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NOSTALGIA IS A POWERFUL thing. It can make or break you. It can be the very reason you get up in the morning or the reason you decide to not get up one morning.

It weighs you down like cinder blocks around your ankles, dragging you underwater to make peace with the fishes. It'll show in your reflections. It'll show in your face and the features you share with family you may love or not love.

              Nellie sometimes relies on nostalgia to give her a reason to live. It's not healthy. She knows that but with no therapist to help her, she'll take her chances.

        Andre comes to her in dreams sometimes. Occasionally, he looks like him. He looks like her little brother with those big brown eyes and chocolate skin she'd leave kisses on before school. He has those chubby cheeks she used to poke and she can hear his giggle that would make life okay.

       More so than often, it's a nightmare where Andre's skin is rotting, barely there teeth chomping at his sister and mother. Mike and Terry are there too, crying in their walker forms they'll forever remain in.

      On the really good nights, Andre comes to Nellie in the form of a mouse. She knows it sounds crazy but she always knows when it's him. The way the gray animal will circle her feet, squeaking for attention. It's big, beady eyes will stare up at her and then Nellie will force herself up, lurching from whatever bed has encompassed her that day or night.

         Her chest is heaving, skin clammy as she leans up in her bed. She blinks away the fleeting memory of her dream. Andre was that damn mouse again. Quiet yet begging for attention, just like her barely toddler brother was. Sun has creeped its way into the cell block, just barely leaking into her and her mom's shared cell.

         Like she's done every time after a dream about him, Nellie swings herself out of bed, looking up to the top bunk for some comfort from Michonne.

        Only to find her mother not there.

Her body stiffens, wanting to have a rare hug from her mother. The woman would wrap her arms around her teen, not asking too many questions but just enough to help calm Nellie down. But, she's not here. Nellie huffs, slipping on her boots to find her beloved mother.

      The cell block is quiet. The only one there is Hershel sitting at one of the tables in the middle. "Mornin', Nellie," Hershel smiles at her. Nellie grins back, stretching her limbs, "Morning, Hershel."

    His kind eyes scan over her, narrowing as if detecting exactly what is wrong. "Didn't sleep well?" He asks, pushing himself up with his crutches. Nellie's lips part. He clocked her quickly. Guess that's what happens when you have two daughters. Just easier to read teenage girls when you've raised them. Nellie purses her lips, pulling them to the side.

    Hershel chuckles, reminding Nellie of those mall Santa's with the holly filled laughs. "Yeah. Bad dream, I guess," Nellie gulps, "Um, do you know where my mom is at? Or....Sadie?" Worry flashes in the old man's eyes for a moment but he quickly recovers, smiling again. Nellie noticed it though. Her stomach drops, twisting her intestines.

       "Last I saw your mom she was talkin' to Glenn. I think Sadie was with Koa," He explains. Nellie nods, hands behind her back, "Uh, everything okay?" Hershel pauses for a moment, heart thudding against his ribs.

         "Before I say this," Hershel stumbles closer to Nellie, "I want to say that Rick didn't want this to happen. He thought about it but Rick is a good man. He weighed all the choices—"

       "Hershel, you're gonna make me throw up with anxiety," Nellie sighs, running her hands over her face, "Where's my mom?"

          Hershel sighs loudly, "The Governor wanted your mother and Sadie to end the war—"

       "And Rick fuckin' handed them over? Are you kidding me—"

        "Nellie, Nellie. Hold on," Hershel holds her gently by the shoulders, "He was going to give over your mother but this morning he decided against it. We all did. Except one." Her dark brown eyes lock with his light ones. They are lit on fire with anger. "Merle," Nellie says the name like it's a sin, "I'm gonna fuckin' kill him. He took Sadie too? There's no way she went willingly with him after he assault—nothing," Nellie cuts herself off, realizing the secret that almost slipped past her lips.

   Hershel tilts his head. He has already figured out what the hell Merle has done to Sadie. Anger now lies in his eyes but there's a pissed under teenage girl in front of him.

