They Say Love Hides Behind Every Corner. I Must Be Walking in Circles

Chapter 31

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, a part of me felt proud of my choice, but the other part of me was screaming at me that I was stupid and that I made the wrong choice.

I kept my eyes shut tightly, fighting back the tears. I wanted so badly to just curl up in a corner and cry myself to sleep, but I had to be strong. I kept telling myself I did the right thing, but then I had to wonder why it hurt this much. And this was considering I hadn’t even gone back to Halloween night yet.

Or had I?

I quickly opened my eyes and found I was alone, still sitting up on the bed I had been laying on while I waited for the man. I looked down and still saw blond strands of hair. I hadn’t switched yet. I let out a sigh and flopped back down on the bed, chest heaving up and down rapidly as I tried to calm myself down.

The scariest part was the not knowing when I would switch, because he never specified. It could happen at any moment. Would I feel pain? Would it feel weird? What would happen?

I turned on my side and took deep shallow breaths, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill but failing miserably. I decided at that moment that I would let it all out at that moment and remain strong from then on.

That was the first time I ever cried myself to sleep.

&&&

I woke up but didn’t open my eyes; I only shivered slightly, curling up. I felt my bare legs slide on a hard floor and my eyes shot open. Why was I on the floor? I took in my surroundings and quickly realized where I was. I was in the locker room at my old school, East Ridge High. I quickly sat up and took a shaky breath before scrambling up, mechanically walking to the mirror.

I kept my eyes down as I walked and when I came to a stop, I closed my eyes. Did I really want to look? I wasn’t sure why, but I was scared. I finally forced myself to look up and open my eyes. I saw my hazel eyes widen significantly as I took in my reflection. Short, chestnut brown hair tied up in a high, messy ponytail, olive-shaded skin, baggy jersey and shorts stared back at me.

I was me again.

My chest constricted and I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply and letting the air out after a second. I wouldn’t cry. I had sworn to myself I wouldn’t. Did it hurt to know that Forrest and I would never again be together? Did it hurt to know that everything we had was forgotten, that it was as if we had never had something? Of course it did. But I wasn’t going to break my oath and cry. I liked to think that I was stronger than that.

So I tried to think of the positives. My friends and family were happy again; not that they knew there had been a time when they weren’t. Serena had her life back, which reminded me: I would have to smack some sense into that girl to get her to get over her fear of what people might say and just be with Finn, since that was so obviously what she wanted. Lisette Ramos was alive again. Even though I didn’t know her and had a good reason to dislike her, I felt glad that I had saved her life. And most importantly, to me, at least, I had my body back. I had my life back. I was Shay again, in every sense of the word.

I grinned to myself and ran out of the locker room, into the gym, sliding to a halt when I saw the familiar surroundings. There were Halloween decorations put up, there was a huge crowd in the stands and I could see my teammates grinning over at me.

“Shay!” Emily cried, running over. “We thought you fell asleep in there or something.”

Technically, I suppose I did. “Um…”

Emily started cracking up when she saw my expression. “You did, didn’t you? Hah! Okay, come on, we have to warm up!”

I nodded and followed her onto the court to practice my shooting. Did I have to do everything exactly as I had before, besides going to Forrest and Paul’s house? I wasn’t sure I could remember every single thing I said the last time I went through today, especially considering I talk a lot and my memory isn’t all that good anyways.

As I casually shot the ball, I felt glad that I had a basketball game that night. The good thing was that the game would distract me from thinking about everything I had lived through after this day.

The ref blew his whistle and I rolled my eyes. I remembered very clearly that he was a total pansy that really didn’t want to be there, and I also remembered the look he had given me. Annoying him was one thing I would definitely not change.

I took my place at the edge of the circle in the middle as Amanda, the tallest girl on our team, stood in the middle of the circle and prepared to jump for the ball. The ref blew his whistle again and she leaped up and tipped the ball over to Emily, who grabbed it and immediately charged for the basket, making a smooth lay-up.

I was more of a supporting player, but I did make some baskets myself.

It was definitely weird recognizing the faces of every single person on the court, since I had attended both schools in the past few months. Ridgeway held mostly bad memories for me, though, so I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy at the sight of them. I didn’t want to remember those things. A part of me wished that the man had just erased my memory, as well. It would have hurt less and I could have gone on with my life. But the other part of me knew that what Forrest and I had was too good to forget, or even to want to forget.

Before I knew it, Coach Briggs had called that all-too-familiar time out and turned her body so she was facing me, saying, “Shay, are you willing to take one for the team, and make a completely fool of yourself?”

