*warning: graphic details of menstruation

CHAPTER EIGHT
❛ the secret is out. ❜

I DON'T KNOW, OMNISCIENT READER, IF YOU HAVE ever been to a High School house party... I certainly hadn't until I decided it was a good idea to stalk my cousin there, in the event that she might accidentally kill someone the way she killed Banana. But anyway, that's not the point.

     In case you're wondering, it was exactly how I'd imagined: cups, beer pong, people making out in the bathtub. The whole package, really.

The moment I stepped into Ricky Berry's house, I felt out of place. First off, it was huge — it was more like one of those Scandinavian, designer houses you see splashed on the front page of a home decor magazine. I'd never seen so many people in one house, it was wild.

A popular R&B song was blasting through the speakers, so much that I felt the bass pumping through my chest and making my lungs feel restricted. I warily stroked my hand over my heart, feeling it pulsing steadily, and breathing a sigh of relief. Don't do anything now, I begged it.

     I pushed past the crowds of drunk teens hopping up and down relentlessly, getting thrown about and squashed between hot, sweaty bodies like dough being kneaded. I was already feeling like crap, and this didn't help. I'd walked the whole way, and along my journey I'd deeply regretted not changing my pad before I left home, the discomfort becoming more obvious every passing minute.

A tall, burly guy with broad shoulders belched next to me, and I gagged at the stench of cheap alcohol. So... was this really what countless members of my age group would look forward to every weekend? I don't know, it seemed pretty overrated to me. And gross. And intimidating. And everything in between.

Goosebumps surfaced from my skin as a wave of self-doubt washed over me, winding me and rendering me speechless. All of a sudden, I felt so small. Like, I would never live up to this unspoken High School hierarchy that everyone just seemed to abide to subconsciously, including me: a try-hard, somewhat socially anxious nerd. That's probably the way I'd be boxed in.

     But I couldn't forget what I came here for.

     Sydney.

I walked upstairs to find even more crowds gathered in claustrophobic clumps; none of whom I knew. Well, I could name a few, but most of them were just vaguely familiar faces I'd passed in the corridors. Others were complete strangers, and I wondered how far unruly teens and young adults had travelled just to rave for the night.

     A hand clamped onto my wrist firmly and I whipped my head around, sucking in a started breath, which was immediately expelled again when I recognised the jovial face it belonged to.

     "Calvin..." I sighed.

     "Hallie!" he exclaimed, over the deafening song in the background. "What're you doing here? I thought you weren't coming."

     "I wasn't. Where's Sydney?"

     "Who?"

     "Syd. I have to find her."

     He threw his hands up in the air, halfway between doing jazz hands and praising the Gods. "Oh, Syd — she's with Dina. I saw her a minute ago, hang on... lemme take you to her."

     As I trailed closely behind Calvin, not wanting to lose him in the rowdy mobs of drunkards closing in, I wondered if I'd made the right decision coming here. What was I planning to do, exactly? Sydney could have been lying about all that stuff. In fact, she probably was.

     Psychokinesis? Don't be stupid, Hallie.

     When we found the duo, they were in the corner giggling as they bit into gigantic slices of pizza. And I faltered.

     Sydney looked so... happy. She was grinning like a Cheshire Cat, laughing, chatting non-stop, completely caught up in the euphoria of spending the night with Dina. I definitely understood their connection now, and I didn't even need those diary entries to prove it. They liked each other. And I'm not one to advise when it comes to love, but even I would have agreed that this was the case.

     I couldn't ruin it. I just couldn't.

     But then what am I doing here? I thought.

     That's what Dina asked me when Calvin and I approached them, and I stood there. Buffering. Thinking of something to say. Anything.

"I was bored," I replied. Liar. I even forced a smile, just to emphasise my 'willingness' to be here. "And Aunt Maggie got home a while ago, so I thought, you know what? I'll come and have fun."

"Yeah, that's the spirit!" Dina whooped, giving me a high-five.

"Haha, yeah..." I chuckled. How were they not confused as to how out-of-character I was acting? Was it not disturbing? Because so far tonight, I was scaring myself. I was never usually this spontaneous, or ready to 'party.'