        "Nellie, don't do anything irrational. I know it's your mom out there—"

        "Don't tell anyone where I'm going. You're not stopping me from finding my mom and Sadie. No way," Nellie says, spinning on her heels to grab her cleaver, a pistol and to go after her mother and friend.

        DRIED TEARS STAIN SADIE'S face as she's led through an unfamiliar neighborhood on a rope. Michonne is beside her, trying her best to keep the teenage girl calm but how calm can one be when you woke up to a hand over your mouth, knocked out and then taken away from your home by the man that assaulted you?

      Sadie isn't crying because she's going back to Woodbury, this was already in the plans. She's crying because of how she's getting to Woodbury.

        Via Merle Dixon who quite literally has her on a tight leash. The man seems to know his mistake though because he barely acknowledges Sadie, just snarky remarks towards Michonne.

     Sadie feels like she might fall through the ground with every step she is forced to take. She was just with Koa. She was just with Carl. The three were playing with an old deck of Uno. Half the cards were ripped and tattered but they were happy, even Sadie who was losing miserably. Then, she wanted to take a nap. That's all.

      Instead, a slimy hand was thrown over her mouth. She wailed and thrashed around until a metal forearm collided with her temple and she woke up with Merle trapping her.

She was thrown into that basement from weeks ago. She could feel the cold, cement walls and hear the creak of the door so clearly. She's scared she'll never get out of that room now. The bruises made have faded away but they're forever there for her. Merle Dixon will never leave Sadie Finch and she despises it so much.

         Every time he speaks, her ears ring, her body burns and those bruises appear everywhere instead of just on her hips.

       "Governor made Rick an offer. Turn you over and we all give peace a chance," Merle says. Sadie wants to scream, throw herself to the ground and pound her fist into the street until her fists bleed just to feel anything except Merle's hands on her.

       "I agree with you though, Michonne. He would've blinked," Merle adds. "But not you," Michonne speaks calmly to him. Her eyes keep flickering back to Sadie as she thinks about her and her own daughter. Michonne already knows that Nellie is up by now and reeking havoc through the prison to find her. She wishes she could call her up and say stop, it's not worth it. Michonne will get Sadie out of this and let The Governor take her instead of the teen girl.

        Merle scoffs, "I'm being straight with you."

        "You were straight when you led me into the tombs," Michonne snarks back. Sadie sniffles, going to wipe her face only for the restraints to stop her, "I woke up to being kidnapped. Again." Merle clears his throat, awkwardly trying to move past that subject, "Okay, maybe I wasn't straight—"

          "You put a bag over my head and then knocked out Sadie," Michonne hisses. Sadie can't even focus on her headache because of everything else her brain is focused on. "I got it done," Merle comments, "He wouldn't have. 'Specially because of who Sadie is to him. Y'know, I couldn't believe that you were related to that nut job Shane at first but that look you gave me—you're his niece, alright."

      "Fuck off," Sadie gets the energy to curse at him at the mention of her uncle. Merle snickers, laughing at her pain, "Keep movin', ladies."

        Cold metal shocks Sadie as the barrel of a pistol is pressed into her back. Through her thin t-shirt she feels it. He's close to her then. Fear and anger mix together, creating adrenaline. It makes Sadie do before thinking.

       Her leg flies out behind her, kicking Merle in the knee. He groans, cursing in pain but his grip on the leash gets tighter. The women stumble back at the sudden harsh movement. "Goddamnit, Finch!" Merle yells, rubbing his knee with his free hand.

Sadie is quick to spin around, breathing heavily as she glares him down, "What'cha gonna do? Take me back to one of these houses and lock me in a basement? Bruise me again? I was going back to Woodbury! You didn't have to chain me up!" She yells but her voice cracks, revealing vulnerability.

        Merle stops walking, still hissing in pain but his face is paler. His secret is revealed, unknown to him that Michonne had a good idea of what he did to Sadie.

