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9 MONTHS AGO

        THE WORLD IS BRUTAL, Koa Finch knew this from a young age. When your parents leave you and your sister on a random Wednesday with your uncle saying they'll come back but never fucking do—you learn pretty quickly at the age of 6 what the world is like.

   But Koa isn't sure she ever expected it to get to this point.

Uncle Shane has lost his mind in this new world. He's not the uncle that would take her and her sister to the pet store every Sunday or the one that brought them to every Grimes family party. He's not the one that taught Koa how to ride her bike and then her skateboard years later.

Uncle Shane hasn't been Uncle Shane in a while.

And as Koa stands in the dark forest surrounding the farm they've taken shelter in, watching in fear as he takes out his gun to seemingly kill his best friend, Rick Grimes—his brother—that's surely confirmed.

A man that has become family to Koa and at one point he was family to her sister. Even if her sister is out there in this world, alive and hating her, she'd still want her by her side because Koa Finch is terrified.

She can barely make out what either man is saying, heart ringing in her ears. A pistol sits in the pocket of her denim shorts. She stole it from one of the adults but she'll deal with the consequences later.

Koa slowly steps further into the dark field, gulping with every step, every glade of grass beneath her sneakers makes her shake.

              "They've gotten over you before. They've done it before. They just gonna have to," Shane says when she can finally hear them. Then, he points the gun right at Rick. Koa feels like she might throw up. How'd they get to this point?

           There's no going back from this. She'll tell the world what her uncle did if he's successful, even if it gets her killed.

Rick doesn't freak out, he just asks why, walking closer to the man he's known since high school. Koa walks closer as well, hand hovering over her gun. All those days of Uncle Shane yelling at her to aim, to get the fucking shot come back to her.

        Who knew it would all be for his own niece to possibly kill him? Koa accepts that. She accepts she'll have to kill the man that's raised her.

  This isn't him.

"I thought we worked this all out," Rick says, the two men circling each other. Shane lets out a laugh, "We tried to kill each other, man. What you think? We just gonna forget about it all? We gonna ride off into the sunset together?"

Shane has become greedy. When everyone thought Rick died in that hospital, Shane stepped up and took care of the Grimes family all while accepting that Sadie Finch, just like Rick Grimes, was dead.

He got Lori pregnant and in his delusional mind, Carl was his kid too. All he needs is Rick gone and he'll get his sick fantasy of a family completed.

"You're gonna kill me in cold blood? Screw my wife?" Rick asks with pure venom, "Have my children—my children—call you daddy? Is that what you want?" Koa is much closer now, she's surprised neither man has noticed her. She's breathing heavily. Her gun is now in the palm of her head and it feels heavier than normal.

"That life won't be worth a damn," Rick continues, "I know you. You won't be able to live with this. What will Koa think? Would Sadie want this?" Rick uses the man's nieces against him, the same ones he himself has grown to love like his own kids. For a moment, the silence is deafening. So deafening that Rick finally notices Koa next to them.

The two make eye contact and right as Rick is about to say something, Shane runs his mouth again. "What you know about what I can live with?" Shane spews, "You got no idea what I can live with, what I live with! You wanna talk about what I can do, Rick? How about what you can do? Here I am!" Shane puts his hands up, surrendering himself, "Come on, man. Raise your gun!" He practically begs.

A squeak of a whimper leaves Koa's lips and yet whatever state Shane is in, he still doesn't realize she's standing right there. "No, no I will not," Rick says, eyes telling Koa to run but she stays put. She's not leaving him here with Shane.

"What happened, Rick? I thought you weren't the good guy anymore. Ain't that what you said?" Shane asks, "Even right here, right now, you ain't gonna fight for 'em? I'm a better father than you, Rick! I raised two girls when my sister gave up and I raised Carl when you gave up. I'm better for Lori than you, man! It's 'cause I'm a better man than you, Rick! 'Cause I can be here and I'll fight for it! You come back here and destroy everything!" Shane shouts, making Koa flinch.

Koa has had enough of him just saying shit. It's all lies. He's not better than Rick.

"A better man wouldn't have slept with his best friend's wife!" Koa shouts, now making herself known to her irate uncle. Shane turns to face his niece but his rage doesn't soften any bit. "Koa, don't get involved. This is none of your business. That's gonna get you killed," Shane points a stern finger at her. Koa doesn't stand down despite the fear in her body, watching Shane quickly fall apart more than he was before.