My head felt fuzzy, heavy with fatigue, and my legs were starting to ache from a discomforting blend of cramps, the walk and the nerves. Trying not to look too obvious, I started weaving in and out through the clusters of people to find a seat that was about as people-free as possible. I managed to claim a couch that no one was making out or throwing up on, so I sank into the cushioned seat and exhaled slowly, tilting my head back and closing my eyes. I hastily re-opened them though, distrust of the surrounding strangers forcing me awake.

     A couple of minutes later, Calvin shuffled over to me with a can of soda in his right hand, and a bottle of water in the other. His head was bobbing like a floating apple to a Whigfield track that was playing. He took a seat next to me, and gracefully handed over the water bottle. "Thanks," I said. For a moment I just held it against my clammy skin — it was ice-cold, and distracted me from the stuffy, overheated air in this house.

"No worries," he crossed his legs and took a sip of his Dr. Pepper. "So... are you gonna tell me why you're really here?"

I stared down at my lap, and began to fiddle with the label. "I just... want to make sure Sydney's okay. That's it."

"You're on your period, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I walked here by myself, and I deeply regret it now."

"Yikes. I'm just glad I have a dick."

"You damn well should be..."

Sydney and Dina had started stumbling over with their drinks, as well as another guest... "Hey guys, look who we picked up on the way!" Dina said with a laugh, jumping gracefully backwards onto the couch so it bounced for a moment.

I wiped some of the condensation off my water bottle, only able to avoid the boy's gaze for so long before he took a seat next to me. "Hi, Stanley."

"Hey..." Stanley replied. He looked me up and down for a moment, one corner of his lips curling upwards. "I, uh— I didn't think you'd be here..."

"Neither did I. But here we are."

He shrugged innocently, folding up his sunglasses and sliding them neatly into the front pocket of his blazer. It was a bright, powder-blue colour, identically matching to the pants he was wearing. Underneath he had a white t-shirt with some kind of printed logo or slogan across the front, and a pair of black sneakers. If there was one thing that anyone could admit about Stanley Barber, is that his clothing sense was certainly bold and unique. And I'm no fashion expert, but I think it's what made him... him.

"So, Stan..." Dina grinned. "I just feel like you and I have never really talked."

     Stanley looked from her, to Sydney, to me, and then back to Dina as he squirmed and let out an awkward chuckle. "No, I— I guess... not?"

     "So you and Syd are neighbours? Like, close neighbours?"

     Not this shit again. Sydney glared into the depths of her soda can, trying to suppress a smirk, whilst I rolled my eyes. Although, I'm not going to lie, there was something comically uncomfortable about this, as opposed to the painful talk I'd managed to block out in the diner this morning.

     "Uh... I mean, we're like, a—" his voice cracked, but he chose to ignore it. "—we're, like, a few blocks away from each other. So, I'd say we're... moderately close."

     "Cool," said Dina knowingly.

     The adhesive on the water bottle label had been dampened enough, the corners of it curling inwards, so I started to peel it off the bottle. Stanley hummed under his breath, completely lost with what to say or do next.

     "Sounds pretty close to me—"

     "Okay," Sydney cut her off before she could do any more damage; she was smiling, too. She leaned across to talk over me to Stanley. "Just ignore her, okay?"

     "Ignore who?"

     The new voice joining the conversation froze me, the water bottle label clenched between my fingers. Fucking fuck...

     "Uh, nothing. Don't worry." said Sydney.

     "Hi, Hallie." he said, slurring a little.

     After enough seconds to gather myself and any courage to face the boy, I tilted my head upwards to meet his eyes. "Hi, Ryder."

     His hair was slightly damp — I'm sure it was sweat — as it fell over his face in bunches of strands, and there was a distant look in his eyes as he swayed before me. In his hand, he was holding a glass beer bottle, which was half-empty. Drunk. Definitely drunk.

     "My, my..." Dina bit her lip, extending her arms into the air as she stretched. "It's like we've got a whole party going on here!"

     "Yeah... fun..." I murmured, through gritted teeth. I glanced over at Calvin, who's eyes were trained carefully on my date-gone-wrong. Not as protectively as I thought he would, but still with this look in his eyes like he was trying to figure him out.