       "I was going by my orders—"

        "Really? Because you listen so fuckin' well? The one time you blindly listened was just so you could assault me?" Sadie cries out, adrenaline wearing off. Her body is shaking. She hates it. She hates how pathetic she looks in front of him.

Merle stutters but doesn't correct her, "You don't know when to stop. Just like Officer Friendly. You don't know when to stop for your own good. Just like Rick. He was the guy that came back for me on that rooftop. Nah. It's all on me. You know?" Merle stays calm and unphased.

    He shoves them forward. Sadie lets out a grunt of a cry. The least she can do at this point is get Michonne back to Nellie. Merle is still speaking but it's an echo, she can't make out his words. It's all mumbling. They come to a sudden stop and it's like a brick is dropped on her head, pulling her back into reality painfully.

    A walker snarls in the distance. Laughing rips from Merle's mouth. "May I?" He asks but before Michonne answers he just pulls out her katana. He drops the leads, "I'll take that as a yes." The walker approaches him and he stands there with open arms. Once the monster is close enough to the walker, he slices its head off its shoulders. It's not a clean cut, not like Michonne or Nellie can do with their blades.

     It's messy and blood splatters as it falls to the ground.

     He's distracted. Laughing at his accomplishment. Michonne nudges Sadie with her boot against her calf, "Not now, but when you have the chance—run. Get back to the prison and tell them. Tell Nellie. But make sure she doesn't come after me, okay?" Sadie just shakes her head. Her body still feels like static. Gray, black and white shuffles inside her head and every movement she makes.

      "The Governor probably won't kill me. He'll kill you and you know it. Nellie will go after you no matter what I tell her, you also know that. If I go back and it ensures the safety of my sisters, of Carl and Rick. Of you and Nellie. Then it's something I'm willing to sacrifice," Sadie whispers, eyes flickering between Michonne and Merle. The mother is about to detest when Merle's incessantly annoying voice speaks up.

       "Oh!" Merle exclaims, sliding the katana back into its rightful place, "You know what? I'd figured you two would have run!" He laughs. Michonne smiles at him, tilting her head in a condescending manner, "Wanted my sword back before I get away."

Merle laughs again, "It may go down that. But if I were you two ladies, I wouldn't get my hopes up," He comes back over and grips the leashes attached to them, "And you, Sadie, let's behave, yeah?" He tugs the rope, clearly enjoying the power he once again has over this teen girl.

       She stumbles back a bit, resisting the urge to curse at him while also sobbing her eyes out. Both will show weakness.

      A thing men like Merle eat up.

TWO TEEN GIRLS ARE frantically running around the prison. Michonne and Sadie are officially missing. More likely with Merle who is also missing, per say. No one actually misses him so the title feels wrong to Koa.

                         Ammo is being stuffed into magazines. Blades are sharpened. "Koa, you can't come wit' me. Rick said no," Daryl huffs. Koa doesn't respond. Her mind is just boggled with everything Merle could possibly be doing to her older sister. It's making her vision red with anger, her hands shake with a need to pummel him until he's unrecognizable.

                     "Listen, Finch—"

                    "This is your brother. Your brother who has kidnapped my sister and Nellie's mom. Nellie is going. Why can't I go? You're goin' after your brother, right? I'm going after my sister," Koa steps closer to the blue eyed man, determination evident in her dark brown eyes as she slings the bag of weapons over her shoulders.

                     She stomps away but Daryl follows after her. "I'm not y'all's damn babysitter!" He shouts as Koa meets up with Nellie. The Hawthorne girl is containing her panic. Her chest is heaving, foot tapping against the cement. It's like her body is deteriorating each time her mother gets further and further from her in Merle's clutches. Not only that but Sadie, the first friend she's had in years, is with the man that nearly broke her down completely. The brother of the man that is supposed to help her find her mother.