I found myself impulsively answering with an “Okay!” before my mind had even processed what had just happened. If I hadn’t already lived through this once, it would have taken me longer to figure out.

I couldn’t stop myself from grinning as she told me the plan. It really was just too awesome, and it served as an amazing distraction for not only our enemies, but for the pain I was feeling deep inside of my soul. Wow. I sound like one of those Emo girls I met at Ridgeway who offered me a smoke once when they were high. Then they started talking about the pain they felt inside of their soul and I got the heck out of there. Now, don’t get me wrong. They were nice; they just came on a tad too strong.

I robotically walked back on the court and glanced around. We were down by two points and had ten seconds left. I had to make my distraction perfect again. The word ‘again’ brought on a rush of memories and I winced, trying to push them away. I couldn’t cry now. I wouldn’t cry now, or ever, if I had anything to do about it.

“Okay, you ready?” Amanda asked me, appearing out of nowhere, but I was too depressed to try to imagine where she came from this time.

I just nodded, still trying to calm myself down internally.

She gave me an odd look. She was probably wondering why I didn’t reply with something completely ridiculous, which would be a normal thing for me, but luckily, the ref blew his whistle and we had to get in our positions.

Everything was so familiar, it almost sickened me. The crowd was going wild. The Falcons were pressing -us. Emily was stationed on a wing so she could shoot her three-pointer. Coach was giving me a You-Better-Not-Mess-This-Up look. Bailey, a small girl on our team, was throwing the ball in. Amanda was stationed in front of her, so Bailey could pass it to her. I was on the side where the ball was being thrown in, a perfect place to perform my distraction. But I couldn’t feel the adrenaline rush I had felt the first time. I just couldn’t.

I snapped out of my thoughts when the ref blew his whistle again. I got down on my hands and knees and put all of my energy and emotions into barking my butt off. “ARF, ARF, ARF, ARF, ARF, ARF! BARK, BARK! WOOF, WOOF! BARK, BARK, BARK! ARF, ARF! WOOF, WOOF, WOOF, WOOF, BARK!”

Everyone in the gym was staring at me, and most were laughing as well. I ignored them all and continued barking. “ARF, ARF, BARK, BARK, BARK! WOOF, WOOF, ARF, ARF, ARF! BARK, BARK, ARF, WOOF!”

The distraction worked again. Emily shot her three-pointer and it went in smoothly, just as the buzzer sounded loudly.

I got up gracefully this time. I was scared that I would start crying when I remembered where I got the Band-Aid for my injury last time.

“Shay, that was perfect!” Coach Briggs exclaimed with a happy smile. She hated Ridgeway with a passion, a feeling she had transferred onto her team. “I knew I could count on you for that.”

I had recited the words alongside her in my mind. It was sad that I knew how everything was going to go. I knew everything except for one part, the one that was perhaps the most important.

My teammates were laughing happily and talking about the look on Ridgeway’s face when they lost, but I was lost in my own little world. I just couldn’t feel happy, although if it was because of everything that happened or the fact that I had already won this exact game before, I didn’t know. But I knew that I would have to at least fake it, if not push myself to enjoy this day. It was Halloween. Last time, I had a blast. Did I really want to spend it sulking the whole time? Besides, my friends would know something was up. I didn’t want to worry them, and I especially didn’t want Jasmine prying into my business. She had a habit of doing that. So I would just have to shove Forrest into the back of my mind.

“Come on, the game is over!” the grouchy ref snarled, giving our team a reprimanding look. “It’s time to shake hands with the other team.”

I grudgingly snapped out of my thoughts and followed my teammates as we shook hands with the Falcons. I could tell that most of their smiles were phony. There were a few genuinely nice players among them, but most of them were pissed off because they lost.

I walked back to the locker room slowly, sort of dreading putting on the bacon costume. The rest of the team was just going home in their uniform, so I was the only one in the locker room.

This time, I took my time putting on the costume, yet I still nearly had a spasm trying to wriggle the stupid costume on. I guess some things never change.

I came out of the locker room and everyone started laughing. “You really weren’t kidding!” Emily managed to choke out between her laughter.

“Nope,” I replied with a small grin, “I’ll see you guys later.”

They all waved goodbye to me and I turned my back. I made my way outside to meet up with my friends and my sister.

“Ah! That was so funny!” Maddie exclaimed, cracking up. “That distraction was awesome! I got it all on tape!”

It was so weird to hear everyone repeating everything, but they couldn’t help it.

As I had expected, Maddie was clad in her pig costume.

“Shay, that was awesome!” Jasmine added, skipping towards us in her Spiderwoman outfit. “I couldn’t believe it. It was hi-larious!”