     Ryder scratched the back of his head, and cleared his throat. "I didn't know you were coming toni—"

     "I wasn't, but I'm here now, so..." I interjected, but left an awkward silence afterwards, which continued with a weird kind of cult-circle of embarrassed glances unceremoniously between the six of us. It was only lifted when Ryder picked up the conversation again.

     "Yeah, so, that's actually really good, 'cause... I wanted to talk to you," he shot a look at my posse of friends, before adding, "Alone."

I wordlessly tore the label up into minuscule shreds in my hands, carefully calculating what to say next. Abort mission! He just wants to talk. RETREAT! You're overreacting. You've heard enough stories to know that guys never just want to 'talk.' I'm sure that's not true. Whatever he wants to do, it's not good. Shut up. He's using you. SHUT UP.

"You heard the boy!" Dina interrupted my train of thought. "Go get him, girl."

"Dina..." I hissed, the tips of my ears burning in agonising bashfulness. I got up with a heavy sigh, and brushed myself down, the label parts flittering graciously onto the floor. And then Ryder reached out, and slipped his hand into mine. It took every inch of willpower in my body not to react (namely, by pulling away) so I resisted and followed him aimlessly around the house for about five minutes to find a private space, until we eventually entered the darkness of the utility room which was significantly quieter.

We sat down on a small bench next to the washer, and as I crouched, a surge of warmth shot downwards from my abdomen. I tried my best to position myself on the seat in such a way that the heaviness of my pad wouldn't be so obvious, but it was beginning to become futile.

"So," said Ryder.

"So," I said back.

     "I think we both know that that last date was pretty... awkward."

     Understatement of the century.

     "It kinda was."

     "So, I wanna make it up to you."

      I drew away from him, my head vanishing into the seams of t-shirts and dresses that stank of washing detergent, hanging from above. "You... wait, what?"

     "I'm sure this can work; we, can work," he slid over closer to me, his arm sliding behind my back so his hand was resting inches away from mine. I felt cornered. His breath was sick with the stench of beer. "Let me take you out. On a second date."

     "No," I answered. Plain and simple. I just had to be honest, right? Especially if he was... using me.

     "What? Why?" he retorted, leaning in closer.

     I moved away, but hit the wall. "Ryder, you're drunk."

     "I'm not, I'm... I promise I'm not."

     "I thought you were respectable, you know?" I felt my blood boiling, the need to suddenly unleash everything becoming all too strong. There was no heat in my voice, but it was stern and straight to the point. "All those times in German where you actually paid attention to me, and for what? So you could shove me into a closet and... I dunno, have sex with me?"

     His eyes almost popped out of sockets, and his mouth fell agape. "W— what the— Hallie, are you serious right now?"

     "Yeah! I am serious. You're probably using me as we speak."

     "Using you?" Ryder laughed bitterly, and for the first time since I'd seen him this evening, he'd sobered up. "Who do you think I am, some kind of animal? A predator? I literally just think you're cool. Like, that's it! Why is that so hard to believe, when..."

     I didn't hear anything else he said. A chill rolled through my veins, followed by a hot flush. And something running down my legs. Warm. Sticky. Alarm bells going off in my head, words failing me. All I could think about was the blood.

"I... I have to go." I barely whispered, unblinkingly.

"No, we need to clear this up—"

"Seriously Ryder, I have to go," my voice grew louder, and almost caught as my eyes were stinging with the threat of mortified tears. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"But—"

I bolted out, wanting to be as far away from that room as possible when he spotted that potential crimson puddle. Waddling along the corridor, I felt like I was carrying a soaked sponge between my legs; so heavy that it dragged my pelvis down with it. I hoped, prayed, that this house was dark enough so nobody would see.

There had to be a vacant bathroom somewhere, but all the doors were closed. I had no choice.

Swallowing my pride, I tapped the shoulder of a girl at the bar, who turned to stare at me blankly like she didn't know me. Because we didn't. But I figured it was better asking a girl in this scenario, for she could maybe be more sympathetic if she knew what I was trying to hide right now.

"Uh, excuse me... d-do you know where the bathroom is?" I asked, hastily adding, "The nearest one, preferably."

"Umm," she leaned over to peer down the hallway, and I got a good whiff of her nicotine-laced breath. She pointed her finger down the direction I'd just come from, her painted nails shining ebony in the lights. "I think it's, like, down that way. In his parent's bedroom. I used it last time I came here."