  "You raised me! I thought you were a better father, huh? If you were, maybe I wouldn't be so nosy!" Koa yells, stepping closer and closer. Shane just scoffs, deciding his niece is not worth it right now. He'll deal with it when he has the family he so rightfully deserves. "You got a broken woman," He says to Rick, "You got a weak boy. You ain't got the first clue on how to fix it—"

"And you do?!"

"Shut your mouth, Koa!" Shane yells, finally acknowledging her again. She's death glaring at him, clenching her gun by her side. Shane raises his gun again on Rick and Koa half expects him to move it onto her. "Raise your gun!" Shane insists. "You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man," Rick says. He's trying to save Shane.

A part of him realizes this probably won't work, that he's too far gone but he won't kill his best friend, especially not in front of Koa.

Rick raises his hands, "Koa, go."

     "No! No, he's fucking crazy!" Koa says, gun slowly raising in her shaky hands. Rick sighs, there's no time to argue with her.

"Watch my hand. Nice and easy," Rick reaches for his gun, holding it in the air but not aiming it, "Now, listen to me Shane, there is still a way back from this. Nothing has happened here. Koa won't say a word. Right?" Almost on instinct she goes to shake her head no but out of fear for Rick's life, she agrees reluctantly.

"We're gonna lay down our guns and we're gonna walk back to the farm—together," Rick is trying his best right now but Koa wants to scream that isn't gonna work, one of them is gonna end up dead and Koa will make sure it's herself or Shane.

Rick glances down at Koa's gun, gesturing for her to drop it. With a heavy sigh, she places it on the ground, eyes never leaving the two men.

"Back to Lori. Back to Carl. Put this all behind us," Rick says, still attempting to convince him, trying to find the man Shane once was. Once he's close enough, Shane takes the gun from Rick's hand, his own still in his hand. Koa moves behind Rick, the naive, childlike part of her that still remains hopes that maybe he got through to Shane but that's ripped from her when a squelching noise enters her ears and then a gunshot.

It's a hot pain, one Koa knew she'd have to experience at some point in the world ending.

Her hands fly to her right side, her own warm blood coating her hands. Koa isn't shot, no, she's grazed from a bullet from her uncle's gun. Her old band tee is ripped and even in darkness she sees the crimson on her hands as she holds them up in the moonlight. Koa's whole body is shaking but she moves towards Rick and Shane.

Everything had gone by so fast that Koa has to figure out what the hell happened before the bullet grazed her skin. Rick stabbed Shane, taking his body onto the ground. Gurgling noises fall from Shane's mouth, making Koa's stomach turn—or maybe it's the lack of blood.

"This was you, not me! You did this to us!" Rick seethes through gritted teeth, "This was you, not me! Not me!" Moonlight makes it so Koa can see blood coming from her uncle's mouth. Whimpers leave her mouth, ones that are mixed with sadness and anger.

      "Sadie would be so mad at you," Koa says between cries, hand still holding her side. Hearing Koa speak knocks Rick back into reality a bit. He pulls the knife from his brother's heart, continuing to scream in pain at what he had to do. Despite everything, as Shane gurgles on his own blood, Koa falls to her knees beside him, tears streaming down her face for multiple reasons.

Shane's head rolls to face her, spitting out blood. His lips are moving and she wonders if he's trying to say something—an apology? Koa highly doubts that but she'll let herself be naive for a moment, let herself be a kid for one last time because she knows after this, she'll never be one again.

Shane is grabbing at Rick's face, desperately trying to cling to life but he has to know he's gonna die, there's no point. Or maybe he's letting himself be naive as well. But, a second later, the gurgles stop and his hands drop from Rick's face. Shane's eyes are lifeless yet Koa feels them burrowing into her.

The pain in her side is nothing compared to what she feels in her heart and it only gets worse when she hears Rick wail from beside her in grief. Koa lets herself go. She might've not gotten along with him towards the end but he still raised her, the last blood family she has left in this fucked up world.

A small minute goes by of Rick letting himself cry before he forces himself to get his shit together and face what has happened. "Koa, there's—your bleeding," He points at her. Koa looks up at him with big, sad brown eyes and pulls herself to her feet. "I got grazed when the gun went off," Koa explains, sniffling. Rick's eyes widen, "Koa, we need to get you patched up," Rick holds her up, his hand now coated in her blood.

She hisses when he touches the ripped up skin. "I'm fine, Rick," Koa says quietly. Rick's breaths are shaky, "Koa, I—I'm sorry."

She sends him a small smile, "It had to be done," She bends down to grab her gun, "There was no going back." Koa looks over her shoulder, eyes locked on Shane's dead body.