Ceci walked up from behind Jasmine, mumbling under her breath, dressed in her egg suit. “You are unbelievable,” she groaned. “You started barking?”

I nodded and gave her a small smile. “Uh-huh!”

“And here I was, thinking maybe playing basketball would help you be normal.”

I shrugged my shoulders casually.

“That was just wishful thinking, I guess,” she mused with a small sigh, “I knew there was no way even a normal sport like basketball would help you.”

I just shrugged once more. Ceci gave me a weird look, probably wondering why I didn’t attack her or something.

It took me until that moment to fully realize that everything was fine and I could be with my sister again. So I ran forward and gave her a huge hug, squeezing her tightly.

"Can’t. Breathe. Life. Slipping. Before. Eyes!” Ceci choked out dramatically.

That genuinely made me laugh and I let her go, grinning at her.

She frowned at me and smacked my arm.

“Ow!” I complained. “What was that for?”

“For nearly killing me,” Ceci replied.

“Oh-Kay, let’s go get some candy before you two kill each other!” Maddie interjected, linking her arm through mine.

“Deal,” I agreed, and we skipped to my neighborhood first. We got a lot of compliments and a lot of stares, both concerning our outfits. I had already heard them all, though, so the satisfaction was reduced to the minimum. After we got finished with my street, we went to Maddie’s, since she lived on the next street. It was in Maddie’s neighborhood that we assaulted the two unsuspecting little kids while Jasmine and Ceci weren’t looking and took all of their candy, once again going undetected. Okay, I’ll admit I still enjoyed that part just as much as I had the first time.

I didn’t really notice when we got to Jasmine’s neighborhood until we stopped at the last house. The memories flooded back and I felt my face whiten and grow pale, before turning bright red when the blood rushed back to my cheeks. I had to get out of there. What had the terms been? I couldn’t intentionally use a loophole, so that probably meant I couldn’t meet him at all… but I really wanted to see him.

“Ooh, I love this house,” Jasmine said, right on cue.

I remained silent, eyes glued on the house.

“Why?” Maddie asked with a snort. “What’s so special about it?”

No! I don’t want to be here! I really, really, really, really, don’t want to be here! I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna! I don’t! I really don’t!

Okay, this all is a total lie. I really, really want to be here. I want to do everything exactly as I did before; I want Forrest to fall in love with me again. But I can’t, and that’s what sucks.

So the real thing is that I can’t be here, I really, really, really, really, can’t be here. I just can’t.

I should probably leave right after Jasmine calls us silly ducks.

“Because, you silly ducks, these totally hot guys live here,” she replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“How is that a good thing?” Ceci asked in disbelief.

Okay, I should probably leave now.

“He-ll-o?” Maddie enunciated, rolling her eyes. “We’re talking about not one, not two, but like, three hot guys! Or maybe, if we’re lucky, more!”

“Yeah, and here we are, dressed as food and animals,” Ceci replied sarcastically. “They’ll love us.”

“I’m not!” Jasmine announced happily. “I look sexy!”

“You wanna eat your words?” Maddie threatened.

Oh, God. It’s coming up: My impulse that got me in this mess in the first place, apparently. Is it possible to stop an impulse? In my case, I’m not so sure.

“I mean, oh, no! this is awful!” Jasmine quickly corrected herself.

I tried to stop my hand. I really did. But it was like it worked of its own accord, because no matter how much I internally screamed at it, no matter how much I tried to fight it, no matter how many curse words I uttered its way, the stupid hand still moved towards the doorbell until it managed to press it. My eyes widened and I pressed my hand over my mouth in alarm. Had I really done it? Crap! I can’t relive this day or else I’ll be in some deep shit!

“Shay!” Maddie screeched. “What are you doing?”

"Crap!” I exclaimed, looking around frantically for somewhere to hide. I saw the big bush I had hid in when I had come to visit Forrest as Serena to question him and ran over there in the split second my friends’ heads were turned. The hiding spot was perfect. They couldn’t see me, but I could see them. I could see inside the house, too. The guys were all looking at each other, trying to decide who got to go deal with the annoying kids that time.

 If only they knew.

“What the—?” Jasmine spluttered, looking around, trying to find me. “Where’d she go?”

“Shay!” Maddie shrieked. “Where are you?”

“I can’t believe it!” Ceci growled. “She ditched us!”

“Oh, my God, I get it now, duh,” Maddie said, slapping her hand to her forehead. “She played ding dong ditch and decided to leave us here to explain.”

“Not if we get out of here, too,” Jasmine decided, but at that moment, the door opened, revealing an amused Forrest. He must have heard the whole conversation.