"Oh, thanks—"

"To, you know... jack off." she added with a laugh, slipping a cigarette back between her lips.

My stomach flipped nauseatingly at the thought, as I advanced down the hallway. Didn't need to know that...

Sure enough, there was an en suite bathroom located directly next to Ricky's parents's bedroom, and I stealthily entered to find no one was there.

I swiftly shut the door behind me, and immediately hovered next to the toilet, wriggling my thumbs underneath the fabric of my charcoal grey leggings and pulling them down. I already spotted a smudge of blood on that 'area' but nothing much on the fabric apart from that, which was a relief. But on the skin there was still a crimson patch nevertheless, smothered on the insides of my bare legs where I'd squashed them together to somehow withhold the flow.

More gently this time, I carefully pulled down my underwear and landed on the toilet seat, staring down at my soaked pad. It looked like a murder had gone on down there. There wasn't a single patch of white, every part absorbing my heavy flow. I propped my elbows on my knees, letting my head sink into my hands.

What was my plan of action now? I didn't have one. The best I could do was just sit here whilst I composed myself. I already felt more trickling out, and I fidgeted with my fingers whilst staring absently at the bloody pad stuck there between my ankles. Yeah, maybe this is good. Just wait it out. It'll be fine. Gather your thoughts.

I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been. Why didn't I change it before I came? And why did I have to go through in front of Ryder, of all people?

This day can't get any worse, can it?

Oh, it got worse. A lot worse. And you're probably thinking, "Nah, that's not possible. She's already had the worst date, gone through in front of the worst person possible." But that's where you're wrong.

Let me paint a vivid picture of what I had to go through next, so you can experience my horror with me: the door swings open. I gasp, instinctively closing my bare legs together and leaning over them. I then look up at the culprit, who has only just clocked me there, sitting helplessly on the toilet. Guess who?

It's Stanley. It's Stanley fucking Barber.

Stanley screams. I scream back. He slams the door, I die a little inside, and he begins to ramble at a hundred miles an hour.

"Oh my— I am SO sorry, I didn't think anyone was in here, the door wasn't locked, and— why didn't you lock the door? Isn't that an obvious— wait, are you okay? Actually don't answer that. Actually do, because there was so much bl—"

"Please, for fuck's sake, just stop talking." I yelled, loud enough so he'd hear it through the door and over the loud music outside.

"Right. Yeah. Good idea," he replied. "I-I should go, I think. Yep. I'm going. Bye."

Thank fuck for that. I was so sure I'd closed the door... apparently not, then. I watched the light pouring in from a gap under the door, training my eyes on Stanley's shadow. He was pacing back and forth in front of the door. Suddenly I had an idea.

"Stanley? Hey! You still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here."

"I need your help," I called out.

He paused for a few seconds, his tone apprehensive and a tad scared when he finally spoke. "... Um... okay?"

"It's nothing gross, don't worry," I reassured him, shuddering myself at the thought of Stanley Barber — or anyone else other than myself, for that matter — doing anything more than what I was about to ask of him. "Just... can you, like, guard the door? So nobody else comes in?"

"I can do that." he declared, almost with an ounce of pride.

"Great."

"Great."

Pulling myself together, I focused on my task. I peeled my pad away from my underwear, rolling it up and covering it in a few slices of toilet paper. Once I'd chucked it into the trash, I then started to lean ambitiously sideways over to the drawers under the sink, which were conveniently not too far for me to reach. If this was the en suite bathroom of Ricky Berry's parents, then surely there should have been some menstrual products somewhere.

I rummaged around in the first drawer, and found many of the following: hand creams, flannels, nail varnishes, shaving cream, face masks...

In defeat, I moved onto the next drawer which I was much more successful with. I was presented with an array of tampons, pads, and even a menstrual cup. In the end, I opted for an extra-absorbent pad, and I stuck it carefully into my underwear. Once I'd pulled up my leggings too, I tied my dark-coloured sweater around my waist just for extra precautions.

When I came back out from the bathroom, Stanley was still there. He immediately perked up when he saw me, and he had this look like there was so much he wanted to say, but was also lost for words. I couldn't blame him, really. After what he'd just seen...