                          "Good. Don't babysit us, Daryl. I don't need your damn help," Koa shouts back. "You can't track. You two don't know what to look for!" He yells. Koa spins around to face him, poking at his chest angrily, "Then goddamn teach me, Daryl! I'm not NOT going with you! And neither is Nellie. Nut up and shut up!"

                   Daryl sucks on his teeth, throwing his hand up in the air, "I don't wanna hear shit when you get in trouble wit' Rick!"

                     Koa doesn't say a word again, she just goes off, stomping out of the prison. Nellie glances over at Daryl, shrugs and then walks off with them.

                  Koa doesn't care to look back. She knows Daryl will follow her. She knows he'd never let two teenage girls go off alone in the woods.

                     MERLE HAS DECIDED THAT a motel is a perfect place to hijack an old car. The dilapidated building reminds Sadie of the motels her parents would have them occasionally sleep in or where her mom would take them so she could get her drugs. Michonne and Sadie are both bound to a pole in front of the place.

                Merle is underneath a car, groaning and grunting as he tries to jump it.

                    "I have this unbearably annoying feeling that my sister is doing something stupid right now," Sadie says, leaning her head against the pole until some white paint chips, getting in her hair. "Yeah, I got the same feelin' about Nellie right now," Michonne nods in agreement, "There's no way you're not going back to the prison, you know that, right?"

                 Sadie kicks a rock, "Michonne, I'll be okay."

                  "He's gonna kill you. You keep telling yourself he won't but he will. He's a psychopath who needs power. Killing you would kill Koa, Carl, Rick. It would leave them all vulnerable. Or maybe he'll use you as leverage. Say he'll give you back to your family if they give up the prison. He's lying. He'll just kill you," Michonne says with an all too casually shrug of her shoulders.

                          Sadie stands stunned for a moment. She's right. She's right and Sadie knows it but her brain is still telling her to go. Maybe it's just for the better if not only does she leave to Woodbury, but she dies by the very hands that saved her nearly two months ago. It's ridiculous to feel some sense of guilt for leaving a man she knew for two months, she also knows that.

                   Sadie marks it up to her father. Even though Shane stepped in and became the father she would've never had otherwise, she still searches for that love in every older man she meets. That's why she trusted Phillip. That's why she trusted Merle. She just wanted to be loved. Sadie just wants the love she can't give herself. Not after she got her best friend killed. It might've not been by her hands but she did nothing to stop it, she did nothing to protect Rose or Koa.

                    WOO HOO WOO HOO

                    The noise screams from the car. Merle has tripped a wire while in his successful attempt to hijack the car and the alarm is blaring. Sadie's heart drops, legs weak, "It's gonna attract walkers from miles away." Michonne takes a deep breath, tugging at the ropes bounded around her hands. Walkers snarl as they emerge from what seems like every crevice around them.

                        Sadie gasps, pulling at the ropes as well now. "Merle!" Michonne yells but Sadie doubts he'll hear her over the alarm he's tripped. "Fucking dickhead!" Sadie yells, pulling at the ropes, accepting the rope burn she's about to get. Snarls make her work faster. A walker comes out from the alleyway closest to Sadie. "Fuck, fuck!" She curses, "Michonne!"

                      "I know. I know. Merle!" Michonne yells louder. "He can't hear us!" Sadie finishes with a yelp when the walker stretches its arms out to her. At the same time, Michonne and Sadie both send a kick into the abdomen of the monster, sending them both into the ground. It sends it a less than a foot away from Sadie but it gives Michonne enough time to take a breather and think. "Sadie, stick to the wall and direct it towards me!" She orders.

                    Sadie nods breathlessly. The walkers come back for another chance at dinner. She puts her back to the wall and then once it has its back to Michonne, the teen girl kicks it once again. It sends the walker towards her. Smartly, Michonne takes the rope, runs to wrap it around the walker and pins it against the pole, crushing its throat.

                        Then, with one good tug, she splits the walking corpse's head on its shoulders. Sadie watches with wide and intrigued eyes. Michonne can survive this world. She can survive this one and whatever comes after it.