     Rick falls next to the body again. Koa lets him, holding her side and looking away from Shane. She fears if she doesn't now, she might not ever be able to. Her body feels heavy, like there's cinder blocks tied to her ankles. She turns to walk away but she's faced with a scared Carl.

"Dad?" The little boy calls out, fearful at what he's looking at. A bloody Koa, a crying Rick and a dead Shane. His gun glimmers in the moonlight. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't have to see this. Shane was important to Carl, he was there his whole life, just like Koa's.

"Carl," Rick cries, walking towards his son, "You should be back home with mom."

"Carl, please—" Koa is cut off by Carl suddenly cocking his gun, aiming it at his father. Did Shane manipulate the young boy this much? How much damage had Shane really done to his own family and the Grimes'?

Immediately, they stop in their tracks. Tears brim Carl's eyes.

"Just—Just put the—put the gun down," Rick tries to reason with his son. A snarl drags Koa's attention to behind her but the sight nearly sends her to the ground. It's her Uncle Shane as a walker, as one of those monsters. Koa can hear another plea from Rick to his son and then the shot goes off.

She watches as Shane's body hits the ground with a thud. He's officially dead. Shane Walsh is dead.

And little 14 year old Koa Finch was there to see it all happen.

PRESENT TIME

WITHOUT THE FARM, THE group that has quickly become family have been surviving in random, abandoned homes—even crates during the winter.

The scar is slightly raised above the skin, slightly pink as it starts to blend against her skin finally instead of being such an eyesore. The scar lays right below her right rib cage. Always a reminder of that night. Of who she lost.

They cleared the home of walkers and now Koa finds herself in what seems to be a little girl's room, staring at her own reflection, at the scar. She didn't mean to but she was changing in front of the mirror and it just caught her eye.

Before she can dwell any further Koa puts the rest of her black tank top on, turning away from the mirror with a sigh. She grabs her bag that's decorated in various pins either she's found or the others have found for her. In her other hand rests a pig gutter. It's a blade she found at the beginning of all of this, one her uncle insisted on her having.

Above the wooden handle there's ridges that when Koa goes deep enough and pulls it out, it really fucks up whoever is on the other end, pulling their guts or brain matter with it.

"Koa, come join us, please!" Maggie shouts up the stairs. Koa catches her reflection once more, seeing someone who may look 15 but sure as shit doesn't feel like it. And if she's right—she only turned 15 not too long ago.

        "Okay," Koa shouts back, emerging from the room in a looser shirt. It's spring, almost summer, in Georgia which means it's about to be hot as hell no matter what they do. If it was hot with AC, she can't believe what they're gonna have to experience without AC.

When Koa joins them, they're all sitting in a circle in the living room, tiredness written all over their faces. Carl is trying to open a can of food. The only thing heard is the grinding of metal against metal.

Koa takes a shaky breath before sitting next to the young boy. She sees Daryl plucking the feathers off the owl he had killed minutes prior. God, does Koa miss McDonald's suddenly.

The room is full of tension. Mostly on the Grimes' family's part. Some part of Koa feels guilty for it all even though the only connection she had to it was that her uncle got Rick's wife pregnant—his best friend's wife.

Nine months of earth shattering tension.

Lori is about to pop and Koa can't tell if she's dreading it or not. Maybe it'll bring Rick back to his senses, maybe it'll make him less stable. She hasn't figured out the answer and probably won't for a little bit.

From next to Beth, Rick picks up the second can and just throws it against the wall, grabbing everyone's attention.

Everyone looks at the man worriedly. Before the world ended, Rick Grimes wasn't one to lash out. They're not even a year into the apocalypse and it's already changing the man Koa has known her whole life so much.

"Psst," T-Dog whispers, gesturing towards the window. Koa looks out the window, seeing more walkers than they can handle right now heading towards the home. She huffs in frustration. Just when she was thinking she was going to sleep in a real bed tonight.

And just like that, they're collecting their stuff and running again, piling their stuff into 3 seperate cars before the walkers can reach them.

Koa watches the walkers in the back windshield of the pickup truck, she watches them until they're out of view.

         KOA ISN'T SURE HOW long they had been driving because she fell asleep at some point but she wakes up when the pickup truck comes to a sudden stop.

"Koa, come on," Carl smacks her gently. Koa groans, stretching her limbs before practically rolling out of the car. A map is spread out on the green SUV. "We got no place left to go," T-Dog says. "When this herd meets up with this one, we'll be cut off," Maggie explains, pointing at different areas on the map, "We'll never make it south."