"Oh, no,” Ceci groaned, hanging her head.

“Um…” Forrest began, glancing at my friends’ outfits. My heart panged, knowing fully well what should have happened. I would have answered the door in my own way; he would have given me a weird look and wondered what the heck I was supposed to be; my bullshit detector would be flailing wildly, so I would be rude to him; Jasmine would get all nervous and try to flirt, which I would find hilarious, which would make me start choking, practically; I would run into his house and chug all of his milk, only leaving when I found out he didn’t have any Nesquik; my friends would be left to explain my strange behavior, and all of this would make Forrest fall in love with me. But no. instead, I had to hide in the bush while he possibly fell for one of my friends.

Oh, God, what if he falls for one of my friends, or my sister? I would die! And they wouldn’t be able to understand why it hurt so much. Oh, please, God, have some mercy on me! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please!

They all stood there awkwardly until Paul and a friend of Forrest’s showed up, poking their heads out the door.

“What the hell are you guys dressed as?” Forrest’s friend whom I actually still don’t know the name of although I’ve seen him a couple times, asked. “Except for you,” he said to Jasmine, who immediately blushed with delight. “You look hot.”

“Told you!” she told Maddie, sticking her tongue out.

Maddie glared at Jasmine before speaking. “Okay, before you start making fun of us, I can explain why we’re in these costumes.”

“Then please do,” Paul told her with a chuckle.

She turned bright red at the sight of him. Aw! They are so cute together. I almost “Awwed!” from where I was sitting, but I managed to contain myself.

“Well, we didn’t actually pick these costumes,” she explained nervously, “our friend did.”

“Your friend?” Forrest asked curiously. My heart started beating faster. I had to slap myself to snap out of it. He didn’t even know me! How could I be feeling this way when he didn’t even know who the friend was, and was just asking out of plain curiosity? God!

“Yeah, my best friend, Shay, picked them, except for mine,” Jasmine continued, her eyes darting to Forrest’s friend between every word. It felt so weird hearing every word they were saying about me. They better not say anything rude or I might impulsively emerge from these bushes and start screaming at them. “If you saw what she’s dressed as tonight, it would make sense.”

“Well, why don’t you just tell us what she’s dressed as, since we can’t see her?” Forrest suggested.

“Bacon,” Ceci answered, her lip twitching in amusement.

“Bacon?” Paul repeated incredulously.

“Bacon,” Ceci repeated.

The three boys started cracking up and I frowned. How rude! This costume may have brought sad memories to me, but it was still freaking awesome! How dare they ridicule it?

“Oh, my God!” Forrest choked out. “I would love to meet a girl who would willingly dress up as bacon for Halloween.”

And I’d love to meet him again. But I can’t. Damn it, stupid bald man! Why did you have to ruin my life?

Maddie grinned. “I have to warn you, though, if you ever meet her, you better be careful. Shay really should come with a warning label.”

“Hey!” I blurted out before I could stop myself. I slapped my palm to my mouth and my eyes widened. Oh, crap! Me and my impulses!

“What was that?” Forrest asked slowly.

“It came from that bush,” Paul replied, and I heard footsteps.

Crap!

I scurried out of the bush, onto the grass on the side of the house. I looked up and saw that there was a window left ajar that I could push up and climb through. The footsteps were coming closer, so I impulsively jumped up and held onto the ledge. I opened the window and hoisted myself onto the ledge, stumbling into the house. I fell on a couch with a hard thud. “Ow,” I whined under my breath. Luckily for me, everyone was now outside looking for me, including the fourth guy, another one of Forrest’s friends. I quickly sat up and stood. Where could I hide now, meanwhile?

The footsteps returned, but now they were intent on entering the house.

“…don’t know where she went!” I heard Maddie exclaim.

I heard Forrest chuckle. “Okay, Paul, if you were a sixteen year old girl dressed in a bacon costume on Halloween, with a personality like her’s, where would you hide?”

“McDonalds,” he replied immediately.

“You’re stupid,” the friend of Forrest’s that Jasmine liked retorted.

Crap! They’re coming! I ran to the nearest hallway and into the nearest room. It was a bathroom. Should I just hide in the bathtub? I heard the voices now in the living room, but it was only masculine voices now. Maddie, Jasmine and Ceci had given up and left. Without thinking about it, I jumped inside the bathtub. Luckily for me, the bathtub was a pretty good size and had a dark curtain to hide me. The bad thing was that it was really cold in there.

I shivered quietly to myself.