                   The walker's head rolls towards Sadie. She gasps for a second, looking into its glossed over eyes. It chomps at her and then she takes the heel of her sneaker, smashing it into its soft skull, splattering it instantly.

                It's not over though. No, why would they catch a break? More walkers begin to surround them. A shirtless one launches itself at Michonne but she has no time to plan.

                  Sadie is shaking, heart thudding against her ribs so hard to the point she's scared it'll break them. Another one throws itself at Sadie. She flails, yelling as she meekly shoves it away. Suddenly, a shot goes off, blood streaking across Sadie's face. Then, another shot goes off and the walker that was next to her falls to the ground.

                     Her eyes wander for the source only to see Merle turning away from them to fire more shots at the walkers that begin to surround them. He saved her life. Again.

                And she fucking hates him for it.

                     Once he has the opportunity, he runs over to Michonne and Sadie to slice the rope off the pole using his blade of a hand. With her heart still wildly beating, Sadie and Michonne race to the car. Tires squeal and before the walkers can do much if any damage, Merle speeds out of the motel parking lot.

                    SADIE WANTS TO CRAWL out of her skin. Smashing her head through this window and bleeding out would be better than being stuck with Merle in this barely running car. It's times like these where she desperately misses her iPod and headphones, blasting Paramore to drown out the noise of life.

                          "So, this is your thing, then? You take out the trash?" Michonne asks from the passenger seat. "Don't be so hard on yourself, darlin'," Merle comments.

            "The Governor, Rick, any one of them needs their piss bucket cleaned and you come a-running,"Michonne quirks. Merle laughs. Sadie is so tired of his smug laugh.

                        "Things are different for your brother," Michonne adds. "Yeah, they are. Rick says jump and he wants to know how high," Merle says. "Probably listens to 'em more because he's a good man," Sadie snickers. Merle doesn't comment, he just eyes the teen in the mirror who is staring out the window.

                      "Rick needs him. Respects him. He didn't ask him to do this little job, now, did he? Doesn't help that Sadie wasn't even a part of the job," Michonne huffs. Merle side-eyes the woman while Sadie gulps a little bit.

                    "No, 'cause he wants it done."

                    Michonne chuckles, "You keep telling yourself that. The truth is this could've been your shot. But you choose to stay on the outside," She glances over at a sulking Sadie, "You choose to keep screwing up a girl's life." Sadie doesn't look at her, she just sinks further in the seat.

                      A beat of painful silence passes. Sadie can hear the blood running through her. "No one's gonna mourn you, not even Daryl. Hell, most will celebrate. Daryl's got a new family and you're takin' Sadie away from hers. Her sister. Her sibling. The very thing you had been searching for—you take her away from," Michonne speaks up.

                      Pain strikes Sadie's chest, images of her little sister crying because her sister is missing once again flood her head. It almost makes her want to toss herself out of the car and run back to the prison.

                     In all fairness, she didn't think she'd suddenly be gone. Sadie thought she'd be able to hug her and cherish it because it would be their last hug. She thought she'd be able to thank Glenn and everyone else. She thought she would give Carl all her old stuff and tell Rick all she's done for her since she was a child. She'd tell Nellie she was glad she was the last friend she'll ever make.

                   Then, Sadie would accept her end. She'd see Rose and Lori. Maybe even Shane would be able to visit from hell. 

                       "You keep trying to get under my skin. I'm gonna cut that tongue out. Your buddy's turning you over 'cause he's trying to save his own ass. I took Sadie because she's the real peace treaty. But, you're both on the outside as much as I am, girls," Merle says.

                   Outside. Sadie knows she's an outcast despite her blood relations to a group member and familial relationship with the leader and his son. They've all found their way in the world and she wasn't in the equation. She wasn't supposed to be. They believed she was dead. They made a new family.

                    "But once The Governor's done with me, at least I won't have to live with myself," Michonne eyes the hick up and down.

                  No other words are said.

               But more is said in the silence.

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