"Got it under control." I gave him a half-assed thumbs up, turning around and gesturing to my 'area' as subtly as possible. "Can you, like, see anything? It's okay if it's small, but is there anything obvious?"

"Uhh..." I heard him pause, as he stood back from me. "Nope, it looks fine. I only noticed because... well, yeah."

"Well, thanks for that."

"Oh, totally. No worries."

I rolled down my sleeves so my hands disappeared into them, and folded my arms across my chest. People were laughing carelessly, flocking around Ricky as they poured beer cans all over him and tackled him like a football scrum.

"Are you okay?" Stanley's voice brought my attention back to him, and I blinked. He gaze dropped to my leggings for a split second, before averting quickly back to my eyes.

"I'm fine. I mean, it happens, but..." I shook my head in disbelief, reminded of my latest fuckup with Ryder. "It was just shitty timing. And I don't know how I'm gonna get home..."

He nodded thoughtfully, and rubbed his nose. "Actually I was just gonna go, anyway, so... d'you want a lift home?"

I looked long and hard at him, judging whether he was serious. But all I could deduce from him was a genuine offer to help, and I couldn't complain. Honestly, at that moment — with Sydney, Dina and Calvin doing I don't know what, and Ryder drunk and angry with me — Stanley was probably the person I could rely on most tonight.

"That... that would be great. Thanks."

     So I made my way past the same claustrophobic clumps of people, past the same teens hopping up and down aimlessly to R&B tracks. Except this time, I didn't feel so overwhelmingly alone. I had Stanley Barber to keep me company. He followed closely behind me, his hands held out slightly to his sides, seemingly an attempt to guard my dignity in front of the many people around us that we both knew and didn't.

     I would have grinned from ear to ear because of it, had I not felt so utterly abashed.

     The cool, October air filtered through my lungs and instantly cleared my head when we got outside. It had started raining, and the droplets hit my face and cleansed me of worry. We both walked together in silence to his car, the same one I'd been trying to avoid this morning because 'the guy who fucked my cousin' was at the wheel. How odd. This morning, I'd barely wanted to get personal with him after that encounter. And now he'd walked in on the most private moment of any female that he could've chosen. If that's not personal, I don't know what is.

     Alas, how the night changes.

     Inside his car there was a vague odour of marijuana, but it wasn't as pungent as I'd anticipated it would be in my imagination. More like an afterthought, so it was more bearable.

     The serene pitter-patter of rain on the window soothed me, my shoulders dropping down from my ears as he started up the car. A rock song scratchily played from the stereo, background noise that fit perfectly with the weather.

     "Thank you so much for this," I told him, unable to look him in the eye as I did. "Seriously. You could've freaked out when you saw me— well, actually, you did freak out— but not as much as I'd thought you would. You weren't a dick about it, is what I'm trying to say. And that's really... cool."

     "I told you, it's fine." he shrugged it off, turning in his seat whilst backing out. "Hey, can I ask you a question, though? Sorry if it sounds a little weird."

     "Um... yeah, sure."

     "Is there usually... that much?"

     "Oh. Uh, yeah. But normally I'll, like, change my thing regularly, but today I forgot, so... d'you mind if we stop talking about my period?"

     "Oh, yeah! Of course."

     "It's just getting kinda weird..."

     "No, yeah totally. I was just curious, that's all — not in, like, a weird way, but..."

     "Yeah, no, it's okay. Fair enough."

     I wasn't quite sure where to look after that, so I settled for gazing melodramatically out of the window. Trees passed my vision in the dark as his car rumbled along the road.

     "D'you wanna know why I was here tonight?" Stanley asked. I think it was a rhetorical question, though.

"Oh, desperately." I joked.

"Well..." he did a little drumroll on the steering wheel, a goofy smile spread across his face. "I asked Syd out to Homecoming."

"Oh yeah?"

"And she said yes."

I leaned back in my seat, my eyes widening. "Really? That's awesome!"

He took his eyes off the road for a moment, looking me up and down, then sighing deeply. His eyes weren't smiling with his lips; they were only half as jovial as his cheeky grin was. "Yeah. Pretty awesome..." he mumbled, without much conviction. A feeling I've been familiar with the past year. "Anyway, what about you? What made you come to this lame thing?"

