This is right. Now you—you take care of your daddy for me, alright? You take care of Koa. No matter what she says, she'll need it. And your little brother or sister, you take care—"

                     "You don't have to do this," Carl cries, realizing this is the death of his mother. Lori smiles, even in the most pain of her life she fucking smiles and Koa hopes that how she goes out. A smile on her face.

              "You're gonna be fine. You are gonna beat this world. I know you will. You are smart, you are strong and you are so brave, and I love you," Lori tells her son, holding back her cries. "I love you too," Carl cries, "You gotta do what's right, baby. Promise me you'll always do what's right," Lori looks at him, wiping his tears, "You're so good. You're my sweet boy. You're the best thing I ever did. And I love you."

                     Carl hugs his mother for the last time, three people sobbing mix together. Koa's chest is so heavy, like this pain will never go away. Lori lets go of Carl, rolling her head to look at Koa with that same smile.

                   "Koa, I remember when you were born. You were so, so small. Your fists were clenched like you were ready to fight everyone and you still are. You're so resilient and I know you shouldn't have to be so young but you are, you are so strong and funny and brave but it's okay not to be," Her hand holds Koa's tear stained cheeks, "I made a promise the day everything happened with your parents. I promised that I'd take care of you and your sister. I promised I'd never make you feel unloved or unwelcomed."

                   Koa turns away, the pain becoming too much, the look of accepting death resides in Lori's eyes. "Hey, hey, look at me," Lori gently says and Koa gives in, looking at the dying woman, "You are not your mom. You are not your dad. You are not Shane. You are a good person, a caring person with a big heart and I trust my child to be protected by you. I love you. I love you like my own and don't you ever doubt that. When you find Sadie, and you will, I know it, you tell her I love her. You tell her what I just told you, okay?" Koa cries but nods a shaky yes.

               Not at the part where she isn't her parents or Shane, she doesn't know what's to come, what she will become, if she's already one of them or all of them.

                      "I love you too, Lori," Koa sobs, hoping that even though she's never said it that Lori knows she is her mom, just like she's her kid. Lori pulls her into a hug and Koa cries into the woman's chest, staining it with tears. They pull away with a loud sob erupting from each girl's mouth.

                 "Okay. Okay," Lori grunts, "Maggie, when this is over, you're gonna have to—"

                 But Maggie shushes her, her own face red with tears. "You have to do it. It can't be Rick," Lori says through gritted teeth. Every second that goes by, Koa is just anticipating the scream or gunshot or something that'll kill Lori. She takes a few deep breaths, holding Carl, "Alright, it's alright. It's alright."

                       Koa's back hits a rusty cage, shaking uncontrollably. Through tears, she sees Carl hand Maggie his knife and selfishly, Koa feels relief that it isn't her weapon cutting up Lori.

                   "Whew.....goodnight, loves."

                    And the next thing Koa hears is a bloodcurdling scream erupt from Lori. It only lasts a second but it's the longest second of Koa's life. Her jaw drops but nothing comes out, just mumbles and child-like sobs with hiccups. Lori's body shudders, head rolling to the side.

                     Koa stares at her chest, watching as her breathing goes from slowing down to just—stopping.

                The world is spinning and she feels guilty because she cannot help Maggie nor Carl get the baby out. A minute goes by and the child comes out but there's no cry, nothing to tell Koa that Lori Grimes died for a fucking reason. Koa moves over to Maggie, "Is it dead?"

                   "Koa, hold on, okay?" Maggie panics, tapping the baby's chest where their heart is but no noises come out. Carl and Koa are both holding their breaths, exchanging a fearful glance with each other. Maggie flips the baby on its back, patting it once more.

                 Then, the best sound Koa has ever heard fills the room. The baby's cries. The baby is crying.

                  Both Carl and Koa sigh in relief. Carl slips off his jacket and wraps his little sibling in it. The baby reaches for Maggie's face as she gets up. "We have to go," Maggie says. Koa looks down at Lori, "I'm not letting her turn into one of those
—things, Maggie."

                   "Yeah, we can't just leave her here," Carl cries, "She'll turn." Maggie reaches for her gun, accepting she'll have to kill the woman she's accepted as family, the woman who helped bring her father back to life.

                  "No, no. Wait. I'll do it," Koa says, swallowing her gulp of a cry. "No, Koa," Carl gets his gun out, "She's my mom."

                "I'll do it. You shouldn't have to do this, Carl—"

                        "I can do it. I have to do it," Carl tells her. Koa looks at Maggie for help but the woman looks defeated. Koa shakes her head, "I'll do it with you. Go, get the baby to safety." Maggie doesn't say anything, she just listens to Koa and leaves the room.

                  Koa's gaze lands on Carl's blood stained hand, the same one that holds his gun. She gently grabs Carl's hand, "I'm not letting you do this alone." Carl doesn't say it but he's thankful. They take shaky breaths, nodding and then they both rest their pointer fingers on the trigger. Koa's slightly bigger hand rests on top of Carl's, staring at Lori. 

                     Koa makes sure the gun is lined up with Lori's head before she rests her lips on Carl's head. At the same time, they pull the trigger. It echoes off the walls. Before Carl even gets the chance to, Koa makes sure he doesn't see his mother with a bullet in her head. What he saw today is more than enough. She holds Carl against her chest but he doesn't sob, he doesn't cry. He pushes her away and walks out of the room.

                     Koa cries though, staring at her dead body and then at the floor, cursing her uncle from above.

                  A minute later she follows Carl out of the room and Maggie is standing there, waiting for the teen. Koa doesn't say anything, she just closes the door and stares at the baby.

                'I trust my child to be protected by you.' That's what Lori said to her and Koa will honor that, more than she already was going to.

                      Koa nods, walking with Maggie down the tunnels, without Lori and hopefully without missing anyone else. The four tear stained, traumatized people walk out of the prison, seeing Rick and the others.

                    A cry wails from the baby, making Rick turn around. His eyes light up at the sight of the baby but then he realizes who's missing—Lori. His wife.

                    Maggie walks out first, holding the baby. Koa can't even face Rick. She has to look anywhere but him. Instead, she looks to Glenn for comfort. Rick approaches them and then it smacks him in the face. His wife is dead. The woman he devoted his life to, the woman who gave him Carl is dead.

                     "Where—where is she?" Rick still asks. He tries to walk past Maggie and Koa but the younger of the two faces her fears and jumps in front of him. "Rick, no—no," Koa pushes him by the chest. She looks up at him and he looks away at her tear filled eyes, shifting his attention to his son who stays still, trying to hold back his cries.

                 Rick's sobs shake the prison and then he falls to the ground. Koa doesn't know where to go, what to do until a set of arms wrap around her. It's not Glenn or Daryl. It's Beth.

                The youngest Greene holds Koa and she breaks again, falling limp in the blonde's arms.

———

rip lori. as a child i hated u bc i was 9 n stupid. i got older and realized you were doing what made u feel safe and what will help carl. what u thought would.

also

am i an asshole for saying how annoying it is how y'all will read n not vote or comment. i love seeing y'all's thoughts