  "If I had to guess, there were at least 150 in that herd," Koa remarks, cleaning off her blade on her dark wash denim shorts. "That was last week. It could be twice that by now," Glenn adds. "This river could have delayed them," Hershel says, "....if we move fast, we might have a shot to tear right through there."

Koa loses interest, more so she doesn't have the energy to comprehend what they're saying. She walks back over to the beat up pick up truck, over to Lori who sits in the passenger seat.

"Hey," Koa greets with a smile. Lori smiles back, "Hey, hun. You okay?" Lori asks. She's always worrying about other people, even when it seems like most of the group doesn't wanna speak to her. "Are you?" Koa laughs, pointing at Lori's ready to pop belly. Lori chuckles as well, hand over her belly, "Once I can properly lay down, I will be."

"Hey, we're gonna go find food," Rick calls out to everyone, Daryl right behind him. They all silently acknowledge him. Koa glances at the pregnant belly in front of her. No matter who the biological father is, that's still her cousin in there. Just like Carl is her cousin.

And even if she and Sadie weren't on the best terms when this all went down, she knows she'd be so excited for little baby Grimes. Sometimes if Koa thinks about it hard enough, she can still see Carl as a little, freckled baby. She's gotta think really hard though because they're only two years apart.

A few minutes pass of the rest of them washing their clothes in the river when Rick and Daryl come back, an uncharacteristic nowadays smile is across the Grimes man's place.

       "We found a place."

        A PRISON. RICK AND Daryl found a prison filled with walkers.

Koa stabs a walker that's blocking her way with her blade in the head with a grunt. The others do the same, clearing a path for Lori to go into the hole in the fence. Koa climbs through after making sure Lori is through.

          Snarls are all around them as Glenn and Daryl patch up the hole in the wire fence. Right as Glenn finishes, one launches itself at the fence, making the man jump back. "Hey, look at that. Maybe I am like my mom," Koa comments.

          Rick and Lori both send a stern glare her way while the others look in confusion. Possibly one day she'll tell them why she ended up with the menace that was her Uncle Shane, just not right now. All they're getting is that she was in jail at some point. 

  They run through the fenced in area, walkers desperately growling at them as they reach the gate.

        She had been to a prison once, not as big as this but it was to visit her mother when she was 3. She can't even remember right now what that charge was for, there's been too many. Koa had lost count after she had looked her mom up right before the world went to shit.

The latest charge was assault. Now Koa can't help but wonder if her mom somehow survived this in the prison. Since the charge was assault, she could have a chance.

          "It's perfect. If we can shut that gate, prevent more from filling the yard, we can pick off these walkers. We'll take the field by tonight," Rick speaks over the incessant growling of the monsters that have begun to pile on top of each other for just a nibble of one of them.

            "So how do we shut the gate?" Hershel asks.

            "I'll do it. You guys cover me," Glenn offers. Koa sucks on her teeth, turning to face him, "Are you suicidal or somethin'? Like, genuine question." Koa recalls all the times Glenn has offered his life up for the sake of the group. She quite likes the dude, dare she say like a brother so she'd prefer if he didn't die right now.

          "I'll be fine, Koa," Glenn assures her. "She's right. No. It's a suicide run," Maggie tells her boyfriend. "I'm the fastest," Glenn confidently says. "I literally played soccer," Koa reminds him, "I was a midfielder. I'd imagine I'm the fastest," Koa says with a smug smile. Glenn rolls his eyes, ready to retort but Rick speaks.

           "No, you, T-Dog, Maggie, Beth and Koa draw as many as you can over there. Pop 'em through the fence. Daryl, go back to the other tower. Carol, you've become a pretty good shot. Take your time. We don't have a lot of ammo to waste," Rick orders them and he says some more orders but Koa is already off with the rest of the group as ordered.

           Koa is having entirely too much fun as she shouts obscenities to get the walker's attention, rattling the metal fence with her blade in her hand. One walks up to her and Koa sinks the blade into its mushy head. Once the groans stop, Koa retracts the blade, watching it thud to the ground. She tries not to think too much about her actions whenever she kills a walker. Koa knows it's what should be done, they aren't people.

          But for the first month or so after Shane's death, she swears she saw his face in every kill. In every gurgle she heard, she heard Shane's last breaths.

           Another walker comes up to the fence and Koa kills it, watching as Rick runs to the fence. She makes even more noise now, making sure Rick gets to that damn gate. "Sup, motherfucker!" Koa curses, smacking against the fence. A few come her way and then, Rick gets to the gate and closes it. A big smile of relief goes across her face as she stabs the last walker that came near her.