     Boy, where do I even start? I couldn't possibly tell him why I'd really come. I'd mostly forgotten about it, anyway — it was a lost cause. Perhaps she really was just crazy.

     "Well—"

A figure was caught in the glare of the headlights, and I sunk backwards into my seat with the gravitational pull as Stanley slammed on the brakes, but not soon enough that we swerved and collided with a pile of steel pipes ahead. The hiss of smoke rose up from the bonnet, clouding our vision through the windscreen on top of the rainwater flooding it. The human vanished as soon as she'd appeared, but it didn't take me two guesses to know who it was.

"Shit, are you okay?" I heard Stanley ask, but I wasn't listening. Ignoring him, I opened the door and staggered out, my only thought, only objective, being to follow her.

Sydney had stopped sprinting, and was doubled over in a clearing amongst the trees on the side of the road. I slid down the small, muddy bank and observed her from afar. I was about to call her name, when she stood upright and took a deep breath.

"FUCK!" she screamed; an unholy sound that ripped through her throat and my ears, raw with pain and heartbreak. What followed it instantly afterwards was a pulse of energy, like a shockwave that surged outwards in a ripple and knocked me backwards. It wiped out a circle of trees surrounding her, their wooden trunks creaking as they staggered and fell to their sides.

One of the nearest ones almost scathed me with a branch as it plummeted to the ground, but I felt a hand grab my arm and forcefully yank me away. I was pulled into Stanley's chest, and I clung onto him with my eyes tightly shut until I heard the last thud of the the last tree. Once I was sure that I was safe, I opened my eyes to meet bare skin; blurred and alarmingly close. My face had been buried in his neck.

I pulled myself away from this oddly intimate embrace to see Sydney standing alone, looking around her at the damage she'd done. She'd done. It had supernatural written all over it. She hadn't been lying. I'd seen it with my own eyes. And that could only mean...

Holy shit.

She turned around, and tensed when she laid eyes on us. Her gait rigid as she walked, Sydney approached us two. Thunder rumbled and lightning cracked, illuminating her face in a flash of white. The heavy mascara she'd been wearing earlier was now dribbling pitifully down her cheeks, in streaks of black.

"How did you— I-I mean— you just..." Stanley tried to form sentences next to me. Of course. He didn't know.

But I did.

This was all so fucking weird.

"Uh, t-they were like this when I got there. I swear, they were." Sydney choked out, gesturing wildly to the fallen trees.

I shook my head. "They weren't, and you know it."

"No, Syd..." said Stanley. "I saw. We saw."

"Well you better keep this a secret, okay?!" In a flurry of emotion, she jabbed her finger at us accusingly. Her voice was strangled with every word, as she sounded closer and closer to collapsing into tears. "NOT A FUCKING WORD, got it?"

I clenched my jaw and Stanley leapt back, startled. I was standing close enough to him that I could feel him physically trembling.

"I won't tell anyone," I promised sincerely. "You have my word."

She glared at Stanley. "Stan—"

"Alright, Syd. I-I promise."

Sydney's features softened then, being swallowed by the rain. She trudged through the mud away from us, disappearing into the trees. And we were left, dumbfounded in the middle of the clearing, as confused and as scared as each other. We must have stood in the rain, wide-eyed and shuddering in the cold before one of us finally said something.

"So... what now?" Stanley whimpered. I looked over at him. He was soaked to the bone, as was I.

"I don't know, Stanley," I admitted truthfully. "I really don't know."

________________________

A/N:

stan barging in on hallie in the bathroom like:

but YEAH — they both officially know that sydney has powers!! oooh things are kicking off now... and also, up to now there actually hasn't been a whole lot of stan & hallie content. but from now on, OH BOY, y'all are getting fed 🥰

sorry if the period thing was awkward to read, but hey, girls go through it! it's a very realistic thing, so let's not label menstruation as a shameful thing to talk about. and if you're ever in a situation where you gotta help a girl out, take notes from stanley barber (um but don't barge in please, we'd rather not display everything to you)

song of the chapter: 'burn baby burn' - stud cole
(sydney knocks down the trees)

published: 27th april, 2020
(day before my birthday, WOOP WOOP)