I knew that I could go out there and very easily do something that would have the same effect my first little action with the milk and the Nesquik inspired. Heck, I bet if I just went out there, it would have the same effect. But I couldn’t do that. That would be trying to find a loophole, and now that Serena had her life back, I wasn’t going to blow it for her. Now that I had my life back, I wasn’t going to blow it for myself, either.

I sat there for who knows how long. The bathroom was freezing cold, and it was only October! October! And I was freezing! It was blasphemy! I poked my head out of the curtain, trying to find something I could cover myself up with to keep warm, besides the curtain. Grabbing the curtain wouldn’t be one of my better ideas, although if I got really desperate, I might do it.

My eyes fell upon a small red lighter sitting upon the bathroom countertop. Hmm. That could work. I stood up and quickly grabbed it off of the countertop before plopping back down. It took a few tries, but I finally got it to turn on. I never was good at those.

I figured since I was in the bathtub, I didn’t have to worry about catching on fire. I was sitting in a small puddle of water, and besides, my mom had made sure I had bought a costume that wasn’t flammable.

I don’t know how long I sat in there, but it must have been a while, since my eyelids started to droop. I fought it for as long as I possibly could, but eventually, it was just too much and I fell asleep. I’m a pretty calm sleeper, so I wasn’t all that worried about catching on fire.

I should’ve been.

The smell of smoke awoke me and when I glanced down, my eyes got wide. I screamed instinctively and tried slapping the fire to make it go away. When that didn’t work, I panicked. I heard footsteps running in, and at that moment, I was relieved.

“Whoa!” the voice said, and I immediately recognized its owner. It was Forrest. “What the hell? Who are you? Why are you in my bathtub?”

"Shut the fuck up, you idiot! My costume is burning!” I shrieked, flailing wildly.

Forrest leaned forward and turned on the water faucet in the bathtub to put out the fire.

Wow.

Why didn’t I think of that? God, I’m dense.

I sighed in relief when the fire was put out, laying my head against the cool wall. I glanced down in annoyance at my costume. “Stupid costume,” I muttered, fingering the burned material. “Is my definition of not flammable different from theirs? Stupid arses.”

Forrest chuckled and shook his head. “Let me guess. You’re Shay?”

“Naw, I’m the Tooth Fairy,” I retorted crossly, “No shit, Sherlock, of course I’m Shay!”

“I figured.”

“Whatever, I have to go,” I quickly muttered, scrambling up out of the tub. I nearly slipped, since I was drenched head to toe with water.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a second.” Forrest stopped me and my heart started beating erratically. Thank God he’s not some creepy vampire like Edward Cullen who can notice things like that. “You’re soaking wet. If I let you go out there, you’ll get a cold.”

"I don’t care,” I mumbled, trying to get past him. “I just wanna leave.”

Had I broken the agreement? Did this count as a loophole? God, I hoped not. I didn’t mean to! I’m sure God knows that. If I had wanted to find a loophole, I would have done something else. I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to endanger my life when there were plenty of other safer methods to do it. 

“Come on,” he said, with a reassuring smile. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“Oh, my God.” I rolled my eyes at him, shaking out of his grip. “If you seriously think that it’s because I’m scared of you, you’re dumber than you look. If I wasn’t scared of Paranormal Activity, I sure as hell ain’t scared of you!”

He whistled quietly. “Wow. Feisty, huh?”

Dang it! He was ruining everything! I couldn’t be here! If I stayed, it could ruin everything I had achieved. “Whatever!” I waved my hand dismissively, trying to walk past him. When he didn’t let me, I walked back to the bathtub and yanked down the curtains.

“What are you doing?”

I ignored him and walked up him before pushing him down to the ground. “Whoa, what are you doing?”

“Just shut up for a second!”

I managed to roll him up in the curtains. He was really freaked out, and somehow amused at the whole thing.

He started laughing to himself. “Why did you just tie me up?”

“It was the only way I could think of to get you to let me go, okay?”

I walked out of the bathroom, hearing his laughter behind me. I walked into the room in front of the bathroom, and found myself in a bedroom: Forrest’s bedroom.

I stole his comforter and sheets so I wouldn’t be cold and called out before I left, “I stole your comforter and your sheets so I don’t freeze my ass off!”

I heard the laughter of his friends and the confused questions as I left the house. I ran back to Jasmine’s house in a hurry.

What had I just done?

My, God. What was wrong with me? I tried so hard to make sure I didn’t repeat history, and I ended up creating a history that was perhaps even more memorable than the first.

***

3 Quotes of the Day:

Okay, so I'm too lazy to look for the comments in my inbox, so I'll just name names this time, okay? Sorry! I might go back and edit the actual comments in if I have time.

1: aphroditeX

2: FangsAnime01

3: NancyMckelvey