           "Light it up!" Daryl shouts. Koa whips out her pistol, shooting the rest of the walkers, clearing the field just like they said they would.

          Once it's safe Koa runs out into the field of dead prisoners. "Oh, fuck yeah!" Koa shouts, even doing a little dance with it as well. "Alright, alright, little shit. Come on," Daryl shakes his head as he walks past her. Koa holds her head up high, strutting right into the prison with the rest of her family.

            DARKNESS HAS FALLEN ON them but for the first time in a while, Koa isn't scared of it.

            There's a fire in the middle of them, cooking squirrel meat that Daryl had caught earlier. "Mhm, just like mom used to make," Glenn jokes, causing a giggle to roll through the group. Koa scrunches her nose. It's better than starving but she really wishes he somehow found chickens and not squirrels all the time.

            "Tomorrow we'll pull all the bodies together. Want to keep them away from that water," T-Dogs tells them, "Now, if we can dig a canal under the fence, we'll have plenty of fresh water." Koa smiles despite the squirrel meat stuck in her teeth. This could work. Who knew a prison could become a proper home like this?

          Koa lets her excitement get the better of her for a few moments, basking in the thought of having fresh water—clean showers.

          "And this soil is good. We could plant some seed, grow some tomatoes, cucumbers, soybeans," Hershel happily says. Koa perks up even more, "If someone somehow finds strawberry seeds, I'll love you forever. I miss strawberries!" Hershel chuckles at this, "I'll try to find you some strawberry seeds, Koa. That's his third time around," Hershel points at Rick. Koa watches as he slowly walks in the darkness of the prison's field.

            Anything to not be near Lori, Koa assumes.

            "If there was any part of it compromised, he'd have found it by now," Hershel says. Koa stares sadly at the man. That odd place of guilt coming back to her. She wonders if a part of Rick resents her for simply being blood related to Shane, if he thinks she'll end up as crazy as he did. Koa wonders the same.

           The Walsh siblings could just be doomed.

          Her mother ended up doomed and so did Shane.

         Maybe the Finch siblings are the same way.

         "This'll be a good place to have the baby," Beth whispers to Lori in a sincere tone, "Safe."

          "Can I choose the middle name?" Koa asks, throwing her hand up. Immediately, Lori shakes her head no with a laugh. Koa's jaw drops dramatically, "What? Why not?"

         "You named all your teddy bears when you were a kid Gerard!" Lori reminds her. Koa gasps at her revealing that but it just makes Carl laugh loudly from beside her. "It was easy to remember!" Koa defends herself, throwing her hands up.

            Across from Koa sits Beth. The blonde's blue eyes are already looking at Koa when she sends a glance her way. Koa raises a curious eyebrow but Beth looks away and down at the grass, leaving Koa confused.

           "Bethy, sing Paddy Reilly for me," Hershel asks of his daughter, "I haven't heard that, I think, since your mother was alive."

          "Daddy, not that one, please," Maggie begs the old man, obviously not wanting to bring up some grief. "How about, 'The Parting Glass'?" Hershel changes the song but Koa doesn't know either one of them. "No one wants to hear," Beth says, looking around for someone to say they do.

          The fire crackles in front of them, an orange hue casted over all their faces.

          "I'd like to hear it," Koa whispers but they all still hear her. Beth smiles at her, turning away to look down at her feet. "Yeah, why not?" Glenn shrugs.

         "Okay," Beth gives in, "Of all the money, e'er I had, I spent it in good company, and all the harm, e'er I've ever done, alas it was to none but me, and all I've done, for want of wit, to memory now I can't recall, so fill to me, the parting glass, good night and joy be with you all," Beth pauses for a second, glancing over at her older sister.

              Koa has her knees tucked to her chest, a soft smile on her as she gently rocks back and forth. She rests her head on Carl's head, feeling safe enough at this prison to rest on a field. Carl almost shrugs the girl off just to be annoying but for once, he won't be an annoying new teen, he'll let Koa rest because she'd do the same for him.

            Now both Greene girls are singing and Rick has joined them. Koa looks up at the man, sending a wink his way. Rick just rolls his eyes, sitting down and taking a bowl of squirrel meat from his son. Koa even catches him offering some to Lori which she takes.

              The singing concludes and for the first time since the farm, since Shane went completely bonkers, she feels at peace. Even as Rick explains they'll have to go into the prison tomorrow and kill the rest of the walkers that reside in the prison.

           Yet, she's never felt more safe.

———

EEEEE i'm so excited for this book. i've loved twd for so long :)